Falling Into Love

by TC Rybicki

  “Yeah, that’s not all. She got to me in the last one. It was almost like she was a different person, the mother I used to wish I had. Maybe it’s fake or guilt, but I wrote back. I’m waiting to send it. I wrote my Dad too. Mom said I should hear from him soon and then I’ll have the address. She has been in contact with him and says he’s fine.”

  “I’m glad Sydney. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks for the advice. It helped. I didn’t say everything that needed to be said, but it’s a start. I feel better. Listen, Dane. About us, can we pretend tonight?”

  “Depends. What do you want to pretend? I draw the line that you’re a dominatrix, and I’m your sex slave. I don’t think we’re ready for that level of fantasy yet.”

  “That. Just like that. Yes, let’s keep that up.”

  “I can’t. I don’t possess any sort of restraints, maybe some of the horse gear, but I’m not feeling that.”

  “No, idiot. Shut up and eww. You’re so gross. I mean, can we go back to the way we were? Teasing and you being slightly inappropriate, but nothing too complicated.”

  “Sydney, people can’t go back in time.”

  “I know. That’s why I said pretend, just for tonight. I want to pretend that we’re just us, Sydney and Dane, best friends, and nothing else. Things haven’t happened, and expectations are not hanging on every word or action. Can we do that?”

  “Okay. I’ll try. Finish your sandwich. I’ll make brownies, and then we’ll watch a movie.”

  “No, I’ll make the brownies because mine are better. You start searching because you are the worst at making decisions.”

  I downed the last bite of the sandwich, stood up and rubbed her shoulders. Sydney fell back. She always liked my shoulder rubs. I could pretend tonight if that’s what she needed. “Okay. Best friends, but you’re wrong about one thing.”

  “How so?”

  I whispered against her shoulder, “I’m not the worst at making decisions. I made my choice a long time ago.”

  “So, Josie said ‘see you Sunday.’ I wasn’t expecting that. Where does she think you’re staying? Also, you never mentioned a ride back Sunday, so I thought this was a day trip.”

  “I told you before I don’t know how to put into words what this trip is. Sunday was to cover my bases, and Gram knows I have other friends going to UT. She thinks I’m staying at Ally and Dinah’s.”

  I heard the name Ally plenty of times, but Dinah was never mentioned. I shrugged, wondering if she planned on visiting these people and expected me to pick her up Sunday. Sydney wasn’t divulging much unless I asked. Some things I wanted to know but was afraid to ask. I had news for her, if she didn’t break up with Grant, I wasn’t sticking around or coming back. That might make me a dick, but it’s just how it was. Sydney and I couldn’t continue this way if that was the case. I couldn’t just be her friend. It was too late for that. Instead of spelling it all out, I kept quiet. She scribbled her thoughts in her journal and looked out the window, so I continued the silence.

  This was how it felt to be hanging on a tightrope without a net. If I made it to the other side without falling, Sydney and I would be free to be together. If she saw Grant and got sentimental twinges or lost her nerve, then I would surely fall. I wouldn’t die if I lost her, but it was going to hurt. I knew that now. There was a reason I held out even when she wasn’t fully giving herself to the possibility of us. I believed in our shot, and I’d been patient, but I was officially done waiting.

  We were almost halfway, so I asked if she needed to stop. “I could use the fresh air. You want a drink or something?”

  “No, I have my water.”

  “Yeah, look Sydney. The longer you don’t say anything, the darker my thoughts get.”

  “I’m just thinking.”

  “Okay, fine. Think then.” I got out of the truck, but I turned back around. I pulled open her door. “No, it’s not fine. What are you thinking about? Are you writing things to say to Grant to let him down easy or am I way off base? It’s me, isn’t it? You’re planning how to push me away for good?”

  “Dane. Stop torturing yourself. You know how I’m leaning.”

  “I do?”

  “You should.”

  “Then you want to be with me?”

  She changed the subject. “Funny how you want to know everything when you are keeping secrets from me.”

  That was a shock, and I panicked a minute about the box of letters. How would she know that? Josie didn’t want her to know either and we were the only two people on earth that knew I read those letters.

  Lying sucked, but I did, “No, I’m not. What are you talking about?”

  “I know about the van. Nina told me.”

  “The van? I’m lost.”

  “No, you’re not, liar. I can’t believe you kept that a secret from me. We tell each other everything.”

  “Obviously not since you won’t tell me for certain if you are breaking up with Grant or not. And can we stop everything for a second while I try to figure out when Nina became your new BFF?”

  “She’s hardly my BFF and really? Do men say such nonsense? I don’t get you at all.”

  Now, who was lying? Sydney got me fine. I didn’t tell her about the van because I didn’t do it for any recognition.

  Sydney grabbed my hand. “What you did for Frisco was amazing. They were so bummed over the insurance settlement. It was insulting, and they weren’t going to able to buy anything but a beater.”

  “It sucked for them. He needed something reliable with all the back-and-forth journeys to the specialist. Look, I don’t want Frisco to think he’s a charity case, but he knew about the GoFundMe stuff, so I’d prefer he thought it was done through anonymous donations. I’m not sure how Nina found out or why she shared the information with you or what’s even going on there, but let’s drop it.”

  “Okay, but I’m proud of you. It was a generous thing you did and the fact you kept it secret… I don’t know. It says a lot about your character.”

  “I appreciate that Sydney. Well, I’ve been standing here like fifteen minutes. I’m going to go inside the station now. Sure, I can’t tempt you?”

  “Dane Ellsworth. You of all people should know that’s what got us to this point in the first place.”

  “No, you passed it. I told you to turn right and you kept going.”

  “You can’t tell me to turn in the intersection, Syd. I swear you’re stalling on purpose.”

  “I’m not. I’m ready, I swear.”

  After going in circles for twenty minutes, I finally pulled up to the address inputted in Sydney’s phone. “Okay, there it is. Moment of truth. What should I do? Wait five minutes and then leave if you don’t come out?”

  “Five minutes? Are you insane? I was with Grant two years, and you think this can be settled in five minutes? Maybe you should leave now, jerk.”

  “I’m sorry, but enough of this bullshit. There’s literally no way you haven’t made up your mind. I’ve been overly accommodating to your uncertainty, but enough is enough. I got you here, the ball’s in your court, sweetheart. I’m not a glutton for punishment no matter how I’ve acted this summer.”

  “So, you gave, and I took? Was I nothing but a source of constant confusion and frustration?”

  “No, that’s not what I said.”

  “You sure? Because that’s what I’m hearing and if that’s the way you feel, what I do in there has no bearing on us. I sound like a horrible person, not that great of a friend and definitely not someone deserving a relationship.”

  “Syd.”

  “Go, Dane. I’ll find my way back. I don’t need you to wait.”

  The door slammed, Sydney walked away, and I regretted every word I just said to her. Why couldn’t she be forthright? What was all this damn mess over Grant? If he meant that much to her, then she would have never gotten this close to me. Maybe I’d looked at the situation all wrong. If I meant that much, then why hadn’t Grant been dropped a long
time ago? She kept walking, further away from me. Sydney stopped midway and turned around, so I rolled the window.

  “I said leave.”

  “Not unless I know you’re going to be fine.” She was a distance from the street, but I witnessed an eye roll. She wanted me to stay. I couldn’t leave if I tried. I’d probably sit out here in the truck five hours because deep down; I thought she’d come back to me no matter what.

  I turned up the radio, and some sentimental love song came on, so I turned it down. Dad called earlier, but I missed it, so I listened to his voicemail. He asked about my progress on the land deal. I shut my phone off and turned up the country crooner singing about lost love. That misery was better than thinking about my father and how he wanted to wreck Josie’s business.

  I swear I only halfway meant the five minutes, but at four minutes forty-five seconds, Sydney was running not walking away from Grant’s place. A tall, bulky guy with sandy blonde hair was hot on her heels. Sydney was upset. My Sydney not Grant’s girlfriend was crying, and she was also screaming and flailing her arms in every direction. I didn’t hesitate even though she never told me he was a whole lot bigger than I was.

  “Get away from me Grant. We’re done!”

  “Sydney, please. I didn’t know you were coming for a visit.”

  “Oh, sorry I surprised you and your new girlfriend. Forgive me for not giving you both a heads up. She might have kept her shirt on if she knew company was coming.”

  Oh shit. Now it was all too clear. Grant, you, lousy son of a bitch.

  Our eyes met when I made it to the edge of the yard. She was relieved I stayed, but quickly looked away.

  Grant made another huge error. He grabbed her by the arm. “Will you please calm down? Let’s take a walk, and I’ll explain everything. You’re still my girl.”

  Sydney’s arm jerked, but that big lug didn’t let go. “Let the lady go or…” I needed an or something threat, but one that kept my face intact didn’t come to mind. If I jumped him, he was sure to beat the holy fuck out of me. I’d take it like a man for her honor, but it would sting.

  “Dane.”

  “It’s alright. Truck’s running.”

  “Let’s go. I’m done here.”

  The big guy was confused, “Who the hell are you?”

  “None of your business. Go to the truck, Syd.”

  She didn’t want us to fight, “Not without you.”

  “Are you serious right now? You’re pissed at me, and you’re with a guy!”

  Grant took a few steps toward Sydney again, and I reacted. My hands pushed those mighty pecks. Fuck, Syd, couldn’t you have mentioned one damn time, this guy lived in the gym?

  The pissing match started with Grant pushing me back and my good sense left a long time ago, probably the day Sydney fell off a ladder into my arms. I pushed back again even though I didn’t budge him. She didn’t stay to witness my death. For once, she listened and went to the truck.

  “Don’t push me again, man or I’ll knock you out.” We both backed up and then Grant surprised me. I’d learned to hate his existence, but he wasn’t that different from me, I guess. We both saw something special in Sydney. “Look, I get it, or I think I do. You’re the friend. She said she had a friend and I just assumed it was a chick. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. Tell her I’m so sorry. She’s the best, but you know how it is. She had to move, and we drifted apart. I never wanted to hurt her on purpose. I was going to come clean, but so much was going on and she always seemed distracted. You were her distraction, I’m guessing.”

  “Yeah, we were… well, it’s complicated, but she respected the relationship. It’s not what you think.” I left out the one time we totally forgot about Grant. Overall, Sydney and I showed restraint, physical restraint, but we were emotional cheaters in the worst way, so how could I stand here and judge this guy? He was big like a bodybuilder, but he was a damn kid.

  “She’s special. I’m a jerk.”

  He most definitely was, but so was I. Men are all jackasses and for some reason, women still found a way to love us. I held out my hand and he shook it instead of flipping me over his back. “Yeah, me too. I’m Dane Ellsworth. I wanted to steal your girl ever since I laid eyes on her, so I’m a bigger jerk, but you know what? I’ll never hurt her or be a jerk from here on out.”

  “You swear?”

  “Absolutely swear.”

  “I believe you for some reason. You’ve got an honest face and holy fuck; your eyes are weird. But I swear if I ever find out you’re lying, and you do hurt her, I’ll find you and I will break you in half. She deserves better than she’s gotten so far.”

  “Agreed. I’ll tell her what you said when she calms down.”

  “Thanks, that might be awhile. Sydney’s pretty emotional and she holds grudges.” I saw the other woman peering through the blinds. “Well, bye. Looks like we each have someone waiting on us.”

  Whatever Sydney saw inside was only the start. Grant betrayed her, but I certainly pissed her off staying behind making friends with the ex-boyfriend.

  “Come on, Sydney. Let me in.”

  The doors were locked, so I punched in the code. She locked them again as soon as my handle was on the handle. “Dammit, Syd. Open up so we can get out of here.”

  We went two more rounds of me punching the code and Sydney locking it back, but I finally won. There was no reason to talk yet. The waterworks started up full force. I drove, and Sydney bawled. The more she cried, the worse I felt. It wasn’t one of those instances when I couldn’t stand to see her upset. Sydney’s heavy tears after leaving Grant could only mean one thing. She still cared. I’d almost convinced myself she didn’t, so it seemed more and more like I misjudged everything like who we were to each other and where we were heading.

  A city park came into view, so I took a sharp right. I needed answers and it was time to tell her the truth, the whole truth.

  “Sydney, look at me.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  “Why not? I’m sorry. Grant’s sorry too. I’m sure that was fucked up for you. I mean, what did you see? Were they banging or worse?”

  “What’s worse than that? No, they weren’t having sex. She was on his lap in a pair of shorts and a bra. Again, what’s worse than banging?”

  “Never mind. I’m confused how upset you are, but I get it. You saw your boyfriend with a hot redhead. He betrayed your trust. He’s an idiot. He even admitted that to me.”

  “You think I’m upset because of him and that skank? And hot? You didn’t even see her. She was most definitely not hot.”

  “I… um, well…” Sydney bolted, and I ran after her.

  When I stopped her between a park bench and swing set, she yelled loudly, “You saw her, and you think she’s hot! How could you misjudge looks so bad?”

  “Um, what?” Why were we dwelling on this chick’s looks? “Look, I’m dizzy from your hysterics. Can we go back to the truck?”

  “I’m not going back until you take it back.”

  Of course, I knew what I had to take back. Sydney wasn’t going to forget I called that girl hot. It was an expression. Honestly, I didn’t give her more than a glance, but any man could tell she was not hideous and that translated as hot. “Sorry, you’re right. I barely saw her. Back up though. You’re not crying about what you saw?”

  “Of course, you didn’t see if you’re calling that girl hot. She had the worst split ends because of constant heat and coloring. Don’t fool yourself. She’s not a natural redhead and that volume was totally fake. She’s got flat, stringy, dull brown hair and what’s with those lips? How does Grant even kiss those? Her top lip is non-existent, but the bottom lip was too large. Who cares? Whatever. I don’t care. Grant can squeeze that Target bra for the rest of his life or the next week because that’s probably how long it will last. I don’t care.”

  As soon as Sydney said she didn’t care, she turned around and headed back to the truck. I caught up with her before she slammed the door in my
face. “Enough, Sydney. Tell me. Why are you crying this much if it’s not about Grant?”

  “Because I ruined it. I wasted our whole summer clinging to nothing. It was an old and dying relationship. You and I had the perfect meeting. It was true poetry. That’s where I live and breathe, but I didn’t seize it. Now the moment has passed, and I have no excuse. I don’t know why I kept insisting I was with him because I wasn’t. There’s no reason for you to trust me. I’m a fake and you know what? I’m also a hundred times worse than Grant because I’ve been in love with another man this entire time.”

  My finger silenced those runaway lips. “Shhh, no more crying Syd or talking shit about yourself.” She sniffled, and I wiped every single tear away. I had it all wrong. She wasn’t crying over Grant; she was crying over me. “You’re so wrong, princess, about everything.”

  “What else is new?”

  “It’s not too late. Our meeting was poetic and that can never be undone. I trust you fully. You make my head spin and I don’t understand half the shit that goes on in your mind. You’re rude and snobby, but also kind, giving and my favorite person on earth.” I held Sydney’s chin. “Seize it. We’re not too late. I’d say we’re just getting started and in case you’re wondering. I love you too… so much I can’t think straight. That’s why this has all been so crazy.”

  “You mean that?”

  “Every last word.”

  We didn’t need to say anything else. We both said what needed to be said by admitting our love, so we quit speaking and we seized.

  Dane kissed even better in the daylight. Maybe the time of day was irrelevant; he was kissing me with reckless abandonment. That was the phrase that fit and what made today’s kisses so good. He kissed me with freedom because I was free and untethered. Grant was history. I didn’t hate him, and history didn’t mean he didn’t exist. He and I happened for a reason. Dane was the reason. I had to go through a baby relationship to know the difference. This was different. It was real and if he was still willing to put up with me, I’d never let him down again.