by Matt Shaw
Kim tried to put a fight up, to begin with, but she soon learnt that it was easier and less painful to go with the flow; accept what was happening to her. She just got on with what was asked; her mind telling her, whenever she needed comforting, that everything was going to be alright.
It was a couple of years before Kim finally accepted that Leon wasn’t the man that she once loved and would never return to being that man. She had just woken up and suddenly realised that everything was far from alright and things definitely weren’t going to get any better.
That was yesterday.
11
KIM LOOKED AT LEON as he lay next to her; sleeping. Normally when she woke up next to him she looked at him and wished that things would get back to normal – even though she knew ‘normal’ was a million miles from where they were now. Today was different though; she looked at Leon and felt nothing – to begin with. The more she watched him sleep the more she hated him – and everything he had put her through. She didn’t understand why but when she woke up today she knew things weren’t going to go back to how they were and she knew, even more, that she didn’t want them to go back to how they were. She knew that she’d never forgive him. She knew she had to get away from him – get away from the lifestyle that she was leading; the lifestyle that was slowly, but surely, killing her.
Kim carefully pushed the duvet from on top of her and slid from the bed, trying to be careful not to wake Leon. Whenever she had appointments, Leon always made her give the money to him so that he could take charge of it and ensure the bills were paid. Occasionally he’d allow her to keep some of the money so she could expand her wardrobe – keep things ‘fresh’ for the clients. She wasn’t allowed easy access to the rest of the money – but she knew where it was kept. All she had to do was find some ‘respectable’ clothes to wear – an outfit that didn’t make her look like she was on the game – and get the money from the safe. She’d worry about all of the other details later. She’d worry about all of the other details when she was safe.
With both feet firmly on the ground she looked over at Leon who was still sleeping. She smiled a smile of relief.
‘Nearly there,’ she thought.
She looked over to where her clothes were kept and quietly crept across the floor – careful not to stand on the boards that she knew would creak. When she opened the chest of drawers, she knew there was no point in looking at the top of the pile. She couldn’t remember the last time she wore ‘normal’ clothes. The bottom of the drawer was the obvious place to begin – quietly.
“What are you doing?”
Kim froze.
“I said what are you doing?” Leon repeated as he sat up to get a closer look at what Kim was up to.
Kim slowly turned to him, thinking on her feet, “I’m just getting some clothes ready – you know, for the appointment you got for me this morning.” If Leon thought, even for a split second, that she was trying to run out on him – she knew he would hurt her. He had done it before and wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her again if she went against him – but he wouldn’t hurt the face. As he found out at the start of ‘their business venture’ – bruised faces can affect business. No one wanted damaged goods.
“Leave it. I know what they like. I’ll get the clothes ready. Go and have a wash – make yourself fresh.” Kim’s heart sunk a little. In the short time she had been out of bed she had got used to the idea of running away from Leon; running away from her life. With Leon awake, watching her every move and dictating what she should do and wear, she felt as though she as back to square one. Maybe tomorrow she’d get another chance, she thought.
“Hurry up,” he said, “and go and have your wash so I can get in there after you.”
“Why don’t you have yours first?” she perked up – another chance to run from him.
“Ladies first,” he said. Kim couldn’t believe it – for years she had wanted him to be more of a real man; be more of a gentleman. Now, when she wanted him to be his usual self, so she’d have the chance to run, he was acting life a gentleman. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t refuse him. She couldn’t make him angry. She needed him to think everything was the same between them so it would be a complete surprise when she’d run.
“I won’t be long,” said Kim as she walked into the ensuite bathroom, closing the door behind her. She liked her bath times as it meant she got to lock herself in her own private domain without the fear of him disturbing her. He’d always leave her to it when she was in the bathroom. He’d always give her all the time she needed to make herself look good for her clients. The better she looked – the more chance they’d rebook her and repeat bookings meant more money!
“Don’t lock the door,” Leon called out to Kim. She opened the door again to see what he wanted.
“Did you say something?”
“Yeah, don’t lock the door. I’ll be in, in a minute.”
Kim did everything she could to force a smile on her face. She didn’t understand what he meant. She wasn’t sure whether it meant he was going to join her or whether he was just going to go to the toilet whilst she was in the bath. She pushed the door to.
* * * * *
Kim laid in the hot bath water unsure of what to do. She had her wash, when she first got in and was ready to get out but didn’t know whether Leon wanted to get in with her. He had asked for the door to be left open but hadn’t come in. He hadn’t called out to her. She knew that, if she got out and he did want to get in with her – he’d only be angry.
‘A couple more minutes,’ she thought to herself. A couple more minutes and then she knew she’d have no choice but to call out for him. She didn’t want to call out for him. She didn’t want him to come in with her. She didn’t want him anywhere near her.
She closed her eyes tight and called out, “Are you coming?” There was no reply. “Leon?” She waited a little longer before breathing a sigh of relief; a sigh of relief that came too soon as it was met with Leon pushing the door open slowly.
“What is it?” he asked – almost annoyed that he had been interrupted.
“You told me to leave the door open. I thought you were going to join me.”
Leon laughed; a hearty laugh as though Kim had cracked the world’s most amusing joke. Kim didn’t want Leon to join him but at the same time, she didn’t want him laughing in her face at the mere suggestion of it either.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
“You,” said Leon, wearing only his boxer shorts, as he looked through the gap in the door. “Do you really think I’d want to join you?”
Kim sat up. There was a time when Leon insisted in joining Kim in the bath; further proof that things were definitely not going to get back to how they were.
“You used to.”
“Before you were a two-timing, little whore,” Leon spat back at her. He laughed again as he turned away from the door – back into the main bedroom.
“What did you say?” Kim was a ‘two-timing, little whore’ because he had made her into it. She did it for him. She had done it for them and that was something he had obviously forgotten. She climbed out of the bath. She didn’t need him to repeat what he said. She’d heard it. She followed him out of the bathroom, “YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!”
Leon turned to face her, both amused at her outburst and also a little bit shocked. For years she had been this meek, lost little girl and now she was suddenly standing up to him. He wondered whether she had forgotten who she was talking to and clenched his fist ready to remind her, if need be.
“You could have stopped whenever you wanted,” he said.
“Every time I told you I wanted to stop you made me carry on. You forced me to do it,” she replied – getting more brazen. She stood face to face with Leon; her body language full of strength as she tried to take control of the situation – her situation.
“Then perhaps you should remember that,” said Leon menacingly. Kim recognised the tone of voice he used. She recognised the look
in his eyes as they turned from a dark brown colour to a shade of black. She knew all of the warning signs for his mood changes. Today she didn’t care - he was going to hear her.
“What are you going to do about it? What can you do to me that’s worse than what you’ve already put me through?”
Leon didn’t say anything – for once he didn’t know what to say. The new Kim was a shock to his system; an even bigger shock to his recently-drug-fuelled system.
“Well?” she goaded him again.
“I suggest you shut the fuck up and get ready for your appointment.”
“You made the appointment. You do it, because I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.”
“No. FUCK YOU!”
Leon snapped. He grabbed Kim by the shoulders and threw her back into the bathroom where she landed with a bang, against the toilet. Before she could stand up and regain her composure, what little she had, Leon was right with her.
“Look at your face,” he said, “I think you missed a bit when you were washing. Here – let me help!” He grabbed her by her upper body and spun her round so she was facing the bath. A quick kick against her back leg dropped her to the floor – making it easier for him to force her head into the bath water.
Using one hand he held her head under the water whilst his spare hand was free to reach for the soap. He kept her under for a little longer, whilst she thrashed around, before finally letting her up again – long enough to stick the bar of soap into her mouth, “Now let’s clean that potty mouth of yours. We can’t let your clients hear that sort of language!” Leon laughed as he pushed her under the water again, “Honestly, I don’t know how you would have got this far without me. It’s a good job you’ve got me looking out for you!”
Taking a clump of her hair, he pulled her back out of the water again, “Now,” he said, “do you still want me to help you get ready or can you manage the rest yourself?”
Kim didn’t reply. Even if she wanted to – she couldn’t as she gasped for air. Leon smiled, happy with the lesson he had taught. Happy with the lesson he believed he had taught her. He turned his back, unaware that Kim had stood up and taken his razor from the side, next to the sink.
“FUCK YOU!” she screamed as she lunged for Leon. Perhaps if she had lunged and sliced him before screaming he wouldn’t have heard her and had the time to take action. In a swift movement he span round, on the spot, knocked the razor from her hand and pushed her back – hard against the bathroom mirror; shattering it into several large pieces. Kim ended up on the floor with tears of frustration and pain cascading down her face.
“You tried to fucking cut me?” said Leon as he picked up the razor. He looked at it for a split second before pressing it against Kim’s cheek – not hard enough to split the skin. “If it wasn’t bad for business I’d cut your fucking face off where you sit, you cunt.”
“Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.” Kim wanted him to do it. Things were never going to get back to how they were. She knew it would be impossible to escape Leon. She wanted him to cut her so deep that it would do more than end her ‘business’ but also end her miserable life – something she had often contemplated since the change of lifestyle but never had the courage to follow through with.
“No,” said Leon as he pulled the blade away from her face. “Your appointment will be here soon. You’re going to get up off the floor, make yourself look as pretty as possible and earn some money. If you don’t – I’ll hurt you in ways far worse than you can imagine. I’ll hurt you in ways that will cause you more pain than what you’ve ever felt before and then I’ll let the client fuck you anyway. The choice is yours.” He stopped and looked at Kim who was still crying uncontrollably. He stood to his full height and pulled a small, silver wrap from his pocket before dropping it to the floor – just in front of Kim. “That’ll help ease your pain.”
With that he turned and went to walk out of the room – still keeping hold of the razor so Kim couldn’t get her hands on it; not that she needed it. Instead of reaching for the silver wrap, she took hold of the largest shard of glass that she could see.
“I’m sorry, honey,” she said as she quietly stood up – her sudden change in mood and composure caused Leon to turn around. Before he could say anything, quick as a flash, Kim swiped the glass shard across Leon’s neck – splitting a hole straight across it. A large gaping wound that instantly pumped blood down his front, over Kim and into a large puddle on the floor.
Leon gasped and gargled as he dropped to his knees, clutching his wound, before falling face first onto the bathroom floor – lifeless. At first Kim didn’t move. She simply stood there, staring ahead to where Leon had been standing, with the shard of glass still in the palm of her hand and a look of pure hatred on her bloodied face.
12
KIRK DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. He just sat there. Truth be told, he didn’t know what to say. He knew ‘bad things’ had happened to Kim but he didn’t realise things had gone this far for her. Another emotion was bubbling away inside of him – fear. He wasn’t scared of her. He wasn’t scared of what she had done. He was scared for her. Kirk knew why she killed Leon. He knew that if she hadn’t killed him then, one day, he probably would have killed her – either directly or indirectly; Leon would have been the cause of her death.
“I’m sorry, I’ll just go,” said Kim as she stood up, ready to go.
Kirk took hold her wrist and pulled her back down to the sofa, “No, don’t go.” She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. “I’m sorry I was just a little shocked. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I killed a man,” replied Kim.
“No you didn’t.”
Leon wasn’t a man. A real man doesn’t force a woman to do anything that she doesn’t want to. A real man doesn’t turn the love of his life into a sex toy for strangers and a real man certainly doesn’t beat up women. By killing Leon, Kirk believed Kim did herself, and society, a favour.
“They’ll say I killed him when they find him though. They’ll say it was me that took his life and they’ll be right.” Kim started to cry. She wasn’t crying for the life she took. She was crying for the life she was yet to lose.
“You could say you were with me,” said Kirk as he held onto Kim’s hands. He didn’t believe in murder but he did believe in self-defence. Kim was in trouble and he knew it and he didn’t want her to get arrested for killing a monster.
Kim looked at him, a look of disbelief in her eyes, “You’d lie for me?” A smile flickered briefly on her face before instantly fading again. It would be a beautiful lie. It would be a lie they wouldn’t get away with; a lie that would lead Kirk into trouble as well – and Kim knew it. Her prints were all over the shard of glass that killed Leon. Footprints of blood lead away from the room. The neighbours could have heard all of the commotion. Even if she could get home and clear away anything that linked her to the actual crime – the neighbours had probably already phoned the police. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t risk it. “I don’t want you to lie for me,” she said; a lie. If she thought they could get away with it, she would have loved for him to lie for her.
He was willing to lie for her. A gesture like that, she thought, surely meant that he liked her. You wouldn’t just lie for someone you didn’t care about. Not a lie like that.
“I’m not going to kick you out of here,” he said, referring to his house. “You can stay here as long as you need to. When you’re ready – we can always go to the police station together. I’ll back your story up about the abuse suffered and what he made you do. They may let you off.”
Kim smiled. Kirk was sweet. Kirk was sweet but he didn’t understand. She had no intention of going to the police.
* * * * *
Kim sat on the bathroom floor, in a puddle of Leon’s blood, next to the body. She didn’t cry. She was glad that he was dead. It was nothing short of what he deserved. She looked to her hands, caked in fresh blood and watched as they shook due to the adrenalin
, and fear, that was coursing through her entire body. She was glad that he was dead but, at the same time, she knew she was in trouble.
Even with everything that she had been through, in her life, Kim knew that she wouldn’t survive in prison. People like her – they weren’t made to live behind bars with real murderers, rapists and robbers. She wasn’t a criminal. She wasn’t a criminal – just a murderer. She dropped the shard of glass to the floor where it shattered into smaller fragments, by her side. Her eyes followed one of the smaller shards as it skidded across the floor and halted next to the small, silver wrap that Leon had tried to give her earlier. He had said that it would help to ease the pain. What about to help ease the fear? She picked it up and wrapped it; a chalk-like substance within with a strong chemically scent – an unusual scent but not an unpleasant one. She knew what it was although she had never seen it before. Not in ‘real life’. Kim didn’t even think to question why Leon had it, or where he had got it from, as she held the drug, already crushed, to her nose and sniffed hard.
