One Step At A Time

by Caroline Anderson

  Kate swallowed. ‘I’d take it on—if I felt we had a future.’

  His eyes were steady, searching her face. ‘Would you? You’re crazy. It’s body and soul, Kate—especially living on the job. Patients come and ring the doorbell at all hours of the day and night; they come in the garden and they interrupt my meals to talk to me—it’s twenty-four hours a day, eight days a week. I’m not sure you could stick it.’

  ‘Do I get a chance?’

  He looked at her, then down at the ground. ‘I don’t know. You hurt me, Kate,’ he told her, his voice gruff. ‘I don’t think you can have any idea what it did to me when you told me to go.’

  She almost reached for him, but it wasn’t the time yet. Anyway, she wanted answers of her own. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ she told him honestly. ‘I thought that was what you wanted.’

  His eyes met hers, and the pain in them nearly made her cry out. ‘No. Never. I thought that once I was back in the same hospital you’d relent, ask me to come back, but you didn’t.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘You didn’t want me! You were having affairs with all those nurses—’

  ‘Very few, and certainly not at first.’

  ‘One would have been enough,’ she said painfully. ‘I wasn’t having affairs. We were still married—I couldn’t. But it didn’t seem to stop you.’

  He let out his breath on a short sigh. ‘I was trying to make you jealous—trying to push you into coming after me.’

  ‘After you?’ she said in amazement. ‘You thought I’d come after you? Nick, I hated you for it. I wanted to crawl into a corner and die, I was so humiliated. You didn’t make me jealous. All you did was hurt me and make me hate you.’ She paused, then added in a small voice, ‘Even then I still loved you. What a fool I was.’

  His knuckles were gentle on her cheek, brushing away the tears. ‘You didn’t ever show it, Kate. All I ever saw of you was your back. If I came into a room, you left it. When I picked Stephie up, you hardly looked at me.’

  His fingers, blunt and strong, tipped her chin gently up so that she met his eyes. They were brilliant blue, over-bright and filled with agony. ‘How was I supposed to know that you still loved me?’ he whispered rawly. ‘You never gave me the slightest sign.’

  ‘I was hurting,’ she told him, her voice breaking round the tears. ‘I just wanted to run away but I couldn’t, because of Stephie.’

  ‘Ah, Kate—where did we go wrong?’ He eased her into his arms and she went, grateful for his solid strength. He smelt warm and musky and very masculine, and so heartbreakingly familiar that fresh tears welled in her eyes.

  ‘I don’t know. We never talked. We were never alone, except in the small hours of the night, and then we made love in silence for fear of being heard.’

  ‘We should have made time,’ he said fervently. ‘We shouldn’t have let it all drift away from us as we did.’

  There was no time to make,’ she reminded him. ‘Any time we had was for Stephie. There was nothing left for us.’

  There should have been. We should have found some time.’

  But they both knew that there had been none to find. ‘We should have just stuck it out and waited for things to get better—got a place of our own.’

  ‘And what about Stephie? However much I resented it, we wouldn’t have got that far without your parents’ help. We were stuck, Kate. We just didn’t have the maturity to deal with it.’

  She tipped her head back and looked into his eyes. ‘And do we now? You’re as busy as you ever were—more so, probably. You’ve got used to being on your own, to filling your time and pleasing yourself. I’m not sure there’s a place for me and Stephie with you even now, unless you’re prepared to make some changes.’

  He held her eyes for an age, then looked away. ‘I can’t,’ he told her flatly. ‘I thought you understood that.’

  She eased out of his arms, moving away. ‘So I have to give again—everything. I can have the scraps left at the end of the day, and that’s all? And when will the day end, Dominic? Five in the morning, like yesterday did?’

  He thrust his hands through his hair, leaving it in disarray. ‘I needed to give you some answers. You needed to know the financial position.’

  ‘Why?’ she asked, whirling round to face him again. ‘What possible relevance is the financial position to our future?’

  He stabbed his hands into his hair again. ‘Don’t be obtuse, Kate. The place isn’t doing well. Medically it’s a great success, but financially it’s very fragile. You needed to know that.’

  ‘Why? Will I stop loving you if you’re not rich, is that it?’

  Their eyes locked. ‘I have no security to offer you,’ he told her emphatically.

  ‘And you did sixteen years ago? Dominic, money has nothing to do with it. That’s not what this is all about.’

  ‘It is for me,’ he replied doggedly. ‘I have to make it work, for everybody’s sake. I wanted it to be secure before I came back to you and—’ He broke off, turning away with a tight sigh.

  ‘And what, Dominic?’

  He hesitated for an age, then finally he spoke. ‘I was going to ask you to come back to me. Not to work here, just to live. You’ve got your own career—’

  ‘Have I?’ she interrupted. ‘What career is that? A locum?’

  ‘Nevertheless.’

  She studied his back. ‘Would you have asked me to help if you hadn’t hurt yourself?’ she asked him.

  He paused. ‘No. No, I wouldn’t.’

  ‘So you didn’t want me working with you?’

  ‘I didn’t think it was fair to ask. It’s body and soul, Kate.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be like that.’

  He sighed. ‘I know, but it works like that. It’s what makes the clinic special.’

  Kate shook her head. ‘No. Teamwork makes the clinic special. People just take advantage if you let them. You have to have times and places where you’re off limits except in emergency. It’s necessary.’

  ‘But I’m needed, Kate, and I can’t turn people away.’

  She looked him in the eye. ‘You’ve turned me away. You’re trying to do it again.’

  ‘No. I just want you to know what’s involved. You couldn’t stick it before, Kate. Our relationship fell apart because we didn’t see enough of each other. I’m not sure we’ve got what it takes, and I’m not sure I’m brave enough to try again.’ He made a helpless gesture with his hands. ‘I can’t change, Kate. I can try, but I’ll fail. It’s too much to expect you to understand—to take all this on board too, take it to your heart as I have and share it with me. I can’t give it up, but I’m not sure I can ask you to take it on.’

  ‘Oh, I’ll take it on,’ she said softly. The only trouble is, will you let me? Will you share it? Delegate some of the responsibility to me? Could I do a course in acupuncture and take that over from you? I could have a refresher course in anaesthetics so you could do surgical procedures under GA without having to employ an anaesthetist—but would you let me do it?’

  He leant against the car and studied her searchingly. ‘Why would you want to?’

  ‘Because I love you,’ she told him honestly, her eyes shimmering with tears. ‘Because, despite all the years we’ve been apart, I’ve never forgotten what it was like to be loved by you. Those years without you have been so long. I’ve missed you every hour of every day. I need you, Dominic. I always have. And if having you means sharing you with your work and working alongside you, then I’ll have to do that, won’t I? We’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t destroy us.’

  His face was grave. ‘Perhaps it will. I need you, too, Kate. There hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t thought about you or missed you. I don’t know if it’s love or not. If it isn’t, I don’t know what love is—but I’d rather let you go than destroy you by tying you to me, to this place. It’ll tear my heart out, but I’d rather set you free than watch your love wither and die.’

  She reached for his hands.
‘Please don’t bother. I set you free once, and look where it got us. I’d rather be shackled to you with metal rings than sent away.’

  ‘Truly?’

  ‘Cross my heart and hope to die.’

  His hands turned, his fingers circling her wrists. Then consider yourself shackled, my love,’ he said softly. ‘For ever.’ Then he drew her towards him and kissed her, his hands cupping her face, his lips gentle at first.

  Then the fire caught hold, and with a muffled groan he buried his hands in her hair and plundered her mouth with his. His body was hard against hers, yet even so she leant into him, trying to get closer, to eliminate even that tiny space so they were one again.

  When he finally lifted his head the blood was pounding in her veins and her legs felt weak. ‘Come on,’ he said softly. ‘I want to take you into town for something.’

  ‘What?’ she asked. She could scarcely stand, and all she wanted to do was lie down on the soft grass and hold him in her arms.

  ‘You’ll see.’

  He wouldn’t tell her, just folded himself painfully into the passenger seat and complained about the lack of leg-room. Then, as she struggled to concentrate on her driving and not the nearness of his body, he directed her down the bridleway and out of the park, up the hill and into the market square of the little town that overlooked the hall.

  Then he unfolded himself again, sorted out his crutches and headed across the road to a pretty Tudor building that housed a tearoom and antique shop.

  ‘Are we going for tea?’ she asked, stunned.

  ‘In a minute.’ He led her into the antique shop, and the lady behind the counter greeted him with delight. ‘Dr Heywood! How nice to see you again. How are you now?’

  ‘Better, thank you. I wonder if you can help me. I’m looking for a ring for Kate.’

  Kate blinked. ‘A ring?’ she echoed. ‘I’ve still got my wedding ring.’

  ‘But you haven’t got an engagement ring.’

  She gave a surprised little laugh. ‘I hardly needed one—we were only engaged about two weeks.’

  ‘Well, I want to buy you one now. I want to do things properly this time.’

  The lady behind the counter was beaming. ‘Dr Heywood? Do I gather congratulations are in order?’

  Dominic opened his mouth, but Kate got there first. ‘I don’t know. He hasn’t asked me yet.’

  Dominic turned to her, his eyes burning very bright in the cool, dim room. ‘Will you marry me, or was all that talk about shackles just so much hot air?’

  She smiled, her silly heart bubbling over. ‘Oh, I think I’ll marry you.’

  ‘Good. Right, a ring. Diamonds, for preference—how about that one?’

  ‘Why diamonds?’ Kate asked. She didn’t mind; she was just curious.

  ‘Because they’re for ever,’ he said softly, ‘and that’s what this is all about.’

  She blinked away the silly tears. ‘Could I try it?’

  It was a beautiful ring. It wasn’t flashy or huge, just a simple row of beautiful stones in an old Victorian setting. She just hoped that it wouldn’t push the clinic finances over the brink.

  Dominic took it and slid it onto her finger, his eyes locked with hers. It fitted exactly.

  ‘Perfect,’ he said with satisfaction. Kate couldn’t speak. Her throat was filled with a lump she couldn’t seem to shift, and she was very much afraid that she was going to make a fool of herself.

  Certainly there was a silly grin on her face that wouldn’t go.

  She kept the ring on, fiddling with it while Dominic wrote out a cheque, then they left the shop and went next door, to be given a warm and friendly greeting by the lady who ran the tearoom.

  ‘Dominic!’ she said cheerfully. ‘How good to see you again.’ She smiled at Kate. ‘You must be Kate. I’ve heard all about you from Stephie. What can I get you?’

  ‘Tea and some Dutch apple cake, Jacquie, please,’ Dominic said without hesitation.

  ‘Typical,’ the woman said. ‘He always goes for that. What about you?’

  Kate smiled. ‘It sounds lovely.’

  ‘Right, tea and apple cake for two. Warm with cream, or cold?’

  ‘Warm.’

  ‘So, what were you doing in the antique shop?’ Jacquie asked, her back to them. ‘Looking for anything special?’

  Dominic smiled at Kate. ‘An engagement ring.’

  Jacquie almost dropped the teapot. ‘What?’

  Dominic laughed. ‘You heard. Just as soon as we can organise it, we’re getting married again.’

  With a laugh of delight she came round the end of the counter, hugged him and gave him a resounding kiss.

  ‘It couldn’t happen to a nicer man,’ she said warmly. ‘Kate, you look after him,’ she ordered, giving her a hug too. ‘We’re all very fond of him in this town. He’s a very special man, and you’re to take good care of him.’

  ‘I will,’ she promised, and realised that the ties that held Dominic to the town and the estate went both ways. They all loved him and respected him. No wonder he gave them back everything he had in him. ‘Don’t worry,’ she promised again, ‘I will.’

  The night was quiet, broken only by the rustle of the wind in the trees and the distant screech of an owl.

  Kate stood just inside the French doors, looking out at the moonlit garden. The breeze played over her naked body, cooling her skin. Behind her Dominic stirred.

  ‘Kate? Are you all right?’

  All right? She was wonderful. He had loved her so tenderly, so long and slow and with such care, then held her as the world shattered all around her. And in the chaos of her heartbeat she had heard him cry her name.

  They had slept for a while, then she had woken, conscious of a heavy weight on her thighs.

  So-and-So. She had scooped him off the bed and dumped him in the kitchen with some food.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she told Dominic now. ‘The cat woke me.’

  ‘He’ll have to get used to you.’

  She turned as he came up behind her, limping slightly without his crutches. ‘How’s your leg?’ she asked.

  His body was warm against hers, the hairs teasing her fine skin. ‘Bearing up. Why?’

  She smiled in the moonlight. ‘Oh, I just wondered.’

  His answering smile was as old as time. ‘Really? You wanton hussy.’

  ‘Mmm.’ She leant against him, enjoying the solid warmth of his body. His arms were round her waist, pulling her back against him, and he wanted her. She felt the warm flood of desire ripple through her body again, and wondered suddenly if that was all they had, and, if so, would it be enough?

  Turning in his arms, she reached up to him. ‘Dominic?’ she murmured. ‘Are we going to be all right?’

  His head rested against hers, and the soft sigh of his breath teased her hair. ‘Yes,’ he promised. ‘We’ll make sure of it this time. I won’t let you down.’

  His shoulders under her hands were broad and strong, solid as a rock. She could depend on him. And he could depend on her. She’d never let him get away from her again.

  Rising on tiptoe, she pressed her lips lightly to his. ‘Dominic? I love you.’

  ‘I love you too, my darling. I always have. It’s just taken me twelve long years to realise that I always will.’

  ‘Do you realise we’ve only got another forty-odd years left?’ she reminded him, running one nail lightly down his chest. ‘I’d hate to waste it.’

  ‘Oh, we won’t waste it,’ he vowed. ‘I have some quite definite plans for you, my darling, starting right now.’

  He drew her into his arms, and as his mouth came down and shut out the world Kate knew that she had come home...

  EPILOGUE

  THE bride looked beautiful—radiant, eyes shining—and upright, walking slowly but unaided down the aisle, hardly touching her father’s arm.

  Kate felt a huge lump form in her throat. She turned to Dominic and met his eyes, and saw that they, too, were over-bright.

  ‘
She did it,’ Kate said softly.

  ‘Yes. I always knew she would.’

  Richard was waiting, the love on his face there for all to see, and as he reached out and took Susie’s hand and drew her to his side his pride in her was obvious to everyone.

  There was another person there, who had won a battle just as hard-fought as Susie’s. Beside Kate, straight and tall and steady as a rock, stood John Whitelaw, Andrea beside him as she usually was these days. They were inseparable now, their difficulties overcome with sheer guts and determination.

  And Kate, too, had found happiness again. She looked up at Dominic again and he smiled.

  ‘I love you, Mrs Heywood,’ he mouthed.

  ‘I love you too.’

  In the bag hanging over her shoulder was her wedding present from Dominic—a set of silver-plated handcuffs.

  ‘Any time you feel we’re losing touch, just shackle us together and we’ll talk it through,’ he promised.

  So far, in the week since their wedding, she hadn’t needed them. Sharing the workload had enabled them to steal time together, and those stolen moments were infinitely precious to them both.

  They had agreed that there would be no time for another baby, and although Kate had expected to feel sad, in fact she’d found she was relieved. Stephie was enough of a challenge, and they had both devoted themselves to her throughout her childhood.

  Now Dominic needed her, and their happiness depended on working together, side by side.

  There were still no guarantees for the future of the clinic. Only hard work and good luck would ensure it, but they were working on it together now, taking every. day as it came, and moving forwards together into their future.

  Like Susie and Richard, and John and Andrea, they would have their problems, but they had love on their side, all of them, and Kate knew that they would all get there eventually.

  One step at a time...

  ISBN : 978-1-4592-7771-7

  ONE STEP AT A TIME

  First North American Publication 1996.