Other Side of the Wall

by Jennifer Peel

  Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of running into Beth at the hospital my second to last day working there. I had worked late, and it was the night the bereavement group met. I had a feeling like she was looking for me to come out. In a way, it was off-putting. Snake in the grass fit her perfectly. As I walked out the front entrance, she approached me.

  “You’re Scott’s neighbor right?”

  I hated the way she said neighbor; she knew exactly what she was saying, and she meant it to be hurtful. Thankfully, I had my wits about me. “Do I know you?” I responded.

  That bothered her. Her claws came out. “Oh, don’t pretend that you don’t know who I am.”

  “Why? Who are you to me?”

  I think she actually huffed and stomped her foot. I kept looking at her and thinking, why in the world would Scott choose her over me? She was completely bratty and self-absorbed.

  I began to walk to my car; I didn’t need this. She began to follow, so I turned and faced her. “Do I need to call security?”

  That stopped her in her tracks. I smirked and walked off.

  “Don’t think I don’t know it was you that told Scott not to see me anymore,” she yelled out after me. She sounded a little desperate and maniacal.

  It was bothersome. I didn’t respond, I just picked up the pace to my jeep and quickly got in and locked the door. I wasn’t sure what that was all about. I had no desire to know about her and Scott, but for his sake I really hoped he was staying away from her. In my professional opinion, she was crazy. But it hurt that he chose someone like her over me. Saturday couldn’t get here quick enough.

  The night before I left, I had dinner at the Langston home. It was a somber affair, but they had become my family, and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, but with them. Maybe that wasn’t totally true, there was one other place or person that I wanted to be with, but I guess if I was with him, I wouldn’t be leaving. I asked them to come and visit, and they said they would in the spring; I guess winter was a busy time for plumbers. Myrna, the whole time, kept saying, “I just can’t believe you’re leaving. I thought for sure we would be sharing last names and I would finally be getting some grandchildren.”

  I’ll admit, I had hoped that too.

  I couldn’t stay too long. My brother was flying in early and then we were renting the trailer, packing it, and then taking off. We would drive as far as we could. I just hoped the weather cooperated; so far the forecast looked good. Myrna, and even Jerry, both gave me big hugs; there were some tears shed. Everything seemed so messed up.

  I should be happy I was finally going home, but I was anything but happy. I was angry and depressed and sad and lonely. I couldn’t even get into the holiday spirit, and normally this was one of my favorite times of year. I didn’t even bother putting up my tree, and for some reason I couldn’t even stand to listen to Christmas music on the radio. I guess I had had so many hopes for what Christmas was going to be like this year with Scott and I together, that I couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t get over Scott either. I know it had only been two weeks, and I knew it was going to take lots of time, but I was impatient. I felt like I had just done this, but this wound was deeper.

  I hadn’t been sleeping well at all, and I needed to be rested for tomorrow, so I took a mild sleeping aid. It was the first time I had slept through the night in the last two weeks. I got up early, at least excited to see Tucker. He was coming to my rescue, once again.

  As soon as I saw him at the airport, I started to cry.

  He picked me up and spun me around. “Ava Mae, are those tears of joy over seeing me?”

  I hugged him tight.

  “I know, girl. It’s all going to be ok,” he whispered in my ear.

  I guess eventually it would be, but that was going to take some time.

  I was so glad to have Tucker with me. I sure did miss him. He was a couple of years older than me, but he still acted like he was twenty-two. I needed his fun-loving attitude at the moment. Also, I had no idea how to hitch a U-Haul trailer to my jeep, so he definitely came in handy there. We got back to my place around noon and went to work filling the small trailer.

  I took the “Scott” box and placed it on his porch. I didn’t know what else to do with it. I guess I should have thought to give it to his parents or maybe just chucked it, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. We had finished loading the boxes in no time at all. There wasn’t much room. All that was left was my luggage. While I took out my luggage, Tucker checked the house and shut off my water, just in case.

  I was wheeling out my large suitcase when Scott walked out. I tried not to look over, but I couldn’t help but look at him one more time. He looked perplexed by the box on his porch. He looked up and caught me staring at him. I quickly turned and briskly walked to my jeep.

  Scott called my name and quickly met me at my jeep with the box in hand. “Ava, what is this?”

  “Just stuff I don’t want anymore.”

  He looked hurt. “Ava?” He looked at the trailer and suitcase and a worried look replaced the hurt one. “Are you driving home for Christmas?”

  “No, I’m moving back home.”

  His face went completely ashen. “Do my parents know?” he sputtered.

  “Yes, I had dinner with them last night,” I choked out.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounded like he was going to cry. That didn’t seem right.

  “Why would I? You made it clear you didn’t want to be part of my life.”

  He set the box down and moved closer to me. I kept the suitcase between us. He looked down at me. “Ava, I know I screwed up and I didn’t treat you the way that I should have. There’s absolutely no excuse for my behavior, but please don’t leave yet.”

  I didn’t answer; Tucker arrived by my side before I could say anything. He looked coldly at Scott; I guess he knew who he was, but I made introductions anyways. “Tucker this is Scott, Scott this is my brother, Tucker.”

  Scott put out his hand to shake Tucker’s. “Nice to meet you.”

  Tucker stared him down. “Yeah I’ll pass.”

  Scott looked defeated and deflated.

  Tucker turned to me. “Are you ready, Ava Mae?”

  I shook my head yes. “I just have this suitcase left.”

  Tucker took it from my hands and walked it to the back of the jeep.

  Scott moved closer. He acted like he was going to reach out and touch me, but I think he was afraid of what would happen to him, or perhaps, my reaction.

  “Please, Ava,” he pled. “I know I don’t deserve to ask anything of you, but please stay.”

  I started crying, and Tucker came around quickly.

  “It’s ok, Tucker, just give me a minute.”

  Tucker walked over to the driver’s side of the jeep, but he kept his eyes on Scott the whole time.

  Scott inched closer. “Please don’t go.”

  “Why would you want me to stay?” I cried.

  He braved touching my cheek. “Because, Ava… I love you.”

  I shook my head. “No, no you don’t.”

  “Ava, I don’t blame you for not believing me, but it’s true.”

  Tucker rolled down the window. “Ava Mae, come on its time to go.”

  I turned to leave, and Scott pulled gently on my hand. “Please, Ava.”

  “Scott, I have to go.”

  He let go of my hand. I turned and opened my door and climbed in. “I love you, Ava,” were the last words I heard.

  I shut the door. Tucker looked at me for direction. “Drive,” was all I could say before I completely lost it.

  Chapter 14

  Charles Dickens said, “Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.”

  There is something magical about being home, but it has nothing to do with the house or where the house is located. It has everything to do with the people. Sure, I loved being back on my beloved
beach, but if things had been different; Chicago would have been magical, too, and for a moment, it was. I felt it at the Langston’s, and I even felt it in my home at times when I would look across the table at Scott or sink into his arms after a long day at work.

  I felt it at my parent’s home, too, but it wasn’t what I expected coming home. The familiarity and the love my family gave were all comforting, but I still felt lost and like I wasn’t whole anymore. I felt like I had left a big piece of myself in Chicago. I kept wondering if I had made the right decision. Logically, it didn’t make sense to stay. How could I live next to Scott after everything that had happened? But I was perplexed by his behavior the day I left. Did he really love me? How could I trust that? How could I ever trust him again? And if he really loved me, wouldn’t he at least call or try to contact me? It’s not like I changed my number.

  I kept thinking it wasn’t true, because how do you love someone and treat them the way he treated me? But then, sometimes, I let myself think it was true. That thought made me angry. Why was it that I always had to leave before the men in my life came to the realization that they loved me? These were the thoughts that kept me up at night and had me running on the beach at the crack of dawn in the cool winter air.

  I just wanted something to make the pain and emptiness go away. My parents and brother were doing their best. I think my daddy brought me home a gift every night. “I saw this today and it reminded me of my little girl,” he would say.

  And my brother was constantly trying to convince me to hang out with his friends. But my momma, she was the best of them all. She was keeping me busy with the two rental houses. While we worked, she just let me talk and talk and talk some more about him. I thought maybe I could regurgitate him out of my system. Unfortunately, when I talked about him, especially all the good parts, it just made me miss him more.

  My momma and I were just in the first stages of renovation. We poured over paint samples, fabric swatches, and furniture styles until I began dreaming about them. The only thing I was against was anything nautical, for obvious reasons, even though nautical themes were popular for beach rental houses. The first house we decided would be very romantic in an all-white theme, except we would use dark wood for the flooring; it was going to be gorgeous. The next house we were doing something we had never attempted, and that was an urban loft/industrial theme. I was most excited about that one.

  As it was so close to Christmas, we basically just outlined our plan and made design boards. We would wait until the New Year to really get down to work. But my momma had me busy with Christmas plans, too. I guess I couldn’t avoid the holiday after all. When it came to Christmas, my momma was like Buddy the Elf-she felt it was her job to spread Christmas cheer to all, even her Grinch of a daughter. She had me baking and shopping like crazy, and when we weren’t doing that, we were planning our annual Elliot Christmas Eve party.

  We Elliot’s were famous for our Christmas Eve party; everyone on the beach was invited, and even some of our crazy family from Mobile would show up.

  Three days before the party, we spent a marathon day grocery shopping. We filled the back of my daddy’s suburban to the brim. As we unloaded it into the house, I had visions of massive food prep in my head. I had forgotten the amount of work that went into this party, but it all came rushing back to me. My momma kept saying how happy she was to have me home this year to help.

  I told her I was glad to be home, too.

  “I don’t think you are, baby girl. I think you left your heart in Chicago.”

  Her response surprised me. “Momma, of course I’m happy to be home.”

  “Ava Mae, you’re about as happy as your daddy is when I take him to the mall. Or more like when he gets the credit card bill.”

  I laughed. “I’m sorry, momma, I’m trying.”

  She walked over to me, and she hugged me tight. “I know you are.”

  I hugged her tighter. “I just don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt this empty and lost before. I literally feel like I lost a part of myself, a part I can never get back. It was a part that was created out of loving him. My best and truest self and now it’s all gone and I ache for it. I ache for him.” I couldn’t help it, the tears came.

  My momma pulled back and faced me. We were almost the exact same height. She wiped my tears, and she had some of her own now, too. “Ava Mae, I wish I had all the answers and I wish I could kiss it and put a Band-Aid on it and make it all better for you.”

  “You mean you lied to me all those years about magic Band-Aids?”

  We both laughed through our tears.

  We worked up a sweat bringing in and organizing our haul for the day. The next few days would be spent in the kitchen making magic out of all the food we had purchased. Thankfully my momma had already decorated the house before I came. It looked amazing, as always. She was up to five Christmas trees now, and I thought the ships in the ocean might have mistaken our house for the light house, but it was a beautiful sight to behold. The only decorating that needed to be done was around the pool area; my daddy and my brother would be putting up the party lights tomorrow. They were also bringing in portable heaters, just in case. We had so many people come to this thing; we needed the extra party space our pool area and patio provided. Inevitably, though, someone always got a little crazy and ended up in the pool, usually fully clothed. One year we had someone get real crazy and we all got a show. I was fifteen, and boy did I get a male anatomy lesson that night. Funny enough, we don’t even serve alcohol at this party.

  My daddy was still spoiling me, so he drove over an hour and a half round trip into Florida to get me my favorite pizza. Florida’s Pizza Kitchen was amazing. Even Tucker came over to have some. While we were enjoying our pizza, the doorbell rang. I started to get up and get it, but my Daddy stood up. “I got it, sweet girl.”

  Yeah, I was spoiled.

  Tucker mocked me like he was still ten. “How come no one in this family calls me ‘Sweet Boy’?” he joked.

  Both my Mom and I laughed at him. In the midst of our laughter, my dad came back, and he had someone with him. We all immediately quit laughing.

  “Scott?”

  Chapter 15

  I didn’t know what to say other than his name. I was completely stunned to see him. He looked great, but very nervous. We all seemed frozen, but my momma, the eternal hostess, got up and held out her hand. “Scott, I’m Susannah, welcome to our home.”

  She was being too nice, in my opinion, but he looked grateful for the gesture.

  He shook her hand. “Thank you.”

  My momma gave proper introductions to Tucker and my Daddy. My Daddy was cordial to him as well, but Tucker did me proud and blew him off again. But that cost him. My momma gave him the look–the same look that kept us in line growing up.

  After the introductions, Scott turned to me and just looked at me. I honestly felt like I couldn’t speak. He looked different. I wasn’t sure how to explain it. Maybe ‘determined’ was a good word for it. I don’t know, but definitely different.

  I think everyone was waiting for me to say something, but honestly I couldn’t speak. My momma stepped in once again. “Scott please join us for dinner. You can sit by Ava.”

  He smiled at the invitation and thanked her. He sat next to me, and his eyes never left me. “Ava,” he said simply.

  “Hi.” I uttered.

  He smiled his true happy smile that lit up his eyes. I hadn’t seen that in quite a while. I admit I missed it, but I wasn’t going to let it weaken my resolve. I was staying on my side of the playground. I had to remind myself men were icky, and he was the ickiest of them all.

  My momma got him a plate and something to drink.

  “So, Scott, we hear you’re a marine biologist,” my Daddy said.

  It was so lame, but no one else had anything better to offer up.

  “Yes, sir, for the Shedd Aquarium. I oversee the oceanarium there.”

  “How interesting. What kind of an
imals do you have there?” my momma asked.

  Scott spoke like he always had about his job, passionately. I was surprised he hadn’t started carrying pictures in wallet of his babies to show off. My parents were attentive and asked follow up questions. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that they didn’t give him the third degree. I mean, after all, this man broke my heart; where was the family loyalty? They wouldn’t even let Tucker get in a few barbs.

  After several minutes of Scott talking about his job, my parents asked him about his family and where he grew up, even though they already knew. I had talked about him non-stop for months during our calls. When he spoke of his parents, he turned to me. “My parents send their love.”

  I finally found utterance. I loved his parents. “How are they?”

  “They’re doing well, but they miss you.” He swallowed hard. “We all do.”

  I bit my lip, I didn’t know how to respond, but Scott just kept staring at me sweetly. This was so awkward.

  My mom saved the day again. Or at least I thought. “So where are you staying and how long will you be in town?”

  He looked at my mom. “You know, I’m not sure where I’m staying yet, I thought I would figure that out when I got here. I was barely able to get a flight.” Then he looked at me with conviction in his eyes. “And I plan on staying for as long as it takes.”

  I wanted to ask, “As long as what takes?” But my mom shocked the heck out of me.

  “All the hotels are booked this time of year around here. We have plenty of room upstairs. You can stay with us,” my momma offered.

  Scott immediately and happily accepted.

  I jumped up immediately. “Momma, can I please speak to you in the living room.”

  I didn’t even wait for her response before I starting walking toward the living room

  “Excuse us, gentlemen,” I heard my momma say.

  This is no time for manners, I thought.

  “Momma, why would you invite him to stay here?” I said quietly as soon as we were out of ear shot.