Breaking Faith (The JackholeS Book 1)

by Joy Eileen

  “Friends,” I grouched, trying to reprimand him.

  “What did I say?” he asked, trying to look innocent, but the half-smile on his face ruined it. “I just said you look hot.”

  I glared at him. He knew full well what he said, and how he wanted me to interpret it. I glanced over to see one of my tables searching for me. Using this as my escape, I walked over to them and away from Kill.

  Jessie kept to the other side of the bar, trying to act like she was too busy to go talk to Van, but I caught her staring at him several times. I curbed the urge to throttle her ass, and kept my tables happy instead.

  “Why don’t you go over there? You need to talk to him.” I finally broke my silence when I caught her at the bar.

  “I want to. When I'm with him he makes everything better, but so did Brock,” she replied, looking over at Van at the same time he glanced over at her.

  He winked at her before going back to his beer, giving her time to come to him.

  “Fudge. Why does he have to be so perfect?” she cried softly before heading over to the table, grabbing his face, and kissing him.

  When she pulled away, Van had a big smile on his face. Jet put out his hand to get a high five, telling Jessie something I could only assume was extremely inappropriate. The boys made their way onstage. The whole bar gravitated to the dance floor, screaming their undying devotion to them.

  Jessie, Denise, and I converged at the bar, slumping on the stools exhausted.

  “I'm too damn old for this. I need some rich man to come and sweep me off of my feet,” Denise griped, and all of us nodded our head, agreeing a rich man at this moment sounded like heaven.

  I spied Bambi across the bar leaning on one of the pool tables, talking to a guy wearing clothes that screamed I have money.

  “I think she had a bitchectomy. She hasn’t been horrid the past couple of days. After a hundred more treatments, she could almost be considered human,” Ryan said when she saw me looking over at Bambi.

  “Kill talked to her,” I admitted.

  When I didn’t go into further detail, Ryan got pissed. “What did he say? You can’t just give us that little gem and not tell us everything you know.”

  “I don’t know what he said. All he told me was she shouldn’t be bothering me anymore. I didn’t ask what he said, because I was pissed at him for feeling he needed to protect me from a hundred pound, silicone-filled bitch.”

  “Holy Crap. I would have loved to be there when he talked to her,” Jessie giggled.

  “That boy has it bad for you,” Denise said, and I felt my face heat up.

  “We're just friends,” I insisted, turning toward the stage, not wanting to look at her stupid, smirking face.

  "Shut up, Denise. She doesn't need someone like Kill as her rebound," Jessie said through clenched teeth.

  “Honey, I've known that boy for a long time, and he doesn’t do friends,” Denise replied, ignoring Jessie.

  “He's friends with you, and you,” I argued with Denise, and I glanced over at Ryan trying to make a point.

  “Well, honey, I think I'm too old for that boy, and I was dating someone when I met him.”

  Ryan was pretending that wiping down the bar was the most interesting thing she had ever done. My eyes went wide.

  “Did you….?” I couldn’t finish my sentence, wishing I hadn’t started it.

  “Ryan,” Jessie hissed at her, making her finally meet our eyes.

  “I never had sex with him,” she said, causing my whole body to relax, but the look of guilt on her face told me she still had more to say.

  “We made out one night. When I told him I didn’t want a one night stand, he stopped immediately, and told me to come back to him when I changed my mind.”

  Kill glanced over at me as if he could feel my gaze on him, and winked. When I didn’t respond back, he gave me a confused face before pouring his attention to the crowd.

  “Why didn’t you sleep with that boy? He's delicious,” Denise asked after Ryan’s admission. “Sorry Faith,” she apologized.

  “We're just friends,” I cried a little louder than I meant to, but with the boys onstage and the fans screaming their fidelity to them, it went unheard except for the girls.

  “I decided I was sick of one night stands,” Ryan answered, as she shook her head looking defeated, but wiped the look off her face quickly. “I want the fairy tale,” Ryan admitted, blushing red.

  The badass bartender wanted to find true love. I knew we were friends for a reason.

  “Ahh, that's so sweet,” I cooed, and the other girls giggled as Ryan hit me with a bar towel.

  Van started the intro to 'Gotta have Faith,' and my legs trembled as Kill’s voice caressed my name. I ignored everyone, except the beautiful man onstage singing to me.

  Kill gave me his half-smile, making the crowd go wild. He beckoned me with his finger. Some of the braver audience members touched me, but none of them were bold enough to gather around me, afraid of the wrath Kill would inflict on them.

  When I reached the stage Kill hauled me up next to him, making the crowd go insane. I threw my head back and laughed at their exuberance.

  “Hey, everybody, I'm so glad you came out to see us tonight. As most of you know, this is Faith, and she fucking rocks.”

  The crowd screamed, and Kill waited for them to quiet down before he addressed them again.

  “We have two new songs we would like to share, and we're going to debut one of them here tonight.” After the shouts calmed down, Kill continued, “The other one, we will sing tomorrow night…. if you're interested, that is.”

  The crowd chanted my name, and my face burned from the attention they gave me.

  “I think they want you to sing,” Kill responded. “Want to show them what we've been working on?”

  “Let’s fuck this shit up,” Jet cried, causing the audience to go into a frenzy.

  The song started and I jumped into it. The crowd fed me their energy, yelling and telling me how much they loved me. Kill winked at me, executing his lyrics to perfection. When the song was over, the whole bar was on their feet screaming and clapping. I laughed, riding the high.

  “We're going to take a break. Don’t worry, we'll bring her back up before the night ends.”

  Jet jumped down so he was in the middle of the crowd, soaking up the attention. I was happily surprised when I saw him turn down a pair of underwear with a phone number on it. Van and D hopped off the side stage where they could walk to their table without having to wade through most of the crowd.

  “Which way do you want to go?” Kill asked into my ear.

  The audience looked at Kill, wanting his attention. Taking a breath, I pointed toward the stairs where he would have to walk past the bulk of the crowd.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, the apprehension evident in his voice.

  “Yep, I don’t want to deny your fans a chance to grope you, although they'll be disappointed if they grab too far down.”

  I smirked, and he pulled me into his chest and whispered, “I'll get you for that later.”

  We made our way through the crowd, and I was surprised by how many people wanted to talk to me. When I noticed Jessie and Denise running around like mad women trying to keep up with the crowd, I took off toward the bar taking orders as I went.

  The relief in Ryan's eyes made me feel guilty I had procrastinated with Kill, when I should have been working. When all the customers were satisfied, I tried to apologize to the girls.

  “I'm so sorry I didn’t run straight down here to help you. I promise it won’t happen again.”

  “Shut the fuck up. You did awesome by the way, I just didn’t have time to tell you. Besides, if you wouldn’t have stopped to talk to them, all of their dumbasses would be crowding my bar and pissing me off,” Ryan told me, while her hands moved a mile a minute keeping up with orders.

  “You help us more than Bambi, and she doesn’t jump onstage in the middle of her shift. Don’t ever apologize
again,” Denise said, heading off to hydrate her parched customers.

  “I love you, Faith, and it makes me happy to see you up onstage and not hiding in your hoodie anymore. No more apologizing.” Jessie blew me a kiss and headed off with her drinks.

  “See, I told you. Now shut the fuck up, take your tray, and do your job, slacker,” Ryan ordered.

  After the rush, I ran over to check on the boys, since Jessie was in avoidance mode again.

  “There's our sexy singer,” Van said.

  “I've been sitting by you this whole time,” Kill responded, making the table groan.

  “You fucking rocked it. I swear if I wasn’t in love with Candy, I would so be trying to crawl up in you,” Jet said, as he kissed Amy on the head and whispered something in her ear, making her blush.

  I stared at him with my mouth wide open, and when he looked over at me, he saw the confusion on my face.

  “What? Don’t act like you don’t know I would hit that.”

  “Did you just say you loved her?” I asked, wondering if he didn’t realize.

  “Of course I fucking love this girl. She tastes like candy, and I mean everywhere. She's smart and can make me come with a touch. What's not to love?”

  “Ahh, baby,” Amy cooed, straddling him as she showed him just how much his words meant to her.

  They were oblivious to their surroundings, lost in each other. Jealousy reared up, and I had to tamp that sucker down quickly. I put my elbow on Kill’s shoulder, leaning on him giving my feet a rest.

  “So are you guys good, or do I need to get you anything before you go back?”

  “I need a bottle of water, but don’t worry, Slick, I'll get it.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I have to do a last minute check before you go up anyway. I can bring it to you,” I said, getting back on my feet. “Van, are you good?”

  “Yep,” he answered, leaning back in his chair trying to find Jessie.

  I didn’t bother asking Jet, because he seemed to be fine with Amy all over him. “What about you D?” I asked, noticing he'd been quiet.

  “No, I’m good,” he replied, dismissing me and turning his attention toward Kill. “So did you hook up with that girl the other night? The one all over you at The Note?”

  I tried not to stiffen from the pain that lanced through me.

  Kill stared at him sharply before responding, “No, she was too easy. I'm starting to like the ones that are harder to get,” Kill ground out through clenched teeth. “You know, I think I'll go with you and get that water.”

  I didn’t argue, but my stomach burned with jealousy, and I bit my tongue hoping to tame it.

  He put his arm around me, steering me toward the bar, not letting me get away. His jaw twitched with tension, and his eyes burned with frustration. He looked like the rock star he was, perfect, untouchable, and I ground my teeth in frustration and embarrassment for thinking I would have a chance with him.

  “Whatever you're thinking, stop.”

  One of my tables called me over before I could tell him I was giving myself a dose of reality. They fawned over Kill as I took their order, I tried to slip away, but Kill grabbed my arm, keeping me next to him.

  “I have to get back to work,” I said, trying to get around him.

  “Excuse me, ladies. I have to make sure she gets her work done so she can get back onstage with me.” He led me toward the bar when one of the ladies asked him the inevitable.

  “Are you guys together?”

  “Not yet,” he answered.

  My heart pounded against my chest. He winked at me as the table sighed.

  “Why did you say that? Now they're all going to wonder what's wrong with me for not taking you up on your offer,” I huffed out, hitting him in the arm.

  “They're already wondering about you, the whole bar is in fact. This way they aren’t gossiping about you being a slut,” he explained, like it was obvious.

  My stupid, hopeful heart dropped like a stone when I realized he was just trying to steer the rumors with a positive spin. I reminded myself he wanted me to give him the first chance, but my heart still hurt. The two conflicting emotions beat each other for supremacy, until I had to suppress them both.

  “We need to talk about what D said.”

  My stomach lurched at the reminder of the girl at The Note, and I walked faster toward Ryan, as if she was a beacon.

  “Don’t worry about it, Killer. I totally get it, but I do need to get some of these orders in and you need your water.”

  I ducked out from under his arms right before we reached the bar, and Ryan lifted her eyebrow at me. Kill's face was hard and I could tell he was angry, but he refused to start something in the middle of a crowded bar.

  “He needs a bottle of water,” I said, taking my full tray.

  “Slick, we're going to talk about this later.”

  I nodded my head as I went by him, not wanting to look at him until I had my emotions under control.

  The boys went back onstage, and the dance floor was bombarded with frantic fans, recharged from their break. I smiled as Kill addressed them, hating things couldn’t be easy between us.

  We had our hang ups, and it was all from our pasts. Until we could overcome the damage inflicted on us, we wouldn’t have a chance. If we took our relationship to the next level, he would hold back, waiting for me to run back to Jason, and I wouldn’t be able to trust.

  I would be waiting for the blow to my heart at every turn. We weren’t ready to take that step, but watching him onstage, commanding everything, made it hard to remember the arguments to stay away.

  Jessie put her arm around me as we watched Kill. He shot me his half-smile, and my traitorous body returned it.

  “They're going to make it soon,” Jessie sighed next to me, and I nodded my head.

  “Van told me D's trying to get them in the music festival on Thanksgiving. A lot of bands have been discovered there, and he said D heard a couple music industry big wigs have been asking about the JackholeS.”

  She sounded as dejected as I felt. They worked so hard, and they were such amazing guys, I wouldn’t want them to be denied the success they worked for.

  “Jess, he wouldn’t hurt you; you need to tell him everything. He would understand. You're shredding his heart every time you shut him out.”

  She shook her head vigorously, and I closed my mouth, knowing it was useless.

  “If they play in that concert, they're going to be gone by the end of the year. He'll be surrounded by fame-sucking whores. I can’t ask him to stay away from all of that. He wouldn’t be a rock star if he kept it in his pants while he was on tour, but I also refuse to share. It's almost July, and Thanksgiving will be here soon. The only reason I told you about Brock is because you're my best friend, and I know you aren’t going anywhere. I can’t tell him what happened to me, when I can’t ensure I'll be with him longer than a couple of months.”

  Since Jessie had been with Van, he hadn’t looked at another girl when they swarmed the table after their sets, or on any other day. Women dressed in practically nothing threw themselves at him, and still his eyes never strayed from Jessie.

  “Jessie, nothing's promised, and I get why you don’t want to let yourself trust, but if you're ever going to love again, you need to take some chances.”

  She huffed, but I stopped her. “I get it if you aren’t ready, but don’t push him away if you have feelings for him. Finding someone special doesn’t happen often. If you don’t think you can handle it though, you need to let him go.”

  Kill caught my eye, signaling he was ready for me. He crooked his finger in the come here gesture while he finished up his song. I kissed Jessie on the cheek and went toward Kill.

  I pulled my shoulders back, and stood up straight as I made my way through the parting crowd. I acknowledged the ones giving me encouragement, and ignored the rest. They didn’t know my story and they could never hurt me. I refused to give anyone that power over me again.

&
nbsp; Kill pulled me up like it was the most natural thing to do, and using the stairs never occurred to him. Jet gave me a high five.

  D stared at me intently. I gave him a small smile not knowing what else to do. I blew Van a kiss. He caught it, pretending to put it in his pocket. Jet yelled he didn’t get one. I turned around and blew him one, in which he pretended to catch and rub on his crotch, making everyone go crazy.

  Kill pulled me toward the microphone, his arm around my shoulder, and the heat radiating off of him sank into me.

  “Are you ready for another dose?” he screamed, and insanity ensued. “Ok, let’s get this girl singing. I know you want it.”

  The crowd went wild over the revamped JackholeS song. When it ended, I made my way toward the stairs, but Kill had me take a bow with him. The boys made sure everyone let me through without a problem. I was bombarded with questions and picture requests, and it seemed like it took hours to get back to the bar where Ryan, Denise, and Jessie waited for me.

  “God, you're sexy when you're up there,” Ryan said, puckering her lips like she was making out with someone. I giggled and accepted the bottle of water she handed me.

  “You really are good, sweetie. What are you doing waitressing with us when you could be making it big with those boys?” Denise asked when I finished my water.

  “Hey! What's wrong with us?” Ryan complained, and Jessie laughed at her offended look.

  “Nothing's wrong with you guys, and I like waitressing with you,” I responded.

  “I like being up onstage, but I couldn’t imagine doing it all the time. It's fun messing around, but I don’t think I could be as dedicated as they are. It's their dream, not mine. I'll do it as long as they're here at the bar. Oh, and they want me to do a couple of songs next Tuesday at The Note.”

  “What….No way, they want you to sing with them at The Note?” Jessie sputtered, looking at me like it was the first time she had seen me.

  “Yes,” I answered, wishing I would have kept my mouth shut because now all of them were staring at me with awe on their faces. "What?” I asked, as the boys announced the next song would be their last.