A Student In Need

by Nicolas Schrammeck

  He shivered as he ran, he could feel his body slowly down, his mind beginning to fog as the cold gripped him tighter and tighter; in the back of his mind he wondered was this how Alex had felt as he sat huddled in front of Leo’s door? The darkness was still laughing at him, still chasing him. He struggled to go on. His body wouldn’t stop shivering making his steps clumsy and uncoordinated. He stepped on a patch of land that was uneven making him stagger and finally fall to the ground. The darkness was laughing louder at him. “JUST LIKE ME! JUST LIKE ME! JUST LIKE ME!”

  He closed his eyes, his sides shaking as he sobbed. “No….no…no. I’m not like you, I’m not like you.”

  He felt like he was falling, his body had gone completely numb from the cold, his heart hammered away in his chest so hard that it was painful. Even drawing breath caused him pain as every muscle in his body ached and throbbed. It took all of his strength to pull his knees against his chest. Above him the darkness was laughing repeating those horrible words over and over again. His mind went to Alex, to the turtle he’d violated and manipulated. “I’m sorry…..I’m sorry.”

  He clutched his knees to his chest. “I’m sorry I broke my promise Alex…….I’m so sorry.”

  CHAPTER 6

  Alex shivered as it began to rain. All around him heavy cold droplet splattered every open surface. He tugged his coat tighter against his body, shivering slightly. In front of him Anthony was shouting. “LEO!? LEO!? WHERE ARE YOU?!”

  Biting his lip Alex did his best to search for any sign of Leo. He’d screamed when the front door to Leo’s house had crashed open, -followed by Anthony’s panicked shouting, calling to Leo who didn’t respond. He’d moved to sake Leo who should have been sleeping next to only to find that the older turtle wasn’t there anymore; he was alone in the bed….naked. The memories of the night had rushed over him. every kiss, every touch, every sound he’d made rushed back to him, spinning in his head until he could think of nothing else.

  They’d fucked…….no, no that wasn't right……there had, been no…..penetration, just a blow job. He’d groaned as those memories washed over him. He’d never felt like that before. He’d never felt like he might explode from the pleasure, or that feeling of security as Leo had picked him up, or the feeling of joy as Leo had kissed him. Everything about last night had been……….. He’d been so wrapped up in his memories that he’d forgotten about Anthony; but was reminded when the door to the bedroom crashed open. “LEO!?”

  He’s sat there frozen as Anthony looked at him for a full 5 seconds. A moment later Anthony had spoke. “LEO’S GONE! HELP ME FIND HIM!”

  They’d searched the house; in doing so Anthony had discovered the back door was wide open, with footprints leading through the backyard and out the gate towards the forest that the house sat on the edge of. And now here they were, moving through the forest, following the footprints that were slowly being washed away by the rain. “LEO?!”

  He almost didn’t recognize the sound of his own voice; it was so filled with panic. Trembling from the cold and fear he scanned the area in front of him looking for anything that might be…… he’s breath caught in his chest as he spotted a form that did not match the area it was resting in. he threw himself at the form dropping to his knees. “LEO!”

  Leo didn’t respond, his eyes were closed, his legs were against his chest and his skin was a horrible pale blue; a sign that the cold was hurting him. “ANTHONY! ANTHONY I FOUND HIM!”

  A moment later Anthony was by his side. He watched as Anthony knelt down next to Leo. “LEO WAKE UP!”

  A second later Anthony slapped Leo, the loud cracking sound echoing through the air; Leo didn’t respond. Anthony swore. “He’s too cold.”

  Alex watched as Anthony pulled off his coat and covered Leo’s body with it. “Get his left side I’ll get his right. We need to get him back to the house.”

  Alex nodded and moved helping Anthony to lift Leo up and drag him between them as they staggered and fumbled back to the house; barely managing to make it back before the rain really began to pour. Grunting Anthony and Alex guided Leo towards the couch before dropping Leo down onto the cushions. In the back of his mind Alex wondered if the panic that tore at his insides was the same panic Leo had felt that night he, Alex had shown up at Leo’s house. He jumped as Anthony spoke to him, his tone a little louder than usual. “Lay down next to him.”

  Alex stared at Anthony who repeated himself. “Lay down next to him. His body is to cold, if we don't warm him up he’ll freeze to death. LAY DOWN NEXT TO HIM.”

  He spoke those last words firmly, leaving Alex no chance to argue. Doing as he was told Alex moved, laying himself down against Leo’s chest. He flinched as he touched Leo’s hand; the normally warm skin was ice cold. A moment later Anthony covered them both with a blanket. “Stay here and try to warm him up. I’ll be right back.”

  Alex nodded and gripped Leo’s hands, guiding them into his own so he could begin rubbing Leo’s hands trying to use the friction to warm them up. He could hear Anthony moving around, when he returned he held a small cup in his hand with a large collection of blankets under his arm. “Can you open his mouth?”

  Alex nodded and gripped Leo’s jaw pulling until the lips parted enough for Anthony to put the cup to Leo’s lips. Alex watched as Anthony slowly poured the contents of the cup into Leo’s mouth before reaching up and plugging Leo’s nose. A few seconds later Leo let out a choked sound as he tried to draw breath. Alex bit his lip as he watched Leo struggle for another moment before opening his mouth slightly; both he and Anthony breathed a small sigh of relief as they watched Leo’s Adams apple shift, a sign that he had swallowed the warm water Anthony had given him.

  Letting go of Leo’s nose Anthony busied himself with piling blankets on top of Leo and Alex. After all the blankets were in place Anthony turned away and set about igniting the fire place, smiling as the flames began to grow in strength heating the room up slowly. Turning back to Leo and Alex Anthony pulled some of the blankets back and laid down behind Leo, wrapping his arms around the cold turtle’s shoulders so he could rub Leo’s arms; sandwiching Leo between their bodies.

  Anthony’s voice was not accusatory or rude; it was filled with genuine concern. “What happened?”

  .Alex took a deep breath before speaking. “Last night……I……….I hurt myself.”

  Anthony looked at him. Alex took another breath before continuing. “I went to bed after we got home but……but I woke up in the middle of the night. I thought I was going to start crying again but……but I got angry instead. I got so mad at Jason I wanted to break something. So I went down to the dojo and started punching the punching bag.”

  Anthony nodded, listening intently to Alex's story. “I guess…….the more I punched the bag the madder I got until Leo came down and tried to pull me away. I……I freaked out and started screaming. I…..I seriously thought Jason was there, that he was in the room; and I was shouting at him.”

  Anthony nodded and spoke. “You had what I call a confrontational meltdown. You mind lashed out at the source of your anger.”

  Alex nodded, shifting slightly he continued. “I…..when I calmed down my hands started to hurt. I guess I’d hit the punching bag so hard my knuckles were bleeding. Leo……he…..he tried to clean them with rubbing alcohol.”

  Alex winced at the memory of the pain. “It hurt so much…..I tried to get away and he…….he……”

  Alex struggled to continue speaking. “He…….kissed me.”

  Anthony nodded. He’d wondered if that had triggered all of this. He watched as Alex fidgeted for a moment before continuing. “We kissed……and then……..we……..he…….did more than just kiss.”

  Alex’s voice was faint. “Did you have sex?”

  Anthony asked his voice completely calm. Alex shook his head. “No……no……we just………he…….”

  Alex’s voice trailed off as again more memories of last night flooded his mind. Memories of the kisses they�
�d shared. Of the touches that had made him shudder and moan with need. Last night had been……amazing, it had been perfect. Last night for the first time in a very VERY long time Alex hadn’t felt like he was being used. When they’d lain together in Leo’s bed afterwards he hadn’t felt dirty, or disgusted because of what had happened. He’d felt……warm. It was an odd way to describe it but that was how he had felt. Leo’s arms had held him close, while Leo’s breath had raced over the back of his neck; making his shivered slightly at the feeling of Leo’s breath racing long his skin. “Why did this happen?”

  His voice was weak with fear. Alex looked at Anthony “Why did this happen? Last night was…..amazing. Did…..I do this to him?”

  Tears began to form in Alex’s eyes. “Did us being together make him freak out like this?”

  He felt guilt well up in his stomach as he looked at Leo. His skin had changed again and was now a few shades closer to its normal color; but he was still cold. Anthony reached out and touched Alex’s hand. “No Alex. You didn’t do this. Leo…….Leo has some demons in his past. Ones that he doesn’t like to talk about. I think last night triggered one of them. But it wasn't your fault.”

  Anthony squeezed him hand. “Please understand. It’s not your fault.”

  Alex bit his lip but nodded. They stayed like this for hours, slowly heating up Leo’s body until it had returned to the shade of green it normally was. Leo slowly began to show signs of life, moaning, and moving. Alex blushed as he felt Leo shifted a bit closer to him. Behind Leo Anthony chuckled. “He likes your scent.”

  Alex looked at him. “My scent?”

  Anthony nodded. “Turtles identify each other through scent. That’s how Leo knows which of us is you; even with his eyes closed.”

  Alex looked down at Leo who moved in a bit closer again, his beak and chin nuzzling against Alex’s neck. “He knows your scent.”

  Alex looked back at Anthony who was smiling at him. “He’s comforted by it.”

  It was true since he’d shifted closer Leo’s body was beginning to relax. “He cares about you Alex. I think…..it’s possible he’s in love with you.”

  “How do you know?”

  Alex’s voice shook slightly as he spoke; he could not help but be slightly afraid of Anthony’s answer. Anthony sighed. “Do you know how long Leo and I were a couple?”

  Alex shook his head. “About 5 years; since we were in our junior year at college. In those 5 years can you guess how many times we had sex?”

  Again Alex shook his head. Anthony sighed; Leo was going to hate him for this. “About 11 times. We had sex 11 times in 5 years.”

  Alex’s eyes widened. He’d expected the number to MUCH higher. “Leo……he doesn’t take sex lightly. He may be great at. He’ll make you feel things that you didn’t even think were possible but…….but it scares him.”

  Alex continued to watch as Anthony’s face became pained. “He’s scared that during sex his darkness will come out. That the pain of his past will come out and take over and make him…….make him into a monster.”

  Anthony looked back at Alex. “You said you two kissed. Did you kiss him or did he kiss you first?”

  Alex was silent for a moment. “He kissed me.”

  Anthony nodded. “That’s how I know he loves you. He kissed you first.”

  Silence lapsed between Anthony and Alex as they lay there slowly warming up Leo who continued to show more signs of life, mumbling and shifting closer and closer to Alex. After another hour Leo began to shift his movements no longer sluggish but deliberate. “Leo? Leo can you hear me?”

  Anthony’s voice was gentle and kind. “Leo?”

  Alex watched as slowly one of Leo’s eyes opened and looked up at him. “Leo…..”

  Alex felt joy leap in his chest as Leo looked at Anthony. He was ok; Leo was ok. Slowly he felt Leo looked up at him. “Alex…?”

  Alex nodded. “Yeah….it’s me. Anthony’s here too.”

  Slowly Leo shifted looking to Anthony who spoke. “Leo….I want you to lie still for a moment and think. What happened?”

  Leo was silent for several minutes as he strained to remember. “The darkness…….it…….it was laughing at me. Telling me I was……that I was ‘just like him’.”

  Anthony nodded. “Why was it laughing at you?”

  He needed to do this slowly. Needed to help Leo remember what had occurred between him and Alex last night; and to help him understand that they hadn’t done anything wrong? “Alex……was hurt…….I…….bandaged him…….and then……..”

  All at once Leo’s eyes flew open and he moved to sit up. Grabbing Leo’s shoulders Anthony kept him lying down. “No, no…..Leo you don't get to freak out again; cause I’m not gunna drag your ass back here if you do. Use your words what did you do after you bandaged Alex’s injuries?”

  Alex watched as Leo drew a deep shuddering breath. “I……I kissed him…..I…….I…….I took advantage of him.”

  Alex felt tears well up in his eyes as Leo spoke. Leo hadn’t taken advantage of him, last night had been…..amazing. Anthony watched as across from him Alex fought back tears at Leo’s words. “Leo….Leo I want you look at Alex now.”

  Leo shook his head “No….no…..no. I can't.”

  Anthony growled speaking in a firm and slightly aggressive tone. “LEO LOOK AT ALEX.”

  Alex watched as slowly Leo looked up at him, tears forming in the older turtle’s eyes.

  Their eyes connected. Alex’s fearful blue eyes with Leo’s pain filled eyes. After a moment Anthony spoke. “Alex, do you think Leo took advantage of you last night?”

  Alex shook his head, watching as Leo looked away shaming filling his face. “Leo, keep looking at Alex.”

  A moment later Leo looked back up at him. “Now Alex…I want you to tell me about what Leo did to you last night. I don't need to know about the……physical details but, how did they make you feel?”

  Alex took a deep breath before speaking. “Last night was…….the best night of my life.”

  Leo’s eyes widened at Alex’s words. “Last night Leo was so gentle and….caring. He made me feel like I was loved. Like he wasn't just using me for sex but that……that he cared about me.”

  As he spoke Alex looked Leo in the eyes; praying the older turtle could understand the meaning in Alex’s words. He had no real way to describe last night. No real way to tell Leo just how wonderful last night had been for him. He smiled at Leo as the older turtle reached out, their hands touching each other’s. “Alex…….I………I….”

  A second later Leo flinched and pulled away balling his hands into fists and pressing them against his face. “NO…..NO…..I’M NOT LIKE HIM. I’M NOT LIKE HIM. I’M NOT LIKE H-”

  A second later Leo’s words were cut off as Anthony slapped him. “DAMN IT LEO, LISTEN TO ME. YOU’RE NOTHING LIKE HIM. YOU DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALEX.”

  Leo continued to shake. Anthony growled and pulled Leo’s hands away from his face. “You helped Alex. You bandaged him up when he was hurt.”

  Leo shook even harder. “But….I…….I forced myself on him…..I….”

  Again Anthony slapped Leo. “NO YOU DIDN’T. GOD DAMN IT LEO ADMIT IT; YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH ALEX.”

  Tears began to form in Leo’s eyes as he began to shake even harder. Again Anthony slapped Leo, “SAY IT.”

  For a moment Alex though Leo was going to pass out. Leo’s entire body was tremble, tears covered his face, and his voice shook as he spoke. “I’m…….I’m…….I’m in love with Alex.”

  Alex felt his breath hitch in his chest as Leo spoke those words. He watched as Anthony nodded. “Why did you kiss Alex?”

  Leo took another breath that made his sides shake. “He…..he was in pain and…..and I couldn't think of any other way to comfort him.”

  Anthony nodded. “So you kissed him to make him feel better?”

  Leo nodded, slowly turning to look at Alex. “You…..you were in pain……and I…….I didn’t want
you to be in pain.”

  Alex smiled, reaching out to again take Leo’s hand. “When you kissed me; I was so happy. I felt like my heart was going to explode it was beating so fast. You were……you were gentle and loving and…..I was so happy.”

  He watched as Leo slowly reached out to cup his face. A second after their skin touched Leo flinched, moving to pull away from Alex, who reached up and gripped Leo’s wrist keeping Leo’s hand against his face. “Don't pull away from Leo. Please don't pull away from me.”

  Leo looked at him his eyes filled with tears. Alex squeezed Leo’s hand, willing him to understand the complex wave of emotions that was rushing through him. He watched as shame welled up in Leo’s eyes. Biting his lip Alex spoke. “Leo……..you have to understand…..you HAVE to believe me, last night was the best night of my life. You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise…..you didn’t take advantage of me.”

  Leo continued to tremble but nodded. Taking a deep breath Alex continued. “Last night you were so gentle and loving. Last night……I felt loved.”

  It was Leo’s turn to move, Alex shuddered as he felt Leo’s arms gently wrap around his shoulder. “Alex……I………..I……”

  Leo’s entire body was trembling as he struggled to say those last two words. The breath came from his lung in ragged gasps, his arms trembled and he felt his heart pounding in his chest so hard that it hurt. “I…….I…..”

  Why was it so hard for him to say it? Why was it so hard for him to say that he loved the young turtle that he was holding in his arms? “I……I…..”

  Alex moved. He couldn't watch Leo struggle like this anymore. Leaning forward Alex gripped Leo’s shoulders and pulled Leo in closer, their lips meeting in a gentle but desperate kiss. He held Leo as firmly as he could willing Leo to understand how he felt. He felt Leo struggle for a moment; his heart sinking. Slowly Leo stopped struggling going limp for a moment before…. Alex felt his heart swell as Leo began to kiss him back, gently leaning into the kiss. They broke apart as their lungs began to ache, Alex gasping for breath while Leo looked at him. “I love you.”