The Wreck of Our Hearts

by Yajna Ramnath

  I felt a little giddy at the look of astonishment on his face. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. The hypocritical bastard didn’t like the fact that I moved on.

  "The problem is that you have damaged me so badly, that I can't have a normal relationship with him," I shook my head. "The worst part is, the only reason I have that difficulty in my life is because you are an unfinished chapter. So this is me closing that chapter.”

  “What do you mean?” he frowned.

  “I mean,” I swallowed. “I forgive you. I wish you well and most importantly, I hope to never see or hear from you again.”

  “That isn’t you, Aria,” Holden shook his head as if he knew me so well. “You don’t give up on people, neither do I. It is why I couldn’t end things between us once and for all.”

  “And if you think that makes you a stellar person then you need one hell of a reality check,” I inhaled deeply, trying really hard to keep my tears at bay. “I will always be that memory, the one who loved you too much. The one who was premature about her feelings. The one who spent too much time trying to fit in your world. You? You will always be known as the guy who wanted it all.”

  I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before I walked out on the man who broke my heart.

  I quickly sat on a bench out of sight and hugged my body hard as the sobs threatened to burst free from my lips. I was hurt. Even though I knew I needed to do this not just for myself but for the sake of my relationship with Dasher, it didn’t hurt any less.

  That’s the thing about past loves, as much as you try to pretend that they mean nothing to you, they still have a hold on you. A part of you always wonders what if. A part of you always conjures up scenarios of seeing them again and making them eat their hearts out at where you are in your life ever since they left.

  I stood up and dried my tears. I looked through the glass of Starbucks as the girl I had seen on Facebook stepped up to him and placed a deep kiss on his lips. I watched his face light up with happiness and I knew at that moment, I was never going to be anything but a bad memory.

  It was time for me to start moving on.

  Dasher

  Aria walked in with purpose. I was scheduling my gigs for the next couple weeks. Other clubs noticed my talent it seems and I received offers from a few of the elite clubs to be a resident deejay. I had to talk it out with Leo, but that would obviously have to wait. Aria dumped her bag on the couch and grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me senseless.

  I dropped my notepad in shock and tried to hold on to the kiss, but Aria was having none of it. Her tongue dueled with mine fiercely and her grip tightened on my face. Her nails were going to leave little crescents on my cheek that was for sure.

  She pulled back. We both breathed heavily. “I am sorry about last night.”

  I smiled at her and pushed her hair behind her ears. “We’re gonna fight a lot, Aria, I realize that.”

  "Yeah, but I don't want to lose you because of insecurities," she said in a whisper.

  “I don’t want to change you,” I held her face in my hands. “Do I wish you were not so worried about me leaving you all the time? Yeah. We’ll work through it together.”

  An hour later, Aria dressed in her sleep shorts and tank while I was in just plaid pajama pants. We sat on the couch with hot chocolate and looking at my laptop.

  “These three clubs want me to come out a play sets every second Saturday to start. If I show promise, then they will bump me to permanent weekends.”

  “That sounds amazing,” Aria agreed. “How does that change the dynamic for Allure, though?”

  "Deejays can play at multiple clubs," I explained. "We are not duty bound that if you play for the one you can't play for all. Sure, my loyalty hangs with Leo, but in order to further my skill set and my name, I'd be stupid not to take these opportunities."

  “I get it,” she said. “So your nights are going to turn into mornings?”

  “Yeah,” I rubbed my face. “I know we just started out this relationship thing but it is going to be rough. Thursdays through Sundays I’ll be playing sets till 5 a.m. if I’m required to.”

  “Which means sleep all day, work all night,” she bit her lip. “We have an added advantage, we live together. So, it isn’t like I won’t see you at all.”

  “You still have me from Monday through Wednesday,” I laughed. “And I plan to take full advantage of that.”

  “I know that this sounds really out of character,” she began, “but, can we go on a date?”

  I thought about it. “Sure. Where’d you wanna go?”

  She frowned. “You’re the guy, come up with something.”

  “You’re the one that came up with the idea!” I snapped, almost regretting it, almost.

  She huffed, her blue eyes blazed with annoyance. “Really? Can you not even give me one of your suggestions or something?”

  “I have never done the whole dating thing! Literally, Paisley used to make all the arrangements, I just showed up.”

  She stood up with fury all over her face. "WELL, I AM NOT PAISLEY!"

  It was that moment that Olivia decided to walk in with Parker behind her, that Aria slammed her door for the first time. Olivia and I looked at each other with shock written all over our faces.

  “What did we just walk into?” Parker swallowed.

  I shook my head. “I mean one minute we were talking about a date night and next thing I know, she was screaming at me.”

  “Please tell you didn’t ask her to plan it?” Olivia said as they walked further into the apartment.

  I pressed my lips together.

  “You men,” Olivia shook her head. “You know she’s been through a relationship where she had to plan everything and make all the effort only for it to be thrown back in her face, right?”

  Olivia didn’t wait for my response instead she marched down the hall to Aria’s bedroom.

  “I actually didn’t know that,” I said to Parker. “What are you both doing here so late, anyway?”

  “Well I dropped by to ask you whether you could keep Sophia for me tomorrow night, I saw Olivia getting out of her car as I pulled up,” he shrugged.

  “You know I will keep her, although tomorrow is my first night at a new club,” I sighed.

  "I'll check with Aria if that's okay?"

  “You never asked me that before,” I looked at him confused.

  “Before, the two of you were not dating,” Parker chuckled. “Besides, it seems like you have a lot of making up to do.”

  "No," I clicked my tongue. "I can't bend over backward every time she has a fucking meltdown. Sometimes I wonder why I even thought this was going to be a good idea."

  “Don’t do that,” Parker slid off his beanie and pulled at his hair. That shock of white blonde under that beanie always made him look like a completely different guy. “You can’t go back on a decision you made because things are a little rough.”

  “Everything becomes a problem, Park,” I sat on the couch and he took the beanbag chair opposite me. “The other night she was in tears over the fact that women at the club approach me. How am I supposed to deal with that? It is part of the job!”

  “What have you done to reassure her?” Parker raised his brows. “Fuck her? Give her compliments? That doesn’t mean shit to women, you’re supposed to show her what she means to you.”

  He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. “Even this date thing, for centuries, it has been our duty as men to provide our women with what they want. Even if it something as small as lunch, we provide it.”

  “She is assertive when she wants to be, why can’t she plan it if she came up with the idea?”

  “She came up with the idea probably because whatever is going on in her head is pushing her to set things in motion.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly my head felt too heavy for my shoulders. “I get you, man.”

  “Look, you have your
own vices,” Parker caught my gaze as if to remind me of my impulses. “I have no doubt with the way you behaved when she and Leo spoke at Sophia’s party, that she has experienced some of your tendencies, she’s still here and she still endures it.”

  “This compromise shit is really starting to get to me,” I rolled my eyes, “I understand, and I will try harder.”

  “Try not to use sex as a salve for the cuts in your relationship,” Parker warned me. “That never ends well.”

  "I think we both use it as a crutch, to be honest," I laughed.

  Olivia came out of Aria’s room with a sheepish look on her face. “Sorry. I didn’t realize that Aria still hasn’t really told you about everything she went through with that asshole.”

  I nodded. “I don’t get why she hasn’t.”

  “It wasn’t just a break up for her,” she implored me. “There is a lot more that is going with her than a simple break up. She will tell you about it eventually.”

  “I need you both to understand that I also have a lot going on and I can’t keep trying to tend to her breakdowns if she’s going to have them for every single moment we spend. It will become juvenile within seconds for me.”

  “Love is a compromise,” Parker reminded me.

  “I don’t think I would use love this early in the relationship,” I chuckled uncomfortably.

  “Wow,” Olivia shook her head. “No wonder, you haven’t admitted the truth to yourself.”

  “What truth?”

  “I can’t tell you everything, Dasher,” Olivia rolled her eyes.

  At that moment, Aria stepped out. She glanced at me and then Parker. "Hey, Parker."

  “Hey beautiful,” he answered and that drew a frown on my face. Bastard. “I actually came by to ask if you guys would keep Sophia tomorrow night, but DJ boy here has a set so…”

  “DJ Boy does,” she said, “but I don’t, I’d love to have that little girl over.”

  “Thank you so much,” Parker looked truly relieved. “I’m hoping that this is going to be a successful venture.”

  “What are you planning to do?” I asked.

  “We want to go ahead and pitch the remodel of a super famous car that belongs to this trust fund baby. He recently put an ad out looking for the perfect remodel of an old Mustang. He said no price is too high for the remodel.”

  I raised my brows. “Sounds legit. I wish you all the best, friend.”

  Olivia and Parker left. Aria and I stood across each other.

  “I feel like a theme song from a bad western movie is gonna play right about now,” I said, trying to break the tension.

  Aria laughed. God, she was beautiful. “You’re the music man.”

  I joined her in her laughter and then I looked at her honestly. “I’m sorry. I feel like that’s all we say to each other these days.”

  Aria shrugged and walked into my arms. "I always wanted a relationship. I always wanted the love, the beautiful moments and the laughter… but that didn't mean that I didn't want the fights, the arguments, and the tears."

  I pushed my fingers through her hair and brought her lips to my own. We kissed passionately. That night, instead of fucking her senseless, we slept in each other's arms. I had never felt more content than I did at that moment.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Aria

  A few days later, I sat at my desk in my bedroom and outlined my ideas for Piper’s salon. It was called Snippet which I found catchy. There were so many ideas that came to mind. I was in the process of choosing colors when Dasher knocked on my door.

  “Hey,” I grinned at him and saved my work. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing, just checking in,” he smiled. He leaned against the doorframe. He looked gorgeous that way. His muscled frame leaned casually while his dark hair fell over his face and his green eyes blazed with happiness.

  The last week ever since our truce was sort of difficult for me. It was weird not having him with me on the weekends. I knew he got mad that when he played his sets at Allure I preferred to be in the office tapping away at my keyboard. In fact, I chose to take my hours during the day. A usual nine to five job.

  “I’m just finishing up a few touches on Piper’s proposal.”

  “Oh yeah?” he dropped his arms and came inside. “You think you can put on a dress or something really quick?”

  “Uh,” I frowned. It was night but hot out. I shrugged. “Sure, where are we going?”

  “Olivia invited us over, apparently her boyfriend made a rare appearance and she wanted us to meet him,” Dasher rolled his eyes.

  I chuckled. He hated the fact that he was as invested in my friends as I was in his. Sometimes the girls even went out for coffee with Dasher or with the guys, it was cute. It was nice.

  I slid on a yellow strappy dress that reached mid-thigh. I gripped my hair away from my face and slid my feet into ballet flats. I applied minimal makeup and grabbed my phone on my way out.

  Dasher smiled when I walked out, and he straightened almost as if he was nervous. He was dressed in his usual, yet something looked more attractive about him. I noticed the stubble was gone, he was completely bare on his face. I like him either way.

  We drove out into the city. I enjoyed the ride over because he had some old indie rock songs playing on the radio. We argued over who the better band was.

  “It feels weird,” I said after our conversation. “I expected you to be one of those people who only likes techno music and fast beats, I didn’t know you liked slowed down tracks.”

  Dasher grinned. “There is a lot you don’t know about me. I like romantic movies too.”

  “No!” I said in disbelief.

  “Yeah, chick flicks are sappy and epic all at once,” he laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my action and superheroes, but I also enjoy the dude running through Grand Central and professing his love.”

  “Oh wow,” I fanned myself. “This is epic.”

  We turned into a secluded area that looked nothing like Olivia’s house.

  “Where are we?”

  “This is a cool little antique restaurant I found on one of my random walks,” he jumped out the car and before I could open my door, he was already there opening it for me. He held out a hand and I placed mine in it. I felt giddy.

  The building was in the heart of Brooklyn. It looked rustic. We walked up the four thin steps to two glass doors with a closed sign on the door. I looked at Dasher unsure.

  “Don’t worry,” he grinned. “They know we’re coming.”

  I rolled my eyes even as my mind gave me clues. I did not want to get my hopes up. I always had that bad habit. I remembered briefly about how many times I made up scenes in my head with Holden. He would text me and tell me that we were going to meet each other and in my mind, I would set up entire scenarios.

  Dasher ushered me inside and I smiled at the few people who were milling around in the dull light of what was obviously a café. I noticed the mini tables and the chairs laid on top of them as they usually were when they were closed.

  Dasher led me straight through the café and up the wooden spiral staircase. We walked past more mini overturned tables and chairs. He led me to the deck and I gasped.

  The deck was wooden with balustrades that had lights looped through the string lights hung from the ceiling in archways and the lonesome table in the center of all that beauty was draped with beautiful lights.

  “Dasher?”

  “You wanted a date,” he smiled. His green eyes sparkled under the dim lights and made me tingle all over.

  I hugged him tight and placed a kiss on his cheek. “This is gorgeous. Thank you!”

  The table had plates and cutlery artfully set out and there was champagne. Green day’s 21 Guns played softly in the back as we were served our main course.

  "I know you hate the whole three-course meal thing," he saluted me with his flute of champagne.

  I laughed. “I like food! Sampling mediocre starts before the main feast always
seemed like a cruel joke to me.”

  “That’s weird you know that, right?” Dasher shook his head at me.

  We ate in companionable silence. My seafood pasta tasted amazing while he devoured his steak. We alternated between sharing with each other as we had conversations about anything and everything.

  “Was your stage name always DJ Dash?” I asked as we ate dessert.

  “Uh,” his cheeks pinked. “No. You have to understand, I was younger back then.”

  “Oh, this is gonna be good,” I grinned. “Let’s hear it.”

  “No,” he frowned. “I’m not giving you fodder to torture me for the rest of our lives.”

  My mind sparked and latched on to the rest of our lives part of his speech. Calm down, Aria.

  “Dasher,” I smiled at him and batted my big blue eyes at him. I knew that was a low blow. It was fun though.

  “It was New York’s Finest, okay!”

  I tried. I really tried. I laughed. I laughed until tears leaked out the corners of my eyes.

  “You have no idea how that felt when I played in a club that was not very legal,” he rolled his eyes. “As soon as they said that New York’s Finest was in the house, most of the patrons ran out.”

  I was finished. I held my hands over my stomach chuckling. Dasher rose from his seat and came over to my side. He picked me up quickly and placed his lips on me silencing my laughter. He kissed me long and hard and even bit my bottom lip.

  When he pulled back, there was still laughter in my eyes. “You don’t play fair.”

  “I have to use whatever tricks I have,” he grinned.

  James Carrington’s Ache crooned over the speakers and Dasher began moving my body with his. He rested his chin on the top my head as I rested against his chest. My arms wrapped around his waist and he played with my hair as we swayed to the music.

  At this moment, I felt like everything was okay. I felt like nothing could touch this moment. Even if we did not last, this moment would stay with me forever.

  Under the sparkling lights and the soft music, I knew without a doubt in my mind, that I was in love with Dasher Camden.