Just Once

by Rebecca Brooke

  Danielle stepped back and wiped at her face again. “Okay. I’m good.” She grinned. “I’ll be back tomorrow and I’ll bring Nate with me.”

  “I can’t wait to see how big the little guy is,” Colin said.

  “Huge doesn’t even cover it.” She patted me on the arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  And just like that, Colin and I were finally alone.

  “Come here,” he whispered.

  I glanced up at him and the look in his eyes made my legs wobble with every step I took. An emotion I couldn’t recognize, or maybe wasn’t ready to recognize, shone in his eyes.

  His gaze moved from my face to my shoulder. “How’s your arm?” He flinched as the words left his lips, almost as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

  I took his hand in mine. “It’s fine. Or at least, it will be. A few weeks of physical therapy after the sling comes off and I should be good as new.”

  He sighed. “Good. The last thing I remember is you diving in front of me.”

  I gasped when the image of Colin laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood came flashing back. “I . . . you . . .” The sobs began and I couldn’t stop it. “You were going . . . going down.” My whole body shook. “There was blood. So much blood.”

  His arm wrapped around me, gently pulling me into his body, careful not to hurt my shoulder. His warm body offered me the comfort I’d needed since seeing him so broken.

  “Shh. It’s okay.”

  “No,” I cried. “I didn’t know what to do.” I sniffled. “If Tanner—”

  Colin covered my lips with his finger. “But he did. I’m alive, and after a little therapy I’ll be good as new.”

  He used his thumbs to brush my tears away. Deep down, I had a feeling that Colin was putting on a brave face. There was no way a few weeks a therapy would fix everything. His body had been through too much for recovery to be that easy. Not that I had any real medical training, but the descriptions Danielle had given me painted a much darker picture.

  “I know there’s more to it than that. What do you really need to do?”

  He patted the bed. “Sit with me and I’ll explain everything.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “I promise, you won’t. Besides, it feels like forever since I had your warm body next to mine. Please?”

  That request was impossible to deny. After months of keeping him at arm’s length, I could finally savor the sweet cinnamon taste of his lips without fear of repercussion. This man, a man I almost lost in the line of duty, was my other half. I still feared everything that meant, but I didn’t want to keep my distance any longer. The time until I had to return to my deployment was limited, and I planned to take advantage of every minute I had with him.

  Without jostling him, I climbed up onto the bed. A feeling of peace came over me when I settled against his side. Everything felt right in his arms.

  “Okay. Give it to me.”

  “Right to the point.” He nipped my earlobe. “I like it.”

  “Colin,” I said. I really needed to know what the damage was before I could focus on anything else.

  “You’re no fun.”

  It was hard to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Don’t pout at me. We can have fun when I know what’s going on.”

  A sexy smirk lifted the corner of his mouth, but something else took over his eyes. Nerves? Regret? He blinked it away so quickly I didn’t have time to guess.

  “For now, they’ve switched my unit.”

  For a moment, I wanted to protest that he was no longer part of the rangers. Then it dawned on me that he could be moved to the recovery unit and still keep his role and rank in both units.

  “You mean the recovery unit?”

  “Exactly. You’ve heard of it?”

  “I have, but the only person I’ve known who was transferred to the unit eventually transitioned to civilian life. His injuries were too extensive to overcome to return to active duty.”

  “That’s not the plan for me. With the swelling and possible nerve issues, not to mention the fractures, they’re expecting between four and six months for recovery. After that, I pass my physical reevaluation and get re-signed to my unit.”

  “And they’re not worried about the nerve damage?”

  He shook his head. “They’re not sure. They won’t know that until the swelling is completely gone. It’s much better than it was before and went down enough to send me home, but there’s still a way to go.”

  I’d been so focused on seeing Colin, I hadn’t paid a bit of attention to his leg until then. I glanced down and what I saw took my breath away. “The swelling went down?” His leg was huge, at least twice the size of mine.

  “Yeah, can you believe it was actually twice what it is now?”

  I swallowed hard. That kind of damage was likely to have lasting effects. “Twice?”

  “Twice.”

  “Oh my God.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying again.

  He placed his fingers under my chin and turned my face back to his. “Joey, what happened after I blacked out?”

  I sucked in a breath, unsure if I was ready to say it aloud. It had been hard enough to deal with the nightmares the first few weeks. It wasn’t until Danielle came to see me that they’d gone away. With Colin sitting in front of me, I hoped that he’d give me the strength to keep them away. I braced myself for the ache in my chest the story would inevitably create.

  “I killed the two shooters, but I knew you’d gone down. At the time I thought maybe your leg gave out and you couldn’t stand anymore. The bullet hit me, it couldn’t have hit you. Then I saw the blood—” I paused and held back the tears burning the back of my eyes. “You couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what to do.” I couldn’t stop myself from crying as the images paraded through my mind. “Tanner showed up seconds later and saved your life.”

  He leaned forward and kissed away my tears. “Please tell me he took care of you too?” His hand lightly brushed my arm and it was as if he’d shocked me because the sensation ran straight from the point of contact, all the way through my body, settling on the right side of my chest.

  “I tried to fight him on it. I wanted him to stay with you, but he promised you were stable. The bullet was lodged in my collarbone. There wasn’t much more he could do besides stop the bleeding and put a sling on it to keep it stationary.”

  “Did they set it when you got back to base?” Concern filled his eyes.

  “No. The bullet shattered my collarbone. I flew to Germany with you and they did the surgery there. I got to see you the night before I left. That is something I never want to see again.”

  “Believe me when I tell you, I don’t want to see you hurt again either.”

  I lifted my hand to his cheek. There was so much I wanted to say, so many words I could use to try and explain to him just how scared I was. To make him understand the clenching in my chest when I woke in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, reliving him being shot, over and over. I wished I could promise that I wouldn’t get hurt again, and that he could promise me the same.

  But I couldn’t. We were in the Army. Getting hurt was one of the realities of the job. It hurt like a bitch, in more ways than one, but we had to accept that this was a part of our job. “I know. But that’s not the job we have.”

  His eyes dropped to the bed and lifted again. “No, it’s not, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for your piloting skills.”

  My face heated. “Anyone could have landed it.”

  “You and I both know that’s not true. I talked to others in Germany. Most pilots would have crashed, but not you.”

  Words wouldn’t come. I hadn’t really thought about it like that. The heat from his body helped to bury all of the bad memories. I could feel his heart beating beneath my cheek and the familiar sound was like a salve to my soul. The man
who captured my heart with his sad eyes and a smile he saved only for me, was whole and in my arms. Nothing mattered in that moment except us. We had plenty to deal with.

  But that could wait until later.

  Chapter 18

  Colin

  The air was warm, almost sticky. Darkness surrounded me. I couldn’t make out anything. The whirring sound of rotor blades filled my ears. A helicopter?

  “Shit. Incoming!” a male voice yelled into my ear.

  The sound was close. Maybe I could feel something that would give me a clue where I was. I attempted to lift my arms, except they wouldn’t move. They were too heavy—like lead weights attached to my body.

  “I can maneuver out of the way,” a female voice called.

  I kept trying to release my hands. Something was coming for us. I needed to help.

  “You can’t miss them both.” The panic in the man’s voice made me fight harder to get free.

  “I have to try, or we’re all dead,” she yelled. “Drop it down, now!”

  My body slammed into the wall behind me.

  “Fuck,” someone near me screamed.

  We started to spin, completely out of control.

  “I can land it,” the female voice called out over the screaming.

  “Do it.”

  Sweat broke out on my forehead. My pulse raced. I didn’t want to die. My vision began to clear. I blinked away the remaining blackness. At the front of the helicopter sat a man and woman. Even from the back, I knew who sat in that chair. I held my breath, watching her bring the aircraft to the ground without anyone getting hurt.

  I tried to move my hands and this time, nothing weighed them down. I lifted the headset off and dropped it onto the floor.

  “Fuck. Another one.” The co-pilot pitched us to the right.

  “No!” Joey yelled, trying to pull us back.

  It was too late. Something hit the front windshield. I tried to get out of my seat to get to Joey, a huge piece of glass detached and flew into the cab just as we slammed to the ground. Something hit me in the chest and a weight landed in my lap. For a brief second, I sat there and stared until my brain kicked into gear. A scream left my throat but Joey said nothing, her cold blank eyes staring up at me.

  My eyes snapped open and darted around the room. I needed some kind of confirmation that everything I saw in my mind was only a dream. I was on the verge of hyperventilating. Everything had been so clear; so vivid. It had been like watching a movie, only I didn’t just see the crash, I felt it. I smelled the burning in the air. Felt the heat all over my body. My ears rang with the sound of metal hitting terrain. I felt my heart stop beating when I saw Joey’s eyes.

  Dead.

  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull in a full breath. Adjusting to the fact that it was my own imagination and not reality was just too damn hard. How could it be that real and not have happened?

  Instead of fighting them back, I let the tears come.

  Joey looked so beautiful today, running through the lobby to me. The sling on her arm broke my heart, but at least she was alive. Thinking how many times I could have lost her that day made me ill.

  Reaching down, I grabbed the bedpan and threw up everything in my stomach, surprised I’d managed to hold it down that long. When she told me about what happened after I was shot, I struggled to keep from yelling at her for being so stupid but, thankfully, I’d somehow managed to stop myself from saying something I knew I’d regret.

  It was all new to me: to have someone in my life that I’d give anything and everything to keep safe. I’d cared about Marissa, but that was nothing compared to the feelings I had for Joey. Every day I fell a little harder for her. Joey was everything I’d been looking for and the thought of losing her . . .

  I couldn’t bring myself to consider it.

  To find her only to lose her was something I wanted to push to the furthest corner of my mind. We were both safe.

  I had to focus on that.

  I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would drown the unhealthy thoughts.

  It didn’t last.

  Off and on, the nightmares continued throughout the night. In every single nightmare, Joey was killed in the accident, but every time was different. It was enough to keep me from getting any real rest. I hadn’t had any dreams while in Germany, at least, none I actually remembered. The only reason I could come up with as to why the nightmares had resurfaced was seeing Joey again.

  Eventually, I gave up and watched the sunrise from outside my hospital window. Even though it was the same, the sunrise looked completely different overseas. During a deployment, I was usually up before the sun, but never took the time to watch it ascend into the sky. In Germany, I realized how many things I might have missed. One second changed everything. If I was awake, I made sure to pay attention to the sunrise, no matter where I was in the world.

  The nurse brought in my breakfast, which given the stale taste that remained in my mouth from last night’s vomiting, wasn’t very appealing. The meal sat untouched, congealing in the sunlight. I hoped Mom would bring something else with her when she came back today. She knew I hated hospital food. What I really needed to get my hands on was my cell phone. I never thought to ask Danielle to bring it with her.

  There was a soft knock on the door and a second later, Joey peeked her head into the room. “You’re awake.”

  “I am.”

  “Do you mind if I come in?”

  “Please. I’ve actually been waiting for you to get here.”

  “You have?” She came around the corner and I did my best to hold back my wince when I saw the sling on her arm again. She caught it though—not much got by Joey—but thankfully decided to move past it.

  “Yes. You were all I could think about when I woke up. Now that we’re in the same place, I plan to spend every waking moment with you. I know it won’t be too long before you have to return to your post and finish your tour.”

  She shook her head. “They think about four to six weeks, depending on how quickly my arm progresses in PT.”

  “Then come sit with me.”

  She did as I asked and nodded her head toward the untouched food on the table.

  “You don’t like it, do you?”

  “No.” I grimaced. “Hospital food is disgusting. All I want is a home cooked meal.”

  “Can’t blame you there. That’s the first thing I did when I got home.”

  “I—”

  Our conversation was interrupted by the return of the doctor. “Sgt. Maj. Dunham, how are we feeling this morning?”

  “Fine, sir. The food could be a little better though,” I muttered. Or at least, I thought I’d muttered, until he replied.

  He chuckled. “Can’t blame you for that one. Sometimes I wonder if the food on deployment is better than what we serve here.”

  “I’m a ranger, sir. So that would be an absolute yes.”

  He smiled and picked up my chart from the end of the bed. “All right. Let’s get a good look at this leg.”

  Joey’s eyes immediately darted in that direction. After everything she’d told me the night before, that was one image she didn’t need in her head. I cupped her cheek and guided her face back to mine. “What do you like to cook?”

  She paused for a split second before she realized what I was doing, and the relief that washed through her features told me I’d done the right thing. “Anything really. I love all kinds of food as long as it tastes good.”

  “Do you bake?”

  “Sometimes, but most things don’t come out well. They taste okay, but they don’t look nearly as pretty as they should.”

  I let her continue to talk while the doctor removed the bandages and prodded what was left of the wound. I wanted to flinch but that would alert Joey or the doctor, and I didn’t want to give either of them a reason to question my ability to go home and sleep in my own bed. The sooner the better.

  After an uncomfortable few minutes, during which I decided that Joey wou
ld be cooking me my first meal at home, the doctor replaced the dressing and moved to the end of the bed.

  “Okay, sergeant, I know every doctor you’ve seen before now has told you to move as little as possible, but I need to assess your movement and pain levels. All you’re going to do is move your foot at the ankle.”

  I nodded, then the pain hit. It felt like someone sliced down my thigh with a knife. I wanted to tell him to stop, to pull my foot from his reach, but I didn’t. Instead, I gripped the sheets until my knuckles turned white. That much pain from the simple movement of my foot from side to side. I was screwed.

  “Did that cause you any pain?”

  “No, sir.” I said through clenched teeth.

  Joey looked skeptical, but didn’t say a word.

  “I think in a few days to a week we’ll be able to cast this and give you more mobility than you have now. Good news is the bone is healing like it should, which means you’ll only need to wear the cast for about two weeks before we can remove it again and get you into PT.”

  “That sounds perfect. Thank you, sir.”

  “I want to get you in the cast as soon as possible. I don’t want to have to worry about the smallest movement shifting the bones. I’ll be back tomorrow to check your progress.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Joey joined me on the bed. I could tell she wanted to say something; to question why I’d lied about the pain in my leg. I avoided her gaze. I couldn’t lie to Joey—not directly. I prayed she wouldn’t say anything.

  And she didn’t. Just like our meals in the mess hall, we found a million things to talk about, the TV playing softly in the background but neither of us paying it any attention.

  Eventually my parents showed up to spend time with me. Joey’s discomfort was obvious when she got up from the bed and moved to a chair on the side of the room. Not that I could blame her. Our circumstances were extreme, to say the least, and she’d only met them yesterday.