Long moments passed. This was just a dress, she told herself. She shouldn’t read too much into finding it. Were not hearts meant to bond, meant to hold on to promises held by hope, by trust, by the goodness they contained? Thomas had broken the sacred trust, and before him, her own daett had done worse. Gentle, loving Daett had a child before he knew Mamm. How did Mamm live with that knowledge and even join him in walking through the darkness of penance?
Mamm must be more of a saint than she appeared to be or else what she shared with Daett was what real love was made of. Susan picked up the dress and held it to the light again. She remembered the hour she had spent picking out just the right color at the fabric store on a trip to northern Indiana. The care she had taken sewing, marking twice and then checking again before proceeding. She wore out the measuring tape, Mamm had said laughing. She had wanted this dress to be just right. But the dress hadn’t been enough to keep her dreams alive. She’d needed more.
Could what Mamm had be hers with Steve? Did it help that she hadn’t pursued him? Was he capturing her heart? The least she could do was keep it open. Susan sighed. Hanging the dress on the closet rod, she stood back for another look. Strange that she wasn’t crying buckets of tears, sobbing her heart out, but she wasn’t. The dress was just something to wear now. Should she wear it on Christmas Day? Yah, she decided. Steve wouldn’t know the history and probably wouldn’t care if he did. Mamm might raise her eyebrows, but she would get over it.
Then bitterness lifted its head for a moment. “Stupid dress,” she whispered. “You betrayed me too. I worked on you for all those hours, dreaming and hoping—and all for naught. You ought to be burned.” Tears stung her eyes.
The door opened behind her and Mamm entered.
“What’s wrong, Susan?”
Susan turned to face Mamm. “I found my old wedding dress.”
Mamm walked over to lift the dress from the closet rod, holding it up to the light.
“I’m going to wear it for Christmas at Steve’s parents’ house.”
“You will do no such thing. It will stay right here on the hanger until we iron it for your wedding day.”
“Mamm, I can’t do that.”
“Come, come.” Mamm took Susan’s arm. “We have work to do. Enough of these tears. You’re a grown woman now, almost ready to marry. It’s time you grew up. You don’t wear a wedding dress for anything but a wedding. Trust me, it will be okay. Steve will love it.”
“He hasn’t asked me to marry him yet.”
Mamm smiled. “Don’t worry, he will. When it’s time, he will. And Steve will know when that is.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
The headlights of the car cut through the early dawn, flooding the Hostetler house and barn with light as the Englisha driver turned into the driveway. At its honk, Susan came racing downstairs, taking the final two steps in a flying leap.
“Susan!” Mamm called from the kitchen. “Slow down before you injure yourself.”
“I’m so nervous!” Susan gushed, standing in the kitchen opening. “How do I look?”
“You look fine,” Mamm said, not even looking at her.
“Can you handle things by yourself today? I’ve done everything I know to do. And I’ll be back tonight.”
“Get going!” Mamm pointed out the door. “And have a gut Christmas with Steve’s parents. Don’t worry, they will love you.”
“I do hope so,” Susan said, heading for the door.
“Now remember,” Mamm hollered after her, “I can handle things. Even if I’m an old woman. And Teresa will help me if I don’t get dinner ready in time.”
“See you!” Susan said as she dashed outside.
She slowed going down the steps. Steve would laugh if she came running across the yard. He’d know she was nervous.
“Good morning,” the driver of the van said through his open window.
“Gut morning,” Susan replied, going around to the other side. The van door was open, and the dome light was on. There was only one seat left—beside Minister Emery’s wife, Lois. Steve was sitting in the front seat, but now he climbed out.
“Who wants to trade seats?” he asked.
“Now why would anyone want to do that?” Minister Emery asked, laughing. “I didn’t ‘get up’ this load. The one who gets up the load sits in front.”
“It makes no difference to me who got up the load,” Steve said. “I’m sitting with Susan!”
“Ah love, love, love…” Emery grumbled. “How they make old people go here and then go there.”
“Thank you,” Steve said, motioning for Susan to climb in. She sat on the seat beside Lois, whispering, “Gut morning. Sorry to chase Emery away.”
“Oh, he likes the front seat,” Lois said. “Don’t pay him any mind. His bones ache in the morning, that’s all. He’ll get better as the day warms up.”
“It’s not going to get all that warm,” Susan said as the driver rolled up his window and pulled out of the driveway.
“Well, it could be snowing and blowing like it was last year on Christmas Day,” Lois replied. “We had a trip planned to northern Indiana but had to call it off.”
Susan smiled. “I’m glad it’s not snowing. Do you have relatives in Daviess County?”
“Yah, a sister. And Emery has a couple of cousins. Neither of us grew up there, but both of our families are scattered around. Not like some people, who all stay in one place.”
Susan nodded. “Mamm would have loved it if all us girls stayed around, but moving happens.”
“And what about you? Are you staying around?” Lois teased.
With Steve sitting beside her, what was she to say? They hadn’t agreed to marry yet, let alone discussed where they might live.
“I’m sorry.” Lois laughed. “I really wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”
Beside her, Steve cleared his throat without looking at her. Apparently he wanted some kind of answer too.
“I’d love to stay on the home place,” Susan finally said. That was a safe enough answer, and Steve could do with it what he wished. Her big concern today was facing his folks for the first time. If they didn’t like her, it would be a nightmare of grand proportions even if Steve managed to smooth things over. How would she marry Steve if his parents didn’t like her?
Steve leaned forward on his seat to speak to Lois. “Menno hasn’t said what he wants done with the farm other than to say he’d like me to work for him next year.”
“Oh.” Lois smiled. “I know Menno better than that. He’s itching to get into his dawdy haus. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Emery and I are loving our new dawdy haus. I wish we’d moved there two years ago instead of hanging on like we did.”
“I’m sure Daett can’t wait,” Susan agreed as Steve settled back into his seat.
“I told Emery not to make our dawdy haus too big,” Lois continued. “I just needed two bedrooms, one for us and one for visitors.”
“I’m sure Mamm has her own ideas about the dawdy haus,” Susan replied, mostly to make conversation as she watched the Christmas lights on the houses race by.
“What time do we tell the driver to start picking everybody up?” Steve asked Emery a few minutes later.
“Ask Lois,” Emery said, not looking back. “I’ll stay as late as she wants to.”
“You’d better ask the others,” Lois said when Steve looked at her. “I agree with Emery.”
Steve turned around and asked the question again. A lengthy conversation ensued, with eight o’clock receiving the most votes. Steve passed the information on to the driver, who grunted his agreement.
The rolling hillsides soon gave way to flat, open land. Susan watched for signs of buggies as they drove through a town and out into the countryside again. The first one they passed, the man and woman inside waved, apparently noticing the load of Amish-dressed passengers.
“Do you know them?” Lois asked Steve as she craned her neck to look back.
“I d
on’t think so,” Steve said. “It’s a huge community with lots of districts.”
“Time for directions,” the driver said. “We’re coming up on the main part of the community.”
Several people hollered out road names, and Steve took the driver through the turns for each place. When they had reached the last stop, Steve gave directions to his parents’ place. Five minutes later they pulled into the farm. Two silos rose high in the air behind the barn. The house was tall, white, and two-story. Lines of buggies were parked beside a huge earthen ramp that ran up to the second floor of the barn. Children were playing in the yard, but they stopped to stare at them.
“Home,” Steve said with a broad smile on his face. “Don’t worry, Susan. Everyone will love you.” Steve offered Susan his hand, helping her down as if she were a rich Englisha woman climbing out of a fancy limousine instead of a plain Amish girl stepping out of a simple passenger van. Like always, Steve had known how nervous she was but had waited to say something until the right moment. His words helped her breathe easier.
“See you at eight,” Steve told the driver.
Susan clung to his arm as they walked across the yard.
“Hi,” Susan said to the children as they walked past them. They smiled at her and looked ready to return to their play.
“No tricks today,” Steve told one of the taller boys, who laughed and shook his head.
“This is a huge place,” Susan said. “You never told me.”
“It’s pretty normal for around here. Now relax, okay?”
If this were an Englisha house, Susan thought, she would march in without any fear at all. Why all the nervousness now? It was time to get ahold of herself. So what if she was about to meet the parents of her perhaps future husband. That was no reason for feeling so nervous.
“You said there were eleven of you, but you’re almost the oldest. Where do all the buggies come from?”
“My older sister, Martha, is married, and also two of the ones after me. A couple of the young people are in rumspringa. And I think Mamm invited some of the aunts and uncles. They’re nice people, so don’t worry.”
“I’ll never remember everyone. That much I know.”
“You don’t have to,” Steve said. “You only have to remember me.”
She laughed and muttered, “Conceited, just like a man.” Steve’s teasing did make her feel better.
He squeezed her hand as they approached the front door and a round woman rushed out, wiping her hands on a white apron.
“Well, if it isn’t Steve and Susan!” she gushed, wrapping her arms around Susan. “I’m Steve’s mamm, Elizabeth. Oh, it’s so gut to finally meet you! Steve hasn’t said much about you, and I see why. He couldn’t have said it well enough even if he tried. Steve’s not much with words, as you already know I’m sure.”
“He has a way with words around me,” Susan said. Then she wondered if that was the right thing to say. She breathed a sigh of relief when Steve’s mamm took it in stride.
“If you can get him talking, then I’d say Steve’s finally found the right one,” She said as she ushered them inside and waved her hand toward the interior of the house. “Come meet the others. I’m sure you won’t remember all the names. I don’t remember my own half the time.”
“Mamm, it’s not that bad.” Steve took ahold of Susan’s hand. He didn’t let go until they were inside, making the rounds, and had shaken everyone’s hand. The living room was crowded, with long, double tables filling the length of the house.
They all said their names and where they belonged. Susan listened to each one, filing it away, hoping the names stuck with the faces somewhere in her brain. Some of the names she already knew. Abe was Steve’s daett, who shook her hand warmly. Martha was the oldest sister who was married. The brother after Steve, Emmanuel, was also married and standing beside his smiling young wife, Ruby. The other names would have to wait, she figured, until she learned to know the people better.
Martha took Susan under her wing and led her out to the kitchen first and then upstairs. “There are six bedrooms on the second floor,” Martha said. “Two on the first floor, and two more in the basement. Mamm and Daett added on to the house twice.”
“It’s so big!” Susan said.
Martha smiled. “And this is Steve’s room—or was. His brothers have taken it over now.”
Susan looked inside. There didn’t seem anything unusual about it. Just bare walls with two beds and dressers. Some Amish boys kept books around or deer heads on the walls, but these two didn’t. The Mast boys must live like Steve did, simple, direct, and to the point.
Martha took her downstairs again, and Susan joined in with the food preparation. Everyone chatted as they worked, with most of the news mentioned being unfamiliar to Susan. Who among the young people was seeing whom. Which of the women in the community were expecting. What plans they had for their gardens in the coming year.
By ten o’clock, breakfast was spread out on the tables in the living room. Ham sliced by Elizabeth. Bacon, great bowls of it, cooked to golden perfection. Biscuits with gravy, chunks of sausage swimming in the depths. Blueberry pancakes, fresh maple syrup, eggs fried so the yolks trembled on the plates. Butter piled high in double-layered stacks, raw and sliced apples, peaches, and pineapple. And, last but not least, jars of hard candy, homemade taffy, licorice, buckeyes, and double-layered chocolate bars.
“Will everyone please be seated?” Elizabeth said. “It doesn’t matter where, but keep your children with you. And no little ones into the candy until we’ve eaten our eggs and pancakes.”
Steve came out of the crowd and took Susan by the hand. “Come over here.”
“Where are you taking me?” she asked.
He motioned for her to be seated off to the side but near the head of the first table. “Right here.”
“But everyone will see us.”
“No, they won’t,” he said. “They’ll be too busy eating. I want you to be able to talk with Mamm and Daett.”
Susan felt warm inside. Now that she had met his mamm and daett, she could see what an honor this was. They were very nice people, and Steve was clearly thrilled to have her here. What a wonderful day this was turning out to be. These were common people like her own mamm and daett. She would be okay.
Elizabeth and Abe took their places at the first table, and Abe opened the large Bible he was carrying. He cleared his throat and said, “We wish to thank everyone for coming today. It’s gut to have you all in our house. But especially we want to welcome Susan, who is here with Steve for the first time. For those of you who thought Steve would never settle down, well, it looks like you were wrong.”
Susan felt her ears grow red. She ducked her head as the others chuckled and laughed. Steve reached under the table for her hand.
“Now I wish to read a short few verses out of the Gospel of Matthew,” Abe said. He then began reading the verses in German. When he was done, he closed the Bible and prayed. “Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…”
Susan closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his voice quoting the familiar words. This was so like the words her daett prayed at home, and no doubt like his daett before him. She was becoming a part of all this, a wonderful and gut part with Steve. It was so wonderful it hurt all the way down to her toes.
“Amen,” Abe said, reaching the end of the prayer and sitting down in his chair.
“Please start passing whatever food is in front of you,” Elizabeth said. “Don’t be afraid to eat.”
Susan smiled as Steve again squeezed her hand under the table. “They like you,” he whispered. “And I like you too.”
She looked away, knowing her face was bright red again.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
When the driver dropped Susan at home that night, she figured she had experienced the best Christmas Day ever. Her worries about meeting the Masts had been needless. She already felt like part of the family. Now, if Steve would just ask me t
o marry him…but she pushed the thought away. That would happen in its own gut time, like Mamm said.
Mamm and Daett were in bed when she arrived, and she crept silently up the stairs and fell into bed exhausted, not waking once during the night. It was still dark when she did awake to the noise of Mamm banging around in the kitchen downstairs. Why was Mamm up so early on the morning after Christmas? They ought to be sleeping in for another hour. There were no cows to milk, and the chores could be done by Daett after a late breakfast.
Had something happened between Mamm and Daett and Deacon Ray? What else could be waking Mamm at this hour and causing her to be so noisy?
Susan threw off the covers with a wild fling. She lit the kerosene lamp and dressed quickly. With lamp in hand, she went down the stairs, pausing a moment at the bottom to still her beating heart. Whatever had happened, she had to be strong for Mamm’s sake. Daett would be okay, but this might be the straw that broke Mamm’s endurance. Why hadn’t she knocked on their bedroom door last night to check on them? The least she could have done was ask how their day had gone. But no, she had been on cloud nine about her day in Daviess County and the wonderful attention Steve and his parents had paid her.
Susan tiptoed into the kitchen and set the lamp on the table. Mamm was obviously crying as she stood over the stove.
“Mamm, what’s wrong?” Susan asked.
“Oh Susan!” Mamm groaned as she turned to face her daughter. “How could you do this to us?”
“What are you talking about? I was in Daviess County yesterday with Steve. What did I do?”
Where Love Grows Page 26
