Raven

by Shantel Davis

  Just as I made it into the driver’s seat of my car my text notification went off on my cell. I picked it up from the center and read the text.

  Hurry your ass up, Girl.

  I chuckled to myself.

  She’s back- Lennox

  “Mrs. D, you better not tell Nox I got you this burger, you know—”

  The sound of that voice made my heart beat too fast to be healthy.

  I snapped my head in the direction of it and came face to face with Raven. She stood outside the threshold of my mother’s hospital room door. Immediately I’d became transfixed by her eyes; those fucking eyes. I dropped my gaze. I always felt too open anytime she really looked at me. I swore that she could see right through me— into my soul and I hated that shit. Hated that she could so easily read me, and I couldn’t do the same to her. Even as a child she was guarded, but by the time she was a teen she had constructed impenetrable mile-high walls. I had to pry everything from her. And nothing had changed. Her eyes gave nothing away.

  While she gaped at me, I took her all in. She looked the same, but different. Thicker than the last time I’d seen her. At sixteen, Raven was five-ten, one-hundred eighty pounds. She’d always been curvy but now things-- the right things, her breasts and hips, were bigger. I didn’t even need her to turn around to know her ass had gotten fatter. Her stomach was slightly curved. A halo of loc-ed hair surrounded her pretty round face. Her chocolate skin glowed. I hated that she was more beautiful now than before. She looked like she’d been happy, without me.

  Gripping the bedrails of my momma’s hospital bed hid the fact that my hands were shaking.

  I’d imagined over the years what it would be like to see her again. What I would say wouldn’t be nice. I knew exactly how to hurt her and make her regret leaving me. She’d given me the ammunition and I planned to use it to teach her a lesson for leaving me.

  “Lennox.”

  She breathed my name and blood rushed into my ears, drowning out whatever she said after that.

  The effect she was having on me made me angry. Shake that shit off. I chastised myself.

  “You’re back?” were the only words I could manage to speak though.

  She nodded and smiled. “I’m back.”

  I scowled back. “Why? Why would you come back here? You need to leave.”

  I spat my words with so much venom in them I could taste the poison on my tongue. Her smile faded. Silently, with her head down, she walked far enough into the room to drop the bag she’d been holding on the foot of mommas’ bed, then she turned and rushed from the room. I was glad she was gone even though I immediately felt the absence. Turning my attention away from the door and to my mother, kept me from giving into the urge to run after her.

  Why the fuck had she come back?

  Momma scowled at me. “Why did you do that, stupid boy?” She shoved at my arm.

  “You know how I feel about her. Why would you invite her here?”

  She didn’t even have to tell me she was the reason for her return; I knew. My momma had practically raised her after her momma committed suicide and she was the only person Raven loved more than herself. The only person she would come back for.

  “I sent for her to stop you before you make a mistake marrying Jasmine. Raven is better for you. She got money. That daddy of hers is a big shot up there in New York. She told me he gave her a trust fund and everything. You need a woman who can help you. Not one who spends every penny you make like that high yella bitch.”

  Momma had a lot of nerve. She was the same shade as Jasmine and just as greedy when it came to money.

  “Momma, I don’t need her money. I have my own.”

  She swatted at me. “Lie to me again, boy. I know that damn store is doing bad and your mortgage is behind on that big ass house you built to please that gold digger. You better put aside your pride and stop acting so bitter and stubborn and get your woman. I can’t help you now with me being sick and dying.” She shook her head. “Maybe she can talk some sense into you. “

  “Cut it out, Momma. You aren’t dying and Jasmine is about to be my wife. You’re going to have to reconcile that shit in your head.”

  “First of all, boy.” She jabbed her finger in my direction. “Watch your fucking mouth and your tone. Secondly, now that Raven’s home...” Momma’s head nodded towards the door. “I doubt that’ll be happening.”

  Raven was back. I turned to see she was again occupying the space she’d vacated. This time she was holding a two-liter bottle of soda. I wondered if she’d heard anything my mom had said. If she had, she didn’t look too affected by it.

  Our eyes clashed.

  She smirked. “You didn’t think you would get rid of me so easily, did you?”

  In the back of my mind I knew I hadn’t. Leaving and staying away would have been too much like right for Raven. She liked causing havoc before running away.

  “Let me talk to you alone for a minute,” I gritted between clenched teeth.

  Immediately my momma came to her defense. “Leave her alone, Lennox. She just got here and don’t need you barking at her right off. “

  Ignoring Momma, I stopped Raven as she made her way into the room, spun her and started leading her back towards the door. She snatched away then stepped out of my reach. She then laughed in my face before pivoting to leave me standing in the middle of the room, pissed off. She made her way to my mother’s bedside and sat in the chair I vacated earlier.

  “No! You’re not about to embarrass me in front of all these people in this hospital. Plus, I came to see your momma, not you.” She waved me off. “Save all that unnecessary pent up anger for later. Our time will come.”

  Later? Ten years had passed already, how much longer did she expect me to wait before explaining herself? She owed me an apology.

  My momma laughed. “The expression on your face. That’s so familiar. She’s been leaving you with the look of shock and awe since you were a child.”

  I shook my head in frustration then scrubbed my hand down my face. My gaze wandered from my Momma over to Raven. “You know what?”

  They waited for me to speak, but I didn’t even know how to articulate what I wanted to say or how I was feeling. Everything felt surreal. I was never supposed to be in the same room with her again.

  I wanted to tell her to leave, but I knew she wouldn’t, and I would only piss Momma off further by trying to make her go. After having a minor stroke, Momma didn’t need the stress. I decided to be petty since they wanted to be funny. I stomped over and snatched the two-liter from Raven’s hand, then grabbed the bag of food and rushed out of the room. If I had to be pissed off, so did she. Laughter followed me out of the room.

  Later that night- Lennox

  Squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my jaw, I gripped Jasmine’s waist and tried to concentrate on the feel of her pussy wrapped around my dick as she rode me. Her not Raven. It irked me that while Jasmine was on top of me, trying to please me-- all I could do was compare her to Raven. But I couldn't help it. I remembered how tight Raven’s pussy used to be. Her body was fuller and softer. My dick throbbed at the memory. She would cum so prettily for me, clinging to me. Just thinking of her had my dick growing harder inside of Jasmine, painfully so. I wanted to cum so bad but couldn't. I needed more. Grabbing Jasmine’s hair, I yanked her head back, ran my tongue up the column of her neck, and got lost in my memories of the past.

  It was easy to forget where I was and who I was with. Stroking up, I dug deeper.

  “Too deep, be gentle, baby,” Jasmine whined, snapping me back into the moment.

  She pushed up on her knees to give herself reprieve, leaving half of my dick exposed, and gave me a look of disapproval. She shook my hand from her hair. She hated when I touched her hair. I scowled.

  Gritting my teeth in frustration, I resisted the urge to take over, to slam her down on my dick, make her take it. I wanted to fuck, not make love, but Jasmine could never take all of me. She could never satisf
y me like I needed her to. Not when we were fourteen. Not at twenty-seven. Not like Raven.

  Fuck it. I gave up on chasing my nut and let her chase hers. Let her ride me at her own pace. It grated my nerves, the achingly slow whine of her hips, but I didn’t take over. She deserved my patience. She was the one who had been there for me over the years; the one who had saved me when that bitch Raven had left.

  Robotically I participated, did what I knew she liked. Flicked my tongue over her nipples, pulled her close, whispered my love for her against her ear. Little lies. A short while later she was cumming, too caught up in her own pleasure to notice I hadn’t. As soon as she caught her breath, I lifted her, separating us and lay her on the sofa. She curled up while I made my way to the bathroom and pulled off the empty condom, flushed it then got in the shower.

  Fuck Raven.

  I pressed my head against the cool tile and let the water beat down on me. Let it soothe some of my weariness as I tried not to feed into the anger boiling inside me. Raven being back was fucking with my mental—more than I needed it to. Why hadn’t she stayed away? I had become content with the idea of never seeing her again. Her being back was making me feel quilty and defensive. But still, even then...with her on my mind my dick continued to throb. I needed relief or my head would explode. Fisting it, I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I’d been with her. It had been ten years, but the images were still vivid. She’d fucked me like she was never going to see me again. Clung to me, swore she loved me and only me. Her pussy had been mine back then, was still mine as far as I was concerned. I just needed to teach her a lesson. Tightening my grip, I stroked faster. I whispered her name and cursed it in the same breath as I came.

  Still angry, even after my release, I got out and made my way back into the bedroom naked and wet. Jasmine had moved from the sofa we’d been fucking on into the bed. I slid under the covers.

  Jasmine folded her arms and cocked her head in my direction. She searched my eyes for answers, before even asking me a question. Good thing she couldn’t read me like Raven could.

  “What’s wrong? You seem a bit off.”

  I averted my gaze. “I’m good. it’s just been a long day.” I turned and clicked off the nightstand light to avoid lying to her face.

  “You should get some rest,” she murmured.

  I kissed her forehead, then situated myself so she was cocooned in my arms the way she liked. I pulled the covers further over us. Massaging her lower back, I tried to soothe her to sleep. Too bad it didn’t work.

  “I heard Raven’s back,” she threw out groggily.

  My whole body tensed. I didn’t want to talk about Raven, least of all to her.

  “I know. I saw her,” I replied, forcing myself to relax.

  “You’ve seen her?” She shifted to look up at me.

  I pulled away, threw my arm behind my head and swallowed my annoyance. These were question she had the right to ask, but it didn’t mean I wanted to answer them.

  “Yeah, I’ve seen her. She was at the hospital with my mom when I left.”

  Sucking her teeth, she responded. “Is that so?"

  Here we go.

  “Yes. That is so.”

  Deciding to preemptively strike, I asked her, “Is Raven being here going to cause problems between us?”

  “You tell me,” she responded.

  I could tell she had already caught an attitude by her icy tone.

  “No.” It was a lie. Raven being back had me reconsidering everything I’d committed to. She reminded me of the old days and what I’d had and lost. I simultaneously wanted her back and wanted her gone. “I haven’t talked to her in ten years. Why would it?”

  “You were pretty broken up when she left.”

  “I was seventeen when she left,” I snapped. “I’m a grown-ass man now.”

  “Calm down, baby.” Jasmine ran her soft hand across my chest. “All I’m saying is y’all were closer than any two people I know. Then poof she was gone, and you haven’t spoken of her since. There was no closure. You can’t blame me for being worried.”

  Fuck closure. Absence had been better.

  “All that is true, but it has nothing to do with the present. All you’re doing is creating an issue where there isn’t one.”

  I felt her body temperature spike at the accusation. She was pissed, but knowing Jasmine, she wouldn’t express it in words. She was more likely to cry. She always cried or whined when things didn’t go her way. I hated that about her.

  Like clockwork, she started sniffling beside me. Balling my fist, I forced myself to let go of some of my anger. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on her.

  “What do you want me to say, Jas? She left. I got over it. I love you and only you now.”

  I told another pretty lie. The truth of the matter was, Raven leaving had been devastating. It felt like my life had imploded after she was gone. I hadn’t gotten over her betrayal, but I still loved her. She had promised me she would always be mine. And I expected her to keep that promise now that she was back. It wasn’t like Jasmine was going anywhere either way. She needed me.

  Where in the fuck had she been all this time? What had she been doing? I had forbidden my mother from talking about her, so I had no idea. Her letters crossed my mind. After I blocked her on social media, email and my phone, she resorted to sending me monthly handwritten letters. I still had them, the ones I hadn’t thrown in the trash. The temptation to read them was greater now than ever, but I shook the emotion away. I wasn’t reading no bullshit letter where she tried to explain away why she left.

  “It’s me and you now.”

  Just like that Jasmine’s crocodile tears cleared up. She smiled and relaxed into me.

  “I’m sorry I brought it up, Lennox, but you know how I get. I need reassuring every now and then. You know how my last marriage turned out. I’m not trying to be hurt again.” She was stupid for bringing up her ex, knowing I didn't like his ass, but I let it go.

  “I should be the one apologizing. I’m just stressed. Shit with my mom got me overreacting.”

  “Oh yeah, how is she?”

  Jasmine asking about my mother low-key pissed me off. She only cared because of Raven. I had been home for hours and she’s hadn’t said a word. But, then again, I couldn’t really blame her for her indifference. Moms had never hidden her contempt for Jasmine. She thought she was an opportunist. Which made no sense, since Jasmine was the one who’d helped me financially when I had nothing after college.

  “She’s good,” I managed to grit out without snapping at her.

  “That’s cool,” she replied.

  I had another flash of anger at her blasé response but kept it to myself. I was glad she stopped talking after that. I waited until I knew she was fully asleep before sliding out of bed and throwing on a t-shirt and gym shorts. I knew Raven was at my mother’s house. She had told me she’d invited Raven to stay there. I knew it wasn’t out of the kindness of her heart. My mom wanted Raven and I back together. I told myself I was going to avoid going there at all costs, but now I had no choice. I wouldn’t get any sleep until I spoke to her.

  Monsters- Raven

  I knew he was in the room before I opened my eyes. I could smell him. His natural masculine scent blanketed the air. No man smelled like Lennox Grey.

  His voice broke through the darkness. “You still having nightmares?”

  “Sometimes... when I’m stressed,” I answered, leaving out the fact that they weren’t really nightmares. Just me, trapped in darkness searching for light.

  I preferred the darkness to the actual nightmares or even dreams, though, since my past haunted those.

  He chuckled. “What’s got you stressed, Raven? You ain’t got shit to worry about. I killed your demons.”

  Fingers of anxiety and aggravation creeped up my spine. Why did he have to go there? It wasn’t that I was ungrateful for what he’d done, but I’d heard about it enough in the months that followed Robert’s de
ath to last me a lifetime. Back then he’d brought it up every chance he got. I guess much hadn’t changed. I rolled my eyes in the dark.

  “No, you killed my monster. The demons follow me and always will. Trauma isn’t something you get over. It doesn’t go away.”

  In need of light, I switched on the nightstand lamp. The room illuminated, burning my tired eyes. I hadn’t slept more than two hours a night in weeks since I decided to come back to this place and I was starting to feel its effects. I could barely think straight most days. Couple that with my anxiety and I was a big ball of nerves.

  I rolled over and found him slumped over a chair tucked away in the corner, eyes glued to me.

  While he watched me, I took my time to look at him. He was huge, maybe three or four inches taller than when I’d left and about fifty pounds were added to what was an already large frame. The extra weight made him bulky when before he’d been a long and lean basketball player. Now he looked like he could easily occupy a spot in the NFL as a lineman. His dark skin was still clear and unblemished except for the intricate sleeve of tribal tats that ran up his right arm. A neat beard and mustache framed his round handsome baby face.

  He continued to stare at me in judgmental, 'you’re beneath me' way that use to make feel like I hated him.

  That along with the silence ramped up my anxiety. Not knowing what he was thinking or why he’d come was killing me. I had to say something.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Before he righted himself in the chair, he ran his hand over his soft wavy hair and licked his full lips. Memories of how those lips felt when he would get lost between my thighs nearly made me whimper.

  “You had to know I was coming after you showed up in my momma’s room like everything was all good, like your ass didn’t run away from me ten years ago.”

  “I didn’t run from you Lennox. I ran from everything else. All you had to do was read the—”.