This is Me

by Nikki Mathis Thompson

  "I also hear she's still sleeping with Trent, even though he has a new girlfriend."

  Where were these bitches getting their information? Charlie didn't make a sound, she didn't even breathe.

  "Now I see her sniffing around Michael Barton. Like he'd even go there."

  "Sloppy seconds anyone?" Giggles.

  "She went from popular to pathetic."

  "What a whore."

  A toilet flushed, the water turned on and off and the door closed. Charlie peeked and when she saw the coast was clear she lowered her feet.

  She told herself that it was no big deal, that she shouldn't care, but of course she did.

  Hot tears burned her eyes as she washed her hands. She looked at herself in the mirror. What kind of girl did she want to be? The kind that let vindictive bitches have the last word? Or the kind of woman who stood up for herself? Her reputation was at stake. If she'd done what she was accused of she would have owned up to it with pride. But what they were saying were bold faced lies. It disparaged her integrity and her character...and she wasn't having any of that...

  Determined, she pushed open the door, making her way down the glossy floors of the entry hall. An idea formed in her head and it was insane. Her mother would never approve and that was all the motivation she needed.

  Throwing her shoulders back she entered the banquet hall holding the Sig Ep winter formal guests. Her black heels clicked up three stairs to a small stage in front of the dance floor. She tapped on the microphone. Thud, thud, thud...it was plugged in. The DJ looked at her and she held up her finger, he nodded and stopped the music giving her a minute at the mic.

  "Excuse me." It came out way to quiet.

  Come on, if you're going to do this, own it!

  Then, just like that, chill bumps erupted on her arms and something shifted within her.

  "Attention, please!" Everyone was looking towards the stage now. She had their full attention. Her throat closed slightly from a sudden bout of nerves. Taking a huge breath, she swallowed past the lump.

  "I need to clear some things up. Especially with you. Yes, you bitches over there." She pointed to their small cluster ten feet in front of her. "I'm not sure where you've gotten your information...who knows, you might have made it all up. But despite idle gossip and just plain pettiness, I am not sleeping with anyone. In fact, I haven't had sex in a very long time. Trent and I did once while we were dating back in high school. It was a one time and very short lived event. Sorry Trent, I'm sure you're a stallion now." Laughter. "Those guys over there..." She pointed to their table in the back corner. "They love me for me. Not for what I give them on my back. It's called friendship. It might be hard for you to conceive, affection not based on the physical, you cheap sluts, but I'm not like that. In fact, the only guy I want to have sex with won't do anything about it. In fact, I think I'm falling in love with him and he doesn't even know it. We haven't even kissed! So if you think I'm pathetic, let that be the reason because it is pretty sad when you think about it...Anyway enjoy your evening, and fuck you, fuck you very much." She flipped off the group of catty hookers and bolted off the stage.

  She thought she heard Shane calling after her, but she couldn't stop, she wouldn't stop. Her dramatic exit was key to her surviving what would go down as the gutsiest or possibly most embarrassing thing she'd ever done.

  Chapter 25

  ~Michael~

  He watched Charlie sprint off the stage and out the door. Everyone was quietly looking around like they weren't sure what had just taken place. What was she talking about? Who thought those horrible things about her? The group of girls she'd pointed to were looking shocked and appalled. Music filled the room once again, shaking the crowd out of their dumbfounded stupor. Shane came speed walking past him towards the door.

  "Shane, what was all that about?" Michael stopped him as he passed.

  "Man, I don't know. I've heard things about Charlie, but man I swear I'm the first to shut that shit down."

  "I know, I know. What was that about at the end? The falling in love with someone stuff. Was she talking about you?"

  Shane gave him an incredulous look. "Barton, are you blind, man?

  "What are you talking about?"

  Shane gave him another look.

  "Me?" Michael pointed to his own chest. That was crazy talk. He was crazy about her, not the other way around. Unless...the pieces started to fall into place...the looks, the flirting, all came rushing back to him.

  "So man, are you going to go after her or am I?" Shane asked.

  Michael didn't even answer. He grabbed his coat and sprinted towards the exit. His head was swimming and his heart pounding. Could she really be falling in love with him? He was pretty sure he'd been in love with her from the first day she stomped into his life.

  He raced outside and looked left and right. She was gone.

  "Shit!" He ran his hand through his hair and growled into the frosty night. His breath came out in smoky clouds in front of him. He turned to go inside, then he saw something. There, at the edge of the parking lot, he saw a cloaked figure huddled on the curb.

  "Charlie!" She didn't raise her head at the sound of his voice, so he jogged between cars across the asphalt. He stopped just in front of the tip of her shoes peeking from beneath her gray wool coat.

  "Tell me the truth...How embarrassed should I be?" Her muffled voice was soft.

  "On a scale of one to ten?" he asked.

  "Sure."

  "Twenty." She groaned, keeping her head hidden under her arms.

  "I'm kidding. It was ballsy as hell and I'm sorry people are saying that stuff about you. If you ask me you are as close to perfect as it gets. Those snobs can go to hell."

  He sat down beside her and bumped her shoulder with his own. "If it's any consolation, no one will think that's true after what you just pulled. And as far as your other confession...This mystery man you think you're falling in love with would've been very flattered."

  "Ya, think?" Her head was still on her knees, but now it was facing him.

  "I know." He ran his thumb across her cheek, tracing the tracks of dried tears.

  "I'm not sure, he's pretty dense when it comes to that type of thing."

  "I think you might be just as dense."

  She raised her head. "Ya, think?"

  "I know." He grinned, tucking a stray strand behind her ear. "I'm freezing my ass off, wanna go back inside?"

  She shook her head.

  "Will you let me take you home instead?"

  She nodded.

  "I left my purse inside."

  "I'll go grab it for you. Will you be okay?"

  She nodded.

  He squeezed her hand and ran inside. So many different emotions were whirling inside him. He didn't know what to do. Well first thing's first. Michael told his friends he was heading out, walking away before they could ask questions. Next stop Charlie's table.

  "Hey Michael, how is she?" Shane asked. Everyone was looking at him expectantly. They all cared about her and that made him happy.

  "She's fine, just a little embarrassed I think.

  "I think what she did was awesome. She is officially my hero," Amy said. Trent's girlfriend was nodding her head in agreement.

  "I'm not sure how she did that. The Charlie I knew would've died before saying those things in front of an audience," Trent said.

  Michael wasn't sure if Trent was disappointed or not.

  "I, for one, like the new Charlie," Donovan threw in.

  "Me too," Shane agreed.

  "Well, old or new, I like it...all of it. I'm going to take her home now. Is that cool, Shane?"

  Shane paused then lifted his chin. "Yeah, man. Go take care of our girl."

  He found her under the same light post, except now she was standing with her hands in her pockets. He closed the space between them in large strides and stopped inches away. Her eyes soft and expecting, she placed her hands on the lapel of his coat and grinned.

  "If
this were a John Hughes movie it would start to snow."

  He laughed and pulled her into him. "Well, am I Duckie or that Blane dude in this scenario because..." He paused and held out his hand where tiny specks melted instantly from the heat of his palm. She threw her head back and laughed, opening her mouth to the snow that was falling in large sluggish flakes.

  She looked and him and smiled—white pieces of frost clung to her long lashes. His chest constricted and he had another moment. He would never forget this as long as he lived. As that thought entered his mind he pulled her into him and kissed her within an inch of her life.

  She caught her breath and said, "Blane, definitely Blane."

  They kissed in the snow for what seemed like hours and it was better than anything he'd ever created in his head. He tried to commit every detail to memory. You only get the first kiss once. And he had a strange feeling that this might be the last first kiss he ever had.

  May 13th

  I'm sitting on a box in what is now my empty dorm room.

  My roommate and I just said our final goodbyes. Yes final, we won't be living together next year. She wasn't so bad, especially when Michael started staying over. That really should've mattered though. Some people are just more narrow minded than others.

  Adrianna and I've been talking about getting an apartment together.

  I know, I know! Living with Trent's girlfriend. Who would have guessed?

  My first year in college...What can I say? It's been a lot of things. Scary, challenging, wonderful, fun. Embarrassing was a word to describe it for a few weeks after I made my public service announcement at the winter formal. My mom found out from one of her tennis buddies, who just happens to be one of the bitches mother's. I thought my Mom was going to combust. It was scary.

  But, when I finally found my voice, I told her what happened. What those mean girls had said about me, what happened with Trent, and all the rest. Something happened for the first time. Silence. Mom was silent. Tears filled her eyes and then she hugged me! "Oh Charlene..." and then more tears. (It was a what the fuck kind of moment for sure.) We have an understanding now...So summer break, at home, won't be so bad.

  I'll miss Jess. She's off to Europe. Part of me wishes I could go with her, butI think she needed to do this on her own. She has family over there, so it makes me worry less. I expect lots of post cards and a lot of pictures of her European conquests.

  Michael's on his way. He insisted on loading my boxes into his truck. It saved my parents a trip and we can spend one more weekend together before he goes home.

  ♡Michael♡

  He's been the best part of my year. It will be hard to be a part this summer. Long distance is the Black Plague for relationships. Isn't it? Cheating happens, or what if he falls for some hometown hottie? I've been worrying about that. He tells me not to worry and that after meeting me he's ruined for all other girls (and I quote.)

  He promises we'll be okay. What can I do but believe him?

  I trust him...Trust. That's the biggest change this year.

  From man hatin' to man lovin'...well one man anyway.

  Oh, and Shane and Donovan. Okay, okay I love Trent, too. He's a cool guy and a good friend. But I loooooove Michael.

  Who knows if we'll be together forever. I'm nineteen! How many people stay with the person they meet when their nineteen?

  I guess we'll see and I'm just going to breath and have fun no matter what the future holds. Yup, coming to this school might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Michael downstairs! Gotta go!

  ~Present Day~

  "What are you up to?" Michael found his wife sprawled on the floor of their expansive walk-in closet surrounded by papers and pictures. She looked over her shoulder and smiled.

  "Hey, baby. Look what I found." He knelt down beside her and kissed behind her ear. She shivered. He loved that she still shivered for him.

  "I was going through the closet..."

  "Charity pick-up time?"

  "Yes. And by the way, you have yet to add one item of clothing to the pile. You have shirts that you have't worn in fifteen years. Get on it, mister."

  "All right, all right. I was hoping they might come back in style."

  "Baby, that orange-striped piece of shit is never going to come back in style, just so you know." She nudged him playfully.

  "What about the.."

  "No."

  "And that plaid sweater..."

  "No!"

  "I'm on it."

  "Thank you. Anyway, will you focus, please? I found my stuff from college. Look, it's my journal from freshman year, and look at these pictures! I haven't seen these in years...Look how young we look." She laid her cheek against his.

  He laughed. "Oh my god. Look how skinny Shane was, and me for that matter," Michael added.

  "You are perfect," Charlie said grabbing the small excess on his sides.

  "And you are just as beautiful as you were the first time I met you." He kissed her cheek. She gave him a dubious look, then leaned into him. Their stomachs might be softer. Faces lined from laughter and time. But what hadn't changed was how their bodies responded to each other. Charlie always joked with her friends about her sex life, but that was for comedic effect.

  "And just as sweet." He pushed her onto her back and ran his tongue under her jaw line.

  The truth was she couldn't get enough of her amazing husband who she loved more than ever. She still felt like a teenage girl around him, in the best possible way.

  "Shhh, don't tell anyone how nice I am to you. I have a reputation to uphold," she teased wrapping her arms around his neck.

  "They don't know you're sweet?" He kissed her collar bone. "Sweet as honey.... They don't know you melt like butter when I touch you?" He slid his hand down her stomach and kept going down. Her breath caught and just like that she melted around him, into him. It wasn't like when they'd first met. It was better. He knew her body better than his own. Every valley, mole and freckle. She knew him in kind.

  "Kids?" she breathed.

  "Neighbors."

  The minute, no the second he was inside of her she sighed, wrapping her legs around him and drawing him close. She recited the poem he'd inspired all those years ago with moist, warm breath into his ear.

  The sun shines through the curtain

  Your skin against mine,

  Were do I stop and you begin?

  Touch me like I'm the air you breathe

  The blood in your veins

  Touch me and I burn

  Touch me.

  Michael moaned, pulling her hands above them. Just beyond their clasped hands laid a picture. A young Charlie and a young Michael sitting closely under a tree, the tree. The girl in that picture didn't believe in happily ever after, but the woman she'd become believed—with every fiber of her being and every piece of her soul, that was ever and irreversibly his.

  The guy in the picture believed...and the man he'd become reveled in the fact that he'd been right.

  The End

  Soundtrack

  1)Motown Philly- Boys 2 Men

  2) Signs-Tesla

  3)Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana

  4)This Charming Man- The Smiths

  5)Under the Milky Way- The Church

  6)OPP- Naughty by Nature

  7)Been Caught Stealing- Jane's Addiction

  8)Charly- The Prodigy

  9)Halloween- Ministry

  10)Ultra Violet- U2

  11)Release- Pearl Jam

  12)The Chair- George Strait

  13)Head Like a Hole- NIN

  14)Pretty Brown Eyes- Mint Condition

  Shake your booty bonus track:The Choice is Yours- Black Sheep

  Atl. music bonus track : Strawberry Fields- Candy Flip

  ~Gracias~

  This book was so much fun to write and it brought back a ton of memories. I'm a huge fan of the YA/NA genre and I was so excited to take a crack at it. This won't be the last time, I think.

&
nbsp; The early and mid 90's ,when I was a teenager, was such an important time for music in my opinion. It was on the cusp of a revolution of sorts and birthed some of my all-time favorites.

  I was, and am still a grunge girl. This book made me want to go by a pair of Docs so bad! :)

  When I wrote that scene from Resilient, the one quoted in the beginning of the book, a seed was planted. What was Charlie like when Michael first met her? The full blown filter-free Charlie we all love, developed over time. I loved to share her softer side.

  Thanks to my betas, Misti and Shawn. You both helped me so much. Love you two!

  Thank you to me editor Tony Rakestraw! I appreciate you indulging my old school ways.

  Remember I have to apply the edits to my manuscript, so that is why there might still be errors or oversights. I do my best.

  Thanks to my loyal band of readers and mafia members. Your enthusiasm and support keep me writing.

  A special thanks to Kimberly and the other book ho's for your pimping prowess and twitter love.

  Bloggers who support my little books and pimp me when I ask and even when I don't...Thank you, thank you!

  Friends and family thank you for your support and love.

  A special shout out to my hubs. We met when I was eighteen, just after my freshman yr of college. So the love story of Charlie and Michael really was a lose reflection of our own journey from young adults, to old married couple. I can honestly say, that I love you more today than ever.

  Life is good and you are the biggest part of that.

  To my kids...my love for you knows no bounds.

  Cheers and thanks for reading!

  Ian's novella to be released end of summer 2014...

  Did you enjoy Charlie? Then be sure to check out Nikki's two full length contemporary romance novels:

  Rebound and Resilient available now on Amazon and BN.

  Where you can connect with the author:

  Www.nikkimathisthompson.com

  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7009372.Nikki_Mathis_Thompson