Falling Into Love

by TC Rybicki

  “Good God, boy. Do you answer your phone anymore? I’m ready to work. Today’s the day we’re going to make something happen, shake shit up. I want that damn bed-and-breakfast, so no more stalling.”

  “Dad, it’s not a good time.” One glance around the house was all it took to find evidence of Sydney everywhere. Dad didn’t step too far from the door before he saw the first sign. He picked up the cowboy boots I bought her with the delicate teal accents weaved into the leather.

  “These sure are pretty, Dane. I think I’m catching on. You ain’t gone lazy. Your mind is hazy, and there’s a woman to blame.”

  “Dad, please. I’ll call you in a little while. I don’t want you to embarrass my friend.”

  “Why? Who is she? What’s the big secret? Personally, I’m relieved. I thought that Europe trip changed you.” He said ‘changed’ in a strange way. I remember his reaction to some of my travel pictures.

  “It wasn’t a damn purse. It’s a satchel. Wallets are easily pickpocketed.”

  “Whatever you say.” He picked Sydney pink sweater off the back of the rocker and brought it closer to his face. “She smells nice. I certainly don’t blame you for getting the sex brain, and I don’t care if you and your pretty friend have matching girly boots or carry the same purse as long as I have your focus for this deal. She’s a looker, I’m guessing, or you wouldn’t have regressed so much.”

  Dad walked too close to my room, cupped his hand near his mouth, and yelled, “Miss, sorry to break up your Saturday plans, but my son and I have work to do. You might want to head out and come back later.”

  I approached my dad and grabbed his arm. “Stop it. She’s not leaving. You are. This is my house.”

  “Was mine first and it wouldn’t be yours if it wasn’t for me, so show some appreciation.”

  “Enough. This is bullshit. I mean it. I have something to show you Monday, but I need you to leave now.”

  I had no idea if Sydney heard all this or if her ears were underwater, but she could step out of my bedroom any second and I never knew what she might be wearing. She could walk into the living room in a sweatshirt if she were chilled or stark naked to be funny. I was fuming that my father sniffed her damn sweater. He certainly didn’t deserve to see all of her. If he refused to leave immediately, I needed to warn her before our world imploded.

  I moved around my father, grabbed my door handle, and met with some resistance. The door pushed open. At least she was fully clothed. Sydney covered her mouth after seeing my dad behind me.

  “It’s okay. Let her out, Dane. You keep her locked up or something? I’m very sorry, but I need my son today. His job depends on it.”

  I begged with my eyes. If Sydney didn’t say anything, Dad wouldn’t know anything more than I had a woman here. I nodded, “It’s okay. I’m sorry. Maybe you should grab your food and eat in my room while my father and I hash out a few work problems out.”

  Dad was loud and assertive toward me, but he was a gentleman underneath his bold exterior. He extended his hand. “Excuse my manners. Pretty doesn’t do her justice, son. I’m Paul Ellsworth. Nice to meet you, Miss…”

  Sydney dropped her hand and started to shake Dad’s hand. Only he stopped mid-shake. His eyes widened and panic set in. Real panic on my part. No. Don’t say it.

  He did speak, but not what I expected exactly, “Sydney?”

  What the fuck? Who told him? How did he know her name? The worst thing I expected was recognition because of her resemblance to Marlene. I’d seen old photos and she and Sydney were quite similar at the same age. He said her fucking name. Sydney pulled her hand back and questioned me with her eyes. I had no answer.

  Dad turned to me. “It seems I completely underestimated you, but you should have asked first. I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

  Sydney found her voice. “How’d you know my name?”

  “Marly.”

  “Who?”

  I closed my eyes for a few seconds wishing this was a nightmare, but when I opened them, we were all still standing in the small hall leading into my bedroom.

  “You mean my mother? Why would my mother ever tell you about me? That doesn’t make sense. She never came to those stupid high school reunions. They were beneath her.”

  “Blame it on a weak moment. She had plenty of them in her lifetime. She felt the need to beg me for forgiveness one last time. It didn’t work, but Marly always wrote the best letters. That’s how I learned all about her headstrong daughter and a few bits about her miserable life. She sent a picture a few years back.”

  I mumbled when I should have kept quiet, “not with the letters again.”

  “What was that? You read my letters? How dare you. Those were tucked away for no one else to see.” Dad looked up at the ceiling at the attic door over our heads.

  Sydney looked up as well even though she had no idea why. “What letters? What does he mean Dane?”

  “Dad, please go. You’re upsetting Sydney.”

  “Oh, I’m not so sure about that. Am I upsetting you Sydney?”

  “Yes.”

  “I doubt it is worse than what your greedy bastard father did to you. He ruined your life just like he ruined your mother over and over. For some reason, I figured the two of you fled to a faraway place, but here you are right under my nose, in my son’s bed. This is not what I was expecting to find here today.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about and don’t ever speak about my father.” Sydney looked at me. “I’m not listening to this any longer.” She was going back to my room, and I was getting my dad the hell out of here. Then I was telling her everything I knew hoping she understood my motives. But Sydney stopped. She had one more thing to say, “By the way, leave my grandmother alone. You will never take her business, her land, or our home. You’re a huge jerk picking on an old lady.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that Sydney. I think my son might have good news for me after today, and I’m not doing anything to Josie Littlefield that she doesn’t deserve. Karma’s a bitch. She owes me, and she knows why.”

  “Hold up. My Gram doesn’t owe you a goddamn thing. You must be insane. I’m not sure what happened with my mother, but Gram has never crossed another soul on this planet.”

  “I hate to break it to you, but Josie’s no saint, she stole my child from me, and I swore one day she’d answer for her sin.”

  “Dad, that’s enough.”

  “Seriously, get your father some help. What’s he talking about? Tell him, Dane. Gram loves you. She’d never hurt Dane, and since your daughter is too smart to show her face around here, a statement like this proves you’re deluded.”

  I tried to back him off, but Dad held his hand up to block me, “No, Sydney is grown. She can handle it. You both need to hear the truth how Josie Littlefield forced her daughter to abort our child, yours and Sydney’s little brother or sister, I call that a significant cross. Don’t you agree? You two should hate her instead of defending her.”

  “You’re a fucking liar. My mother never was pregnant before me, and my grandmother is so old-fashioned and conservative. She doesn’t even believe in abortion.”

  “Well, she believed in it that day, and I had no say so. Your mother and I made promises. She and I were getting married as soon as I got together enough money. There was no reason to do what she did except someone poisoned her against me and our future.”

  Sydney stood her ground up until that point. She looked at me, and my head hung low. It was all the confirmation she needed. As soon as she realized the abortion was real, she fled to the room in tears and the bathroom door slamming was the proof I needed; lies and half-truths always end in disaster. I could come clean until I was out of breath, but it was a day late. No. The truth was months late. I should have told her a long time ago.

  “Get out. I can’t believe you would act like this. You deliberately tried to hurt her.”

  “Truth hurts. Enough of this drama. What do you have?”


  “I have nothing other than we’re not getting the Littlefield place. I purchased several acres to the south. It’s not as much as you wanted, but it’s all you’ll get, and you know what? I don’t care anymore. I quit.”

  “You can’t quit your family, Dane.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “How long have you been with that girl?”

  “None of your damn business, but long enough to know she’s all I want in life.”

  “I thought that once about her mother. That shit makes you weak. It’s already happening to you. Let it go.”

  “Get the fuck out!”

  Dad left. He said it wasn’t over. I didn’t know what else he could do, but the worst came to mind. I knocked softly on the bathroom door, “Syd, honey, come out so we can talk.”

  Gurgled words confused me through the brushed glass door. My bathroom door slid on an overhead rod. I pulled, and she pushed. “Answer me?”

  “I don’t know what you asked.”

  Her mouth appeared at the crack, “I said, is it true?”

  “For the most part. I doubt the things he said about Josie. None of that was in the letters.”

  The door slid quickly, and I stepped back. “You read these letters?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “Syd, it’s not… I mean, I found them on accident and…”

  “When, Dane?”

  “Before you came over for dinner.”

  “I’ve been over for dinner countless times. Be more specific.”

  “Can we sit down and take a breath? Hey, I just remembered the toast. You’re probably starving.”

  “I don’t want the fucking toast. Which dinner?”

  “The first one.”

  “Oh my God! You knew since the second day, and you never said anything. Why? Why would you not mention our parents were lovers and got pregnant? Did you not think one time I might need to know you and I were embarking on this pseudo-incestuous relationship?”

  “Incestuous? Are you out of your mind? We are not being incestuous. Our parents were kids when they broke up at least a decade before you were born.”

  “We would have had a sibling in common. How does that not rock you to your core? I can’t stop shaking thinking about it.”

  “Because we don’t, okay. I didn’t think about it that way, because of…”

  “The abortion! Say it. My mother had an abortion. I knew she never wanted kids. This proves it. She should’ve done it to me. I’d trade places with the first one if I could since my life makes zero sense.”

  “Stop saying that. You’re upset, and you’re lashing out. I get that.”

  “And you’re not upset? Because that causes me even more concern. Tell me Dane! How did you react? Were you fine with it?”

  “No, I wasn’t exactly fine with it. I felt weird, and for the record, I only read a couple of letters at first. I didn’t go back to them until later, so I didn’t know everything, and by the time I did, you and I were in a comfortable friendship. I cared about you and I didn’t want to add to your stress. I thought I was protecting you.”

  “I’m not a child!”

  “No, but you’d been through a lot and your whole world was turned on its axis.”

  “So, you’d lie to me the rest of our lives to protect me?”

  “No, Josie and I were going to tell you everything. That’s what we meant by Sunday. I’m so sorry you found out like this.”

  “Oh. Tomorrow I’d be given the whole truth. Well, why didn’t you say so? Everything’s fine then. I’ll dry up these tears and never worry our entire relationship is based on a lie.”

  I reached for her hand. She jerked away and proceeded to grab articles of clothing and her books. She stuffed them into her bag. My mind was a blur as Sydney recklessly packed her things. She normally wouldn’t go home until Sunday.

  “Stop. Let’s talk some more. I know you’re upset, but we can work this out. I’ll do anything to make it better.”

  “We? What a joke. You have no faith in me, or you would’ve confided this bombshell. There were so many opportunities, and you know it. Paul seems to think you are still up to your old ways. For all I know, he’s right, and this was a ploy from the start to prove something to him.”

  “That’s utter bullshit, and you know it. I’ve done everything in my power to help Josie. I confided things to you and Josie that no one else knew. I protected her from my father. You know this is real. We….” I wouldn’t let her pull away this time. I held Sydney’s shoulders and made her face me, “We are real!”

  “Nothing is real. Everyone I have ever loved lies and betrays me in the end. I’m done. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t want to see you again.”

  Sydney grabbed my keys off the dresser. She was too upset to drive. “Stop. I’ll drive you back.”

  “No thank you.”

  “So that’s it, you’re going to run out, steal my truck and forget about what we are to each other because our parents were teenage lovers?”

  “Not because they were, but because you didn’t tell me. You can get the truck back later. I know you’re resourceful. And concerning us, we’re nothing.”

  “What was last night? This morning in the shower? That was nothing?”

  “Sex. It was just sex. Since you’ve been lying to me from the start, you nullified the feelings I thought were involved.”

  Sydney walked out. She left me. I screwed up. I expected some anger, but she was being utterly ridiculous and overreacting. What else was new? Why was I so wrapped up in a woman that could still claim teen status, thought the world revolved around her and spent most of her time being irrational? She also called us nothing. Now who was the liar?

  Her sweater draped over the rocker brought it all back. I picked up the soft pink fabric, held it against my face and drew her scent into my nostrils where it lingered. That was the reason. There was none. Loving her made little sense, and it also made perfect sense. I loved Sydney because I just did. This was a huge fight, and she was pissed, but I’d give her time, and she’d eventually calm down and listen. I had to have faith.

  I sent a warning text.

  Dane: She knows. Dad was here. He blurted out everything, and she knows. Also, she took it bad, as bad as you can imagine.

  The time I intended to give her was short-lived because I couldn’t stay away. I got a ride from Frisco later in the evening. Hopefully, Josie got through to her. Sydney might feel betrayed by all of us, but Josie had a way with her like no one else. I doubt her hurt feelings toward her grandmother were anything like the rage she expressed for me.

  I ran to the side of the house as soon as Frisco stopped in the driveway. He gave some advice about waiting longer, but I had to try one last thing.

  The shattered pieces of the trellis were scattered all over the grass under Sydney’s window. That said it all, but Sydney took it a step further. There was a note on the front door. “Dane, ‘the liar’ Ellsworth isn’t welcome here. Ever!”

  I left the box against the door and headed to the truck she playfully named Stud. It was just a truck before her, and now it was a vessel of memories. I remembered every time Sydney climbed aboard, all the touches and kisses, every song that played on the radio she sang along with regardless of knowing the words or not. I could almost feel her right next to me in her spot. I could recite all the passages Sydney read aloud while I drove down the highway. I could never erase her, she was everywhere even when she was gone.

  The bed shifted next to me, and my groggy overwrought mind played a trick on me, “Dane?”

  “No, but I could fetch him real quick, I imagine.”

  All the air rushed out of my lungs and my head filled with the reality that was my life. Gram didn’t climb to the upstairs much these days. I’d given her quite the sob story the night before, and then I gave her the silent treatment when she tried to tell her side. I couldn’t listen to another person tell me what was for my own good.

 
“What are you doing in here?”

  “I thought I’d try to convince you to go to church. It would do us both some good.”

  “Maybe it does you good, but I’m not ready to hear anything about peace and forgiveness.”

  “Mr. Ellsworth’s been here.”

  “I know. I saw him out the window picking up the pieces of our past.”

  “You owe me one wooden rose trellis.”

  “Dock my pay, but please construct it elsewhere. I don’t want any passages to this room. I wish I could seal all the doors and windows and never escape. Consider this my new prison.”

  “Good Lord, Syd. You’re an extreme human being. Yes, it’s unpleasant. I’m sorry we fibbed too long, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s ancient history.”

  “It’s raw and blistering to me because I’ve had no time to process the devastation unlike the rest of you.”

  “Fine, but you will not stay hulled up here indefinitely. And there’s no devastation. There’s some sadness and heartbreak, but you need to move past it. I expect normal behavior come tomorrow morning. I’m going to church. In case you’re wondering why he was here, Dane left you something.”

  “I don’t want anything from him.”

  Gram reached down to the floor and brought up an old shoebox. Then she bent over once more wincing about her old bones. She placed a second box next to the first.

  “What’s this?”

  “This shoebox is full of letters Dane brought. I’m guessing they’re from your mother to Paul and this pink hatbox contains letters from Paul Ellsworth to my only daughter. I thought you should see all of it before you draw your conclusion. I told Dane not to mention the letters he found. I knew what they said because I’ve kept the others hidden away since your mother left. Be mad. That’s your right, but don’t be stupid, Sydney. He wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose. No one was.”

  Gram texted me when she got home. She said she was done with these stairs for good, but when I finished the letters, come find her unless it was the middle of the night. I’d read them all. Dane’s box was easier to navigate since he organized them already. Organization. That was Dane’s specialty, but we were a hot mess. All of us. The Littlefields, The Ellsworths, and the Hagels. I didn’t tell Gram I was on my second read through. I had to soak it all in once more. It was so much, and I knew I must have missed something through bleary eyes and exhaustion. I barely slept the night before.