The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3

by Valerie Roeseler

  I’m not able to see past Michael, yet I hear the others struggling behind him. My rage is no longer an emotion I can keep down. I release my Darkness, and Michael’s features falter. I give him a bloody smile though my choking, “You can fucking try.” My wings rupture through my skin, shoving me from the wall as I lift my foot and kick Michael in the chest. He sails back, stopping himself with his wings. “I bet you break before I do,” I taunt.

  He tests, “Do you honestly want to do this?”

  My smile never ceases, stretched beneath my black eyes. “Absolutely.”

  The room becomes an uproar of protests. Everyone remains on the opposite side of the invisible ward. I don’t understand why Michael has always intimidated them, though seeing his anger for once is startling. Likewise, with my Darkness apparent, he shouldn’t dare come near me. I can be unpredictable and fifty times as deadly.

  Michael begins to sidestep with his rigid composure, stalking my position. “You are out of control. The Darkness inside you takes whatever it wants when it wants it. You should have been able to heal yourself completely by now. Maybe you have the capability, yet you refuse to eliminate the Darkness? Does it comfort you?”

  I counter his steps, keeping my distance to hear what he needs to say. Is he right? Have I been making excuses?

  He circles closer. “I forged your creation. You would be nothing if I had not. You swore to give us your compliance. There is a price for refusal.”

  I’m kicked across the room. Michael descends on top of me, and my face meets the floor in a collision of indifference. I strain to speak past my compressed cheeks, “I owe you nothing.”

  My wings are bent into angles they can’t handle, snapping in five different places at once. My gut-curdling cry shakes the room. My left arm is twisted behind my back, keeping me in place as Michael shoves a knee into my lower spine.

  Camael warns the other Originals, “Get everyone out of here!”

  Raphael begins to protest, “This is—”

  Michael’s head snaps to him, “She will learn to heed my will and take her place beneath us as it is meant to be.”

  Solas struggles against the formidable blockade holding him back. “Heresy!”

  Jack plows into the ward. “You have no right!”

  Alice’s sobs are muffled by Evelyn’s embrace. Evelyn holds her into her side, making it a point to convey her disappointment in her husband with her gaze.

  Solas makes way through the ward, but it captures him again. I lock eyes with him. My Darkness falls away. This man means everything to me. He lifts me up when I need him and pushes me when I can do more. His blue eyes spill wet tears down his cheeks, begging me to get up, fight back. I choke on my own tears, screaming, “Go!” He hesitates in disbelief. I urge him internally, my tone broken in defeat, Go. I can survive this. I can’t survive you watching again.

  We had been through so much together in Sheol. We watched each other be ripped piece by tiny piece, gutted, eaten alive, and more. We had felt each other’s pain through our bond. For the first time, I’m grateful now that it’s been taken from us.

  Gabriel appears behind him, plunging a syringe into the hollow of the side of his neck. Solas whips around to defend himself but loses consciousness. Gabriel drags Solas’ limp form back. My heart drops with Gabriel’s betrayal, and I question whether I should have trusted him.

  Michael grips my hair, guiding me to my feet, then slams me to my back. My wings crunch. They’re too damaged to pull inside of me and heal faster, so I must suffer. Michael stomps on my chest, shattering my ribs. I wail at the impact, rolling over to crawl away on my forearms, gasping. He follows leisurely, knowing I can’t escape.

  He preaches, “You have been misinformed about who you are. You are Teloch, yes, but who Teloch is has been construed in your mind by the Darkness haunting you.”

  I spit blood from my mouth, mustering up the courage and willpower to stand back up. His boots thud across the stone floor behind me as he keeps pace.

  “Teloch is not a being of itself. It is an extension of the Light’s will. I am the authority on all the Light’s matters. Therefore, I act as The Creator’s hand. Teloch is meant to be an extension of that hand; my hand.”

  His boots come into view in front of me, and I stop crawling. I’m kicked over to look up at him. Never have I hated someone of the Light. It feels unethical, but I know something about Michael is wrong. I’ve always felt it. He has had it out for me from the beginning. I wonder why the others have failed to see it.

  He demands above me, “You are to act as my hand. There are no negotiations. You do as I say, not what you want or feel is necessary.” Bending down, he spits a growl in my face, “The Darkness inside of you will be your ending.”

  I’m trapped at his feet, a bad dog who bit its owner. I’m being punished for disobeying. I’m treated as a slave to his command. A rushing flood of understanding consumes me whole. I am not a dog. I am not his slave. I am not an extension of his hand. I am Death, and no one treats me any less than their equal. He should fear me!

  My Darkness returns with a vengeance as Jack beats himself against the ward in my peripheral. I heal my wings instantly with the surge of power. Michael’s wings come down like two guillotines ready to execute. I shield my body with my newly healed wings. Our feathers clash together like swords. I roll away and get back to my feet. Michael is instantly before me. He grips my throat again. My immediate reaction is to puncture his chest with my hand. His grasp jumps from my neck to the arm protruding from his sternum.

  It’s too late. My fingers are locked around his heart. I coax his essence from him, “I knew your heart was cold.”

  A white tendril with a blue tinge reaches from his body. There’s fear in his eyes. Good.

  I release his essence back to him with his heart intact and draw the Darkness back inside me. The invisible ward falls away. Camael rushes to Michael’s aid, catching him before he can hit the ground. Jack charges in, freezing upon the realization of what I’ve done.

  Watching Michael’s gasping body tremble to heal, I insist, “I have complete control over the Darkness inside me. I am doing my best to do what I must do to save the world from annihilation. I don’t give two shits about who you are. You being the first angel ever created means nothing. If I didn’t know any better, I would think you have an ulterior motive here. There is one thing I’ve never understood until now; If you are so indisputable, why am I the one chosen to fulfill this mission?”

  As Michael heals at my feet in Camael’s arms, my equilibrium wavers. Jack bites out, “Ivy!”

  I look to him too quickly, and my head spins. I slur, “Wha’?”

  He notes, “Your nose is bleeding.”

  My thoughts dance over each other, layering in a haze of confusion. Of course, I’m bleeding! I just fought off The Supreme! Then I understand why he’s worried. I reach up, stumbling to the side, and wipe my nose. I trip, catching myself on a column. At least I’m still alive. It’s then that I realize my ribs are bleeding. Lacerations from Michael’s wings appear through my torn shirt. While supporting myself with one hand on the column, I cover the wounds with the other. Three different forms surround me as Michael comes for me again, yet my vision is darkening, leaving them mysterious. In moments, my vision is gone. I fall towards the ground. Someone catches me. My last thought is, I have unfinished business.

  I wake in my own bed, wrapped in colossal muscles. I look up to Jack’s concentrating features as he scrawls in a leather-bound journal. I catch my name on the page. It closes quickly. When his eyes find mine, the world falls away and I melt into him. Jack is my world. He’s the gravity that spins me on my axis. His warmth touches me to the core, forcing me to open my heart to him in ways I never thought I would again.

  There was a time I hated how weak and vulnerable I was. Who I thought was my father had beaten me down. I fought back as best I could. My skill improved with practice and age, but I remained defenseless against my own com
passion for people, even the worst of them. After what I thought was Gideon’s betrayal, my sympathy for others vanished. I took everything that I was and tucked it away. I didn’t care what others thought of me. I didn’t care about hurting anyone’s feelings. I didn’t care about making anyone else happy. I was done. I was going to live my life for no one but me. I became cold with conviction. Walls were fortified to keep people away and preserve myself from the heartache that accompanied compassion.

  Jack was the one who found a way around my walls. His smile would crack the exterior. His laugh chiseled away at the bricks. And when he touched me in a way I hadn’t been touched in a long time, my walls disintegrated. Jack became the only person I trusted. I was wrong to think trusting him, alone, wouldn’t weaken me. I found myself longing for Alice and Eric’s company more. We became the Fearsome Foursome.

  I wasn’t ready for my life to be taken from me when Beleth kidnapped me. My walls reacted to his iniquity. I refused to let anyone control me. If I was to transform into an angel, I was going to take my life by the wings. Yet my walls were not as sturdy as I thought they were. I forgave and mourned for a being who tried to rape me. Then, Jack died in my arms, and the part of me that flourished because of him died too.

  I became a different being in his absence. He returned with the inclination that his damsel was in distress and needed saving. What he found was a woman of strength and power that rivaled his own, if not exceeded. I was bold and ruthless. And Jack’s reappearance gutted my heart. It ceased beating.

  Then he kissed me.

  An earthquake splintered the path I was sure would be mine. He was the sun, shining on a yellow brick road, giving it the illusion of pure white silk. I feared any step I may take would be the wrong one. All the same, I feared I had come down the wrong path from the beginning.

  Peering into the luscious verdancy of Jack’s entrancing focus, I hear Gabriel’s words of wisdom to me, “…the decision you want to make may not be the decision you should make.”

  I wonder, Is Jack the one that I want or the one that I need?

  How does someone know the difference between what they want and need? I want Jack in my life. I need Jack in my life. Both statements are irrevocably true.

  The fluttering in my stomach has always confused me. Is it fluttering with attraction or caution of another angelic being? The look on his face burns with affection. His deep voice vibrates inside his chest, “I never thought he would go that far.”

  I modulate my tone, giving him an easy grin, “I’m still alive.”

  He brushes a piece of hair from my face, then kisses my forehead. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it.”

  I assure him, “What kind of savior would I be if I let The Supreme destroy me?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “What is?”

  His fingers lace through my hair, his eyes tracing my face. “I’m caught in this place where I can’t move, wedged between what I want and the fear that, if I move, it will disappear. I’m a selfish being. I want to live in the now. I want to live in it with you. I want whatever time you have left to be spent with me, whether it lasts two hours or eternity. I want to protect and fight your battles for you. I want to run away and have adventures together, wreak havoc, and enjoy life. I never stopped being yours. I want you to be mine again.”

  I kiss Jack. The part of me that once thrived in his love awakens. I’m weak, never needing to be strong because he is my strength. I’m a moth to the flame of his warmth.

  I kiss him with deliberate delicacy, a melodious whisper against his lips, unsure where this will take us. His arms slide around me, then hold me tight against him, his mouth devouring me with intense passion. There’s an urging rumble in his chest. It sends a shiver down my spine and entices my Darkness to the surface.

  I place a hand on his chest, keeping my eyes closed. Jack leans back, our breaths mixing heavily. I’m afraid to move, to open my eyes. My Darkness is loud and demanding, refusing to be caged. It wants Jack as much as I do.

  Jack mutters, “Is everything ok?” I don’t answer. I don’t even breathe. “Look at me.”

  A soon as my eyes open, his embrace loosens. I wait for him to say something. It takes a long time. Each second, his inviting and firms touch inches away. There’s a surge of calmness that pulses into me. I shake my head. My voice grates with emotion, “It’s not a feeling you can fix.”

  The calmness dissipates. Jack admits, “I’m sorry.”

  I know what’s running through his head without hearing his thoughts. He loves me, never wanting to let me go. But he has been tethered to this Darkness before. He feels the difference without it. He would do anything for me, yet witnessing my Darkness so closely, he sees the truth within him. He fears me.

  I give him an easy way out. I close my eyes, slip out of his arms, and lock myself in the bathroom. I run the water in the bath. My body leans against the door. It’s silent. Jack leaves. A tear slides down my cheek. I recall my most recent dream in flashes. I’ve had doubts and disbelief. Now, I have mixed emotions if it turns out to be the truth.

  I submerge myself in the steaming water of my bath. The low hum of silence sends me into a tranquil state. I have been bruised and broken far more times than I should have allowed. It was time for me to rectify that.

  I seek my true self, deep in the core of my essence. It is yellow, flickering. It’s a star in a dark galaxy. I approach tentatively, examining it for defects. There’s a reason I am Teloch. Why?

  There it is; a blemish. I step closer. The glow of my essence burns hot. I reach out, and it gives beneath my touch. Its warmth is inviting. I search deeper inside of its luminescence, tracing the path of the blemish. The blemish grows larger than it first appeared. It pulses, black and daunting. I’m aware of the Darkness I’m facing as truly my own. It’s not some disease I caught. It’s not an entity of itself keeping the full potential of my abilities away from me. It’s not a leech, stinting the flow of Light in my essence.

  The Darkness is a part of me. As my hands are a part of my body, my Darkness is a part of my essence. It is who I am. This is what makes me Teloch. I am a being of both Light and Darkness.

  Yet, my Darkness is growing, needing to be purged of its excess. I feel it taking over the areas of Light and somehow know that it must be kept in check. The Light and the Darkness must be balanced. They are Ying and Yang. Apart, they are not complete. Together, they are whole. Together, and if balanced correctly, my Light and Darkness can coexist in perfect harmony, creating the deadliest and most dangerous being to set foot on the surface. It must be balanced first.

  I rise from the water, a new being. My initial thought is to seek out Raphael for help to balance out my essence. There is no indication as to what the process will take to accomplish, though. Sleep takes precedence, then nourishment. Perhaps, Solas can help me petition for Raphael’s assistance. I would much rather have my Chief of Command in attendance than Jack. Jack is susceptible to accepting the Darkness to be purged. Solas already contains his own.

  I dream of the little girl again. This time, she smiles and we play. If she is the person I believe her to be, I will do everything in my power to get to know her. It would give me a great advantage.

  Chapter 18

  I don’t have to find Solas, he finds me, waking me with soft wraps on my door. I lazily send a thought to him, You know I’m awake now. You can come in.

  The door sighs open then creaks as it shuts. I leave my eyes closed. I’m not ready to start the day. There’s too much to think about, too much to settle, too much to correct. The mattress depresses as Solas sits next to me. I’m sprawled out on my stomach, my face laying on the backs of my hands. My wings are relaxed over my bare back, their ends maintaining the sheet’s place over my rear.

  Solas communicates with me internally, “You’re not awake.”

  I am.

  “Your eyes are closed.”

  I’m not ready to face the day.


  “You don’t have a choice.”

  Says who? I challenge.

  “The universe.”

  My eyes open to his blue gaze. I’m willing to argue.

  Solas snickers with an amused grin. He speaks aloud, “I bet you are. How are you feeling?”

  I rasp dryly, “Alright. Have you seen Michael?”

  “No. The other Originals were furious. Camael took him to Dominions in Paradise.”

  “Can they do anything? Technically, Michael doesn’t answer to anyone but The Creator. What do the other Originals expect to happen?”

  Solas shakes his head. “I’m not sure. Perhaps if Dominions find just cause, they could overpower Michael’s decisions.”

  I ask, “Has anyone heard from my father?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Raphael and Gabriel still here?”

  “Yes. They’re waiting for you in the War Room.”

  I pull my wings inside myself, wrapping the sheet around me as I sit up. “What did Gabriel do to you?”

  “Those damn tranquilizers Ezra left behind.”

  I’m sorry, I whisper into his mind.

  “It was for the best. If Gabriel hadn’t stopped me, all of us would have been able to penetrate the ward around you. We would have defied Michael and taken him down, ultimately resulting in the damning of our essences—my own even further.”

  I focus deep into his blue irises, thankful he’s here with me. A sadness falls over me then, because of last night’s events.

  Solas notices. “What’s wrong?”

  I feign a smile. “Nothing important.”

  “That doesn’t appear to be unimportant.”

  I avoid his stare, rising from the bed and making my way to the dresser, “It’s nothing. Jack was here last night but left shortly after I woke.” I grab clothes to change and close the bathroom door behind me. “It’s not a big deal. I think I upset him.”