Revive

by Mary Wasowski

  “From here on out, I won’t, Nick. I promise. You okay?”

  “I am.”

  “You got home pretty late, and when I did your shirts this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the red lipstick on your collar.”

  “Always the observant one. You got me. That lovely shade belongs to one Karen Lombardi, and it was a great kiss. And before you decide to air your opinion, please don’t.”

  “Hey, I wasn’t going to do that. I like Karen, I always have. It’s not her fault that she was dealt a shitty hand in her younger years, but she’s come a long way. The way I hear it, she’s doing quite well.”

  “She’s definitely better, but let’s continue this conversation at another time. You have a plane to catch. I love you. Have fun, now go.”

  She smiled and blew kisses to me as her taxi pulled away from the curb. I wanted to believe I was as confident as I tried to make mom believe, but after a few shitty days, all I wanted to do was go back to bed. But work was calling my name. It was a new day to live, one without Thea Falcone.

  I was early for the morning roll call, but I welcomed the quiet in the early morning hours when the guys were still asleep. This was when I had the most time to think and prepare for the day ahead. Whether it was going to be busy or not, we were in the business of saving lives. This past weekend was spent stressing over things that did not matter, and I wasted too much of my time and energy pondering about past events that really had no merit on my life as it was today.

  I opened an envelope from the top of the pile on my desk and read a letter from my boss, District Chief Thomas Michaelson. The letter was to inform me of the committee’s selection on who we would be sending to represent Company Ladder 4 in the annual Firefighter Ironman Competition. I was thrilled when I read one of my guys’ name. He has been training hard for the last few years, and with the selection process being fierce, it was a longshot, but he made it. As proud as I was for one of my guys, my elation quickly faded away once I read the location of the event. This year it would be held in California. Los Angeles, to be exact. I knew right then and there I was fucked six ways to Sunday, because I was also expected to accompany him.

  “No fucking way,” I said aloud in my empty office.

  Fucking A! Los Angeles? Why me? I mean, seriously after the shitty weekend I had to endure and the bullshit that followed, now this? This competition was huge and nationally televised. I had to believe that Thea would at least know about it. It could even come across her desk over at ABC. Would I see her again? I think the bigger question was: Did I want to?

  I had some stress to get rid of, and I took it out on the gym punching bag. Yeah, it was time to go to work.

  “Hey, Nick, you ready to go?” Tony called out an hour later.

  “Yeah, man, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

  I grabbed my clipboard and made my way to where the guys assembled and waited for me to hand out their assignments. I decided to take the podium where my message would definitely be received. I knew I dropped the ball last weekend with my disappearing act, and without a doubt that was not going to happen again. When I set out to become chief of this house, all I wanted to do was honor my father and the brave men who gave their lives for this house and the victims they saved. Firefighting was in my blood. It was all I knew and wanted. As I thought more about my conversation with mom over Thea, and then later found out how she took off without giving me the courtesy of saying goodbye, that drove the reality home for me.

  I was dedicated to my career, my business, and my community. The satisfaction I felt because I was doing what I loved meant more to me than anything in the world. If a wife and children were meant for me, then it would happen someday, but if not, I would be okay. It would probably disappoint my mother most, but it was my life and I was going to live it by my terms. It worked for me so far, and from the looks of it, Thea was not doing too badly for herself out in California.

  “Okay guys, listen up. Report cards are in on how we did for the ladies’ lunch we held this past weekend. We pretty much scored A’s across the board, with only a few suggestions for next year. All minor by the way. The ladies were all very happy and wanted to extend their gratitude to the many house members that volunteered their time. So, thank you team for making my mother and her friends very happy. Candidate Dawson, are you listening to me?” I said, and received no response in return until Dorrado punched him in his arm.

  “Sorry, Chief. You were saying?”

  “Dawson, here’s a tip that will serve you well throughout your entire career as a firefighter. When your boss is holding a meeting, then that means I demand 100% attention from everyone in the room, including wet behind the ears young candidates like yourself. So, as an incentive for you not to ignore me again, you are on cooking detail for the next month. For your sake, I hope you know how to cook. These guys like their food.”

  “I do, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  I took a breath and then sighed to myself. I remember my candidate days too, but I wasn’t foolish in my thinking to ever ignore my chief.

  “Okay, moving on. This year’s annual Firefighter Ironman Competition will be held in Los Angeles, Saturday, October 29th. They received over seven thousand entries from New York alone, including some of you. Looks like Spinelli’s wish has been granted. I am happy and proud to tell you that you are going to Los Angeles to represent Ladder Company 4. We wish you well, and good luck!”

  “Yes! I won’t let you down, Chief. We are going to kill it this year,” shouted Spinelli as the guys congratulated and slapped him on his back.

  “I know you will do your best. To be chosen is a huge honor, considering all the entries the committee receives from firehouses all over the country.”

  “Who am I going with?”

  “That would be me, Spinelli,” I responded.

  His expression dropped a bit. The city did not want any unforeseen issues arising after last year when some guys from Boston got in some trouble. “No negative press” was in bold letters at the beginning of the memo.

  “Okay, okay, settle down. This is a nationwide event. The winner earns bragging rights, and the winning house receives much needed new equipment. So Spinelli, I would concentrate on kicking some major ass out there and not be so worried on who your bunk mate is, okay?”

  “Got it, Chief.”

  “Let’s move on. We have a lot to cover in a short amount of time.”

  Once the morning business was taken care of, I walked into my office to continue to catch up on the mound of paperwork piling up on my desk. But…there was no time to stress about it any longer, not with the sirens going off. We had a three alarm call to get to. I raced out of my office and down outside, where my guys were jumping on their departing trucks.

  “Okay, men, let’s go. We go in alive and come out the same way,” I always shouted out to my men before every call, a term that stayed with me from my very first day of training at the academy.

  Once we arrived at the scene, I had to command my team and keep the intense situation as calm as I could.

  I said over the walkie, “Come on guys, talk to me. Spinelli, Dorrado, Johnson, call out.”

  One by one all the floors were cleared, but I was still waiting on Tony, who hadn’t come out yet.

  “Tony, the building has been cleared. Waiting on you buddy, talk to me.”

  “Chief, I’m going back,” Dorrado shouted out.

  “Jimmy, you stay where you are, and that is an order. Fiore, let’s go, call out.”

  “Chief, I’m here. I’m three feet away from the exit. Going in alive and coming out the same way.”

  And with seconds to spare, Tony exited the burning structure with a man slumped over his shoulder.

  “We need medics over here,” I called out.

  Tony placed the unconscious man down on the stretcher and then walked over to the truck for water. After he removed his mask and helmet, I walked over to him.

  “Are you alright? You sure took your tim
e up there calling back to us here on the ground.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry for that. I was behind Dorrado, and then I caught a shadow and had to check it out. I don’t know how I missed it during the first sweep.”

  “Yeah, okay, but the next time I fucking ask you to respond, you damn well better. You hear me?” I screamed at him and then started walking away, exasperated.

  “Yes, sir. Hey, Chief…” he yelled out to me.

  “What!” I shouted a bit louder than I should have, but it was a fucking frustrating few minutes until I knew all my guys were out and safe. I looked over my shoulder to Tony.

  He called out, “We go in alive and come out the same, right?”

  “Always.” I replied.

  I got back in my truck and hit the steering wheel in frustration.

  As much as I wanted to believe the mantra we always said before each fire, I knew sometimes that was not always our reality. My father used to say a similar term when he left for shift. My mom never showed her worry when he went to work. She was strong and kept our family together. I tried my best to step in my father’s role, but mom was already there.

  I was in awe of her and her ability to take the focus off herself and help others around her. Some of the men that lost their lives on 9/11 were younger and just beginning their families, whereas mine was already fifteen years in the making and mom was considered the older mother. Either way, she was a rock star in my eyes, and as the wife of the chief, she carried a lot of weight on her shoulders. Thea’s mom was the same way. It was just the way they carried themselves through the tragedy that affected us all. Thea didn’t want to ever be labeled as one of the 9/11 kids. I saw the toll it took on her with every funeral we attended.

  By the time I reached the firehouse, the trucks were backed in and getting inspected and reloaded. The guy that Tony had pulled out from the fire was in surgery with third degree burns and a ruptured lung. I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it, but knowing Tony like I did, I was positive he would stop at the hospital after shift to get a status. He didn’t do it for a slap on the back, he did it because he cared about every life he saved. He wanted them to live, and in the heat of the moment during a rescue, those lives were always put above his own.

  “I’m heading out, Chief. Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?” asked Leslie, a little bit later.

  “No thank you, I believe I am all caught up with everything that was pending on my desk.”

  I looked down to my watch and just realized I’d been holed up in here ever since we returned from the warehouse fire.

  “Shit, is that the time?” I asked her.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Leslie, I know I work like a dog, but you are not expected to follow my lead.”

  “I really don’t mind, sir. You are a good boss, so don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”

  I let out a deep sigh and wrapped things up for the night. I didn’t want to go home yet, and I knew I had to make a quick stop at the bar. I hadn’t spoken to Karen since the kiss we shared. Maybe she was waiting for me to say something. I was so drunk and fucked up in my mind when I did that. It wasn’t fair and, if anything, I should apologize, but knowing Karen, she would probably tell me to fuck off because I was insulting her with an apology. Some days it felt like I just couldn’t win for trying.

  The bar looked busy as I stepped inside. A few of my guys were playing pool and called out for me to join them. I showed them my bag, giving them a clear sign that I was going to my office to work—yeah, another place I hid in.

  I spotted Karen at the end of the bar serving some mixed drinks to a few customers. They were smiling and exchanging pleasantries with each other. She waved when she saw me. I returned the gesture and then made my way to the back. I was secretly hoping Karen would pay me a visit soon.

  I thought it was over for us, but Carter reigned in his temper and listened to me pour my heart out to him. A few days after our big heart-to-heart talk, I was back in my office over at ABC studios, working on tonight’s headlines. There was nothing too out of the norm until one news alert caught my attention.

  The country was still in Olympic euphoria after our star athletes brought home many gold medals, including six members on the water polo team from Orange County. Carter was there front and center, of course he was. He was the star and had his pick of stories he wanted to cover. Once we began moving our relationship to a more personal one, he backed off a lot when it came to his diva status. I was still the head producer, and no matter how much he controlled me in the bedroom, in the newsroom, I was the boss.

  I established that rule from the very beginning, and I warned Carter that if he couldn’t agree to the new rules in our relationship, then we would only have a working relationship. Yeah, that went over well. A few minutes later, he had me pinned down to my desk with his hard length jamming into me.

  “You have yourself a deal, boss,” he enunciated very slowly, and then before allowing me to sit up, he kissed me and pushed his way in, promising our meeting would continue later in our bedroom.

  For so long, I held back from him and other lovers I had in the past. It was my private life. I wasn’t ready to share the most intimate details of my life to the guy I was fucking or fantasized about having something more with. I kept that going until I met Carter, and he was the one that would not stop prying until he got what he wanted from me. Sure, it took two years to accomplish that feat, but I finally allowed him into a place that was only reserved for one person before, and that was Nick.

  I was wrong to do that because it was for the Nick I loved when I was younger, not the man he was now. I didn’t even know the man he was today, and after leaving the way I did, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to.

  And now he could be coming to California for the Firefighter’s Ironman Competition. What are the chances, right? The higher ups here knew my ties to New York, so anything involving the city or anything to do with the FDNY, I was the first to know.

  “Good morning, beautiful! Let’s go to lunch today. I want a hearty steak, and Nik and Stef’s is calling my name,” Carter said as he strolled into my office.

  “Oh, you’re way too chipper. Did you add some extra vitamins to your espresso?”

  “No, I did not. Maybe it was all the hot sex I received this morning, and all before seven a.m. Damn, who needs the gym when I have my own personal yoga instructor doing downward dog on my dick?”

  “Carter!!!” I practically spat out as I got up to shut my office door. “What is our rule? Especially here at the office?”

  Of course, he ignored me and took me in his arms.

  “Stop it, Carter. I mean it.”

  He repeated my words sarcastically, “Stop it Carter, I mean it. No, you stop it, Thea, and allow your man to kiss you. Then, if you do that, I will place you down.”

  Ugh! This man is going to drive me insane. I stopped struggling and returned his kiss, which by doing that, he took a few more before letting me go.

  “I love you, baby. I believe you know this by now. And as your future husband, I don’t give a fuck where we are. If I choose to kiss you, or—even better—fuck you, I will exercise my right, so stop resisting me.”

  “I haven’t agreed to be your wife yet.”

  His face had fallen a bit, but he composed himself in the usual manner I was used to.

  He responded, “You will, baby, you will. I have faith in you and in us. One o’clock, be ready for some meat! …Or do you really want steak?”

  He smiled, winked, and then blew me a kiss to drive his point home. Yeah, message received loud and clear.

  After my multitude of paperwork and having survived the staff meeting, I was so ready for a break. Carter would not stop touching me from under the table. If I had a better position, I would have kicked him in his shins, but knowing my luck, I would have missed and been in trouble.

  I sent him a text that I was skipping
out on lunch but promised to cook him his favorite meal tonight back at my place. He sent me a few happy emoji’s and all was okay. He loved the new updated software on his phone, so his messages were very entertaining.

  I took a run instead of eating, and it was amazing to pound the pavement until I was out of breath. There was no way I could do the same run back, so I called for an Uber taxi, but not before calling my mom.

  She had left several messages, along with Trudie, and I was ignoring both of them until I was ready. No time like the present. I grabbed a water and found an empty bench in the park. I chose to call Trudie first. She would be my warm-up for my call with mom.

  She answered, “Hey, whore, I’m not speaking to you.”

  “Oh really? Then why did you answer the phone?”

  “I did that so I could tell you that I am not speaking to you.”

  “Shut up, and let me talk,” I said.

  “Fine! How are you?”

  “I’m better, and thank you for always having my back.”

  “Always, T. You know I can’t live without you. So tell me what is going on with the very sexy Carter Newbanks? Damn, he sure does know how to wear a suit. Tell me something: is he pants-less under the desk?”

  “He is not and is always impeccably dressed. Anyway, I didn’t call you to talk about my boyfriend’s junk that he conceals under the news desk. I actually need to share something important with you.”

  “Fine, spill it.”

  “Do you remember when you practically demanded me to make you my Matron of Honor? Well, if you still want the job, it’s yours.”

  “No fucking way! Yes, I want the job. Oh my God, you finally said yes to his proposal.”

  “No, I didn’t, but I plan to accept. It’s going to happen tonight.”

  “Oh Vey, holy matzo balls! I am so freaking happy for you, and I cannot wait to meet him.”

  “You will, and soon. Trudie, I have been so stupid, and that stupidity and my old insecurities almost cost me my relationship with Carter. And before you ask, I finally told him about Nick and the past we shared. I mean, everything.”