Falling Into Love

by TC Rybicki

  Once she finished, she waited for my response. “Okay, it’s a lot, but it doesn’t change us. I hope you see that. We’re different.”

  “Are we? What if we’re just like them?”

  “How could we be Sydney? That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I feel cursed Dane.”

  “Are you joking? Don’t answer. Of course, you’re not. I swear to God you are the most dramatic human on the planet.”

  “Then why bother with me? It’s obvious that my personality bothers you a great deal.”

  “No. It fucks with my mind and pisses me off sometimes, but your personality is all yours and I also love it. I love you, honey. Nothing’s changed.”

  “I feel like everything has changed. I’m sorry for the things I said in the heat of the moment. I’m sure you know there were things I didn’t mean.”

  “Yeah, I think I do. Sydney, I still want to be with you.”

  “I know, but maybe for now we need to open the separate ways door.”

  My head shook in response to the phrase she stole from me. “The deal was that door isn’t an option.”

  “I think I need it.” For the first time today, Sydney touched me. I touched her back, and she whimpered. She could say things about imaginary doors and curses, but she still craved our contact as much as I did.

  “You still love me. Nothing’s nullified.”

  “Of course, I do. Gram’s talk of trials and forgiveness keeps bouncing around my head. Do you know I’ve lived my entire life holding a grudge against my own mother? I never took the time to understand her because I didn’t feel like she did the same for me. I don’t know if I’m capable of forgiveness and resolution. You deserve someone who is. What if I’m more like Irene? I don’t want to hurt those I love. I don’t mean to speak ill of her Dane. I know she was special to you.”

  “I can hate a few things she did without ruining her entire memory. You’re a lot more like Josie. You have an abundance of empathy so stop trying to convince me otherwise. If your mother ever shows her face here, I’m going to lock you both in a room until you talk about things. Not everyone has a perfect relationship with their parents, and it doesn’t make them an intolerant human being.”

  “You say you love me.”

  “I do more than say, I prove it constantly.”

  “Why? Why did this handsome man with his life on track fall for a girl like me? I truly want you to give me tangible reasons.” She held her finger to my lip, and I was so tempted to take that finger into my mouth to light the fire that existed between us. “Don’t you dare say anything about my looks or that I’m pretty, beautiful, hot or anything in between. That’s not a good enough reason, and I’ll definitely send you flying if you say those things.”

  “Do you have any more adjectives to add about your appearance?” Sydney wasn’t amused, but she’d described herself in vivid detail. Self-esteem wasn’t her weakness. “How about I love you because on the surface, you are a typical self-centered narcissistic Millennial consumed with yourself, but that doesn’t define you. I swear Syd, your Instagram is embarrassing to view. Your selfies are not the real you. The real Sydney writes poetry in bed at night; you spend a good portion of your time re-reading old poetic writings that have nothing in common with a modern woman. You absorb things, truly experience life, but also intertwine fantasy. You use flowery language and big words at the strangest times and you’re not exactly what I’d call an intellectual. And for the record, the non-forgiving way you describe yourself is utter bullshit. You forgave your father the first time he apologized for destroying your family. I love the way your face lights up every time you tell me a memory of him or something he wrote in a letter because your love is so pure despite his shortcomings. That’s just the beginning. You grew up with servants and caregivers, but it causes you physical pain to see others suffer. That’s why you make a huge difference with the people that work here, especially Frisco and his family. A self-centered brat wouldn’t care about keeping a little girl smiling the entire time her siblings enjoy activities she can’t participate in. Also, don’t forget Nina. I used to wish I could, but you transformed your worst nemesis into your best friend. That took some humility. Secretly, I thought it couldn’t be done, but you did it. That’s another thing I love about you. Hell, I even loved your I’m sorry letter to Grant. That took guts and showed maturity to express gratitude for his place in your life when you needed him. You get things done and you don’t accept defeat. It’s a mixture of stubbornness and determination. I’ve been paying attention to more than your ass this entire time.” I was going to risk being tossed off the cliff, but I didn’t hold back. “And I don’t care if your looks are off limits. I do love your body, your gorgeous face, and your beautiful soul. I take pride in the fact I’m the only one to see all of you stripped, completely engulfed in desire and passion. There. The start of why I love you. I’m sure there’s more, but you asked out of the blue. I did the best I could. That’s what makes me right for you, I love all it, good and bad. I love the reverence you express for Josie as well as the resentment you cling to for Marlene. You have issues with her and you own it. Don’t ever apologize to anyone for who you are, only apologize for things that weigh you down.”

  “I never deserved you.”

  “Wrong.”

  She wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I appreciate what you said. It means a lot, but I need more time.”

  “Okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

  I really wanted to hug her, but Sydney put her hands up. “I mean it, when we touch and get too close, I stop having rational thoughts. Dane, you mean everything to me. I can’t mess up. Everyone else in our families messed up.”

  “Don’t hope for perfection or you’ll always be disappointed.”

  “I know. Maybe we should head back. I bet Gram would like you to join us for dinner.”

  “I’d like that. We probably need to talk about Dad.”

  “Do we have to?”

  “I think so.”

  I hated those words were truer than I realized since Dad was here. Sydney and I couldn’t believe it when we got back to the house and found him yelling at Josie on the front porch.

  Sydney ran to Josie’s defense, “Get away from her. You’re trespassing.”

  “Calm down. I can handle Paul Ellsworth on my own. He was just leaving.”

  “I gave you something to think about, didn’t I? She seems like a sweet kid, but technically, she’s an adult. The judge could make an example out of her.”

  “Dad. What the hell are you talking about?”

  “This doesn’t concern you. It only pertains to the Ellsworth Group, and since you no longer are employed with us, I’m not discussing business with you.”

  “Oh my God! You fired your own son?”

  “I quit.”

  “What? Dane, you quit your job?”

  “I have my own clients. I don’t need him.”

  “Is that so? We’ll see how many properties stay listed with you in the future. Too bad you took a second mortgage out on the ranch for the remodel. I’d hate to see you lose the family home because you’re a damn fool.”

  “Gram, are you alright? What did he say to you? You seem a little shaken up.”

  Sydney was right, Josie was pale.

  Dad was happy to inform us Sydney was about to get herself into trouble unless Josie struck a deal with him. I didn’t have a clue what he meant. Then he said he had a private investigator on it and they found a large bank account in the Cayman Islands.

  “That’s a no-no. You’re stealing from those people, same as your father.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve saved up 3,500 dollars working my ass off for Gram this summer. That’s my net worth, and it’s all in the Uvalde Credit Union.”

  I’d already warned Sydney about this. She insisted Matthew wouldn’t attach her name to dirty money.

  Dad said an unlikely dollar amount. I wasn’t sure how they hid tha
t sum of money from the feds.

  “Oh, my goodness. Am I really still rich?” She shook her head, “Never mind. I didn’t mean that. You’re a liar. Daddy wouldn’t take a chance like that.”

  “Then you did it. Is that what you’re saying? If I expose this, you could go to prison with your dear ole dad.”

  I wasn’t sure if my father was bluffing, but I didn’t want to chance it. “Dad let’s talk about this in private. It doesn’t need to come to this. Sydney doesn’t know about this money, it’s obvious.”

  “Josie knows how we can make these problems go away. She knows she owes me and now Sydney’s future is at stake. Prove you care about your kin and not only yourself, Mrs. Littlefield.”

  The front door slammed behind us. I hoped one of the guests wasn’t hearing all this drama. That would have been embarrassing for Josie. Both Dad and Sydney looked like they saw a ghost.

  “Mom.”

  “Marly.”

  They spoke in unison.

  “Matthew didn’t hide the money for Sydney. I did. So, if anyone’s going down for it, I guess you need to turn me in. That should be satisfying for you Paul, make me pay finally for all my sins.”

  “Mom, where the hell did you come from?”

  Josie spoke up. “She came in this morning just after breakfast looking like she hadn’t slept in ten years, so I checked her into a room. I figured we’d deal with everything over dinner.”

  “Why did you do that? Dad was ordered to turn everything over to pay those people back.”

  Marlene defended her actions, “I know, but it isn’t like everyone involved was dead broke. Some of those people still have plenty of money. I wanted your future secured. It was important to me.”

  Syd scoffed, “Yes, of course, I was always so important to you.”

  “At least she let you be born.” We all glared my father’s interruption. I understood his pain to an extent, but he’d let that betrayal consume him. He needed to let it go.

  Sydney had enough. She blurted the truth. “Maybe if your dead mother hadn’t bullied my mother, she would’ve acted differently, but we’ll never know, will we?”

  “What about my mother?”

  “Tell him. Someone tell Paul the truth or I will.”

  Dad argued, “It was Josie. She carried you off before we could talk and poisoned you against me because she was a jaded woman and didn’t trust men.”

  Josie shook her finger in my father’s face, “Oh, my Lord. That’s hogwash.”

  “Paul, Mother didn’t even know until I called her stuck at a clinic in Laredo because Irene left me when she knew I saw it through.”

  “That’s a lie.”

  Sydney’s mother wasn’t as I’d pictured her. She was emotional and convincing, “No, it’s not. I’ve lied plenty in my lifetime and Sydney’s right. I was a rotten mother to her, and a terrible wife because I knew I didn’t deserve them. I’m here to apologize to my mother for being an awful daughter, but I’m telling you the truth. Irene was the one that convinced me I was saving your future by doing this. We weren’t ready for that responsibility. I was in shock, so when she approached me with the only plan that seemed to make sense, I listened to her. I loved you and didn’t want to hurt you.”

  Josie stepped back and motioned for us to join her, “Dane, Sydney. Why don’t you come inside and help with dinner? Your folks might need a private talk.”

  Sydney mumbled as we walked inside, “One of us is going to jail, aren’t we?”

  I shook my head. “No, I wouldn’t let that happen, and he’s not taking The Groves either.”

  “I can’t believe you quit working for your father.”

  “He disrespected you. I had no choice.”

  Sydney was reeling about everything she’d just heard about the money, “How can you be so sure Paul will back off?”

  “Because he still loves your mom.”

  “I highly doubt that.”

  “I could tell Sydney. It was written all over his face as soon as he saw her. Didn’t you notice he changed his tone?”

  “Dane. I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was here. Are you okay? I’m sure he loves your mother more.”

  “I don’t know. He’s good to her, but I swear I’ve never seen him look at her like that. They’re a decent couple, but there’s no spark. I always chalked it up to years together and contentment. Now I’m not so sure. I think that’s why Mom has an underlying sadness to her disposition. She knows.”

  “When we all stop hurting each other?”

  “Sydney.”

  “You know what? Not now. I can’t deal with them. Let’s cook. I think comfort food is in order. I have some chicken thawed.”

  “Fried chicken coming up.”

  “I’ll start the mac and cheese.”

  “Fine. But I’m making the gravy.”

  “No, I’m making the gravy. Yours is lumpy.”

  “No way, yours is bland.”

  “Fine, we’ll both make it and let the others judge. Oh God, is your father staying for dinner?”

  “Surely not, but you’re on. What do I get if I win?” Please say a kiss and that we’re still together.

  “Nothing because I’m going to win. Get the chicken prepped. I’m going to fill Gram in on the menu. She might want to observe the competition.” I turned around to grab a few items from the pantry. The next thing I heard from Sydney changed all our plans. She shrieked from down the hall. “GRAM! Help me, Dane. Gram’s not breathing!”

  My vision blurred all around me. Everything else faded, but Gram. Dane and Paul were performing CPR. I didn’t even know he knew such a thing. My Gram. She had to wake up. She was fine earlier. When I walked into her room and saw her collapsed next to the bed, I felt like my heart stopped as well. She was so still with no rise and fall of her chest. I screamed, and a sequence of screams followed, first Dane for help, then my mother. I couldn’t speak or move. Mom was on with 911. Ten minutes sounded like an eternity. I knew she couldn’t go too long without oxygen.

  “Hold on. I’ve got a pulse.”

  “Is she breathing?”

  “Yes, shallow, but she’s back.” Just as Paul declared Gram was still with us, we heard the ambulance. There was a small crowd of employees and concerned guest that Dane managed to organize, so the EMT could get her in and out of the house as soon as possible.

  He double checked what hospital, and we all ran for Dane’s truck. Paul opened the back door. “You want to sit with your mother?”

  “No thanks.” I didn’t explain why. I wasn’t a brat. I just needed to be in my spot next to Dane. That’s the only way I’d I feel any semblance of normal.

  Dane wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead. “She’s a fighter. They got here in time.”

  “You saved her, both of you. How’d you learn CPR?” They didn’t even hesitate. Dane and Paul jumped into action.

  Paul spoke up from the back. I turned around to see his hand cover Mom’s in the middle of the backseat. “Dane was an Eagle Scout, first-aid merit badge.”

  “That must have been a long time ago.”

  “Dane has an excellent memory,” Paul complimented him.

  “You too. Dad was my scout leader.”

  I’d formed a different opinion of Paul before this moment. He was more of a hands-on father than I realized. Perhaps he pushed Dane a little too hard, but he couldn’t be as vile as I’d made him out to be.

  “Sydney, Dane. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I know Josie is our only concern now, but I have so many regrets. Seeing Marly again and hearing another side to the story made me realize my vendetta was pointless and hurtful. I wasted so many years hating, and I have a lot to make up for.”

  Mom added. “I’m sorry too, Sydney. I wasn’t the kind of mother you deserved.”

  “I just need to focus on Gram.”

  “Of course, sweetie. She’s going to be fine. I know my mother.”

  Everyone else had confidence, but a few things bothered
me. I’d been the closest to Gram lately, and there were some signs she wasn’t feeling as good as she used to. Every time I questioned her, she dismissed my concerns. “Gram takes medicine. She said it was for arthritis. Maybe that’s not the whole truth.”

  “Yes, I saw her pill case. The EMT’s told me to grab everything. They have it. I’m sure the doctors will figure it out soon enough.”

  I squeezed Dane’s thigh. He dropped his hand from the steering wheel and linked his fingers with mine. The doctors had to figure out what happened and how to fix it. They had to save my Gram.

  Minutes turned into hours and we waited with little word on Gram. Every time we flagged a nurse down, it was the same thing, “We’re working on her.”

  That meant Gram was with us. I was trying to cling to the positive and not let my mind run crazy. I had no idea how long she wasn’t breathing. It wasn’t too long, but then minutes meant everything when your heart stops.

  Dane and Paul offered to find food. I couldn’t think about eating even though we missed dinner. “Just coffee if you can find it.”

  Mom made the important calls. I only texted with Nina who was on the way with some of my things. The waiting room was jammed with bodies and blank faces. Nighttime brought chaos, sick children, twitchy junkies, and inebriated idiots. I truly believed we were the only people there with a true emergency and I wrestled with the urge to jump up and shout, “Everyone get that fuck out! Take a pill or sleep it off.”

  I wanted everyone working in the trauma department to be with Gram not with these other misfits. Dane thought I had massive empathy, but with this current upheaval, it was so hard to care about another living soul. I wondered if anyone truly knew what Gram meant to me? Did she?

  Dane stuck a foam cup into the palm of my hand. “I doctored it up, but don’t expect much. Dad got it from a vending machine.”

  “Thanks.” I blew on the murky brown liquid. It didn’t smell much like coffee. Dane opened a package of peanut butter crackers and a soda.