Broken by Love

by C. A. Harms

  Chapter Six

  Kate

  The light tap brought me from my dazed state. When I opened the door and looked up into Carson’s sexy blue eyes, I held back the sob that threatened to escape. He still had the ability to make my knees weak and my heart flutter.

  “Can I come in for minute?” He looked so sad, and I couldn’t tell him no. Against my better judgment, I stepped aside and allowed him into the bathroom.

  There were a few minutes of silence before he spoke. “I’m sorry about everything, Kate. I’m sorry I hurt you. I guess I shouldn’t have come today.” He hung his head. “I know this isn’t the time, but I miss you. I hate how things are, and I know it’s all my fault, but I miss you so fucking much.”

  I closed my eyes to fight off the tears. I looked up, and the tears that I had been fighting against fell. Carson stepped closer and brushed the wetness from my cheek. “Don’t cry, baby, please don’t cry.” He wrapped me tightly in his arms, and I took a moment to breathe in that scent I had missed for so long. I nuzzled into the crease of his neck and allowed myself to feel like the last few months had never happened. For just a short time I wanted to pretend Carson and I were back to the time when we were happy, before he started acting like I no longer mattered.

  “Kate, I screwed things up pretty badly. But I haven’t ever stopped loving you, not for a second. I know I acted like a jackass. I have no excuse because, baby, there isn’t one. There is nothing that makes what I did okay. I had something so amazing, and I didn’t appreciate it.” He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Kate, I love you so much, and I want you back so bad.”

  His lips grazed mine before he leaned back to look at me once more. “I need you, I don’t want to live my life without you by my side.” When his lips crashed into mine, I melted against him. My hands immediately went up into his hair at the back of his neck and pulled him closer. His hand rested on my neck while the other gripped my hip, pulling me in tighter.

  Carson ran his tongue across my bottom lip before plunging inside to roll around seductively with mine. I moaned into the kiss, and I felt him smile. He backed me up against the sink and continued to kiss me.

  “I promise I won’t hurt you again. Just give me a chance to make things right,” he whispered, and for a moment I thought about giving in. I thought about just letting go and telling Carson that I trusted him. But then I would be lying. There had been too many times I forgave him, only to have his behavior repeat itself again and again.

  I pushed against his solid chest, and he stepped back, looking at me with a confused expression. “I can’t… I’m sorry.” He started to argue, but I hushed him so I could explain. “I need time to fix me. It’s not just us, Carson. It’s everything. Once we started dating, my entire world revolved around you. I can’t even remember the last time I did something for me. I’m tired of being the last one to get what she wants. I have always been second best with my family. I thought that would be one thing I wouldn’t have to be when it came to you. You changed so much, and I don’t even know who you are anymore. But I do know I don’t like who I became with you. You took what we had and threw it away so easily. I can’t go through that again. I love you, god do I love you.” I took a deep breath. “But love isn’t always enough.”

  I turned and strode out of the bathroom without saying another word. When I entered the kitchen, I found everyone surrounding the food that was on display. I put on the best happy face I could come up with and walked straight ahead. I could feel everyone’s eyes watching me, waiting for me to cave.

  Carson came into the kitchen and kissed his mother’s cheek. Then he pulled Riley in for a quick hug. “Thank you both for today. What you did for Kate, thanks.” Then he looked across the room at all the guests. “Thank you all for coming and for all the gifts for our baby. I’m gonna head out, um, I, uh…” his eyes met mine and he swallowed hard. “I’m just gonna go.”

  He turned quickly and walked toward the front door. I instantly felt out of place. I was in his childhood home with his family and friends, and he was the one leaving. Max and Tanner followed behind him, and I felt the burn in my chest. I dropped the carrot I had been holding onto the plate and hung my head.

  Things weren’t supposed to be like this.

  Chapter Seven

  Carson

  “Carson, hold up, man. Where are you going?” Max came out of the house after me, and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes. That was all I needed, for him or Tanner to see me breaking.

  “I’m going to go to the gym or run, hell, I don’t know. I need some time. I have to get some of this frustration outta me.” I opened my truck door and faced both of my brothers. “I just need to think.”

  Max watched me a little too closely. I knew he was trying to read me, to find out what I was feeling. It was how we were. My brothers always pushed and pushed. “Want some company?” I shook my head.

  Tanner spoke up next, and I had to grind my teeth together to keep myself from directing my anger at them. It wasn’t their fault; this mess was all on me. “Carson, she’s emotional, man, and she’s hurting. Don’t give up on her. She loves you. Hell, anyone can see that.”

  I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “I know she loves me, but sometimes…” I let Kate’s words roll through my mind. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough.” I shrugged as I climbed up into my truck and slammed the door. I needed to get out of there. I needed to work off some of this hell burning through me.

  I hadn’t had more than one or two beers in days, more like weeks. At this moment, though, I found it a challenge not to stop by the liquor store before going home to drown out my troubles.

  I pulled into the gym parking lot and grabbed my bag from behind my seat. As I was about to enter through the front door, I heard my name being called out. I turned to find Max jogging up behind me. Obviously listening wasn’t one of my brother’s best qualities.

  “What are you doing here, Max?” I grumbled.

  “Well, let me see, Carson. It’s a gym. In fact, it’s the same gym I work out at daily, so I guess you could say I’m moving my workout up a few hours.” He tossed his arm over my shoulder, tugging me through the opened doors. “Whether you want to admit it or not, bro, you’re hurting. I don’t take any of my family hurting well. Let’s go burn off some of that shit flowing through your head. Maybe I’ll let ya get a few blows in before I lay your ass out.” Max chuckled, and I just shook my head.

  Max had to be fucking losing it if he thought I was climbing in the ring with him. He was my one brother I wouldn’t fuck with, no matter what the situation was. He was a firefighter, and he took his shit seriously. The guy was a tank. He boxed regularly, and he may have a hard time committing to just one girl, but he was faithfully dedicated to his workouts.

  “I think I’ll stick with the bag, man. It don’t hit back.” I heard him chuckling as he walked toward the group of guys he sparred with.

  “Come on, Carson, we’ll go easy on you,” he hollered back over his shoulder as he began taping up his hands, laughing with the guys he stood next to. “My sister over there’s a little scared. She’s afraid of getting hit back.” The guy standing near him snorted, and then the cocky bastard winked at me.

  I knew what the asshole was doing; he was baiting me. I watched occasionally as Max and another guy bounced around inside the ring. He was brutal, and I shook my head. Max knew how to handle his shit. That was obvious. I chose to take my aggression out on the bag until my arms and knuckles became sore.

  I hadn’t realized how long I’d been there until I looked up at the clock and saw it was well after six at night. I wandered over to the machine in the corner and bought two waters. Just as I walked up to the ring, Max’s sparring partner dropped to the mat. Max had connected with the left side of his head and swept his leg across the man’s legs.

  Max appeared untouched. If it wasn’t for the sweat drenching his body, you wouldn’t have known he had spent the last few hours boxi
ng. I passed him the bottle of water, and he took it, quickly downing over half before taking a break.

  “Thanks, man. I needed that,” he said as he lowered the bottle.

  After a few minutes I looked back up at him as he leaned over onto the ropes. “So, I, uh… I got a plan.” He raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. “I’m gonna get my shit together, and I need you to talk to Jason for me. I’ve been dragging my feet, and I’m done. I need to prove to Kate that I won’t hurt her again. She left me because I put her last. Kate and our baby mean the world to me, and I know it’s time I prove that.” I took a deep breath. “If I ever want to become a detective, I need to get on the force, right? I mean, I graduated college with a Criminal Justice degree, and I’m still working with Pearce at his dad’s garage. I should be using it, and that’s where Jason comes in. He’s one of your best friends, and I know he can get me there.”

  Max just nodded as he took in my words. After a few silent moments he climbed from the ropes and reached into his bag at the side of the ring. I watched as he pulled out his phone, still not saying a word.

  When he put his phone to his ear, his eyes finally connected with mine. I listened as he spoke to his friend, Jason, who just so happened to be the son of the Chief of Police. Jason was an officer himself here in Tucson, and I knew he would be my in.

  “Well, you owe me a favor, Jay, so make it happen.” Max tossed his phone in his bag and threw the strap up over his shoulder. “He’ll talk to him tonight and give me a call tomorrow.”

  So that was that. Step one in getting my life back on track was on its way. It was time to accept the fact that I was going to be a father, and I would have someone I would be responsible for, someone who would rely on me daily. Yeah, that thought was completely overwhelming, but it was a truth I needed to face head on. It was time for Carson Parks to act like an adult. It was time to grow a fucking set and man up.

  Chapter Eight

  Kate

  “Kate, what in the hell are you doing?” I looked up to find a very bare-chested Zander standing in the hallway. He looked like he just crawled out of bed, and his hair was tousled and standing up in all directions. I felt my face heat up. Holy hell, it had been entirely too long since I had any manly attention. Being in the same room with a sexy man, well, it made my body ache just a little.

  I quickly averted my gaze to the floor in front of me. “Well, Zander, it appears the fat girl is trying to tie her shoes. As you can see, it is proving to be a next to impossible task.” He chuckled, and then I heard a squeal. I looked up to find Riley in Zander’s arms as he nuzzled her neck. I felt a jealous urge pour through me. I missed that, the sweet moments. I missed being held or kissed.

  I realized once again I was staring, and I looked back down at the shoes I couldn’t quite reach. I let out a frustrated sigh. I had less than a month before my due date, and believe me, I was counting the days. I missed my skirts and shorts… oh, and my dresses. Yeah, I was sort of obsessed with pretty, girly things, and this pregnancy was doing a number on my addiction.

  “Here, let me tie your shoes, Momma.” Riley bent down in front of me and began working on my sneakers. Yes, I know, Kate the queen of heels had to resort to buying a comfortable pair of sneakers. I was really past the point of trying to fit my oversized feet into a pair of heels. I never thought I would find myself going for comfort over style.

  “Thanks, Ry.” I smiled and she winked at me. Oh my god… that look. I turned away, grabbing my purse and walking toward the door. Sometimes it really was difficult to look at my best friend. I had never really paid attention before of how much alike she and Carson were. They had the same damn smile, and I could barely take it. I missed Carson, but I simply refused to give in to my need. I had to show him I deserved better. I deserved more, and I wouldn’t settle for being pushed aside.

  “Hey, are you sure you don’t want me to take you?” Riley called from behind me as I opened the door to leave. “No thanks, sweets, I got this. It’s just a checkup. I’m on the downhill slope now. A few more weeks and I’ll be able to tie my own damn shoes.” She smiled and I laughed, waving goodbye as I shut the door behind me.

  ***

  Less than two hours later I was sitting by myself in Simple Delights enjoying a piece of cherry cheesecake, not even feeling slightly guilty about it. Pregnancy made it okay to indulge, and dammit, my cheesecake craving hit me all at once. I was just finishing when I looked up and saw Lily staring at my plate with complete desire.

  “Damn, that looks so freaking good.”

  I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “It was so damn good.” In fact, I could’ve gone for another piece, but yeah, I thought I might regret it later. I needed to remember I would eventually have to lose this weight I was packing.

  I looked over her shoulder, noticing the guy standing next to her, grinning. Letting my eyes roam over his very attractive face, taking him in inch by inch. From his strong shoulders all the way to brown, tousled hair that looked like he had just run his fingers through it. I blinked twice and turned back to Lily, feeling slightly embarrassed. Damn, what in the hell was wrong with me? First a shirtless Zander, and now Lily’s boyfriend. I was acting like a dog in heat. At any moment I would start humping someone’s leg.

  “Oh, sorry, Kate. This is my older brother, Logan. Logan, meet my friend from one of my classes, Kate.”

  Okay, so he wasn’t her boyfriend, but that still didn’t make my obvious gawking any less embarrassing. Logan stuck his hand out in my direction and smiled. I placed my hand in his, and he gently embraced it, shaking lightly. “It’s nice to meet you, Kate.”

  “You too,” Oh my god, I sounded like a horny teenager going through puberty. I think my voice even squeaked. Get it together, Kate. Fuck… look away. His eyes were blue, and I had a huge weakness for blue eyes. Carson’s eyes were blue.

  Carson. Just the thought of him made my heart race within my chest and my throat go dry. I remembered I needed to text him about my appointment. I found it easier than calling, easier to not cave and run to him.

  “Kate?” Oh shit, I forgot they were still standing in front of me. I looked back up to meet Lily’s concerned expression, and Logan had his eyebrows bunched together in confusion. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry. I think the baby has overtaken my brain. I swear I wander out into left field so easily. Flutter brain… sorry.” I stood up from the table and began gathering my garbage onto my tray.

  “Here, let me dump that for you.” Logan took the tray, and I thanked him. His response was a simple wink. God damn cute guys and their stinking flirtatious winks.

  We walked outside together and stood in front, talking. Lily lived with her brother and one of his friends just off campus. It was cheaper than the dorms. That was one of the reasons Riley and I decided to do the same thing.

  My lower back was starting to hurt, so I said a quick goodbye, agreeing to meet Lily next Tuesday for dinner. She really was a sweet girl, and I could see us becoming good friends.

  I made it to my car and sent a quick text to Carson. I let him know my appointment today went well. Everything was exactly as it should be. I was beginning to dilate, and my cervix was thinning, but I never went into those details. It would only confuse him. I still remembered when I was having back pain and he wanted to rush me to the hospital in the middle of the night because he thought something was wrong.

  I allowed my head to rest back against the seat for a few minutes. I felt a headache coming on, and I needed to close my eyes. My phone buzzed in my lap, and I checked the incoming message.

  Thanks for letting me know. I can’t wait to meet our little person. I miss you baby and I love you.

  I blew out a long, calming breath. Where was this sweet guy when I needed him? Oh, yeah, he was passed out on his friend’s couch or at the gym. I dropped my phone on the passenger seat and drove back to the apartment.

  As I was climbing the stairs, I felt a wetness pool within my panties, and
I thought for sure I had just peed my damn pants. It wouldn’t have been the first time. I swore, this little person was torturing me by kicking the piss out of me… literally.

  I went for the bathroom first thing, passing a puzzled looking Zander as he strummed away on his guitar. Riley was nowhere to be found. “Gotta pee... now!” He just laughed and shook his head. By now Zander was used to my mandatory spur of the minute piss breaks.

  What I found startled me. I had blood in my panties. I stood in shock for a moment, staring, before removing them and grabbing a fresh pair. After I cleaned myself up, I walked out into the living room.

  “Hey Z, where’s Riley?”

  He jotted down his current thoughts on paper before looking up. The guy was using Riley as inspiration and had started to write songs. I heard him playing for her late at night, singing softly to my best friend. He was so good to her, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t envious.

  “She met Max for their annual paintball practice. He said they needed to get their game straight.” He shrugged, smiling. “You know that guy. He is a beast, and losing would hurt his ego. Riley is almost as bad. She likes to show the guys up.” He went back to strumming his guitar.

  I retrieved my purse from the kitchen table and grabbed my phone, walking back to my room. I scrolled through my contacts and found Riley. It went straight to voicemail, and I instantly felt panicked. I didn’t want to overreact, but I also didn’t want to ignore it. My mom hadn’t been very supportive during this pregnancy, and the last thing I wanted was for her and Kara to show up.

  As I continued to scroll through my contacts, I stopped to hover over Carson’s name. After a few seconds of delay I scrolled past. I thought of who I could call, and I found her number quickly. When she answered after the second ring, I felt relieved to hear her voice.