Kellie's Diary: Decay of Innocence

by Thomas Jenner

  Then some guy said he was going to cook Lydia’s cat! I stood up so I could go stop him, but then I heard Sarah getting mad at him! When I looked outside she was getting REALLY close to his face and yelling louder than I ever heard. She told him he was acting crazy, and that if he touched the cat she would beat the... “f” out of him.

  Ms. Taylor came back inside and tried to get us back to the math lesson. I didn’t care too much anymore, I was really worried about Sarah and Lydia. I think everyone’s been getting mad a lot lately.

  Then we heard guns! Ms. Taylor went back outside, and didn’t come back for a few minutes. Jimmy went outside next, and then he told the rest of us to come out. We all followed him and we saw this BIG truck driving in through the gate! We saw a few shooters on top of the gate and they were shooting outside the fence.

  When the truck got inside they closed the gate. Chris and Howard came out of the truck and said that they had food! Lots of cans of food, enough to last months or even longer!

  A little while ago everyone had a really good dinner together, kind of like a picnic. It’s the most we’ve all eaten in a really long time. And you know what Barbie? Even though I still hate tuna, that was the best tuna I’ve ever had my whole life. There were also some different kinds of vegetables and those little canned sausages. I never really liked those either, but I guess I was so hungry that it actually tasted good.

  Everyone looked like they were in a better mood after that. Lydia got to eat a lot too, and that mad me really happy. She gets really sad when she can’t eat, and she also gets worried when Kitty doesn’t eat. I don’t think any of us will have to worry for a long time now, not about food anyway.

  Kitty is sitting in my lap right now. She usually doesn’t do that. Normally I have Mr. Floppy right there, but I guess they’re sharing the spot. As long as Kitty doesn’t hurt Mr. Floppy, it doesn’t bother me.

  I’m feeling really full, so I think I’m going to go to sleep now. Looks like Kitty is sleeping, so I have to move her back to Lydia’s spot.

  Chapter 28

  June 19, 1995

  Barbie, I think I’m in big trouble. I thought a few days ago was bad, but I think today might be even worse.

  Tommy got bit! He was playing that stupid game with the other boys again, jumping through the hole in the fence to the outside!

  It was after lunch time, and I was taking a walk with Mr. Floppy. I saw Tommy, Max, Richard, Jimmy and a few of the other boys over in the back corner where the broken wood is. I kept saying they need to tell somebody about the hole, but then they said they’d blame it on me if I told anyone! I’ve always hated boys, but it’s times like this I really hate them.

  So they were taking turns crawling through the hole and trying to see who can go out the furthest without getting scared. Same old dumb stuff. I go over there and watch them, and I told them how stupid they are, but they just ignored me.

  Tommy looked around and then looked at me, then jumped out. Then the others said he went all the way back into the bushes! I looked through the hole and I didn’t see him! We started calling for him to come back, but he said he wasn’t scared, and he was going farther! We didn’t see him for a while.

  I think a couple minutes went by and we still didn’t hear anything. Max went through the hole and walked to the bushes, and tried calling for Tommy. We still didn’t hear anything. Jimmy went out too, and I decided to go out too.

  I haven’t been outside the wall in a really long time, so it felt weird, but normal.

  Then we heard Tommy screaming for help! The other boys started moving back, like they were scared! I guess they weren’t that brave in the end. I didn’t even think about it before doing it, but I ran into the bushes. The boys told me to come back but I didn’t listen to them.

  After a few minutes I found Tommy, and I saw a zombie chasing him! I got the gun from the back of my pants… you know, the one Sarah told me to hang on to, and I tried to aim it at the zombie.

  Tommy kept yelling for help, and then the zombie swung its arm and it made Tommy trip. The zombie fell right on him! I was already scared, but now I was freaking out!

  Tommy was holding the zombie by his neck and pushing him off, but the zombie was too big! I kept aiming, but my hands were shaking really bad, and I was afraid I’d hit Tommy too! I finally pulled the trigger, and it knocked me back. But I missed! Then I heard Tommy scream even worse, and when I looked, the zombie was biting his arm! I aimed again, and I shot again, but I still missed! Tommy’s arm was bleeding so much!

  I just… started running. Barbie, I think I’m going crazy, because I ran right at the zombie! I knocked it over and it stopped biting him. I fell over too, but I got up real fast and I grabbed Tommy and started pulling him away. He got up, but I think he was having trouble because he was in a lot of pain.

  We started running, but the zombie started chasing us. We got out of the bushes and back to the wall, and Max and Jimmy were there to pull us back inside. Right when the zombie came out of the bushes, someone else shot the zombie and it died.

  A bunch of the grown-ups were on the other side of the wall and they took Tommy away. They were yelling to get Rita to try and fix him.

  Dan and Michael came up to me and the boys, and asked why we were playing with the wall. I said that I told them to stop, and that Tommy went really far out and got attacked by a zombie, so I went to go help. They asked why there were gun shots, and I said that I had a gun and was trying to shoot the zombie.

  They got mad at me and tried to take it from me, but then Sarah came up and told them to leave me alone. She told them that she gave me the gun because she was teaching me how to use it.

  Sarah told me to go wait in our place, so that’s where I am now. I’m really worried about Tommy. We all know what happens when you get bit… he’s going to die.

  I have to go. Sarah wants to talk to me.

  Chapter 29

  June 20, 1995

  I’m staying home from school today, Barbie. A lot of people are really mad about yesterday. Tommy is in Rita’s room, and he’s pretty sick.

  Sarah is talking to some of the other grownups in town, and Jack is hanging out here with Lydia and me. I don’t have anything to do, because Sarah wants me to stay here and not talk with anyone yet. A lot of people are mad at both of us.

  Sarah had a really long talk with me last night. She told me that she was talking with Dan and Michael, and they were getting mad at her for giving me a gun. She told them that it was so I could protect myself, and that I needed to learn how to use one. They said there was no point, since I missed the zombie I was trying to shoot. She said she got mad at them for saying that, that I at least tried, and that I stopped Tommy from getting eaten alive, but then they said if I shot the zombie, he’d still be okay. I think they’re right - if it wasn’t for me, Tommy wouldn’t be dying right now.

  I told her that I got nervous trying to shoot the gun. She said she understood, that most people get nervous around guns. But she also said that I needed to have more practice with a real gun, and I need to be comfortable shooting at my target. I know that I wasn’t that far away from the zombie, and if I just shot it the first time, Tommy wouldn’t have been bit.

  But if they weren’t playing that dumb game in the first place, none of this would have happened! How did they not think that something like that would happen?? I told them a long time ago that going outside the wall was a bad idea. I told them about all the things I saw when I was out there, but it’s like they didn’t believe me. Then they told me that they would get me in trouble if I told about the hole in the wall.

  I should have just told on them anyway. I’d probably be in a lot less trouble than I am now. Sarah’s in trouble because of me, and I feel even worse because of what happened to Tommy. Even though I didn’t really like the boys, he was at least the nicest of them. Nobody should get bitten by zombies. Okay yeah, we’ve lost a few people before, but it never gets easier to think about.

  Oka
y, I just got back from talking to Sarah again. She had a talk with me and Jack, and she says she’s going to make sure that I keep the gun. She doesn’t want me to tell anyone that I have it, but she’s going to keep practicing with me so I get even better. Jack is going to help too. You know, I just noticed that he almost always does what she says, and he smiles at her a lot. Maybe he likes her, I don’t know.

  Sarah told me that Tommy wanted to see me. I asked if I was even allowed to, and she said that it was okay. They want to be as nice as they can to him, since he’s pretty much going to die now. I’m going to go see what he wants to talk about, so I’ll be back in a little while.

  I’m really sad now. Tommy looks so sick. I know the bite is making him turn... and there’s nothing we can do about it.

  I walked in Rita’s room, and I saw him lying there. His eyes were getting dark, his skin looked kind of red in some parts, like he had a rash. He looked really bad. He had a wrapped bandage around his arm, and it looked like it was still bleeding a little. I felt my eyes water but I stopped myself from crying. He probably doesn’t want to see that.

  Rita told him I was here, and he smiled a little. I guess that’s good, maybe. I saw a chair next to where he was lying down, but I stood up anyway. He told me I could sit if I wanted to, so after a bit I finally did. I didn’t say anything to him, and I had a hard time looking at him. It wasn’t because he looked sick, because I’ve seen worse things, but I just felt so bad about what happened. He’s lying there because of me.

  I asked how he was feeling, and he said he felt sick in his stomach, he had a bad headache, and that all his bones felt sore. He felt really tired, and had a hard time thinking.

  I started telling him how sorry I was that I didn’t shoot good enough to kill the zombie, and that it was my fault he got bit. He said it wasn’t my fault, and he was glad that I was there, because if I wasn’t, he may have gotten eaten. I told him that he got bit anyway, but he said its just one bite, not hundreds. It wasn’t making me feel better about it.

  I told him that I was mad at them all for playing with the fence. He said that he thought it was kind of dumb too. I didn’t understand why would he do it if he thought it was a bad idea. I asked him that, and he said he was trying to prove that he wasn’t scared.

  Then he said something that really surprised me. He said that when he saw me, he wanted to show off. He wanted to show me that he was brave. I asked why, and he said that he kind of liked me. You know, “liked” me.

  He liked me??? I didn’t know what to say to him. But I thought about it for a minute, and I kind of remember thinking he was a little cute. For a boy. Boys are usually kind of weird, but Tommy was probably the least weird. I mean, I didn’t like him like that, but he wasn’t as rude as the other boys. I don’t know, maybe I do? I guess I do. I didn’t think about it much until now.

  I told him that I liked him too. He smiled a lot bigger and put his hand out a little. Since I knew he wasn’t feeling good, I held his hand back. He started coughing, but he still had a smile. He looked a lot more tired.

  Rita told me that it was time to go. I knew what she meant, I wasn’t going to see him again. I told him that I’d miss him and he said he’d miss me too. I got really sad again, and I started sniffing. He told me not to cry, but it made me want to even more.

  Then I came back here. I cried for a little while, but then Sarah came in so I made myself stop. I don’t like crying around her, it’s kind of embarrassing, but she didn’t say anything to me about it.

  It’s getting late, and I’m not feeling good. I’m going to sleep now. I hope.

  Chapter 30

  June 21, 1995

  These days are really getting on my nerves. If someone isn’t getting hurt, or getting lost, people are being mean! You’ll never guess what happened this time. Max threw Kitty over the fence! Can you believe that?

  Lydia came into the room and she was crying, saying that Kitty was thrown over the fence! I asked who did it, and she said it was Max. He was one of the jerk boys jumping through the hole in the fence! She said that she was holding Kitty and Max came up to her and started making fun of her, by saying bad things about me! She says that he was calling me stupid for getting Tommy killed. Lydia says she tried to stick up for me, but then he grabbed Kitty and just threw her over the fence!

  I got up real fast and started looking for Max, and I found him hanging out by the schoolhouse with the other boys. He was laughing about something. I walked over to him and asked if he threw Kitty over the fence. He started getting mad at me! He was saying how we deserved it, since I was the one that got Tommy bit. Barbie, I’ve never wanted to hit anyone before, but I really wanted to right then. I asked what that had to do with the cat, because Lydia didn’t do anything wrong, she didn’t deserve that. He said that Tommy didn’t deserve to get bit, so we were “even.” I said that it wasn’t fair that he was being mean to Lydia because she wasn’t even there. He said so what, that it was just a dumb cat.

  I finally got so mad that I said he should have gotten bit and not Tommy. He told me to go die and then called me a bitch!

  Then I punched him. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I swung my arm and hit him on the side of the head. When he got up he looked like he was going to hit me back.

  Then Sarah stopped us. She asked what happened, and I told her, then Max said I was lying! Lydia said that what I said was true, and that Kitty was gone. Sarah told us to go back home, but when we were walking away I heard her yelling at Max.

  Hey Barbie. I just got done talking to Sarah about what happened. She said she thought it was really messed up what Max did, but I should have just gone to her to get help. Sarah thinks he should be punished, but his dad didn’t agree. So she told Dan and Mike what happened and she offered to go look for the cat. They didn’t like the idea, because it was a waste of time and that it was too dangerous for just a cat, but she kept saying that she didn’t care and she was going to do it anyway. I guess they let her, because she’s packing up to go.

  I know Lydia’s really upset right now, so I should stay with her so she’s not lonely. She’s been crying most of the day, and the rest of the time she was quiet. Then after a while she said she was going to look for Kitty. Sarah told her to stay here because she was already going out to go look for her. Lydia kept on pushing it, so then Sarah told me to make sure I watch out for her.

  I told her I want to help look for Kitty too, but she made me promise to stay here. I don‘t want to just do nothing! I also want to beat up Max, but that’s probably not going to happen.

  When Sarah was packing up, I asked her if she knew how Tommy was doing, and she said he was getting worse. I don’t even know why I asked, everyone knows what happens when you get bit. Maybe there’s a little part of me that still wishes he would get better, but I know that’s not going to happen. She says it’s just a matter of time before he turns. I get sad just thinking about it. She kept saying it wasn’t my fault, but it isn’t changing how I feel.

  When I saw the zombie biting him, I thought about what happened in school a long time ago. So many people died that day. It still scares me to think about even after all this time. It’s been over 2 years. Maybe I’m thinking too much about it and I don’t need to. I figure if things were going to be fixed, it would have been fixed a long time ago.

  I wish I was better with this gun. All that BB gun practice helped, but shooting a real gun is so different. It hits back a lot harder in my hand when I fire it. Sarah says that’s called “kick.” It feels like a kick, that’s for sure. My hands are still a little sore from it. I still have the gun on me, it’s just hidden so no one tries to take it. Sarah says that a lot of people are mad that I had it, but she thinks I need to keep it. She thinks everyone should have a gun. I do feel safer with it, but what’s the point if I can’t shoot right?

  Lydia is sitting by herself on the bed right now. She’s not saying anything, and she’s not really moving. I don’t know what to say to her to ma
ke her feel better. The thing is we’ve never had a cat before Kitty, not even a long time ago. We just had goldfish and hamsters. Having a cat is a lot different. From what I know, cats are good at taking care of themselves. Lydia takes really good care of Kitty, and I know that they’re good friends.

  I already feel bad about Kitty being missing, but I almost feel worse because I have 2 friends and she lost hers. I have you and Mr. Floppy, but her best friend is gone. I’m going to see if she wants to hang out with Mr. Floppy for a while, maybe he can help her feel better. I think Sarah will be able to find Kitty, she’s really good at this stuff.

  Chapter 31

  June 22, 1995

  Lydia’s gone!! I don’t believe this! I woke up this morning and she was gone! I had to wake up Sarah and tell her, and she jumped up real fast, woke up Jack and they both ran out of the room. She told me to stay here, but I need to help find her too! But when I saw how serious Sarah looked when I tried to tell her I wanted to help, I figured it was better that I stay here. She said she’d be back soon anyway.

  I can’t sit here all day though. I don’t want to be doing nothing. I have to help somehow! Oh, and Lydia took Mr. Floppy too! I didn’t think I could be both scared and mad that she’s gone.

  Sarah came back in a few minutes ago. She said we’re all going to look around the town for her. I’m going to get dressed and head out.

  We didn’t find Lydia anywhere, Barbie. We’ve been looking for hours - we checked every rv here, every other vehicle… We asked everyone in town and nobody’s seen her anywhere! I’m so worried about her.

  The only thing left for us to do is start looking on the outside for her. Sarah told me that she was going to go. I said I was going too, but she’s making me stay here! I don’t get it, why can’t I help? I asked if she didn’t trust me because of what happened, but she said that wasn’t why I had to stay, she just wants to make sure that I’m safe while she’s finding Lydia.