Bittersweet Surrender

by Q. B. Tyler

  “This is what I want, Will. I wanted this before I even met you, and I let him talk me out of it. I let him talk me into marriage counseling. I thought it would work.” I pull out of his arms again. “I don’t regret what’s happened between us, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that this definitely did not work.”

  “Or did it?” Will asks. “You found yourself, slowly but surely. You were a completely different person when you started; now you are the strong, confident, passionate, sexual woman that had been lying dormant for years.”

  “Yes, because of you.” I smile, thinking about how much of my confidence that Will had instilled in me.

  As if reading my mind, he says, “No, baby. You did that.”

  After we’ve done a complete tour of the house, I want nothing more than to christen the grounds with the man that had done all of this for me—for us. With each room, I saw my life slowly transforming before my eyes. I saw my very pregnant self walking through the halls, hand in hand with the man I loved, the cool metal of his ring, pressed against my palm.

  I saw the nursery painted blue—and pink, both of us hovered over a tiny bassinet after we welcomed our tiny human into the world. I saw the faint pencil marks on the wall indicating their growth. I saw baby number two, and three, and four.

  Shit, Will and I are busy.

  I pictured where the Christmas tree would go—there’s a perfect spot next to the fireplace—where we can cuddle in front of the roaring flames as Christmas Eve turned into the next day.

  There’s a balcony on the second floor, just off the master suite where we can watch the sun set during those warmer summer nights.

  Then there was the kitchen, a place where I had spent so much time alone. Cooking dinners for one, and then eating them by myself, the sound of my fork hitting the plate the only sound in the room.

  I saw his arms wrapped around me as I cooked us breakfast in the morning. His mouth on my neck as I prepared dinner for us and our offspring, rubbing my belly that was full of new life.

  Barefoot and pregnant in Will Montgomery’s kitchen.

  After all of that, I couldn’t contain the river that was flowing between my thighs, my arousal dripping into my panties with every step. I excuse myself to the bathroom and strip myself of everything except for my underwear I know he’ll rip from me within seconds. Walking into the kitchen I find him leaning against the breakfast bar, talking on his phone, when our eyes meet. He gazes upon me salaciously, his tongue darting out to run over his lips causing me to shudder. He almost drops his phone into the sink before I hear, “Vanessa, I have to go.”

  His words are jarring. Do guys really end work phone calls the second their naked woman walks in the room? I’m pretty sure Matt wouldn’t even notice me if I walked into a room on fire. I don’t think Will even waits for Vanessa’s response before he’s moving toward me. “Charlotte,” he says, his voice hoarse with want and need.

  “I…I thought we could christen our new home.”

  “Yes,” he says and I immediately wrap myself around his body, still fully clothed in his black suit; a vast difference to me, who is completely nude aside from the scrap of fabric between my legs that’s getting wetter by the second. I close my eyes, relishing in the feeling of his thumbs rubbing my nipples to hardened peaks. He drops his hands, as his mouth engulfs one of them, his tongue rubbing against it before he suckles it. He grazes his teeth over my nipple, before letting it go with a pop. His mouth finds the other. “You have beautiful breasts, Charlotte,” he murmurs with his mouth attached as if he’s trying to fit the entirety in his mouth.

  “Turn around.” I do as he says, putting my hands above my head and resting my forearms on the wall. He presses against me, trailing his hands down my naked body and I wish he’d lose the clothes for us to have skin-to-skin contact. I smile when his hand moves to the inside of my panties, his fingers parting the lips of my sex. I groan, letting my head fall back as he begins to massage my clit with his index finger. Walking around this house was nothing short of a powerful aphrodisiac, so I know it won’t take much for me to come all over his hands. He must know this too, because after a few swipes over my clit, he removes his hand much to my disappointment. He takes a step back and gets on his knees, pulling my panties down, slowly. They’re barely around my thighs when his mouth kisses and bites the flesh of my ass.

  “Mine,” I hear him growl as I feel him begin to nibble on the skin. I’m not surprised when he full-on sinks his teeth into me as he’s been known to do, and I yelp. His tongue soothes where I know there are indents of his perfect teeth, branding me. “Will,” I whimper, the need for him too great to be quiet.

  “Bend over, baby, halfway.” I know what he wants so I oblige, bending my body at a ninety-degree angle so he can access every part of me. It takes no time for him to settle between my legs, his mouth working me over from behind. When he spreads my cheeks and drags his tongue upwards, the goose bumps pop up instantly, as if I’d stuck my finger in a light socket. I let out a sigh as his tongue probes the place that only he’s been, claiming me in the dirtiest way. And yet I don’t feel dirty. I feel desired, wanted, loved.

  He stands up and within seconds his slacks hit the floor, the belt clanging against the hardwood and his cock is at my entrance, dragging his tip through my sex, tortuously slow. “This is going to be hard…and rough,” he says hoarsely.

  I nod my head having lost all ability to speak only moments ago. He pushes through me inch by inch, allowing me to feel the thickness of his member before he slams the rest of the way into me causing my hands to slide against the wall and me to lurch forward. Before my face can make contact with the wall, his arms wrap around me, his much larger frame engulfing my petite one.

  “Hold on, baby,” he chuckles and I giggle. I rest my head against my forearms and brace myself for him again when he pushes inside of me. I whimper with his body pressed completely against mine. “I’m going to move now.”

  And he does. Fast and hard.

  I reach between my legs and graze the place where we’re connected feeling him as he moves in and out of me, before I continue on my journey. I reach my destination and I cup his balls gently before I massage them harder.

  “FUCK,” he roars and his hands tighten on my hips, moving himself more aggressively in and out of me. My hand is still between us, his balls in my palm, our arousals dripping out of us and down his shaft and onto my hand. I clench at the raw sexiness of it and a beat later I feel his balls tighten, the first telltale sign he’s about to unleash his seed inside of me. “Touch your clit for me, baby.” I press my hand, that is coated with a mixture of our cum, against me and just the mere thought of rubbing his cum into my pussy has my orgasm brewing.

  “Will, I’m going to come,” I breathe, and it’s like the words are his undoing because he shoots his load into me chanting my name like a prayer. His hand moves mine out of the way as he begins to rub me, hard, and within a second, I’m convulsing in his arms. At some point he must have pulled out of me, because when the aftershocks have passed, I’m in his arms, my back resting against his chest with his hand cupping the space between my legs almost protectively.

  “I love you.” He nuzzles my cheek before pressing a gentle kiss to the space behind my ear. “I just want you to be happy.” He strokes my arms gently and I let my eyes flutter closed as I lean against his chest, letting him hold me upright.

  “You make me happy,” I tell him. “I love you too, and I know what I have to do…today.”

  We still have a bit of time to kill before we have to be back, so we spend it sitting on a blanket on the floor of our new house.

  The start to our new life.

  He had thought ahead, thinking that I might be hungry or that we would have worked up a sexually charged appetite, so he stocked the refrigerator with a few things.

  We feed each other the spread of fruit and an array of cheese and crackers when a memory flashes through my head. “Oh my God!” I shriek. “I
can’t believe I forgot to tell you. Matt slept with Bree!”

  “WHAT?” he yells, and I realize what he must be thinking.

  “No, no, no, before me,” I say and I see him simmer down and nod. “Evidently before Bree and Nathan got married but while they were dating! I don’t know all of the specifics, but it’s so crazy; Matt and Nathan are like brothers. They’ve known each other since they were kids! I don’t even understand how he could do that to him. I know, I don’t exactly have a lot of room to talk, but I was stunned when he told me,” I ramble as I nibble on a cracker. “Nathan never did anything to deserve that. Not that I’m saying that Matt deserves to be cheated on, but he’s certainly not innocent in all of this. So, what I’m trying to figure out is what did Nathan do to Matt?”

  “Interesting,” he says stroking his jaw. Will is well aware of who Bree and Nathan Cunningham are to us, so I’m sure he’s just as shocked to hear the news. “How did you find this out?”

  “Matt told me that night we saw you at dinner. He was drunk and it all spilled out. He asked if I was cheating on him with Nathan.”

  I still have a hundred questions regarding Matt’s affair with his best friend’s girl. When exactly did he? I know that it was before me, but how long before? How did Nathan find out? Does he definitely know?

  Will’s eyebrows shoot up. “Tit for tat style, huh?”

  “Evidently.” I shrug. “I’m surprised Bree never told me.”

  “Maybe she didn’t want things to be awkward or uncomfortable?”

  “So, all three of them are sharing this secret and no one told me?”

  “Nathan knows?”

  “The way he told me, it sounded like it? But I didn’t ask him straight out.”

  “And Nathan is okay with it?”

  “He married her, so I guess so?”

  “Hmmm. I would like to take a look inside that marriage.”

  “Enlighten me.” I giggle. “Tell me how you’d counsel a couple where you’re not head over heels in love with the woman.” I smirk and he raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Head over heels, huh?” He takes a sip of water and I have to will myself to look away so that I don’t get turned on watching the water slide down his throat. He makes everything look so goddamn erotic. I shoot him a look telling him to get on with it. “Well, first, I would need to know if Nathan knows. Did Bree tell him? Did Matt tell him? Did he find out somehow on his own? I mean all of the biggest problems arise when someone is dishonest.”

  His words are sobering. “Like me.”

  “Charlotte…”

  “No, I’m not asking for you to placate me, or tell me that it’s different. I know what I’m doing. I’m a…cheater.” My eyes squeeze shut as the word leaves my lips like a dirty little secret.

  “I wasn’t going to placate you…or tell you that you’re different. I was just going to tell you that I’m being dishonest as well. That you aren’t in this alone. We are in this together, baby.” He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips, dragging them over each finger. “You and me,” he whispers quietly before his lips are on mine, his tongue begging for access to my mouth and finding my tongue instantly.

  We kiss like this until I pull away, knowing that we’re running low on time. “We should go.”

  After getting dressed, and tidying up, we walk toward my car and he helps me inside. I start the engine and roll the window down to lean out of it.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he says running a hand through my hair. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, and I love our house.”

  “I can’t wait to fill it with babies.” He smiles and I can feel my cheeks turning pink.

  He chuckles before his lips find mine, coaxing my tongue out of my mouth and into his for the final time today. “Drive safely,” he says, rubbing his nose against mine. I nod and as he leaves my window, I watch him walk behind my car and get into the familiar BMW parked behind me.

  * * *

  MY LEG IS BOUNCING NERVOUSLY as we sit in Will’s office, waiting on Matt, who of course is late. “I’m so over this. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just didn’t show up at all.” I rub my forehead, feeling a slight headache forming behind my eyes.

  “Sweetheart, breathe. You know he comes whenever he pleases.” I notice him fiddling with his pen, something I’ve noticed he does when he has the urge to touch me but can’t.

  “That’s my fucking point!” I say getting up to pace Will’s office. “Why…why after all this time does he still not give a fuck? You would think at this point since he’s ‘trying to work on his marriage,’” I say using air quotes, “that he would at the very least be on time for our counseling sessions.” I move toward him to try and sit in his lap when he shakes his head at me. “What, Vanessa isn’t going to announce him? He’s just going to waltz right in?” I say, cocking my head to the side and putting my hands on my hips.

  “Don’t get smart with me, Charlotte,” he says with a firm tone but I can see the humor all over his face.

  After twenty minutes of Will and me eye fucking each other, Matt finally arrives. He walks in and I can’t even help the icy stare I give him. Breathe, Charley. “I’m sorry I’m late, I—”

  “Don’t bother apologizing. You’re late every week. It’s always the same. Traffic blah blah blah,” I say waving my hand in the air. “The apology only means something the first ten or so times.”

  “Okay, what is your problem, Charlotte? I literally just walked in the door, how are you already pissed at me?”

  You’re my problem, I think to myself but take a deep breath before I speak that into existence.

  “How about we take a breath?” Will says. “You two are coming out the gate running today.”

  “Dr. Montgomery,” I say, giving him my warning tone and I think he’s taken aback.

  “By all means, Ms. Pierce,” he says waving toward us both.

  I’m quiet for several moments, wondering how I should start this, my mind drifting back to all of the sentence starters I had worked out. Clearly my brain and mouth aren’t working together at the moment, because I blurt the words out without any thought. Rip the Band-Aid off, Charley. “I want a divorce,” I say bluntly.

  “What?” Matt says, his eyes wide. “Because I was late? Charlotte, don’t be dramatic, I—”

  Did he just—? I watch as Will closes his eyes slowly, knowing that I’m absolutely about to explode, and when he opens them, I see the look he’s giving Matt.

  Do you know anything about women?

  “DRAMATIC?” I screech. “Did you just call me dramatic?” I say. “You’re kidding, right? You’re not kidding?” I look at Will. “He’s not kidding? After a year and a half of treating me like an afterthought, an annoyance, an obligation? You’re calling me dramatic? After you made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you? Not perfect enough for you?” Tears form in my eyes. “You pushed me aside, you ignored me, you lost all interest in me. I’d be sitting at dinner with you, and you’d look through me. You didn’t care what I ever had to say. And you kept me locked up in our house and only let me out when you needed me for show. You didn’t want me to work, but you gave me no reason to stay home. You wouldn’t give me a baby when you knew I wanted one. What was the point of spending all that time and money and resources to put me back together after what happened with Michael if you were just going to break me all over again?!” I yell, my hands shaking violently. “I’m not happy and I’m not living like this anymore. I don’t deserve this.” I shake my head as I wipe the tears from my face. “It’s over.”

  “Charlotte, you don’t mean that. You know how I feel about you.”

  “No. No, Matthew, I don’t. And frankly…I don’t care anymore. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. We’ve changed. You’re not a bad person, Matt. You’re just not the right person for me. And clearly I’m not the right person for you either.”

  “Charlotte…” he says moving closer to me and I move back, letting myself sink into the c
ouch.

  “Don’t,” I say, putting a hand out. “You can’t suck me back again. I should have done this a year ago, when I wanted to, instead of letting you waste forty thousand dollars on therapy.” Part of me wonders if I ever would have met Will though. I know he wonders the same when I see a look of sadness cross his face.

  “Not that you haven’t been lovely, Dr. Montgomery,” I add, shooting him a knowing smile even through my tears.

  “You can’t leave me, baby. I love you. I love you more than anything, you know that. It’s why I’m here… I’m fighting for you, for us.”

  “Are you? Have you really tried? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me the last few days? Why you won’t talk to me? I asked you yesterday to come home earlier. I called you, I texted you, but you wouldn’t even grant me the courtesy of taking my calls. I’m your fucking wife, Matt.” The words come out harsher than I intend, and I resist the urge to look at Will, praying he doesn’t react too noticeably over my comment.

  “Yesterday was crazy, Charlotte. I had such a busy day, I barely had a chance to do anything.”

  “A simple ‘Okay’ or ‘I’ll try’ would have sufficed. It would have taken less than ten seconds. You blatantly ignoring me is just the giant ‘fuck you’ that you love to stick to me.”

  “That’s not true, Charlotte.”

  “Isn’t it? You won’t even call me Charley. Every person that I have some sort of intimate relationship calls me Charley. My grandmother was the first to call me that, and you know what she meant to me. I love the name, and yet you only call me Charlotte—”

  “Oh, give me a break,” he interrupts.

  “Let her finish.” I hear Will’s even voice washing over me and I’m instantly calmer.

  “It matters. It’s something so minute, but it means something. It just further explains how little you take my wants or needs or feelings into consideration.”