Surviving Passion

by Maia Underwood

  “Stop!” He commanded forcefully as she fought.

  “No,” she said through gritted teeth. “Let go of me. Let me go. Just let me go!”

  “No,” Dan growled back, pinning her against him. “You asked me what I wanted,” he told her between breaths. He slid his arm up her neck, grabbing a handful of her hair and tipped her head back slowly. He gave her lips a starved look before bringing his mouth down hard against hers. Selena’s protest drowned. She couldn’t even turn her head while he held her this way, and the shocking sensation of his lips pressed into hers rolled through her like a wave. Her stomach did somersaults at the sudden intimate contact and for a moment, she forgot to resist. When he released her mouth it was only to take a breath, and he came back again and again. He would not let her speak and she was beginning to feel the strength drain from her muscles. Why? She wondered feebly. Everything makes him stronger and me weaker. It isn’t fair. She tried to push him again then but she couldn’t win, and he knew it, so he took his time.

  It seemed like the more he had of her, the more he wanted, and before she knew what was happening, Selena was on the ground. The leaves beneath her cushioned the abrupt change. How had he done that? she wondered, through the mounting fog of disorientation.

  She tried again to untangle herself from his grasp, but soon he was on top of her, and now both his hands were in her hair. He continued his relentless plunder of her lips, and all she could do was weakly push against his shoulders.

  “Dan—“ was all she managed between ragged breaths.

  “Shh,” he said, kissing her again. One of his hands was now on her flat belly, and he slid it up under her shirt without pause until it rested fully on her breast.

  Selena took a sharp breath, which only lifted her chest, forcing the firm mound up against his searching hand. He squeezed and explored her soft flesh, lingering at its firm tip. Grunting, he swiftly pulled her shirt up, exposing her completely. She tried to pull it back down but he would have none of it, and he took a good look before sliding down to close his mouth over one of her breasts, massaging the other with his free hand. Selena’s head was spinning and she felt as though she were dreaming, or in some delirious fever. Now he brought both his arms around and under her back. She had never felt so exposed as the movement lifted her chest above the rest of her body, raising her breasts to where his demanding mouth was waiting. For a long time he devoured them, taking his pleasure without reservation. When she felt as though his mouth had covered every inch of the skin there, she couldn’t push him away anymore. Her body seemed to be on his side, and the realization prompted a moan of helplessness.

  “Dan, please,” she pleaded feebly, “wait.”

  He drew himself up along her body, so he could look her in the eye. With difficulty, she forced her eyes to focus on his gaze as he answered gruffly, “You can’t run from me forever.” He brought a hand up to hold her hair again, and slid the other down, watching her as he felt his way under her pants. She instinctively shrank back from his relentless touch as, slowly but surely, it found the place between her thighs. Selena clamped them shut but it was no use, and she cried out wide-eyed, grasping his arm when his fingers slid into the soft folds of her skin.

  “Say it again,” he challenged her, discovering the betrayal of her wetness, “tell me to wait. Tell me.”

  “Not fair,” the words came out like a hiccup as his exploring fingers forced her pleasure upon her. Did she have a choice, she wondered. Had she ever had a choice? Not since I chose to hide there, her thoughts swirled vaguely back to the place where their paths first crossed. She felt her fate had been sealed the moment she chose the fifth floor. These memories were swept away as he began to stroke her.

  “It’s fair,” he told her as she gasped and writhed where she lay. “It’s the only thing that has been.”

  When her eyes fluttered open, they were met by his implacable stare. He was toying with her, she realized, watching the sensations play out across her face as he touched her in different ways. She hated him. She wanted him. He made her pleasure grow and build until it seemed a thing all its own. She had no sense of the outside world anymore. Just before she felt as though she would explode, he stopped and pulled his hand away.

  Selena was lost in an aching confusion as he moved back, but then he unlaced her pants and drew them off her hips, sliding his hands down her thighs, her calves, and her feet before tossing the garment aside. Selena didn’t have the strength even to try to get up as he drew his own down. What she saw was as impressive as the rest of him. A pang of panic swept through her again, almost overriding her pleasure-drunken state.

  “Dan,” she said again, her voiced tinged with fear.

  “Just relax,” his deep voice soothed, but his request had the opposite effect. As with everything else, he knew exactly what he was doing, and exactly how to do it. What had she expected?

  He descended on her smoothly, bringing his hand back to where it felt so good before. He stroked her again coaxingly, eliciting from her another involuntary moan. He started and stopped and started again. He awakened a wild need in her that was completely new and foreign. She hadn’t known of the existence of desire like this. Feeling flustered that he could make her feel this way, Selena only found herself more ravenous. The inevitability of what he was going to do still lurked frighteningly beneath it all. She had never done this before, and the unknown was a scary thing.

  He ceased touching her only when he spoke. “Tell me no,” and he massaged her, stopping again to say, “Tell me no and I’ll stop.” Between strokes he seemed to taunt her. “Say it. This is your last chance. Go ahead, Selena. Just tell me no. Tell me, and I will do whatever you say.” He leaned down and pressed his warm lips deeply to hers, fervently coaxing her mouth open and lingering there.

  When he finally pulled back, Selena ground her teeth furiously. “I hate you,” she whispered, in forfeit. In that instant he descended on her like a wave, unable to hold himself back a moment longer. All the tension from every moment they had ever spent in one another’s presence was erupting.

  She gasped and felt as though a wall were pressing into her, and was suddenly stricken with a painful strain, but it soon gave way, and he thrust himself deeper. They moaned and struggled against one another as her pain slowly faded, and her flesh obediently made way for him. He pushed himself into her relentlessly, and when he saw that he was sliding her away with every thrust, his hands clamped onto her shoulders, pinning her in place. The intensity mounted and she braced herself against his chest now that she had no freedom of movement. Inescapable as always, he held her there, making her feel every sensation of each thrust. Again and again she cried out, as the untamable pleasure consumed her.

  “Tell me you belong to me,” he commanded hoarsely.

  “No,” she grunted as he relentlessly slid himself back and forth inside her.

  “Tell me that you’re mine,” he insisted, “tell me.” Again, he covered her lips with his own.

  “Never,” she breathed stubbornly before another spontaneous moan escaped her lips. She felt more fiercely defiant than ever.

  But he kept pushing, over and over and he wouldn’t stop. The growing need for more had begun to make her feel wild again. It welled inside her like a rising flood, like a tidal wave that swelled and grew until she was overcome by it, drowning at last, but in a sea of rapture. The only thing that mattered was his next thrust. Why couldn’t they come faster? Finally, she could bear it no longer and he made her lose control. The whole camp would have heard her, even from their distance, but he clamped a hand over her mouth to muffle the agony of her ecstasy. She moved frantically against him as the explosion rocked her to her core, blocking every thought, sight, and sound. In that moment, Selena wanted to throw him off her for having the power to rouse in her such uncontrollable pleasure, but at the same time she wanted to hold him there forever, because it felt better than anything in the world. Neither decision was hers to make, she realized again w
hen he didn’t stop. She imagined Dan doing this to her forever, and the sensations came back like rolling thunder, buffeting her again and again.

  Finally he strained violently against her, changing his hold over and over, touching her everywhere he could. Then, finally, he collapsed atop her.

  Eleven

  Selena didn’t remember the ride back, or how she had returned to her cabin. She was hazily aware of Dan’s presence, but that was all. At some point they had parted ways. When she had locked her door and dropped her belongings on the floor, she felt like she was in some sort of trance. Now she was lying down on her bed, staring up at the rafters, trying to reconcile what had happened.

  So much seemed out of her hands, and truthfully, she didn’t know how she felt. The day had started out so peacefully with her serene hike through the valley, and now she was no longer a virgin. It was the last thing she would have expected to happen that day, and the reality did not sink in easily.

  Selena covered her face with her hands as the memory spilled over her. The intensity of their encounter had left her numb. What does it mean? she wondered. What does it mean to him? She felt sudden pangs of anxiety. He had asked her to say that she was his. She had denied him. What was he going to do? Had she made a mistake? Should she have submitted to him completely? It had happened too fast. He hadn’t given her time to think. There was no courtship. He had simply taken her, like she was fruit hanging from a tree, just waiting to be devoured.

  Despite the incomprehensible pleasure his passion had brought her, she was angry and wanted to punish him. She also wanted to be in his arms. Turning onto her stomach with a groan, Selena didn’t know whether she was better or worse off than before her last attempt to flee. No matter what happened, he would always have the satisfaction of knowing he had her, and she wondered if she had anything left to offer that he hadn’t already taken. Feeling vulnerable, a little empty, and crippled with uncertainty, she finally drifted off in a troubled sleep.

  Selena woke early the next morning, just before the sun peeked over the ridge. For a few moments she forgot why she felt different, until the memories of yesterday came crashing down. Her stomach did flips. She remained lying in bed and tried to envision the coming day. She would see Dan at breakfast, and what were they going to do? Act casual over eggs? How could she face him?

  Selena firmly decided that she couldn’t eat with them this morning. While she might be able to pretend that nothing happened when the others were around, she knew she couldn’t when he was there. Tossing the covers aside, she got right up and walked out her front door.

  Setting off to the kitchen briskly, Selena found Blaire up working, early as usual. She greeted the woman with as much normalcy as possible.

  “I’m gonna grab a bite now and get a head start on a dress for Becky like you suggested. If anyone asks, just tell them I’m working.”

  “Sure thing, honey,” Blaire responded cheerfully, looking pleased that Selena had taken up the project. The pair of them rustled up some food that she could take with her.

  As she headed back to her cabin, there were ominous-looking clouds visible to the north. The wind blew strongly from the same direction, and it was cold. Selena was glad for the excuse to take her mind off what had happened, even if the distraction was as worrisome as this one. She paused on her way up the steps to watch the sky. Another kind of storm was coming, and it looked almost as powerful as the one she had endured the day before.

  Selena changed her mind about going back to her cabin, for now. She wouldn’t go until after warning Blaire. No rest, she thought frowning up at the strange morning sky. When she got back to the kitchen, Blaire was still busy about her work.

  “Hey, Blaire?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “There’s a storm on the way, I don’t know if you noticed. It’s going to be a bad one.”

  “Really?” she replied, walking past Selena to poke her head out the door. “Oh, they always look nasty over those mountains, but they fizzle out before they reach us. I wouldn’t worry. Then again,” she paused, “you don’t usually see that in the morning.”

  Selena passed Blaire to stand outside.

  “It’s coming,” she insisted. “Just to be safe, is there anything special you guys do when a storm hits?”

  “Well, that depends on the storm,” Blaire answered, joining Selena outside. “Are you sure? I s’pose I was never the best at predicting weather. Living out there you probably had to watch a lot more carefully. Well, when things get real bad, we use the hall. Not a lot of windows there.”

  Selena gave her a blank look. “What hall? You never showed me, did you?”

  “No, that’s right. It’s one of the older buildings, we don’t use it much. It’s set off a ways from everything else. Not too convenient but it is on higher ground than the rest of these buildings. Well, we’ll keep an eye on it. If it gets real bad, we’ll rally everyone up and wait it out in there. I’ll send someone to come and get you.”

  When Selena finally did return to her quarters, she set about planning Becky’s dress. She would decide size by eye, and make it a little on the bigger side so there was room for growth. She chose a medium tan color. The palest cream leather would be pretty, but it would also be harder to keep clean. Based on what she had seen so far, Becky would probably be rolling in the dirt with it before her birthday was out.

  Selena worked as quickly as she could without sacrificing quality. It was easy. Her hands did their job deftly, even though her mind was everywhere else.

  Working through the morning meal, Selena watched the sky slowly darken. Whenever she got into the rhythm of her sewing, her thoughts would flash back to the day before, distracting her from her progress. Trying futilely to shake the memory off, she plowed on with her work. It was coming along beautifully when the clouds obscured the sun and the wind beat on the trees.

  She nibbled on some of her breakfast, but her appetite was missing. Her fingers were tired from the work, but it was her only excuse to hide out instead of helping to prepare for the storm. By mid-morning, the rain had reached them. The drops came small at first, but in a matter of minutes, it was falling in sheets. Selena worked on in the dimness right into the evening. By then she was nearly finished, and very grateful that the dress was child-sized. She resolved to embellish the garment until she was summoned. It wouldn’t be long.

  When there came the knock on her door, Becky’s present was ready and full of beautiful details.

  “Come in,” she called, wrapping the dress carefully. It was Ben who walked through her door. She felt at once disappointed and relieved.

  “Hey, Selena,” he greeted, shaking the water off. He was soaking wet from head to toe. “Blaire said to come and get you. This storm is getting crazy and we’re pretty sure it’ll be a long one.”

  Just then, the first grumble of thunder sounded faintly. They listened carefully, coming to the same conclusion and looking at each other worriedly. It was going to get a lot worse before it got any better, but the real danger was how long it would last. Flooding was a serious threat in their closed little crater. It seemed to be the only flaw of having a small swath of land surrounded by hilly ridges. No one needed to tell Selena about these obvious risks.

  She quickly got her things together, carefully nestling the dress into the bottom of her pack. She hugged it to her as they hurried out the door. They jogged through the pouring rain and Ben led her into the trees, which were already completely saturated and offered no protection. Selena knew the sun was still out behind those clouds, but it was almost as dark as night around them. After minutes that seemed like hours, they came to a long, dark brown building nestled against a slope and surrounded by oaks. It looked like the sturdiest building yet. She wondered how she had missed it when she had gone on her little hike.

  The two of them clamored through the door to escape the torrential downpour, shaking off the water in the entryway. Selena wrung out her hair and peered into the building. There w
as plenty of room for everyone and most were already there, talking quietly inside. They sat on the floor or on the few scattered old chairs that dotted the great room. There was a long table running along one wall, stacked with supplies. Dan, Blaire and Cal were absent.

  Those that weren’t too distracted to notice Selena’s entrance greeted her. Her eyes fell on Clint, who was sitting on the floor, leaning languidly against a wall. He gave her a subtle wink. Her stomach turned. She realized that she had almost forgotten about him. How was that even possible? Ignoring Clint entirely, she followed Ben. When he sat, she settled nearby. The conversations were low as everyone listened to the storm. Even the children were quiet as they peered out one of the only two windows to watch the occasional flashes of lightning that brightened the sky. Their emphatic whispers proved that they found it all very exciting.

  Selena’s gaze fell on Shane and Gina talking in a corner and, with a pang, she realized she hadn’t checked his wound since the morning before. Hopping to her feet promptly, she strode over and knelt down next to them.

  “How are you holding up?” She addressed the both of them, trying not to obsess about Dan’s inevitable entrance.

  “Fine,” they said casually at the same time.

  “Mind if I take a look? I should have probably checked this morning. Do you feel any pressure?”

  “Nope,” he shook his head as she unwrapped the shoulder, “I think I got lucky this time. Still hurts pretty bad but it seems like it’s healing just how it should. What was that stuff you put on it?”

  “Comfrey,” she answered as the wound was revealed. It had scabbed over nicely, with no serious puckering or worrisome coloration around the stitches. Gently laying her hand against the skin to either side of the wound, she gauged that the heat was normal. The lack of infection was the luckiest thing she had seen since she had come to live here.