Raven

by Shantel Davis

  “Shut up, Raven. Fuck them letters. My momma already got on my nerves about them earlier. I’ll tell you like I told her, if you wanted to tell me anything you should have brought your monkey-ass back here and told me to my face.”

  He was furious, all the tell-tale signs were present; malice in his voice, the muscle in his cheek twitching, the thick vein in his neck tick- ticking away made me decide to leave the subject of the letters alone. I hadn’t come back to argue with him.

  “Ok, so what do you want to talk about at three in the morning? You obviously have something to get off your chest.”

  I leaned forward while waiting for him to answer. He scrubbed his hands down his face. When he finally raised his head, his expression was twisted like he was fighting himself mentally, but he said nothing. He just gazed at me with blank eyes for a mutinous second. My heart pounded against my ribcage. I was terrified to hear what would come out of his mouth.

  When he finally pulled his gaze away from mine the energy in the room shifted to hostile. I felt it. I thought he’d leave or lash out. I was practically ready to jump out of my skin, waiting for him to react.

  “Come here, Raven.”

  The forced calm in his voice motivated me to do as he asked without hesitation or question. I didn’t want to test his patience. I didn’t fear Lennox physically abusing me, but he had a way with words that would make me prefer a punch.

  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I stood then took my time making my way across the room to him. The thickness of the plush carpet muffled each heavy footstep I took. I didn’t have a stitch of clothing on and I could tell he appreciated that fact by the way his light brown eyes darkened. The lust in them was motivation enough to keep walking when intuition was telling me to run from the room. The anticipation of what would happen next had my nerves going haywire.

  When I was within reaching distance, he grabbed me by the waist and snatched me to him. Burying his head in my middle, he inhaled, breathing me in. He then placed feathery kisses against my fleshy belly. My pussy creamed; some of my anxiety ebbed.

  “You should have stayed away.” His nails dug into the meaty part of my ass as he twirled his tongue in my navel.

  “Yes. I should have,” I agreed. “But I didn’t, so what's next?”

  Ignoring my question, he stood, lifting me off my feet. He carried me to the bed, unceremoniously dropped me, then situated me so my ass was on the edge. Next, he dropped his shorts then slammed into me. Luckily, I was already dripping wet or I was sure he would have ripped something.

  He fucked me hard with ruthless strokes. The slap of skin against skin reverberated off the walls. I closed my eyes and tried to get lost in the feeling of sex like I usually did. But the anger radiating from him stopped me from enjoying it. I could barely breathe. It was suffocating.

  “You shouldn’t have come back. But I missed your pussy. I missed you.” He confessed then came inside of me, leaving me frustrated.

  The fact that I’d just been hate-fucked was obvious, but I was okay with that. Whatever he needed; he’d saved me. Lennox pulled his wet dick out of me. Leaned in and shoved his tongue in my mouth. It was a quick, nasty kiss. I could smell pussy in his beard, obviously not mine, but I participated feeling too obligated to say no. Besides, I’d done nastier things. I’d get over it. I’d let him vent; it was the least I could do. When he pulled away, neither of us spoke.

  I allowed him to guide me to the left side of the bed. He slipped behind me after he had me situated like he wanted. Quietly, we lay there.

  The whole time I was thinking, that’s it? No knock down drag-out fight? No screaming and crying? Just an angry fuck?

  Ten years of building animosity wouldn’t be dealt with like that. I predicted there would be drama in my future, but I wouldn’t stress myself dwelling on it. Eventually it would come to head. Draping his arm around my waist Lennox pulled me into him. I felt nothing. No tingly sensation in the pit of my stomach. No peace like I thought I would. Why in the hell had I come back here? The events of night made me feel tired. I closed my eyes and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

  When I woke up the next morning, Lennox was gone.

  This is awkward- Raven

  I was sitting in Lennox’s mom’s room waiting for her to return from x-rays when Jasmine showed up. She looked the same as the last time I’d seen her; tall, thin and light skinned, except now she had a pair of store brought titties that were way too big for her small frame sitting on her chest. She also sported a long thirty-inch lace front instead of the long sewn in weaves she’d worn before I’d left. I hated her but would never give her the satisfaction of knowing.

  “Mrs. D isn’t here. She won’t be back for about twenty minutes,” I informed her with a fake smile plastered on my face.

  “It’s ok,” she said before she went through the unnecessary process of introducing herself to me.

  She knew damn well I knew who she was.

  “I remember you, Jasmine.”

  I always would. The two, three-inch scars on my inner thighs were there because of her. In an attempt to separate Lennox and I, she went to Robert and told him she’d seen me sneaking out of my bedroom window to meet him. Robert swore to her that he wouldn’t tell me it was her who’d told him. She believed him, not knowing Robert was a manipulative piece of shit.

  He wanted me to alienate myself from my peers. There was less chance of anyone finding out what he was doing to me. He told me in detail how she’d come to him. Then he beat, raped, and branded me.

  That was why it was easy for me to continue fucking EB even after he’d married Jasmine. Petty, I knew, but in the back of my mind, I thought I would be hurting her. If I counted ruining her marriage, it did. EB had told me he was in love with me and gave me an ultimatum: choose him or he was gone. I didn’t choose him. I couldn’t, not if there was a possibility for me and Lennox. I told him that.

  However, he didn’t leave me alone. He made more trips up to NY trying to persuade me to change my mind. I guess one too many nights away from home ruined his marriage. He didn’t seem too broken up about it, though. But as they say, God don’t like ugly so of course she ended up with Lennox after the divorce.

  I watched her flitting around the room, reorganizing and touching Mrs. D’s stuff, which I knew would piss Mrs. D off once she found out. For reasons unknown, she hated Jasmine.

  “So,” she finally said after she rearranged and touched everything she could. “Are you back for good?” She glanced over her shoulder at me.

  There was a coldness in her gaze when we made eye contact. I wasn’t surprised to see it there. I knew she’d never liked me. I never cared.

  “No.” I laughed because she was funny. She could have asked that as soon as she came in. “Just a short visit.”

  Her shoulder visibly relaxed. Finally, she fully turned to face me. I guess she called herself staking her claim with her next words. “You know Lennox and I are getting married soon.”

  I held back a grimace. Lennox mother had already informed me. “Yes, congratulations. I wish y’all the best.”

  She couldn’t hide her surprise at my words. I wondered what she had expected me to do? Jump over the bed and fight her for him. He was obviously hers. Three days had passed, and I hadn’t seen or heard from him. And it probably was for the best. I’d be leaving in eight days no matter what happened. At least I could say I tried to fix things with him. But I wasn’t that pressed.

  We remained in awkward silence for five minutes until Mrs. D returned. The nurse wheeled her in. She looked tired but had enough energy to roll her hazel eyes in my direction when she saw Jasmine sitting in the corner of her room reading from a Kindle.

  Jasmine waited until the nurse situated Mrs. D in the bed to speak. “Hello, Mrs. Delores.”

  The fake excitement in her voice was obvious. Mrs. D acted a whole fool when Jasmine made her way over to the bed for a hug. She limply hugged her with her face scrunched up like she smelled s
omething bad. The nurse chuckled and left. I shook my head, ready to follow right behind her.

  Jasmine spent the next twenty minutes talking about her engagement party along with a welcome home party for Mrs. D she was preparing. Lennox walked in just as she was insisting that I come.

  He didn’t look happy about it. With his full lips pressed in a thin line he spoke to her, but was looking at me “What are you doing here?”

  She narrowed her eyes at him, then cut her eyes at me.

  I looked away. No sir, don’t involve me.

  ” I can’t visit your mama now?”

  “You never did before,” Mrs. D chimed in. She was so messy, and I loved her for that.

  Jasmine faced her, opened her mouth to say something and must have thought better of it because she snapped it shut.

  “Can I talk to you for a second? Outside.” Lennox barked.

  He was already heading out of the room before the question was fully out of his mouth. Looking embarrassed, she followed.

  Mrs. D laughed. “That was awkward.”

  She had no idea how awkward. I’d just fucked Jasmine’s fiancé and she was inviting me to her engagement party? I definitely wasn’t going.

  I needed a drink. Drinks made me think about Erick. Fucking Erick. Laying up under Erick.

  He took over my thoughts until Mrs. D asked, “You’re coming to the party, though, aren’t you Raven?”

  I sighed, “Yes, Mrs. D.”

  I agreed so I wouldn’t have to listen to her try to convince me. I’d just make an excuse the night of. I knew she wanted me to break up Jasmine and Lennox, but the motivation wasn’t there. Blame it on my ego or pride, but I wasn’t about to go out of my way to make Lennox want me. If Jasmine made him happy, I was happy for him.

  Feeling overwhelmed and anxious I needed to remove myself from the whole situation before I spazzed out.

  “But right now, I have to go,” I said.

  I wanted to leave before either Jasmine or Lennox came back. Mrs. D protested, but I cut her off before she could try and talk me into staying. I got up then hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I exited the room and went in the opposite direction of Lennox and Jasmine. I felt him watching me, though, as I made my way to the exit. When I turned the corner, unable to help myself, I looked back and our eyes connected. There was so much malice swimming in his, it made me shiver.

  The truth about EB-Erick

  I heard a car in the driveway and immediately knew who it was. I met Raven at the front door. I knew she’d pop up eventually. She always ran to me. I was her soft place to land and I always made her my top priority. Everybody important in our lives knew that and understood the implications, except Raven.

  “I need a drink,” she said.

  I grabbed the grocery bags she was holding and let her in. She had never been to my home. For ten years I was always venturing to New York to see her. My first instinct was to offer her a tour of the place, but I knew that would be too much for her. Instead I’d let her set the pace.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  Something had to have happened if she was in the mood to drink her feelings away. Raven didn’t drink often. She made fucked up decisions when she did, and she knew it. The last time she went on a binge her Pops had called me hysterical, claiming she was missing. My world stopped. The thought of her being in danger made my heart physically hurt. I got on a plane from Tampa to Brooklyn without even telling anybody I was leaving. Imagine how hot I was when I found her three days later. She was high and laid up with some random man she’d met at the club while she was drunk. I lost my fucking mind. It took everything in me not to choke her ass just a lil’ bit after I beat his.

  However, making her stop drinking wasn’t an option. She was going to do whatever she wanted, regardless of what anybody said. Compromise was key with Raven because of the childhood she had. She hated not being in control or being told what to do. So we made a pact. If she wanted to drink it was to only be with me or her family.

  “I don’t even want to talk about it, Erick.” Sitting down, she watched me with tired eyes as I closed the door and poured her a drink.

  “Where have you been all day?”

  Her answer would key me in on why her mood was fucked up.

  “With Mrs. D at the hospital. Your wife was there, too.”

  “My ex-wife you mean, and what happened? Did she say something to you?”

  She pursed her lips. “You don’t even want to know and not exactly.”

  She knocked back the bourbon, set the glass down and held her arms out. “Can I have a hug?”

  Obliging, I set the bottle down and pulled her from the sofa. I hugged her, hard, lifting her from her feet.

  “Why is my life so fucked up, Erick?” she asked, talking with her mouth pressed against my shirt.

  I leaned down and kissed her forehead to soften the blow of the truth I was about to hit her with. “Your entire life isn’t fucked up, Raven. Some of it is and it’s because you crave conflict and if everything in your life is going good, you go search for it.”

  I’d do damn near anything for Raven but lie to her. Most of her problems in the past ten years had been of her own creation.

  She pulled away and flopped back down onto the sofa. “Here you go.” she attempted to scowl up at me. She couldn't quite pull it off, her face was too pretty.

  I smirked and shook my head. “One of these days you’ll stop asking me questions you don’t actually want the answer to.”

  She cut her eyes at me before gritting out, “One of these days you’ll give me more than one of your cryptic-ass answers.”

  “What was cryptic about it, big head? You have a good life. Your family and the girls at the center love you. You go to work every day and save lives, but that isn’t enough. You came back to a place where all your problems began in hopes of getting the man who’s been ignoring you for ten years to fix what’s broken in you.”

  “I came back for Mrs. D. Fuck Lennox. If my return is about Lennox, why didn’t I come back earlier?”

  “Because you didn’t have a legitimate excuse to. You were too proud to just come back.”

  She side eyed me before getting up and grabbing the alcohol from my makeshift bar. She cut her eyes at me again before bringing the bottle up to her mouth and drinking directly from it.

  “What’s in the bag, Raven?” I changed the subject, while grabbing the bottle from her hand.

  I didn’t need her drunk. She was a mean lush.

  “Hey,” she protested but didn’t reach for the bottle.

  “You know you shouldn’t be drinking on an empty stomach and since you showed up with groceries, that means you’re craving something. That also means you haven’t eaten.”

  She waved me off. “You think you know me.”

  I smirked. “I do. Now what’s in the bag, Raven.”

  She answered after a short beat. “Fish. Will you smoke some for me, please?” She pouted prettily.

  “What did you eat today?” I wasn’t letting her off that easy.

  She rolled her eyes before retaking her spot on the sofa. “Nothing.”

  I laughed. “What do I get for cooking you this meal?”

  She bit her bottom lip, then seductively trailed her tongue across it. My dick twitched. She was so fucking sexy to me.

  “A thank you.”

  “Okay, smart ass.”

  As I set up the smoker the past took over my thoughts…

  Raven had taken my virginity at sixteen. I’d been hooked ever since. It was ironic, in a fucked-up way, why it happened. I’d always been infatuated with Jasmine. Jasmine was chasing Lennox. Lennox was all about Raven and nobody even noticed me.

  I was so in love with Jasmine I thought the sun rose and set off her superficial-ass. Then I caught her and Lennox fucking in that tree house of his. I was so hurt. I just knew Jasmine was supposed to be mine and Lennox was interfering with that.

  I went to Raven and told h
er what I saw thinking she’d make Lennox stop.

  She’d laughed at me and said, “You wouldn’t continue hurting your own feelings running behind Jasmine if you got your dick wet. Take off your pants.”

  She was right. After my first time with I was gone, Jasmine no longer existed in my mind. Everything was all about Raven from that day forth. It wasn’t just sex. We became friends. Despite our parents knowing each other well, we’d never even really had a conversation before. I was the fat kid whose daddy was the police. Nobody wanted me around. Raven was the popular, smart girl whom everyone loved. She seemed untouchable and unapproachable to young me. It wasn’t until after we started spending time together that I got a glimpse of the sadness and anger inside that she tried her best to hide. I wanted to fix it for her.

  That was how I knew something was wrong after Robert died. She was even more despondent than before and nobody but me seemed to notice, but she refused to talk to me about it.

  I lucked up one night and was able to help her when I found out the truth. I walked in on a conversation my parents were having. They both knew Robert wasn’t Raven’s biological father and they both suspected Robert was abusing her. Finding out about the abuse was one thing. Finding out that my parents knew and had done nothing fucked up my relationship with them and it remained fucked up until they died. My father was an officer of the law and my mom was a teacher. It was their job to protect her, but they hadn’t. So, I did it.

  I loved Raven more than she loved herself.

  ----

  After dinner we were supposed to watch a movie but ended up doing everything but watching the movie. Raven had slid her hand under the waist band of my short.

  “I’m not fucking you,” I told her in between kisses.

  She stopped then pulled away. “Really, EB?”

  “If you fucked him since you been back? Yes, Really”

  She looked away guiltily.

  “Then I’m not fucking you.”

  “Fine!” She climbed out of my lap and stood.