After the Before

by Gomez, Jessica

  I have to admit I’m turned on; my breathing is as heavy as his. However, his grasp begins to get rougher, almost desperate. I’m slowly losing interest in this make out session when his fingers travel back down and tuck into the waist of my pants. This is moving faster than I had expected.

  “Wait. Andrew, stop.” I try to push his hand away, but he resists. “Andrew!” my voice is sterner and I push at him harder. This time he leans back.

  “What? What’s wrong?” It’s clear stopping is the furthest thing on his mind. His hands are still roaming over me.

  “I can’t do this here.” I say.

  The look on Andrew’s face is one of frustration. “Alright, you want to go back to your room?” He thinks that we are going to continue what we started.

  I sit up and pull away from him to tug my shirt down, feeling too exposed. “Would it be alright if I turned in early? I’m still not feeling too well.”

  A small amount of understanding shows on his face. “I almost forgot you’ve been sick.” He stands and helps me to my feet. “Let me walk you to your room.” He links arms with me and smiles, kissing me one last time before he walks me back to my room.

  I turn to him when we reach my door. “Thank you. It was a really nice evening.” A sly smile cocks up at the side of my mouth.

  “No, thank you. It was my pleasure.” He purrs and backs me up against the corner of the doorjamb. When it hits my back, shooting pain flies up my spine, but I’m able to hold back the gasp. He kisses me, but all I can think about is getting my damn back off this doorjamb.

  “Save it for tomorrow.” I whisper against his lips.

  “Oh?”

  I nod and turn to open the door to my room.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He calls to me as my fake smile disappears behind my hotel door.

  I lean against the wall for a minute, waiting for the pain to subside. I wish he hadn’t shoved me back so hard.

  “Have a nice time?” Molly’s snotty voice asks. Molly is standing in full view of the door, witnessing the entire scene.

  Great.

  “Yep.” I muster up the last of my strength and move to my bed.

  “That’s nice. I’m going out, and I don’t know what time I’ll be back.”

  “Okay.” I say, not caring where she’s heading.

  I think of taking a warm bath, hoping it will help to heal my bruises faster than they would on their own.

  Molly waits, probably expecting me to ask if I can come. When I ignore her, she huffs and walks out the door, letting it shut with a loud click.

  “Finally alone.” I say aloud.

  I head straight for the bathroom and fill the giant bathtub with bubble bath and hot water. I couldn’t think of a better place to be right now. Avoiding the mirror entirely, I sink into the tub and disappear from the world for a couple of hours.

  Chapter Twenty

  Alex

  “Where are you going to be later, baby?” Angeline asks.

  “That depends.”

  I’m leaning into her, saying all the things she wants to hear, and its working like a charm. She’s here on vacation, blah, blah, blah. She’s also tall and Mexicana, with silky caramel skin, long legs to die for, and a rockin’ rack to complete the package.

  “On what?” She teases.

  “On where you want me to be.” I know she’ll eat this up because they always do. I can’t help it my parents gave me the genes to look so good, but they did, so I don’t waste them.

  She blushes and smiles, proving that I have her hooked already. My hand finds its way to her hipbone and I step into her. “Where do you want me to be, mamacita?” I whisper in her ear before I brush my lips against her cheek.

  I am working so hard to be into this girl, but the only girl I truly want is Jasmine.

  Angeline provides a great distraction when she puts her lips on mine. They’re warm and feel good. I numb my thoughts and kiss her back, my tongue finding hers without any horseplay, straight and to the point. The hoots and hollers start from my friends, egging me on. I feel her lips break into a smile against mine, listening to the cheers. She likes the attention.

  “You guys want to come back to our beach house?” She’s biting her lower lip. I know if I go, I’m gonna get laid… so why am I hesitating?

  “Si.” I say and kiss her again.

  I turn to the rest of my crew and tell them that we’re moving the party to their place. This receives more hoots and hollers from them, especially since some of them have already gotten their hands on beer, and already getting out of hand.

  “Carlos.”

  I flick my head to the two idiots acting like fools. Nobody is going to make me look bad. If you’re in my gang, what you do affects me, and if you act like a fucking idiot, that makes me look like one too. There’s no way I’m going to let that happen.

  Carlos walks over and threatens the two guys. They look at me and feel what I’m saying, nodding their heads in apology. I flash our gangs sign back to them, letting them know they’ve been warned.

  Angeline is watching me and seems to be drooling now. “Ready?” She asks.

  “I am now.” I take her by the waist and lead her to the driver’s side door of her car.

  Once we’re there, she leads me straight to her room. We are barely through the door before things get hot and heavy. Our clothes are flying off, the only thing left are her panties and my briefs. I’m sliding my fingers over her panties, encouraging her to ark and undulate beneath me.

  “Do you have a condom?” She asks, out of breath.

  I pull back from her. Shit. The look on my face tells her my answer, but I say it anyway. “No. You?”

  She shakes her head. “We can just be careful, if you want.” She offers, meaning to pull out.

  I’m not into that shit. If it’s not wrapped, it’s not happening. For me to meet this girl and get it on with her in the same day, who knows how many people she’s been with, or what she has. “Sorry, muñeca. That’s not how I play.” I lay next to her on the bed, waiting for my breathing to calm down.

  “Hey, the party doesn’t have to stop just because we’re not having sex.” The look on her face is seductive. What is she up to?

  I get my answer.

  She leans over me, kissing my neck, my chest, and down my stomach. Her kisses are sloppy and wet, like I’m getting bathed by a dog. I’m thinking about stopping her when she reaches my briefs and pulls them down to my upper thighs, enough to expose my erection. She gives me one more enticing smile before her face disappears.

  My mind is going wild. Should I? Shouldn’t I? I feel like I’m cheating without even being in a relationship. Then, picturing Jasmines face, I know there is no way I can continue.

  “Hey.” I call to my spicy date. When she leans up with a question of why I’m stopping her, I say, “Lets postpone this until tomorrow. We’ll have more time then.” I know I won’t be able to do this tomorrow either, but it gets me out of the situation until then.

  We hang out with the others for a while after we’re through messing around, making plans to kick it the next night. I’m relieved to have made plans. Tomorrow night is Jasmines date with señor douchebag. I have to keep my mind occupied, off of Jasmine, and Angeline has been doing a pretty good job.

  We’re getting ready to leave so we don’t miss our 1:00 am curfew. The school has been cool in setting it late for a bunch of teenagers. Of course, I only chose to obey it because I have nothing else going on tonight.

  “So, we can finish what we started tomorrow night?” Angeline whispers in my ear before she kisses me goodnight.

  “Be prepared.” I tell her, not knowing if I want to finish this business.

  “Buenos noches, chulo.” She waves at me from the door.

  “Hasta manana.” I yell over my shoulder, not as into her as I should be. She’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but at this point, I’m not sure what my fucking problem is, and I refuse to concentrate too deeply on the subject.r />
  We’ve only walked a couple of blocks when Carlos falls into step with me, leaving the rest of the gang walking ahead of us. “You hit that?”

  “Nah.” I shake my head.

  Carlos laughs. “How come? It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain someone, now would it?”

  “We didn’t have a condom.” I leave the answer short and sweet, because yeah, part of it’s because of Jasmine. Okay, so all of it’s because of Jasmine. Any one of my homies would have probably had a condom, so all I had to do was ask.

  To prove my point, Carlos says, “Shit man. I carry more than a few at all times, you could’ve asked.” He watches me to see how I will respond.

  “Make up date’s tomorrow. She’s bringing the supplies.” Hopefully he will shut up about Jasmine if I tell him I’m going to have my way with the spicy Mexicana.

  “Nice.” We walk a few more blocks before he speaks again. All hope of him letting the Jasmine thing go has fled out into the night. “You like her, don’t you?” His voice is serious.

  “I’ve only known her for a day. And if she’s letting me get into her panties already, I don’t think I want to keep her around.” I laugh, trying to keep the conversation light.

  “You know who I mean.”

  I breathe out heavily. “Carlos, do we really have to go there tonight?”

  He lifts his hands up, surrendering. “All I’m saying jefe, is you better make a move before that pendejo, Andrew.

  “I know.” The words slip from my lips before I can stop them. I think Carlos can tell I’m panicking for letting him in on my secret that I do like Jasmine, but instead of giving me shit, he tries to reassure me.

  “Alex, it’s alright to like her, man. You can do whatever you want. Fuck what everyone else thinks.”

  His words make it sound like it would be easily done, but that’s not the truth. My mom would freak, her mom would freak. I would be getting her involved in my gang shit. If she is with me, she would be caught up one way or another. She could be used against me, and always in danger, and I couldn’t risk her that way; it would be selfish.

  “Are we on Montel? Are we having a corazón a corazón?” He laughs when I ask him if we’re having a heart to heart.

  “Nah, just giving you a good kick in the culo.” He smiles at me. “She’s a nice girl, Alex.”

  “That’s why I’m trying to stay away from her.” I’m spilling all of my worries now. Man, I need to shut up.

  Lucky for me, that’s the last thing Carlos says about her. He probably noticed my mood changing. I’m finished talking about Jasmine.

  Ten minutes to one, we’re back at the hotel. I dismiss myself and head for my room, hoping the evil roommate is asleep already.

  No such luck.

  When I get to the room, he’s on the phone, whispering sweet nothings to the person on the other end. A flash of Jasmine crosses my mind, one of her laughing and talking dirty to him on the other line. Thinking of them together sends my blood boiling. I head straight for the bathroom to keep myself from ripping the phone out of his hand, just so I can punch that smile off his face.

  I splash water on my face and stay in the bathroom until I hear him say goodnight. There’s some movement and then quiet. I figure the coast is clear when silence is the only thing I hear.

  I head to my bed and pray that sleep claims me fast.

  The next morning when I wake up, Andrew is already gone. I look at the clock and realize that it’s closer to lunchtime than breakfast. I jump in the shower, not wanting to waist any of my time here. How often am I going to be able to come to Hawaii? Never, so this is it for me.

  I get this stupid urge and I grab my cell. I have six missed texts and one missed call, a few from the guys, one from Angeline, and another from mi Madre. I make a mental note to call my mom back later after she gets off work. Instead, this urge leads me to text Jasmine.

  “‘What R U doing 4 lunch?”

  After forty minutes and no response, I say forget this shit and head out. I’m hungry and wait for no one. Even though I just sat and waited for forty minutes.

  Whatever.

  The restaurant in the hotel is open twenty-four hours, so I head there. Some of the other seniors are there already. Some nod, some wave, others just stare at me as I pass. Since I have become part of Infierno Guerrero, people avoid looking at me, as if making eye contact with me will be grounds for kicking their asses. Most of them are probably right.

  The restaurant is as fancy as the rest of the hotel. It has the high arched ceilings, with some kind of lightwood that accentuates the walls, brightening them even more. Tables are spread around sporadically, some in the middle of the room, others next to open windows, enjoying the light air.

  There’s a seat at the bar and I take it.

  After looking over the menu, I order a burger and fries, nothing special. Taking a drink of my Coke, I spot Jasmine a few tables over. She’s smiling and laughing, but the pinch in her eyes tells me she faking it. The glitch satisfies me, making my stomach do weird things.

  Next to her is my roommate. He must have left early to meet her here. It’s not enough for them to have a steamy date tonight, but they have to have lunch together, too. This is why she never texted me back? My body warms with anger. She chose him over me... Again.

  The waiter sets my food in front of me, but I’m too preoccupied to eat any of it. I watch as Andrew leans over and whispers something in her ear, then she nods and smiles at him. He kisses her, not on the cheek, not on the head, but full on the lips. I think he tries to sneak in a little tongue but she pulls away. His smile stays plastered on his lips, even though he looks none too pleased about the rejection.

  He gets up and walks toward the bathroom. The look on Jasmines face says she’s relieved he’s gone. She’s flicking the food on her plate around with her fork, looking deep in thought. I can’t help but wonder if she’s thinking about Jace? Senior year, and especially senior trip, was something they both couldn’t wait for, and they talked about it all the time. I know Marisol has crossed my mind a few times since we’ve been here; she would have loved this place. She would have graduated last year and headed off to college by now if things had ended differently.

  I blink away the thoughts and glance around the restaurant. Over by the restrooms, Andrew is leaning against the wall, talking to Molly Masters, a smoking hot senior. Unfortunately, she knows it and is a complete puta, but man, if you could hit it and quit it, why not?

  Molly is flirting and flicking her hair enough times to get whiplash. To my surprise, Andrew is leaning into her, returning the vibes, reminding myself of me last night with Angeline. A flitter of hope fills my chest. Maybe this is who he was on the phone with last night. I glance back at Jasmine, who is still playing with her food, lost to the world around her. Not that she can see Andrew, a large decorative wall of small palms and bright flowers block her view to the restrooms.

  What does he think he’s doing? My eyes narrow in on him, as if I can shove my warning down his throat with only a glare. He remains unaware, impervious to my stare down.

  He leans into Molly and says something that makes her laugh. She nods and walks back to her table, glancing back about half way there. Andrew walks back to Jasmine, declining to use the restroom.

  Jasmine snaps back to reality when he sits down and gives him her best smile. Man, she is good at faking her emotions. I know what it looks like to hold back your real emotions and put on a mask that you think people want to see… It’s a gift.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket, distracting me from Jasmine and Andrew. I probably need to stop staring at them like a freaking stalker, before people start to notice. Flipping the phone open, my screen reads Carlos.

  “Carlos. Qué pasa?”

  “Nada. What time are we hooking up with Angeline and her friends? I want to get some supplies before we get together.”

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t called her back yet.” I finish off my coke, my food no
longer appetizing.

  Carlos laughs. “Alright, that gives me enough time to get the party supplies.”

  “What kind of supplies?” I ask, intrigued.

  “The party kind.” Meaning beer and weed.

  “Fine, but nobody gets stupid.”

  “They know, jefe.”

  I roll my eyes at him. I’ve told him several times he shouldn’t call me boss all the time. “Stop calling me that.”

  “You’re the boss, man.”

  “I’ll call her after I’m done with lunch.” I assure him. He was getting way into one of Angeline’s friends when I was ready to leave last night. Since I’m the boss, as he says, they leave when I leave.

  “Let me know.” He says and hangs up.

  I put the phone back in my pocket and glance at Jasmine, only to find her and Andrew’s table empty. They left while I was talking. I groan to myself, irritated that I missed them leave.

  Mierda. I am a stalker.

  I push my uneaten plate of food away and leave the hotel, dialing Angeline’s number as soon as I hit the sidewalk.

  She answers right away. “Alex! Hey. I was waiting for you to call.” Of course she was, they all do…

  ‘Except for Jasmine.’

  “Hey, what are your plans tonight?”

  I can hear her giggle excitedly. It sounds like her friends are surrounding her while she talks on the phone, their giggles coming through the line as well. “Whatever you want to do.”

  “Meet us down at the beach. There’s a spot a few miles away from the hotel, it’s supposed to have nice swimming. You up for a swim, mamacita?”

  “Yeah, I am. I know the spot. What time?”

  “Sunset.”

  I can hear the other girls whispering in the background. “See you there, novio.”

  She calls me boyfriend, and even though there is no way in hell that will ever happen, I neglect to correct her and hang up the phone instead.