Broken by Love

by C. A. Harms

  Broken by Love

  Scarred by Love Series ~ Book 2

  By: C.A. Harms

  Broken by Love

  Copyright © 2014 by C.A. Harms. All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: August 2014

  Limitless Publishing, LLC

  Kailua, HI 96734

  www.limitlesspublishing.com

  Formatting: Limitless Publishing

  ISBN-13: 978-1500824747

  ISBN-10: 1500824747

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  Jennifer O’Neill I want to say thank you for standing behind me. You truly are a blessing and the kind words you shared with me meant so much. Thank you for your continued support and for giving me the motivation to push on. You are actually pretty amazing.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty One

  Chapter Thirty Two

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Chapter Thirty Six

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  Chapter Thirty Eight

  Chapter Thirty Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Epilogue

  Prologue

  “I don’t think I can do it anymore. I just can’t handle it.” I sobbed into the phone. “I’ve tried Riley, oh my god have I tried. I’ve given all I am and I get nothing in return. I feel lost, like nothing I need matters. I can’t be the only person trying to make this relationship work. It has drained me to the point of exhaustion. I feel empty, Ry. I don’t think I have it in me to give any more because there is nothing left to give.”

  “Kate, sweetie, just breathe. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.”

  I tried not to involve her. I didn’t want to seem weak and needy. With Riley being Carson’s sister, it made it difficult sometimes. Dammit to hell, though, she was my best friend, and I needed her now. I needed someone on my side for once, and if that made me selfish, then to hell with it.

  “It’s the third night this week he hasn’t come home. I tried talking to him, but he got pissed, and then it turned into this huge argument before he stormed out the door.” I took a deep breath. “Carson is making it really hard for me not to hate him. I don’t wanna hate him, Riley, but I can’t stay here any longer and live like this. I’m seven months pregnant, and I have to think about me and this baby, because obviously he’s not.” I attempted to contain my shuddering breath. My chest burned so deeply, and my throat felt as if someone was strangling me. I hated the weak, pathetic need to cave. I felt like my world was crumbling at my feet, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

  “Okay, I’ll be there to help you in a little bit. Let me get dressed and I’ll borrow Max’s truck.”

  I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks and sat back on to the couch. “I need to call my parents and let them know I’m coming back home. My sister will absolutely love this failure. You know how Kara is. This gives her a little more ammo to be the perfect daughter.”

  “Screw that bitch. She needs to seriously get a fucking life and stay out of yours. As far as your parents’ house goes, you are not going there.” I could hear her shuffling around through the phone. “You’re moving back in here. Your room’s still open, and this is not up for debate. So before you decide to argue with me, remember I don’t give a shit what you’ve got to say about it.”

  I knew she was right, so there was no use arguing with her. I had to admit that moving back in with Riley was something I could use right now. I needed someone I was close to. Carson’s recent actions had left me vulnerable and needy. I wanted to feel wanted, loved. Over the last couple months he had slowly withdrawn from me.

  I knew I wasn’t desirable right now. I felt like the Goodyear blimp, and I waddled. Our sex life was nonexistent and the furthest thing from my mind. Hell, he was probably getting it from someone else.

  ***

  Riley showed up about forty-five minutes later with Max and Zander following closely behind. The moment I saw her I broke down again. I felt like an idiot. The problem was I wasn’t honestly sure how I failed.

  Getting pregnant wasn’t planned, but Carson accepted it. At least I thought he had. At first he was so attentive and sweet. Now everything was changing. He started going out again on the weekends with his friends, which soon led to weekdays as well. He would come home drunk and crawl into bed, waking me up. Yeah, he honestly thought I was just going to roll over at two in the morning to let him have his way with me.

  Eventually he stopped trying, and now half the time he didn’t even come home. If he wasn’t at work, then he was at the gym or Pearce’s house getting loaded. I felt lost and defeated. I loved Carson so much, and it killed me things were turning out the way they were.

  Everyone stayed to themselves as we moved from room to room packing my things. I had made up my mind that the furniture could wait. The only big items I chose to take now were my bedroom furniture. Carson had set it up in the spare bedroom when I moved in. Max and Zander moved quickly, and Riley helped with the smaller items.

  My heart was slowly breaking with each item I placed into a box. I had let myself imagine a life with Carson. I envisioned all the times we would rock our baby to sleep or snuggle on the couch for a movie with our child resting belly down on his chest.

  Getting over Carson was going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I knew from this moment on… I would never be the same.

  Chapter One

  Carson

  I woke up again on Pearce’s couch with one hell of a cramp in my neck. Man, we really got fucked up last night. Fighting with Kate just pushed me over the edge. I let myself drink beyond what I should in an attempt to forget it all. Halfway into the bottle of Jack things began slowly fading away, and my mind could finally let go of all the garbage that consumed us. I sat up from the couch and ran my hands through my hair. My head was throbbing, and my stomach, well, it was rolling like a tidal wave.

  “You look like fuckin’ shit, dude,” Pearce grumbled as he walked past me to the door. He opened it and told the blonde on his arm goodbye, nudging her out quickly. She was the girl he was currently screwing, but this time next week it would be a different one.

  He turned back to face me once he close
d the front door. “Kate’s gonna be pissed off, man. You know that, right?”

  I blew out a deep, overly exaggerated breath and hung my head. “Yeah, I know,” I groaned. “She seems to be pissed all the fuckin’ time, though, so today won’t be that much different.”

  Pearce flopped down on to the couch next to me. “You do know that she has every right to be pissed at you lately. I mean, come on, you’re barely at home, and when you are, all you do is fight with her. Hell, I know arguing is just how you two operate. You always bicker back and forth, but this fighting shit you two have going on lately… it’s more than bickering.” I looked over at him, and he continued. “She's carrying your kid, man. You should be at home, taking care of her. This stress can’t be good for her.”

  Pearce was right. I hadn’t been good to Kate lately. Things were moving so fast for us. I used to have so much freedom. I slept around and had no responsibilities to anyone. The only thing I did was go to classes and party. Now I had a girlfriend who was knocked up and pushing me for marriage. Married, fuck no. I saw how that shit changed Mason. Now I was following in his exact footsteps, and it terrified me. I wasn’t ready for it all to change. I wasn’t ready to let go of the freedom of being young.

  I left Pearce’s house a little after noon, and when I pulled into my driveway Kate’s car was gone. If I was being honest, I had to admit I was a little relieved. I didn’t have to face her yet. I could go in and take a shower before she got back. I could have a little bit of time to prepare an apology and figure out how the hell to fix us.

  I love Kate so damn much, but I was worried about the way our lives would change once she had the baby. I mean, things had already changed so much. I wasn’t sure I could be the dad she would expect me to be. Being fully responsible for another person was terrifying.

  I went straight for the bedroom to grab my clothes and didn’t pay too much attention to my surroundings. My head was still pounding, and I slept like shit, so I was exhausted. After my shower, I walked toward the closet and opened the door on my side. Something seemed a little off. That was when I actually took the time to notice the room around me. The pictures of Kate and me that used to sit on the dresser were gone. The spot where her beauty table had once been in the corner now sat empty.

  My throat tightened when I turned back toward the closet. After a deep breath I opened her side, and my chest ached. It felt like all the air in my lungs had disappeared. The empty hangers dangling from the bar where her clothes should have been made my knees feel weak. I stood in the same spot staring at them as if willing her clothes to reappear.

  Mindlessly, I backed up toward the bed and sat down with a defeated thud. What had I done? I pushed too far, and now Kate left me. I had no one to blame for this but myself.

  If I thought my life sucked before, it was nothing compared to the feeling I had now. My chest felt hollow and my legs were numb. I sat on the bed gripping my t-shirt tightly in my hands, unable to move.

  Why the hell was I such an ass, and why did I let it get this far? I never wanted to lose Kate. I was scared shitless, and I didn’t know how to handle it. This, though, this wasn’t what I wanted. I never even gave a thought to the fact that she may get sick of my shit one day and walk out. She deserved better than what I had been giving her, and now she figured that out for herself.

  Chapter Two

  Kate

  When I moved out of my old apartment, I never imagined I would be moving back in. I felt extremely guilty for being here. Riley and Zander didn’t need a depressed pregnant girl cramping their style. They were in the honeymoon stage of their relationship, and being here wasn’t the best idea.

  As if my best friend could read my thoughts, she tapped on my door before pushing it open.

  “Hey, little momma, how are you doing?”

  I attempted a smile, which only caused Riley to laugh. “Katelyn Rose, it’s me, honey. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Sweetheart, if you need to scream, then scream. If you need to cry, just cry.” She knelt before me, placing her hands on my knees. “But please… please don’t pretend to be okay when you aren’t. I’m here for you, right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I will always be on your side. No matter what, you are my best friend. I hate seeing you like this. I can’t stand the fact that you’re hurting and I can’t fix it.”

  The moment she wrapped her arms around me, I caved, crying so hard I could barely breathe. “I don’t know what to do. Carson’s been calling me over and over for the last hour. He keeps texting me, and I just don’t know how much more I can take.”

  “What’s he saying?”

  “Same as always. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. He always apologizes, Ry, but it never changes. I don’t want to be stuck at home with a baby while he’s out doing god knows what. I don’t wanna live like that. That kind of life is not what I want for us.”

  The doorbell rang, startling us both. “Zander’s out there. He’ll get it.”

  I nodded, but my stomach tightened. I had a feeling I already knew who was at the door.

  Zander appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. “Um… it’s, uh, it’s Carson. I never answered it, but you both know he’s not gonna leave. Kate’s car is outside, so he knows she’s here.”

  Riley’s face reddened and she stood from the bed. I grabbed for her arm. “Don’t.”

  She knelt in front of me once again and looked me in the eyes. “You don’t need this shit, Kate. He isn’t gonna show up here starting anything. He wants to talk to you now? Hell no. He had every opportunity to talk to you before, and he got drunk instead. So fuck him, this shit isn’t happening.”

  Before I could say anything more, she stormed out of the room. Zander shook his head and let out a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve just moved back home with my parents. You two don’t need to have my drama in your life.”

  “Hey, you’re Riley’s best friend, and you’re my friend too. There’s no place for you to be other than here. We’re both here for you no matter what. Okay?” Zander walked from the room, leaving me speechless. Riley was one lucky girl to have found him. He had a heart of gold, and he was such a good man.

  I heard Riley’s voice raise. “Fuck you, Carson. I can’t believe you’re doing this shit to her. You’re such a dick. I thought you actually changed, but you haven’t changed. She. Deserves. Better!”

  “I know!” Carson screamed back, and I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to disappear. I couldn’t face this, not now. My heart was in my throat, and my nerves were on high alert.

  Things got quiet, and it made me even more nervous. I pulled the covers back on the bed and crawled under them. I curled on my side and rubbed my pregnant belly, squeezing my eyes closed.

  When I felt the bed dip behind me, I turned to face my best friend. My stomach dropped when my eyes connected with his gorgeous blue eyes. The same eyes I have looked into so many times and fell harder with each glance. He looked pained and tired. He watched me without speaking before letting his head hang. His blond hair fell forward over his forehead, and his shoulders slouched.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered but never looked up. “I really fucked this up, didn’t I?” When I didn’t answer, he looked up into my eyes. “Say something, babe. Please. Tell me how I can fix this.”

  “You can’t.”

  He slid closer to me and took my hand. “Don’t say that. Please… we can work through this. We have to. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I can’t do it anymore, Carson. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I think we’re too far gone to fix this. There have been too many hurtful words spoken. I think us ending things now before we hate each other is the best thing. We’re tied together for life now anyway. We have a little person to take care of soon. Hating each other will only make it harder for our child. I think what we had is over.”

  I watched as his eyes filled with tears, and he leaned over, placing his forehead against mine. “I love you so much. I’m sor
ry.” His voice shook, and I couldn’t hold back the emotions it made me feel. Carson never cried; it just wasn’t him.

  When he brought his lips to mine, I never stopped him. This was our goodbye.

  The kiss was gentle and quick. I felt the shuddering of his lips against mine. He pulled back and shifted lower to hover over my stomach for a moment. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss there as well. I squeezed my eyes tightly because I was about to lose it. This was the sweetest goodbye, and it only made me want to tell him not to go. Carson was showing me more love within these five minutes than he had in the last two months. He was giving me the tender love I craved, but the sad part was it was coming too late.

  He never spoke when he pulled back and looked at me once more. He traced his thumb along my cheek, wiping away the falling tears.

  Carson reluctantly stood from the bed and took a step back. “I’m gonna walk away for now… but not forever. I’ll respect the space you need, but I can’t let you go. I won’t let you go. I’ll prove to you that I can be the man you need. I know I did this, drove us apart. I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back because I need you. I love you, babe.”

  He walked out without another word, and I let myself curl back into my shell. I cried so hard Riley came running and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here, and you’ll get through this. I promise you I’ll be here for you.”

  I wasn’t sure she was right. How could I get through this? I thought Carson was my forever, and now I just felt empty inside.

  Chapter Three

  Carson

  I could barely stand being home. I could still fucking smell her in every room. The place felt suffocating without Kate. I know I fucked up bad, but I missed her. I wasn’t here for her like I should have been, but I always knew she would be here when I did come home. Pretty selfish on my part. I knew that now.