Daunting Decisions

by Kip Nelson

  Chapter Fourteen

  While Adam wanted to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible he also knew the four of them couldn't move too swiftly since it would alert those living in the hospital to their presence. The sounds of conversation echoed through the empty halls, although it was difficult to tell just how many people were living there. Adam didn't want to risk presenting themselves to the folk who were living there, since he and the others were technically intruders. It was going to be easier if they slipped in and out without anyone noticing. Having said that, it seemed as though most of the people in the hospital were older. So, he was more confident he would be able to defeat them in a fight, or outpace them in a hasty retreat. He didn't know how they could live in this place, though, not when they were surrounded by so much death. He was feeling a tightening in the chest and was one more fright away from having a panic attack.

  It was difficult to find their way through the dark corridors. At one point, Adam asked Diana if she knew where she was going.

  “Yes,” she replied harshly, and Adam wondered how she knew so much about the layout of the hospital.

  There still were so many things that were a mystery about her. Adam wondered if he ever would find out the truth. They passed more wards and stopped to duck into rooms whenever they heard voices. The old people moved so slowly that they had to wait longer than was reasonable, but it was all for a good cause. Adam had to keep reminding himself of that. All he needed was a little patience and they soon would be back out into the open air, returning to the camp where there would be a fresh bed and plenty of food waiting for him. He tried remembering this was like a game, a stealth mission. Although he'd always hated those, and only ever had included them in the games he designed if he was ordered to do so.

  More dead bodies were in the beds, staring at them with their hollow eyes. Diana tried shielding Annabelle from them, but it was impossible, and the little girl was becoming more and more agitated. She was almost trembling. Adam could see the worry etched on Diana's face. Adam was worried, too. Annabelle was one of the most composed people he ever had seen. She seemed to take everything in stride. So, it was easy to forget she was just eleven years old. She was just a child, and this was no place for a child.

  Adam started regretting ever going on this mission. He hadn't thought it through at all, and that always had been his biggest problem. He'd never thought anything through. He'd never had to do so. Everything in his life had been so easy, and his decisions were inconsequential. If he wanted takeout, then he would order it. If he wanted to buy a new book, he'd do it. He hadn't been rich, but because he lived a solitary, almost reclusive, life he had no large expenses either. The things he did only affected him, and that was the way he liked it. Even in his job he designed his own games and he was good at it. So, he usually never had to go back and change them. But now he was learning how to function as part of a group.

  Peter was easygoing. So, when the two of them had been together Adam still had been able to go his own way. However, now Diana was a strong personality and she challenged him. Annabelle was a child, so the rules were a little different for her. He had to try remembering that whatever he did affected everyone else in this group. He did care about them and wanted to see them safe and happy. Maybe he should have thought more before he accepted Lisa's challenge. He looked at Annabelle and wished he could take all her pain away. She never should have to live a childhood such as this. He thought back to his own. At her age he never had any worries, apart from doing his homework, of course. He played games with his friend, rode his bike around, and lived a carefree life. He'd enjoyed that so much that he tried making his adult life as much like it as possible.

  “It's close by. We'd better hurry up,” Diana said. They increased their speed.

  Adam figured it was okay to sacrifice a little bit of stealth for the sake of expediency, since it was clear Annabelle needed to be taken away from all the dead bodies as soon as possible. Adam wished he could have paid his respects to all of them, for they all had their own stories and didn't deserve to be forgotten, but there was simply no time. No time at all for the important things in life. There were so many who had died when the world ended. There should have been a memorial service for all of them, just like had been after hurricanes or other large natural disasters. But the devastation had been so all-encompassing there wasn't anyone left behind who could organize such a thing. He wondered if the people in the beds throughout the hospital had tried fighting their deaths, had thrashed their arms and kicked their feet out in the hope of gaining a few more precious moments of life, only to fail in the end and slip away into the long, cold night.

  “Does this bring back memories for you?” Adam whispered to Peter. The older man nodded.

  “I had to come here a lot with Evangeline.”

  “I've always hated hospitals. They only seem to be associated with sickness.” Adam said.

  “The doctors and nurses we had were nice. They let me come and see her a lot, even when I wasn't supposed to. They took care of her as well. She was safe here and it was the best place. She was comfortable. These people probably were, too.”

  “I hate seeing them like this. They should be buried or something. Surely it's not right that they're just laid out in the beds?”

  “Maybe it's a reminder to everyone that they should enjoy life while they can. There aren't going to be funerals like we're used to anymore. Maybe this is just the new ritual.”

  There would have to be many new rituals. So much had changed in the world and the things that seemed natural in society would have to change, things such as funerals and weddings. The rituals that had been a part of humanity's culture for thousands of years all would have to be redefined. Perhaps Adam was looking at the beginnings of that. Maybe death would be seen in a different light after so many people had died in one fell swoop. Perhaps death would be treated as a passage, a way to remind everyone else that life was precious, and it was to be cherished. It should have been like that before, but everyone had been so caught up in the immediacy of the world it became impossible actually to take stock of existence and enjoy the beauty of the world.

  One day, Adam would be a skeleton, a day he hoped was far into the future. But when he died he wanted people to feel something. He wanted to matter to others, and have them standing over his dead body, sharing stories about him, speaking of his good nature. Before, he'd always been afraid he would die alone. Even though he chose a solitary life, he tried pushing away thoughts of the future because they terrified him. He hated thinking of himself as old and infirm, with no family around to care for him, with nobody to listen to him when cried for help. He'd heard plenty of stories about people who had died in their apartments and had gone undiscovered for days or even weeks because they had nobody in their lives who cared about them. He always had been certain that was the fate that awaited him.

  No longer. He was determined to change his fate, to make sure he made it to his death with friends and loved ones, having lived a life made of good and moral choices, having made a difference in the world. He didn't want to be forgotten or ignored. So, he vowed to himself that he would be more careful with the things he chose to do since they would make up the body of his life, and whenever anyone thought of him, they would think of the things he did just as much as the person he was.

  Diana gestured for Adam and Peter to turn a corner. She still was holding Annabelle's hand, and the change in the young girl's mood was startling. Usually, she was the first to go around a corner, and it was Diana who had to remind her to stay close, but now Annabelle clung to Diana closely, not wanting to let go at all. Soon enough they were at the pharmacy, having managed to avoid running into anyone. Adam breathed a sigh of relief as he swung a bag from around his shoulder and pulled out the list. Before them stood shelves and shelves of all manner of tablets; they were in colors, some were capsules, some were flat and round. They still were arranged nicely, which was a surprise, since part of Adam had exp
ected the whole place to be in disarray. He held the bag open and started calling out the names Lisa had written down, while the other three looked for them. Well, the other two, really, as Annabelle seemed to be in a world of her own. Adam tried to get her involved, offering her the list to read out or the bag to hold, but she wasn't interested.

  Bottles of pills soon were being thrown into the large black bag. The pills shook and rattled, and Adam felt the hairs standing on the back of his neck, worried they would be discovered. While at first he had had no moral qualms with this, he was beginning to feel more guilty all the time. They had closed the door behind them, but Adam could almost feel someone watching them.

  “Are you alright?” Diana asked. Adam realized it had been a few moments since he had spoken.

  “Yes, I'm sorry,” he said and tried finding his place on the list.

  He read out the next two items, but they were only halfway down the list. This seemed to be taking longer than he thought, and the longer they spent there the more chance there was of being discovered. How was he going to explain this to the people staying in the hospital?

  “Maybe you were right. Maybe we shouldn't do this,” he said in a hollow voice. Diana and Peter paused.

  “What?” Diana asked.

  “Maybe this is wrong. I didn't know there were people living here. This is like us stealing. I didn't think it would be like this. It just feels wrong. I feel my conscious is telling us to stop.”

  “I did not come all this way to leave empty-handed. I don't really agree with this either, but it's the decision you made and, like you said, if this is what we have to do to be a part of that community, then we're just going to have to suck it up.”

  “I can't. We should talk to them, the ones here, maybe they'll just let us take what we need. If we just have their permission...”

  Diana exhaled deeply. “Sometimes in life you have to get your hands a little dirty. Your conscience will deal with it. You will deal with it. Let's just get the rest of the stuff and we can leave. You'll feel better when we're outside and on the way back. I'm not going through all this for nothing. And the people who live here probably aren't going to need all this medication anyway. If they do, well, that's just the luck of the draw. I don't want to be callous about it, but think about it, who’s going to be making these drugs? Nobody.”

  “What are you saying?” Adam said.

  “That eventually these all are going to run out and people are going to die anyway. A lot of people are going to die, and there's nothing we can do about that. Get the medicine and we'll leave and we'll never have to come back here again.”

  Adam knew she was right, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was dreadfully wrong. He was getting light-headed and felt a tingling all over his skin. He rummaged around in the bag for a bottle of water and brought some to his lips, but it didn't help too much. He wondered if this was one of the decisions that would have a lasting consequence, one of those where he should make a stand and go back to Lisa, telling her that it was wrong. He tried to be the confident man who could do anything, but now, faced with actually depriving old people of their medicine, it was more difficult.

  And yet, in a way, it wasn't really their medicine. It just so happened that they lived in the hospital. It's not like that gave them legal claim to it. He tried breathing deeply to calm himself, but as much as he tried justifying it to himself, he couldn't shake the feeling he actually had turned into one of those people he feared. The ones who took what they wanted because they could. Because they were stronger or had bigger weapons. Was that the fate that awaited him, really, to turn into the thing he hated and feared the most? He thought of Lee, of the monstrous expression on his face as he had pummeled Clark to death. Adam wondered if that darkness lurked within him and was just waiting to be unleashed.

  It always was said that the road to Hell was paved with good intentions. When Adam looked toward the end of the road, he couldn't see where it led. When he looked down at the bag filling up with all manner of drugs, he had to question his own intentions. Part of him didn't know the difference between good and bad anymore.

  He carried on down the list of drugs, feeling more despondent as each word left his lips.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The last of the drugs were being put into the bag, which now was weighing quite heavily on Adam's shoulders. He was about ready to leave. Like Annabelle, the longer he stayed in the hospital the more agitated he was becoming. All he wanted to do was to leave and get back to the camp, and push the hospital to the back of his mind. He hoped the people in the hospital wouldn't miss the drugs they had taken in large quantities. He looked at the depleted shelves and realized Lisa wanted more than he had expected.

  He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the bottom of the list. He zipped up the bag and nodded to the others, motioning for them to get out of there. All of them were glad to be going. None of them really liked what they were doing, but it seemed to be a necessary evil. Each of them justified it to themselves in different ways. Of course, Peter and Annabelle didn't fully understand the subtleties of what was going on. They only knew they needed to take these drugs back so they could stay in a safe place. They both trusted Adam and Diana, and were sure neither of them would lead them astray.

  Annabelle had a more difficult time comprehending what was happening, though. In her mind stealing was wrong no matter what, so to be told that sometimes it was okay was confusing. Yet, as a child, things often were presented as black and white. It was only as people grew up they realized the world was made up of far more shades of gray. Annabelle was starting that process sooner than most people. She stayed quiet, standing by Diana, waiting for the moment when they could be away from that awful place, with the scary skeletons and the feeling that something horrible was going to happen.

  Adam turned and opened the door, not expecting to be met with any kind of force, but he stopped in his tracks. The color drained from his face as a crowd of people stared at him. There were old and young people, fit and infirm people. Some were in wheelchairs, some used crutches, others looked to be in good condition, but all of them had angry looks on their faces. They seemed to be unarmed, but there were a lot of them, and Adam knew he was in the wrong. There were men and woman of different ages, although he noticed there were no children. They looked gaunt, but healthy, and evidently had been living in the hospital for a while.

  There was no clear leader who presented himself or herself just yet, and Adam searched their eyes for some semblance of understanding. They stood in a semi-circle, cutting off both exits down the corridor. There was no hope of the group trying to barrel past them. They were caught. They had been careless and hadn't properly kept watch. Adam was furious with himself for making such a mistake. He licked his lips and tried figuring out how he could explain to these people what they were doing, but he was met with stern eyes and snarling lips.

  “Who the hell are you and what do you think you're doing?” a man said.

  Adam's eyes darted to him. Young and strapping, he had a strong physique and wasn't the type of person Adam wanted to mess with. He stood head and shoulders above everyone else and had the look of an all-American hero about him, with his blue eyes and a clean-shaven face. Adam was used to seeing men with beards, so this man's look was something out of the ordinary. It made him seem even more impressive. It was as though he managed to keep some normalcy, even when everyone else had lost theirs.

  “This isn't what it looks like,” Adam said, even though it was exactly what it looked like, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

  Adam never had been good at confrontation, especially when he knew he was guilty. It was like the time when his parents had caught him watching pornography on the computer. He lied and said it wasn't him, but who else could it have been? He felt himself blushing as the blood raced to his cheeks and he tried glancing at Diana, but he felt alone and at the mercy of the judgment of these people.

  “No? T
hen how about you tell us what it looks like,” another man said, folding his arms across his wide chest.

  Adam didn't like the look of his bulging muscles, or how the other people fell in line. He had no idea who these people were, but he knew how people liked to protect what was theirs. He remembered what Diana had been saying about how society had turned people into possessive creatures. Knew these people would be inclined to defend the things they saw as their property. They must have been living in the hospital for months now, and it would have become their home. Adam and the others were intruders who had violated their boundaries and were taking what was theirs. It was a delicate situation and one that Adam wished was in a game. Then he would have had dialogue choices that would have given him some idea of a way to get out with his life intact. But he was on his own, having to rely on his own wits.

  “It's just...um,” Adam stuttered, and looked to Diana for salvation. She glared at him, an angry look in her eyes, and Adam knew he would be subjected to a lecture from her later on.

  “This is really a misunderstanding. We didn't know anyone was in here,” Diana said, stepping forward, ahead of Adam.

  “We're part of a community, and there are a lot of people who are sick, and they need medicine. We've been through all the local pharmacies and this was our last hope. We're only trying to help the people we care about. Honestly, we didn't know we'd be stealing. We're just trying to make it through the world, same as you,” she said in a soft voice. Adam was surprised, for she was so different from her usual sharp-tongued self. She actually seemed human for a change. The man unfolded his arms and seemed to soften.

  “I appreciate that, but you should have checked first. We can't let you walk out of here with those. We need them, too. How did you even get in?” he asked.