I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3)

by Faith Sullivan

  Ironically, my dreams ended the night Adam climbed down my balcony. Like they were done experimenting with me and wanted to see how I’d react to getting to know Adam in the flesh. But just because my dreams stopped doesn’t mean I’m not afraid they’ll come back. They could resume at any time and I have to be ready. I have to be there for Adam.

  I could tell he was upset about not being the father of Kelly’s baby. It must’ve been quite a blow. He was trying to deal with everything else and push it off to the side, but underneath it’s clear he’s hurting. Thinking he was going to be a dad changed his life. Then finding out it isn’t true is the kind of news that sends a person over the edge. But I’m not going to let that happen to him. I’ll pull him up by my fingernails if I have to.

  It’s all about looking on the bright side. I’m away from my father. Yeah, I’m still dealing with a lot of tension, but it doesn’t even compare to what I was dealing with at home. The snide put-downs. The lengthy silent treatments. The screaming matches. Despite all of the drama, Adam’s apartment is like a refuge to me. I want to help him. It’s the only way I can ever repay him for sheltering me and making me feel safe.

  No one’s been good to me like this before. I’m not used to someone being kind and generous when it comes to my well-being. I can’t trust my family, so who can I trust? I don’t know why, but I feel like I can trust Adam.

  Maybe I’m a coward for putting the brakes on what was going on between us, but I’m not ready for something like that. He was definitely moving things faster than I wanted them to go. When he kissed me covered in raindrops, I thought I would be able to follow his lead. But when he stripped in my room, those old fears came rushing back. I didn’t know what he was doing and why he would take his clothes off like that. I felt like I was losing control.

  Then he proceeded to hurry things along at Kelly’s apartment. And the more he pushed, the more I wanted to turn away. I can’t say much for Dr. Savoy’s efforts at curing me. I still feel broken inside. I guess I haven’t gotten over what happened to me at that bachelorette party. Adam entered my life and nothing changed. And I’m terrified to think I’ll always be this way. Too damaged to let anyone touch me or even get close to me.

  Adam shouldn’t have to deal with my troubles on top of everything else. He has to focus on himself. Does it feel good letting him go? No, it totally sucks. He’s the first guy who’s been truly nice to me. I’m not used to it to be perfectly honest. It makes me wonder if something’s wrong if he actually likes me. No decent guy has ever been into me. I really don’t know how to handle it, so what do I do? I shoot him down, taking the coward’s way out.

  Feeling the sparks passing between him and Jada earlier didn’t help either. There’s a connection there, and it’s strong—a lot stronger than they realize. She was trying to put him back together until I entered the picture, blowing her out of the water. Now she’s the one paying the price of Kelly and Dr. Savoy’s antics more than anybody I think. No one messed with her mind, but they sure as hell messed with her heart.

  And what bugs me is that I can’t help liking Jada. She’s tough, strong, capable. The type of girl Adam needs so he can find himself again. He was holding his own until that day in the movie theater parking lot, and I think Jada can help him get back to where he needs to be. She understands him on a level I never will. They’ve seen and done things together that have forged quite a bond between them. She’s been trying to get him to let her in, but he’s held back on account of me. And I’m sick of being the ‘other woman,’ getting in the way of that. No matter how much I’m attracted to Adam, I don’t feel right being the one who’s keeping him away from the girl he’s supposed to be with. It’s not fair to anybody, including myself. I want someone to be thinking only of me, not suffering through the effects of a divided heart.

  My eyes flutter open when I hear some pretty heavy snoring coming from the next room. Good, he’s fast asleep, and I was nearly drifting off. Maybe I shouldn’t fight it. I need to take care of myself in order to take care of him. The last thing I need is to get sick.

  Besides, Kelly’s coming tomorrow. I have to be prepared.

  ***

  I wake up to someone hovering over me.

  “You better get up. It’s already after nine.” Adam nudges my shoulder as I bury my face deeper into the pillow. “I’m gonna go out for a hike, so the shower’s all yours. If you’re hungry, there should be some cereal in the cupboard that’s not too stale.”

  “Can I go with you?” I squint up at him, rolling onto my back.

  “I’m getting kind of antsy, being cooped up in here. I don’t think I can wait around much longer, knowing Kelly’s on her way.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and shuffles his feet, looking ill at ease.

  “Is your phone still off?” I ask, sitting up while drawing away the blanket.

  “Yeah, I gave you my word, didn’t I?” He doesn’t like me doubting him.

  “Don’t get all testy. I just want to make sure. I don’t want it on unless I’m awake to help you through another nightmare.” My bare legs look stark white as I swing them over the side of the couch. Even after a trip to the beach, I’m still horribly pale. I’m only wearing Adam’s shirt, but thank goodness it falls below my knees when I stand.

  “If we can’t get Kelly to stop him…” Adam’s worried—not a good sign.

  “We will. I promise.” I reach for his hand and my touch lingers.

  “Thank you for doing this.” With the way he’s looking at me, I’m acutely aware of my appearance and that my hair is probably one massive tangle. I’m not used to waking up to a guy staring at me.

  “It’s the least I can do after a member of my family dicked us over.” I laugh, and he joins in. I don’t often use profanity, but it just feels right when I’m talking about Kelly.

  “Maybe Dr. Savoy brainwashed her, too.” He tries to make light of the situation, but he can barely hide his irritation from me.

  “How did you two get along before all of this happened? She only mentioned you in passing, never in detail.” I rub one foot across the other, waiting for his response. I’m not sure I’m going to like what he has to say.

  “Ah…you know…we’d tease each other back and forth, flirt a little.” He bends his head and I fear the worst.

  “Did she come on to you before?” As usual, my curiosity runs rampant over my bruised heart.

  “Last year, when we were all at my parents’ house for Christmas, she cornered me under the mistletoe until I kissed her.” He winces at the memory. “I think she’d had too much spiked eggnog. When I went to give her a peck on the cheek, she turned her head at the last minute.”

  “And stuck her tongue down your throat?” I ask, trying to ease his discomfort somewhat. I know what Kelly can be like. Her reputation as the head cheerleader at our high school is notorious. Come to think of it, she even tried to seduce a teacher once.

  “Pretty much. Before I knew what she was doing, her hand was dipping below my belt and her leg was wrapped around my waist.” He scratches the back of his neck nervously. “I had just moved back to Pennsylvania after April dumped me, and it had been a while since I’d kissed anyone. I knew I shouldn’t be doing it, but I ended up kissing her back.”

  “Where was the mistletoe that no one saw you?” I’m trying hard not to be judgmental, but it’s not working.

  “Above the entryway in the foyer. Everyone was busy in the parlor opening presents. I didn’t even hear my mom coming until she interrupted us.” He shifts his hair out of his eyes, but I can’t look at him. “At the time, I was just glad it wasn’t Brian.”

  “What did she say to you?” Jeez, Adam. Talk about putting your mom on the spot.

  “Nothing. She just shook her head as Kelly smirked and walked away. Mom even wiped the lipstick off of my mouth with the napkin she was holding.” He grimaces, no doubt remembering her disappointed expression. “I felt like such a douchebag. Getting caught by my mother, making out wi
th my brother’s girlfriend.”

  “Obviously she never told Brian.” I roll my eyes, wishing she had. Maybe it would’ve prevented all this.

  “She didn’t think it was her place. She said I should be the one to tell him, but I never did.” He exhales loudly. “And when Kelly started kissing me again at my place, I thought that’s all we’d do. That she wouldn’t take it any further, that I wouldn’t let her.”

  “Maybe you didn’t. There’s no way of knowing.” I try to give him some encouragement even though I can’t believe he kissed her again. “If you didn’t get her pregnant, maybe you didn’t sleep together after all.”

  “I can’t remember what went down, and that’s what’s eating me up inside.” His eyes search mine, begging me to forgive him. “I never meant for any of this to happen. She just reminded me so much of you.”

  “Hold up.” I place my hand on his chest. “You were thinking of me when Kelly came on to you?”

  “Yeah. I was drunk and all, but I never would’ve let her touch me otherwise.” He takes a step toward me so my palm rests more firmly against his defined abs. “I had a buzz going on, so I squinted my eyes, pretending she was you. It’s amazing how much you resemble each other—same hair, same eyes, same skin.”

  “But don’t you see? That could be an important part of the timeline that Jada’s trying to put together. Kelly and Brian were here a few days before he left on that business trip, right? So Kelly was probably after you from the start. You were already picturing me as your accident victim.” I back up and search for my phone. “We have to call Jada and tell her. What’s her number?”

  “You’re willing to risk turning on our phones?” He raises his eyebrows quizzically.

  “I think it’s important that she knows, don’t you?” I glance over at him as my phone powers on.

  “But what exactly are she and Brian figuring out? Jada already told us what’s going on. She can’t fix the situation. Only Dr. Savoy can.” He strolls over to the window and peers out. “We’re pretty much on our own from this point forward, wouldn’t you say?”

  “I guess.” Reluctantly, I concede, turning off my phone. “So we’re just sitting ducks until Kelly gets here?”

  “I wouldn’t say that.” Thoughtfully, he strokes his jaw.

  “Well, I don’t know how in the world we’re going to get Kelly to change her mind.” I toss my phone defeatedly into my purse.

  “Let’s just say it’s time to turn the tables, if you have the stomach for it.” He braces his arm against the windowpane and gazes down onto the woods below.

  “I’m game,” I say, not even hesitating.

  “Good.” He turns around, giving me a tight smile. “Because here’s what we’re going to do…”

  ***

  The doorbell rings and I take a deep breath.

  I’m wedged in Adam’s closet, and I’m already starting to feel claustrophobic. I have the door cracked just wide enough to line up Adam’s cell phone with the narrow opening. My thumb is hovering over the record button on the video camera. This had better work.

  I hear footsteps approaching and my heart begins to pound. If Kelly figures out what we’re up to, we’re finished. This is our one and only chance at getting our lives back. I can’t blow it now. I have to suck it up and be brave.

  “My little cousin went to get coffee and donuts? You have to be kidding.” I hear the amazement in Kelly’s voice as she strides into the apartment. “What if she gets lost?”

  “That’s kind of the idea.” Adam leans into her, tickling her ear with his breath. “She’ll be gone for at least a half hour if you want to…I don’t know…do something.”

  Earlier, Adam moved his Neon into a clearing in the woods, hiding it from view. If there’s one thing Kelly can’t resist, it’s a caffeine rush. Even while pregnant, she’s been devouring her one allotted cup of decaf every morning. The whole time we were in the Outer Banks she kept sending me on daily coffee runs, so my absence shouldn’t send up too many red flags.

  “Adam, I’m shocked you’d even mention something like that.” She feigns astonishment, but it’s easy to see that she’s flattered by his proposal. “You’re such a naughty boy. You’re with Katie now. Isn’t one woman enough for you?”

  I want nothing more than to barge out of the closet and deck her one, pregnant or not.

  “Well…she has some issues, you know?” He’s being evasive, well aware that I’m listening.

  “What kind of issues?” Leave it to Kelly to play dumb.

  “Like…with intimacy and stuff.” I can see Adam blush from here. “She doesn’t want to do much and—”

  “I get it. You’re about ready to explode, huh?” She grins up at him. “I can definitely help you out in that department. How much time do we have before she gets back?”

  “About twenty-five minutes.” The clock is positioned on the wall next to the closet, and Adam’s eyes linger on the door to my hiding space. He’d better knock it off or he’s going to give me away.

  “Perfect. We can do a lot in twenty-five minutes.” She takes his hand, guiding him toward the bedroom.

  “Uh, how about out here on the couch?” He seems nervous now, and Kelly picks up on it, ticked that he doesn’t want to go all the way with her.

  “I know I’m as big as a beached whale, but I can still…” He silences her by gliding his fingers over her breasts.

  “I don’t think I can wait that long.” Adam’s nearly breathless as he pleads with her. I try to hold the phone steady, but the yearning in his voice hits me dead on.

  “Oh, you’re that frustrated, are you?” She giggles, shoving him onto the couch. “We’ll start with you first then.” She kisses him deeply then stands back, taking him in.

  “I can’t tell you how much it turns me on, knowing that my baby’s inside of you.” From any other guy, that would sound lame, but from Adam it’s as sexy as hell.

  “Yeah…um…” Kelly pauses, her hands fumbling with the clasp on Adam’s belt. “Me too, babe.”

  “I can’t tell you how much learning the truth has completely turned my life around.” He gasps as Kelly lowers the zipper on his jeans. “I wouldn’t have anything to hold on to if it weren’t for that. I was dying to get you up here so we could be together. It was killing me to have to wait a month before I could have you all to myself.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting about Katie?” Her tone is firm as she tugs on his jeans, pulling them down.

  “She won’t be an obstacle. Just send her back to her father. We’re not clicking at all. She was all I could think about for months, but now that she’s here, I realize she’s not the one I want. I want you.” As he props himself up on his elbows, his mouth finds Kelly’s. Without breaking the kiss, she straddles his lap, her pregnant belly bulging against his chest. His jeans are around his ankles and he’s sitting there in nothing but his boxers. She moves against him and he arches his back to meet her.

  “Ohhhh…” she moans as she yanks her dress up over her knees. “You feel so good.”

  “Tell me how much you want me, baby,” Adam groans, flexing his hips.

  “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted,” she cries, grabbing his shoulders. “There’s never been anyone else who makes me feel like this. Only you.”

  “Not even my brother?” he asks as she throws her head back.

  “I forgot about him…the moment…I saw…you,” she exclaims, rocking against him.

  “There’s no one else?” he presses her while slipping a hand beneath her. “Not your boss or some guy back in Philly?”

  “Fuck…there’s no one…only you,” she utters, panting heavily.

  “Say my name,” he commands, knowing she’s on the verge.

  “Adam…oh, Adam…” She loses it, collapsing onto his chest, completely spent.

  “We got it,” he says, nodding in my direction while rolling out from under her.

  “What are you talking about?” She blinks up at him, confused
. “Got what?”

  “You…on camera,” he states, pulling up his jeans.

  “Oh, Adam, you made a sex tape of us?” She reclines against the cushions, sizing him up. “Now that’s hot.”

  “No, Katie did.” He motions to the closet, and I step out, holding his phone.

  “What the fuck, Adam?” But I’m the one she’s glaring at.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that.” He looks at me apologetically, lowering his head.

  “You only did what you had to do.” I try to play it off, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get the image of Kelly riding him out of my mind.

  “Katie, give me that phone,” Kelly commands, her voice deadly.

  “I don’t think so,” I spit back.

  “Katie!” she barks threateningly.

  “I think it’s something Dr. Savoy would enjoy watching, don’t you?” Adam bends down, getting right in her face.

  “How did you…?” She can’t speak, practically choking on her words.

  “Find out he is the father of your baby?” She winces as he shouts. “Let’s just say a little birdie told me.” Whipping around, he says to me, “Katie, hit send.”

  “Katie, don’t!” She turns absolutely white, her body rigid with fear. Desperate to control the damage, she crawls toward Adam on her knees. “Please, Adam. He can’t know.”

  “What? That you need me to get you off? That he’s not man enough for the job?” The harshness of his insults quickly reduces her to tears.

  “Adam, I need him to support this baby. I can’t raise it on my own.” She grovels at his feet. “He lives in a big house in Cherry Hill. He can give me whatever I want. Please don’t screw this up for me. I have a good thing going here.”

  “You disgust me, you know that?” He leers down at her. “It’s always about the money with you, isn’t it? You’ll do anything to get ahead, even carry the child of a monster like him.”