Bittersweet Surrender

by Q. B. Tyler

  “The good doctor!” Matt says and Will stands. “You’re out amongst us commoners,” he jokes. “We just wanted to come over and say hello.”

  “I’m glad you did,” Will says. “It’s good to see you.” He rakes my body in appreciation. In front of my husband? Matt doesn’t seem to notice though, as he finishes the rest of his drink. “Oh hey,” he whistles at a waiter that passes by. “Can I have another one of these?” He sets the glass on his empty tray.

  “Matt, that’s not—”

  “Yes, sir,” I hear the waiter say and I am thoroughly embarrassed. I hate when he gets like this. Only when he’s drunk does he become this entitled asshole. I hate it. I glare at him before realizing that we are still in mixed company and I turn back to Will.

  “Who are your friends?” I ask, looking at the table.

  I can see the look he’s trying to give me. The soft, kind look as if he’s begging me to give him a chance to explain. “This is my brother, Andrew, his girlfriend, Olivia, and her friend Renee. Everyone, this is Matthew Wells and Charlotte Pierce.” I love the way he introduces us. You would never know we are married, which I think is his point. I resist the urge to chuckle.

  “So, it’s a date.” Matt smirks at me and under normal circumstances I would be thoroughly embarrassed. Instead the embarrassment is replaced with anger and hurt. “Told ya,” he says to me and all I want to do is mark my territory all over Will so this bitch knows who he belongs to. My name is all over his dick, honey, so don’t even try it.

  Will chuckles. “No, it’s not a date,” he says immediately, I’m sure for my benefit, and I see Renee’s face fall and his brother shoot him a glare. So, it is a date? But my guess is it is one being forced by his brother. But still, what the fuck? Was he just not going to tell me? “How many of those have you had, Matthew, you feeling okay?” He looks at me. “I hope neither of you are driving.”

  “Oh, take off the counselor hat for a second. Come have a drink with us. Bring your friends.”

  “There’s not really a ton of room…” I don’t want to bring that kind of negative energy to a table with myself and my drunk husband. Tension is already at an all-time high.

  Will looks toward our table to see Bree and Nathan behaving borderline obscene. Nathan’s hand curls around Bree’s shoulder and dancing around the top of her shirt before diving inside. I roll my eyes but at the same time I’m jealous of how easy their marriage looks. I mean even if they’re pretending, which I don’t think they are, at least they look happy. The waiter brings Matt’s drink and Will stops him. “Can you bring us a round of shots? What do you guys say? Tequila?”

  My eyes widen and I look at the people behind him staring at me. “What! We’ve had enough. That’s very nice of you, but—”

  “Oh, come on, one shot for Will’s friends!” his brother chirps as he waves the waiter over.

  “We aren’t his friends.” Matt perks up as he takes a healthy sip of his drink. “We pay him to make sure we don’t kill each other.”

  “Oh, you’re one of his couples?” Andrew nods at us. “Well, nice to meet you both. Didn’t know you were married the way he introduced you,” he finishes and I see Will shoot him a look.

  “Yeah, she didn’t change her last name. Can you believe that?” Matt snorts.

  “I never understood why women don’t change their name when they get married. Why didn’t you?” Renee asks. I’m sorry but was anyone talking to you?

  “Renee,” Andrew’s girlfriend scolds her, “that’s not your business.”

  “I ask her that all the time. I don’t think she even knows,” Matt says. I can’t control the look of disgust on my face for airing our laundry like this in mixed company.

  Trying my best to keep the anger out of my voice, I say, “We should go back to the table.”

  “What about our shots?” Matt asks. Don’t you think you’ve had enough?

  “Stay and take them if you want,” I snap. “I’m going back to the table.”

  “Don’t be such a brat. Dr. Montgomery ordered them for us.”

  “I don’t want them,” I say before storming off. I walk past the table and toward the bathroom slamming my clutch down before sitting on the couch. It doesn’t take long before I hear the door open and close. I don’t anticipate that it’s Will, but I am a bit surprised to see Bree come into view.

  She sits next to me on the couch, and before she says anything she wraps her arms around me. “I’m sorry, Charley.”

  “For what?”

  “Not being a better friend to you.”

  “You’re a great friend, Bree. Why do you say that?”

  “Because you’re so sad every time I see you. You should see the hurt written all over your face every second and it’s gotten worse over the past few months. Charley, why don’t you leave him?”

  I shrug. “It’s not that simple,” I say. “Or maybe it is…” I feel the tears streaming down my face and I know exactly why. I’m slightly intoxicated and seeing the man I love out on a date with another woman regardless of his level of interest is a punch in the gut. I know he probably has similar feelings with me being married but this is the first time I’ve experienced it. And it sucks.

  “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.” She squeezes my hands before giving me another tight hug. “You know I’m always here for you. I’m always here to talk.”

  “Thanks, Bree. I know.” I give her a small smile as I wipe the unshed tears forming in my eyes.

  We head back to our table, and I see Matt has returned. I let my eyes glance at Will’s table and his eyes find mine immediately. I hope in that moment he can see what I’m feeling. We haven’t had a moment alone since the few minutes during our session and we haven’t had contact since the blow job I gave him that left me feeling empty and hurt.

  He didn’t even kiss me goodbye. And now he’s on a date.

  I want nothing more than to leave, when I feel eyes on me. A lot of eyes. I look up and see Will’s gaze fixed on me and out of the corner of my eye, I see Matt’s on me as well.

  I turn toward my husband. “What?”

  “You look hot in that. That’s why I wanted you to change. Too fucking hot,” he says, and I roll my eyes at his drunkenness.

  “Thank you.” I take another sip.

  “Can I touch you when we get home?” he asks so quietly I almost miss it.

  “Matt…” I don’t want to rehash this in public.

  “Charlotte…? What is it? What can I do to make it better?” Where was this man a year ago?

  “Can we not do this here? Right now?” I ask, even though I know Bree and Nathan are in their own world.

  “I just think we should try.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “You know that’s when I’m the most fun.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I can’t help the chuckle that moves out of me.

  He won’t even remember this conversation later and the chances he’ll even be able to get it up are slim. My eyes find the table again and they widen when I see that Will is absent. Where did he go? I see Renee so I know that he’s nowhere with her. Thank God.

  “I have to pee again,” I say motioning for him to move. “You know once you break the seal.” He lets me out of the seat and I start walking toward the bathroom when I feel hands wrapping around my wrist and I’m being hauled into a room marked, Employees Only.

  I look around and see it’s a small office, and before I can think I’m pushed against the door of the office and lips are everywhere. My cheeks, my lips, my neck, my chest. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me,” I hear in my ear as I feel his erection pressing against me.

  I push on his chest hard and he stumbles back. “What the hell is that? Who is that? Touching you and…” I cross my arms. “Is that what you want?”

  “No! Of course not, baby. I want only you.”

  “Then what are you doing on a date with some girl who is clearly dying to suck your dick?” I grit out.

&nbs
p; “You know exactly what this is, Charley. My brother and his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s friend that they were trying to set me up with. I didn’t even know until we were on our way here that this was the plan!”

  “Were you even going to tell me?”

  “Of course, I was. The next time we were together.”

  “It’s easy to say that now,” I say.

  “I’ve never lied to you, Charley. Speaking of, were you going to tell me about your little make-out session last Wednesday with Wells?”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” He shoots me a look, and I snap. “After you basically told me you couldn’t be what I needed? I was vulnerable, and he was there. You weren’t. He initiated it, and I didn’t stop it. And for the record it was hardly making out.”

  His features soften dramatically as he’s reminded of the details of my past and I think he opts to cut me some slack over my moment of weakness with Matt. “Keep his tongue out of your mouth, Charlotte, I mean it.”

  “Sounds like you don’t trust me now.”

  “Like you trust me? You can’t if you think Renee means anything to me.”

  “I trust you, it doesn’t mean I’m happy watching you with someone else.”

  “And you think it’s easy for me?”

  “Stop throwing that in my face, Will. We’re talking about you out on a date with another woman the day I told you I was going to leave my husband!”

  “It’s not a fucking date! Why are you doing this? Why are you picking a fight with me when I should be inside of you?”

  I ignore his accusatory line of questioning. “And buying us shots? What the fuck is that? Did you think we were just gonna eat, drink, and be merry!?”

  “I was playing along. Wells is hammered.”

  “You think?”

  “I need to make sure you get home safe,” he says, moving toward me.

  “No.” I put up a hand to stop him from coming forward. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “You walked out of that bathroom today when I needed you, after treating me like your own personal cum dumpster, so now it’s your turn to know how it feels.” I turn on my heel and walk out the door and back to my table.

  * * *

  THE RIDE HOME IS SILENT; only the sounds of the windshield wipers fill the Uber as we pass through the streets of Atlanta, well past midnight. The skies have finally opened up, letting the torrential rain fall from the sky in buckets. It’s the storm they’ve been calling for all week and I’m caught in it.

  Much like the other storm I’m currently caught in.

  My husband was nearly incoherent when we left the restaurant, leaving me to question if I’m the reason he drank half his weight in whiskey.

  Or is there something else bothering him? I’m not stupid, I haven’t touched him in months… Is it possible that he’s fucking around as well, despite his protests that he’s been totally faithful?

  We make it home and Matt stumbles out of the car and up the stairs toward our door, not bothered that the water is beating down on his shoulders and back, soaking him. I follow close behind, holding the umbrella over my head that I’d brought just in case. I’m surprised he’s able to get the keys in the door but he does and he’s inside without a care if I’ve made it in behind him. I’m almost inside when something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye. A silver BMW, parked at the end of my street.

  The good thing about a drunk Matt is that once he crosses the threshold of full blown intoxication, it’s only a matter of time before he’s completely passed out, and we’re getting close. I grab him a bottle of water from the refrigerator and head upstairs to find my husband flinging his shoes across the room.

  “You—” he slurs before he points at me, winking once, “—are so fucking hot.”

  I clear my throat. “And you…are so fucking drunk.” I smile before setting the water on the nightstand and heading to the bathroom for a bottle of Advil. I come back in the room to find his pants also discarded. He’s leaning against our headboard drinking water with his eyes closed. I set the Advil on the nightstand and he reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine, and I look at where our hands are joined.

  “Sit, Charlotte.” I worry what he could possibly say, and as much as I want to bolt for the man in the Beamer outside, my blood alcohol content and my curiosity get the best of me. I oblige his simple request.

  “What?” I ask softly as I pull my hand out of his grasp.

  “I thought about it…” he starts, “cheating on you.” He sucks down another gulp. “When things changed between us…but I never did.” I nod, not liking where this conversation is going. “But you…pretty and perky Charlotte Pierce,” he runs a hand down my face and I shiver, “I don’t buy that you haven’t had anyone between your legs these past few months. And I just want you to be straight with me.” He hiccups. “Just tell me…is it Nathan?” My eyes widen in horror at the thought of sleeping with my husband’s best friend. “I mean tit for tat, right? I did sleep with Bree, and I don’t think Nathan has ever gotten over it.”

  “You…you slept with Bree?” My eyes are wide, and I know the shock is written all over my face.

  “Years ago. Before they got married.” He shrugs, and his eyes are getting heavy, as it’s taking longer and longer for him to open them between blinks. “They were just dating at the time.”

  “But…that’s your best friend? You…how could you betray him like that?” Whoa, Charley, reel it in. Don’t be a complete hypocrite.

  His hand finds my shoulder, still exposed from the strapless jumpsuit I’m wearing. He draws circles with his thumb before he leans forward and kisses the skin. “Matt,” I say, backing away slowly. He reaches for my ponytail and his face inches toward mine. I back up not wanting to feel his lips on mine and heeding Will’s instructions—well, demand to keep Matt’s mouth off of mine. In an instant, his body is covering mine, and I’m ready to snap at his invasion of my space when I hear his light snoring. I look down to find his head leaning against my chest, sleeping soundly. I try to move him slowly, when I feel wet lips being dragged along my cleavage.

  I move out of his grasp and lay him down, pulling the bottle of water from his hands and put it on the nightstand. Once Matt falls into a drunken sleep, I know he’s out for the night so I don’t have to worry about him waking up and realizing I’m not here. I pull off my jumpsuit and replace it with a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt.

  I just want to get the hell out of here and into Will’s arms. Despite the fact that I’m mad at him, I don’t know when I’ll be alone with him again, and I want to feel his arms around me. It’s the only thing that will calm the uneasiness coursing through me.

  I grab my keys and both cell phones, sliding them into my pocket before I move down the stairs. I look out the window to find the Beamer still parked at the corner, and immediately my heart starts to race. It has stopped raining, although it’s misting slightly, so I pull my hood up over my head and walk down the street as I attempt to move out of sight range of my house. I also don’t want to be seen by any nosey neighbors getting into a random car. I’m a few streets over when the car pulls up next to me and I slide in quickly, closing the door behind me, and pulling my hood down.

  I look over at the man I so desperately want to touch when he leans across the console and slides his hand behind my neck to pull me closer to him. I was expecting an aggressive, possessive kiss but instead I’m greeted with a soft, warm, gentle kiss that sends a spark through every extremity. His tongue finds mine immediately and we start the dance we both know by heart. His hands find my cheeks as he strokes them with his thumbs. I pull back slowly when I feel his nose rub against mine and then graze my lips before he pulls back slightly still keeping his hands on my cheeks. “Hi, baby,” he says softly.

  “Hi,” I say, the air leaving my lungs. “Why—how are you here?”

  “I left when you did.”

  “What did you tell your broth
er?”

  “I wasn’t going to stay, not knowing how you were getting home, or if you would safely. Once I saw you leaving, I told my brother that my woman wasn’t pleased that I was out on a date when I should be buried inside of her.” He rubs his forehead. “I’m sure I’ll get a load of follow-up questions about that tomorrow.”

  I nod once before I stare out into the starry night. The rain has subsided completely, making it easy to point out every twinkle in the sky. If my life wasn’t so fucked up in this moment, I would think it was magical. “Will…”

  “Please don’t leave me over what happened earlier. I was such an asshole to you and you didn’t deserve it.” I can see the worry etched over his face. I reach out to stroke his jaw, letting my fingertips brush his stubble. His eyes close and he leans closer, into my hand.

  “No, I did deserve it,” I say, the tears brimming in my eyes as I drop my hand from his face. “I’ve jerked you around and I’ve made you wait for months and months. I’ve made you this dirty little secret and it’s not fair to you and I’m sorry,” I sob. I wasn’t expecting this breakdown and I certainly wasn’t expecting it right now, but it’s here and I have to deal with it. He reaches for me, pulling me into his lap to straddle him. Normally I would find this position sexual and I’d be dying to have him inside of me, but right now I just need to be held, and for the first time in months I’m not thinking with the space between my legs.

  He pulls my hands from my face and kisses them gently before he looks up at me. Our faces are so close, we’re almost touching. “I’m not giving you up,” he whispers. “I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

  “But you said—”

  “Fuck what I said, Charley. I know I can’t push you. And I know that I have. I’ve taken my frustrations out on you, and I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Please forgive me.”

  “I should be asking you to forgive me.”

  “For what, baby? We’re in this together. I knew what I was getting myself into when we started.”