Apple's Angst

by Rebecca Eckler

  “Well, tonight we’re going to have a blast,” Apple said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Sloan hangs out with all these people who are actors and actresses, and you can meet them and maybe they’ll give you tips on breaking into the business. You could even ask Sloan!”

  “You think?” Happy said, her voice sounding lighter.

  “I’ll make it happen!” Apple said.

  “Thanks, Apple,” said Happy. “We’ll talk later.”

  Apple felt good. It was going to be a great night.

  Apple went to Happy’s house first. Apple always loved hanging out at Happy’s place, and it was months since she had been there.

  “So how is Zen?” Apple asked. Now that Happy and Zen were through, Apple felt she had gotten away with something and was grateful. Happy would never find out about that. She had gotten away with a lot lately, thought Apple. First she had gotten away with not writing Apple’s Angst, and now she was getting away with kissing Zen.

  “He seems fine. We still talk. We’re still friends. In fact, I think he has started to date someone else,” Happy said. She didn’t sound jealous at all.

  “Really?” Apple asked curiously. “How do you know?”

  “I can just tell,” Happy said. Apple knew she couldn’t press the issue, because she would sound overly interested.

  “And what really happened with Therapy Guy?” Apple asked, though her mind was on what girl Zen was interested in. Maybe that’s why he had stopped trying to get in touch with her and not, as she had assumed, because Apple just didn’t respond.

  “Well, it turns out the thrill wore off pretty quickly,” Happy laughed. “Once Zen and I ended it, that spark was gone too.”

  Apple felt relieved. Even if Happy ever found out that she and Zen had kissed, surely she couldn’t be a hypocrite, since she had cheated on Zen.

  “And you and Sloan?” Happy asked. “What’s up with that?”

  “I guess you could say we’re a couple,” Apple said. “Or at least we’re on our way to being one.”

  Apple wasn’t sure how true this was. But Sloan was texting her all the time, and really seemed into her. Of course they were going to end up together. Apple could feel it.

  “Well, I can’t wait to meet him. He’s got to pass my test!” Happy said, just like the old Happy.

  Apple and Happy met Emme and three of her friends at the restaurant. Sloan showed up shortly after, and Apple proudly introduced Happy as her best friend. Happy was in a good mood, and Apple couldn’t help but notice that Sloan was being super-attentive to her. Apple was pleased. She wanted her best friend to like her new love interest, and her new love interest had to like her best friend.

  “I can’t believe how well we’re getting treated here,” Happy whispered to Apple at one point. “I mean, they just keep serving you and you don’t have to wait. And they keep asking if we need anything.”

  “I know, right? I think it’s because of Sloan and his friends,” Apple whispered back.

  “Or because of you,” Happy said, raising her eyebrows.

  “Right.”

  “Seriously, Apple. I know you don’t pay attention to these things, but you’re everywhere. People now know your name just as much as they know your mother’s! You’re all over the Web!”

  Happy, clearly, had had a little too much to drink. On their way out, a photographer asked Sloan for a photograph. Sloan grabbed Happy and Apple on each of his arms, and all three smiled giddily for the camera. They parted ways there. Sloan was moving to another club, but Happy wanted to go home, and Apple knew it was only right to go with her best friend.

  Apple called the car service and they waited to be picked up. When they arrived at Happy’s house, Happy gave Apple a big hug.

  “Thanks for the night. You’re right. It was fun. And Sloan said he’d help me! And I got some really good contacts from some of his friends.”

  Apple was pleased. She knew Happy would love Sloan. She felt like everything was different now, but different in a good way. Change can be good, thought Apple.

  “You’re in the paper again,” her aunt said, standing over Apple, who was still in bed.

  “What time is it?” Apple asked, rubbing her eyes.

  “It’s time for you to get out of bed,” Hazel responded.

  “What’s in the paper?” Apple asked. She was used to this kind of wakeup call from her aunt now. She couldn’t seem to remember a time when her face wasn’t in the entertainment section of a paper or her name wasn’t being mentioned on a blog.

  “Oh, just a great photograph of you, Happy, and that Sloan guy smiling for the camera,” her aunt said breezily.

  “Happy will be thrilled,” Apple said.

  “Well, maybe,” her aunt said, uncertainly. “I mean, she certainly looks beautiful.

  “What do you mean, maybe?” Apple asked.

  “Well, the headline is, um … well, I think it’s pretty hilarious!” her aunt said, laughing. When Hazel thought things were hilarious, they usually weren’t. Like her personality, her humor was unique.

  “What does it say?” Apple asked, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.

  “The headline is ‘Former boyfriend stealer and Angst employee Apple, back on track with best friend. Will they be fighting over Sloan next? Who will win this round?’” her aunt read, adding drum sounds at the end.

  Apple felt sick to her stomach. She had thought that the whole appearance on her mother’s talk show had blown over, that people had short memories and wouldn’t remember. And now it was being blown up even bigger. People were being reminded again of what Apple had done.

  “That’s not funny!” Apple said. “Happy and I aren’t fighting over Sloan. He’s with me. We were all just hanging out. There was nothing at all interesting about that.”

  “That’s why it’s so funny!” her aunt said, laughing. She continued to laugh at her all the way to school.

  Apple worried about what Happy would think of her photograph and that headline. But Happy, surprisingly, didn’t want to talk about it at all.

  “I don’t trust Emme,” Happy told Apple, after Apple rushed into school and, along with Brooklyn, they headed to the washroom to fix their hair and makeup. Happy, in fact, had laughed off the headline in the paper, which made Apple feel relieved. Apple thought Happy actually enjoyed the extra attention.

  “Why not?” Apple asked, blotting her lips on a piece of toilet paper.

  “I just don’t,” Happy said.

  “I don’t either,” said Brooklyn, who was standing with them. Brooklyn never wore makeup. She didn’t believe in it.

  “You don’t trust her because Happy doesn’t,” laughed Apple.

  “That’s not true,” Brooklyn said, looking hurt. “I have my own opinions. There’s something about her vibe that is off.”

  “I have to agree with Brooklyn,” Happy said. “There’s just something off about her. I can’t describe it.”

  “Well, did she say something to you?” Apple asked.

  “No, she was very nice,” said Happy.

  “So, then, what’s the problem?” Apple pressed.

  “Hey, if you like her, we like her,” Brooklyn said, eyeing Happy.

  “Good. Because I do like her. She really looks out for me at work,” said Apple. She didn’t tell them what Emme had done for her. In fact, Emme had done her answers last week again because Sloan had told Apple about an event at the last minute. Emme completely understood that Apple shouldn’t miss it.

  “Good,” said Happy. “But I have to tell you there was something off about her. Just something not genuine. Then again, what is it they say? You can’t trust anyone in this business.”

  Apple thought that maybe Happy was jealous. This was the first time in their lives that Apple had new friends outside Cactus High.

  “You know,” she said, “sometimes I think that we just live in our own little bubble. We’ve all been friends for so long and we never hang out with new people. I’m
not saying that’s bad, but for argument’s sake, would you say that maybe we just don’t know what it’s like to meet new friends, or how to meet new friends?”

  “Maybe,” responded Happy.

  Later that day, Apple headed to the Angst offices, which now felt like a second home.

  “I think you should get paid,” Emme told Apple, out of the blue.

  They were sitting outside catching some rays on a five-minute break. Emme sipped her diet soda.

  “What do you mean?” Apple asked.

  “Well, you’re just giving Angst magazine so much press,” Emme said. “You’re getting your picture taken. Sloan Starr only wanted you to interview him. You’re doing a lot for the magazine, and what are they giving you in return?”

  “An opportunity,” Apple answered, but it came out sounding more like a question.

  “Sure, but you grasped that opportunity and now you’re a celebrity yourself,” Emme said.

  “Oh, I don’t think so,” Apple said.

  “Please! You’re on buses! Your photo is on websites. And it was in the paper again today. Seriously, you’re giving Angst so much more than they’re giving you.” Emme sighed, as if it was all so unfair.

  Apple liked that Emme looked out for her. She should be more like Emme, have more of a business sense. She never would have even thought to ask to be paid.

  “Maybe you’re right,” Apple said, taking in what Emme had told her.

  “I know I’m right. If I were in your shoes and all this stuff was happening to me, I wouldn’t be used like that. I’d demand payment,” Emme said.

  “Maybe you are right,” Apple said again, this time more confidently.

  “Again, I am right. But Fancy Nancy isn’t going to reach out to you and make the offer to pay you. Why would she? But if you get paid, maybe I’ll get paid,” Emme said, winking.

  “Thanks, Emme. I should do this for both of us,” Apple said.

  “You’re welcome,” said Emme, finishing off her soda.

  Apple asked Morgan how she could go about getting some face time with Fancy Nancy.

  “Is something wrong?” Morgan asked, looking concerned. “You’re not thinking of quitting, are you?”

  “No, I just need to talk to her about something,” Apple said.

  Surprisingly, Apple got a call from Morgan less than an hour later.

  “She’ll meet you today at three. She has to be at an event by four, so you’ll have fifteen minutes with her.”

  Apple thanked Morgan.

  “Oh, and Apple, there’s a ton of mail for you here. I’ll get someone to send it down.”

  Apple couldn’t believe the stack of mail that shortly appeared before her. They were all invitations: for charity events, television awards, even birthday parties for people she didn’t know.

  But Apple didn’t have time to look through the stack of mail addressed to her. She had to write her advice column, which was due in the next ten minutes. She whipped it off half-heartedly. Emme, thankfully, was there to help her again, and she seemed to like helping Apple think through the questions. In fact, Apple hated to admit it, but Emme was really good at giving advice. She was quicker at it than Apple was and came up with some really pithy lines.

  At three o’clock, after a quick pep talk from Emme, Apple walked meekly into Fancy Nancy’s office. Fancy Nancy was on the phone and motioned for Apple to take a seat.

  “I’m glad you wanted to meet today,” Fancy Nancy said. “There’s something I want to talk to you about. In fact, I was going to ask you to come meet me today.”

  Apple was surprised. What was it that Fancy Nancy wanted to talk to her about? Maybe she was going to compliment her on all the attention Apple was bringing to Angst magazine.

  “Why don’t you begin, Apple?” Fancy Nancy said.

  Apple immediately felt nervous and wondered if asking for money was a mistake. But Fancy Nancy was looking at her expectantly and with a hint of impatience.

  “So?” Fancy Nancy pressed.

  “Well,” started Apple, “I was just thinking that … well, I think I should be getting paid. Not a lot or anything, it’s just that I am doing a lot of work here and it doesn’t seem fair, exactly, that I’m not getting something in return.”

  Fancy Nancy looked at Apple with an amused smile on her face. Apple hadn’t been expecting that. Fancy Nancy didn’t speak immediately, which made Apple feel even more uncomfortable. Finally, Fancy Nancy spoke, in a tone that was clear as crystal.

  “So, Apple, you think you should be paid. Tell me why, dear,” she asked, as if she was trying not to laugh. Apple felt like it was a trick question and wasn’t sure how to answer.

  Apple definitely wasn’t expecting this. She tried to remember what Emme had told her, that she was bringing a lot of press to Angst magazine, and that they were using her, and that she should be getting something in return.

  “It’s just that … well, I’m bringing a lot of press to Angst and, well, people should get paid,” Apple said, sounding childish.

  “Okay, Apple, I’ll consider your argument. You are bringing a lot of press to Angst magazine,” Fancy Nancy said, drumming her manicured nails on her desk.

  Maybe she had gotten through to her, Apple thought, loosening up.

  “But not all of it, you see, is good press,” Fancy Nancy said, looking at Apple intently.

  “Sorry?” Apple responded. Everyone had told her—Happy, Sloan, Guy, her aunt—that all press was good press.

  “You are out at clubs. Yes, I do read gossip websites. You aren’t exactly sending out a good message or being a good role model,” said Fancy Nancy. “You’re out there partying with your friends in the middle of the week when you should be either doing your homework or working here, at Angst.”

  Apple definitely wasn’t expecting this. She had thought Fancy Nancy would be happy that she was out with celebrities.

  “And, yes, I will admit that you are great on television and there is a ton of buzz about you right now. However, this could go one of two ways. I know you’ve been lazy about your column, which is fine. I’ve seen it time and time again. You’re not the first, nor will you be the last, to get caught up in your fifteen minutes of fame. But consider this a warning,” Fancy Nancy said. “You get only one.”

  “A warning?” Apple asked meekly.

  “Yes, a warning. We here at Angst don’t care whom you date. We don’t care how many celebrity friends you have. You’re here to do a job. You can’t let your personal life get in the way of that. So you are on probation as of now. I warned you at the beginning that at Angst, we are role models. And I wasn’t kidding around. In fact, if you weren’t Bee Bee Berg’s daughter, you wouldn’t have even gotten this warning,” Fancy Nancy said.

  Apple was shocked. She wasn’t going to be getting paid, obviously. Fancy Nancy didn’t seem to care that Apple was bringing press to the magazine. In fact, she seemed disappointed with her.

  “Are we done?” Fancy Nancy asked.

  Apple just nodded. She couldn’t form a sentence, not even to say, “Thank you for your time.”

  “Oh, Apple? One more thing?” Fancy Nancy said, just as Apple was about to walk out. Apple felt her heart beat. Maybe Fancy Nancy realized that she had been a little too harsh and wanted to apologize.

  “You can’t use the car service anymore. That was to get you home from the offices, not to use as your own personal chauffeur to take you home from clubs.”

  Apple had to catch her breath. She felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her. She needed a few minutes alone and couldn’t bear just yet to see Emme. She walked into the kitchen area. Luckily, she was alone. She felt faint and had to sit down. She grabbed a chair at the communal lunch table (where no one actually ate, because they were all chained to their desks) and took a seat.

  “Late night or bad day?” a voice asked suddenly.

  “Oh, Michael, you scared me,” said Apple. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to control the tears she
knew were about to fall.

  And then they did.

  Michael put his coffee cup on the counter and raced over to her. Over the past few weeks, they had had many short chitchats in this area, with Michael always making Apple laugh about something, or Apple making Michael laugh over her outings or her aunt’s wedding-related antics.

  “Oh, dear. Oh, dear, it can’t be that bad,” he said soothingly, grabbing her hand. “Tell me what’s wrong. Is it, you know, that time of the month?”

  Apple couldn’t help but laugh, which came out more as a snort.

  “No, it’s not. It’s just …” Apple said, and started to sob again. “It’s just … well, sometimes it seems like everything is too much, you know?”

  She couldn’t stand to tell Michael what Fancy Nancy had just told her. She felt like she was letting everyone down. And she certainly didn’t want to let Michael down. He had been nothing but supportive to her since her first day. She should have asked Michael if he thought it was a good idea to ask Fancy Nancy for a raise before she had done it. Why hadn’t she thought of that?

  “I think you’re just having a bad day,” Michael said, reaching behind him, grabbing a Kleenex and handing it to Apple. “You have a great life. Fabulous friends, a new hot boyfriend, apparently, a family who love you, not to mention all your Angst fans who read you and watch you on television.”

  Apple started to sob louder. If Michael only knew that Emme was doing more work on Apple’s Angst than she was, that Fancy Nancy was one step away from firing her, that Sloan hadn’t returned either her phone messages or her texts today, that her friendship with Brooklyn and Happy was rocky, that her aunt was furious that she hadn’t helped out on her wedding at all.

  “Think about my life,” Michael said. “I work for Angst 24/7. I go to parties but don’t have that many close friends. Everyone likes me just because they want press in Angst. Or at least that’s how I feel. I can’t really trust anyone, which is probably why I’m single. I don’t know if a guy wants to be with me for me, or because he thinks I can do something for him.”