Love You Through It

by Francisco, Fabiola

  “Here’s my gorgeous wife,” Cash says. “This place is packed.” Olivia giggles when he kisses her.

  “Hey.” I look over at Cole and smile.

  “Hi. How did it go?”

  “Good.” He kisses me. “Long, and I wanted to see you,” he whispers.

  “Here I am.”

  He drapes his arm around my shoulder and waves down the bartender. “What are you having?”

  “A Cab.”

  “Cash, Liv, you want something?”

  “I’ll have a beer. You want another iced tea, babe?” He asks Olivia.

  “Might as well.” She rolls her eyes.

  “It’ll be worth it.” He subtly rubs her stomach. They still haven’t publicly announced that she’s pregnant. They’re waiting a couple more months before sharing with everyone else.

  Cole places our order, and the guys tell us about the press appearance.

  “Mikayla was there. She says hi,” Cash says. “To the two of you.” He smiles at me.

  “I saw her this week. She’s awesome,” I tell them. Cash nods.

  “Have you eaten?” Cole asks.

  “No, we didn’t get here too long ago and have been chatting,” I respond.

  “I am hungry,” Liv says. “This kid is going to make me blow up,” she murmurs.

  “I’ll put our name down for a table,” Cash says.

  “And I’m going to go to the bathroom.” Olivia stands up and stretches.

  Cole faces me. His calloused hands cradle my face. “I was hoping they’d leave for a few minutes.”

  I giggle. “Be nice.”

  “I am, but I wanted to do this.” He leans down and brushes his lips against mine, lingering for a few seconds. “You looked gorgeous sitting here talking to Olivia. I couldn’t help but take a minute to observe you.”

  I place my hands on his sides and squeeze. “I’m happy.”

  “You have no idea what that does to me. You’re strong, and each day you amaze me.”

  I beam.

  “They said it would take about thirty minutes,” Cash returns.

  “We’ll hang out here ’til they call us,” Cole states.

  “Liv not back yet?”

  “Nope. The line might be long.”

  Cole returns to his original spot but rests his hand on my leg.

  “When do you move?” Cash asks.

  “I get the keys January second. The family that bought the house moves in on the third, so I’ll be taking everything and settling in on the second.”

  “If you need our help, let me know.”

  “Thanks. I’ll definitely need reinforcements, especially with the furniture.”

  “Count me in.”

  “I’ll tell Jason and Ryder, too,” Cole offers.

  “Thanks. I’ll have movers there, but would appreciate the help. I’ll treat everyone to dinner.”

  “Nah, babe. We’re happy to help.”

  “Man, that line was long.” Olivia sits back on the stool.

  People in the restaurant are mostly hanging around the bar for their Friday after-work drinks. Even those waiting for tables are enjoying some spirits to celebrate the weekend and holidays. This time of year is always joyful; friends reacquainting, families visiting from other places, and children sensing the magic of Christmas. The energy booms all around us. A few come up to the guys and ask for pictures and autographs, but once we sit at the table we’re left to enjoy our dinner.

  Christmas is a couple days away, and I will be introducing Cole to my family.

  After dinner, Cole walks me to my car. I want to bring up the tour, but this isn’t the time. I don’t want to get into a deep conversation while we’re in the middle of a parking lot.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll pick up coffee and breakfast and help you finish packing.”

  “Thanks. That’d be great. I’m only leaving out the essentials for Christmas dinner. My parents offered to host it, but I want one last dinner at the house before I move.”

  “That’s understandable. I’ll call you when I wake up. Goodnight.” His lips linger against mine, deepening the kiss enough that it’s appropriate for being out in public, yet sexy.

  “Goodnight.” I hop in my car and drive home, my feelings for Cole amplified. Tonight was a normal night. There was no ghost of the past and no guilt attached. Talking to Olivia earlier put things into perspective.

  Cole arrived earlier than I thought he would. Rubbing my eyes, I follow him into the kitchen.

  “Come on, sleepy head. I brought bagels and coffee.”

  “Give me the coffee.” I hold out my hand. Cole’s chuckle is too cheerful for a Saturday morning.

  For the first time in a while, I slept through the night and into the morning.

  “It’s eight-thirty. How are you so excited?”

  “I wanted to see you. Had I known you would be this happy, I would’ve spiked your coffee.”

  I glare at him. “I’m tired.” The caffeine hits my veins and I slowly begin to awake. Cole pulls me into him. His arms are loose around my midsection so I can still drink.

  “Better?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Good. Now let’s eat, or I’ll be grouchy.” He drops a kiss on the top of my head.

  We’re packing up most of the things in my bedroom after breakfast when I look at Cole. He’s in his own mind as he puts my shoes in a box.

  “Liv told me about the tour,” I break the silence.

  “What?” His head snaps in my direction.

  “She mentioned you guys are going to go on tour in the spring.”

  “Fuck. I meant to bring it up sooner. I didn’t want you to freak.”

  “I did at first. Why am I in the same predicament?”

  “You’re not. Yeah, I have to travel for work, but I have a say when I come back. I’m fortunate to be in a safe place when I travel. Thanks to people like Josh.”

  I wipe a tear.

  “Don’t cry.” Cole walks up and embraces me. “We come back in between shows. It’s not like when we first started out. It sucks, but it won’t be for months on end. I’ll be safe,” he promises.

  “I know the circumstances are different, but you still move around a lot. It takes me back to the uncertainty.”

  “I’m not going to let the fear win.”

  “I’m working on it with Liza.”

  “I’m glad. I want so much with you. I want lazy Sundays and sunsets. I want to hold your hand as you continue to overcome this mountain. I want to wake up early on a Saturday and surprise you with breakfast in bed. We’ve got so much to live together. We’re making pieces of our story as we go, and this—the pain and heartache—is a part of it.” He places his hand over my heart. “But so is the victory of knowing that in the end, we get to live a full life.”

  “I didn’t think it was possible until you showed up demanding I put my big girl panties on.”

  “You weren’t the Bri I knew and cared for. I couldn’t let you waste away.”

  “You have no idea how thankful I am for that.” I reach up and kiss his chin.

  “Are you okay?” His hands hug my jaw and neck.

  “Yeah. It’ll take me a bit to get used to this, but I guess I have a few months before having to worry about it.”

  “You have a few months to work through it and spend with me.” He pecks my lips. “Let’s finish packing.”

  Emotions are heavy all around—from the knowledge about the tour, to leaving the house Josh and I built as our home.

  “I’m going to let Dixie out a second,” I inform Cole and walk out to the yard, Dixie hot on my heels.

  I tug the sleeves of my sweater so they cover my hands and put the hood over my head. I take a look at the yard. It would be perfect for a treehouse. Maddie is going to love living here. I hope her baby brother loves it as much once he’s born.

  My herbs died a long time ago, but I’m going to plant some for the apartment and leave them indoors.

  I loo
k over at the table where we would sit on warm evenings and talk about our future. We had good memories here, but now it’s time for another family to build their own. And it’s time for me to build my own with Cole.

  I think about the man inside helping me pack my life into boxes and smile. Without resisting, as Olivia said, I love when he hugs me. They are my favorite. Cole makes me feel safe and excited. He creates a different sensation to swirl within me. He’s funny. Little things he says make me laugh. The real laughs, not those forced ones because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. Cole is himself, and that self encompasses so much—smart, witty, sweet, charming, talented. I could go on.

  Being with him has made my heart beat again.

  I’m anxious about Bill and Catherine meeting him. Catherine sounded happy when I mentioned Cole to her. She told me Josh would be proud of me. They weren’t surprised with my decision to sell, and have offered to help in any way they can. I’d love to have them over once my new apartment is set up. One thing I’m sure of is that I want Catherine and Bill in my life no matter what happens in my future. They’re family.

  Shivering, I walk back into the house and finish helping Cole. If we are done on time, it will be nice to go out for a bit.

  “Hey.” My brother, Gabe, sits next to me.

  “What’s up?” I’m nursing a whiskey by my parents’ fireplace in the living room.

  “Mom told me you’re going to your girlfriend’s house after dinner?”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah.”

  “I thought she was confused since I didn’t know you even had a girlfriend.”

  “Well, we haven’t talked in a bit.”

  “Who is she?”

  “It’s complicated.” I give the warning before he lectures me. I may be older, but Gabe has always been the level-headed brother.

  “Good thing I have a full glass.” He holds up his whiskey.

  I give him the short version, mentioning my harboring crush for Bri, Josh’s death, and her mourning process. Somehow, I fit into all of that.

  “Are you sure about this?” Gabe’s mouth is set as straight as the path in life he’s taken.

  “I may not have followed protocol like you did with Meagan, but I’m positive about Bri. It’s a rockier road, but the best rides include curves.” My brother and his wife met the traditional way—mutual friends—and dated for the amount of years that were appropriate before he proposed. It works for them, and they’re happy. It’s not the way I do things, though.

  “I’m not judging how you got to where you are. I want to make sure you don’t get hurt. You’ve never been one to settle, so I want to make sure the person you settle with is willing to give you what you’re giving her.”

  “She is. It hasn’t been easy, and fuck, some days it’s still hard, but she’s one hundred percent in.”

  “You’re meeting her folks tonight then?”

  I nod. “And her in-laws.” I cringe even as I say it out loud. It doesn’t sound right. Gabe raises his eyebrows, eyes wide. “Fuck, I know what you’re going to say, but they’re her family.”

  “Drink up, bro. You’re going to need more than one whiskey to deal with that.”

  Gabe and I have always had a great relationship, but he can stay stuck inside the lines at times. I tend to jump out and explore what else lies beyond the lines, which is how I ended up in Rebel Desire. Couldn’t turn Cash down when he came to me with his crazy idea.

  I’m careful with the rest of my alcohol intake, despite Gabe’s advice to drink more. I want to be fully aware when I get to Bri’s house. As it is, I’m spending dinner checking my phone. The heater in the house isn’t helping to soothe me. I step outside for a moment to get some fresh air and welcome the cold burn as I inhale.

  Bri and I are in a good place. There’s no reason why her parents wouldn’t like me. Josh’s parents, either. It’s not like I stole her away. Besides, I’m a nice guy. I can do this.

  After my pep-talk, I go back in the house eager to finish dinner and get to Bri’s.

  I dry my palms on my jeans and check for the hundredth time that Bri’s gift is in the back seat. I’m hoping I can give it to her after everyone leaves.

  The door opens before I can knock.

  “Hey.” Bri is all smiles. She closes the door behind her and I arch an eyebrow. She giggles. “You’ve been sitting in your car for a few minutes. Are you okay?”

  “Nervous,” I choke out. “You’re stunning.” Her hair is curled, and she’s wearing a dark red dress, which just became my favorite color. I brush her lips with mine before asking her how dinner was.

  “Good. They’re all looking forward to meeting you.” She looks up at me, her eyelashes fanning out. “I’m nervous, too.”

  “I brought an apple pie.” I hold up the paper bag in my hand. “My mom made it.”

  “Thank you.” Bri’s soft lips touch my cheek and all my nerves dissipate as we walk inside.

  “Hey, everyone. I want you to meet Cole,” Bri introduces me to her parents and Josh’s parents. After greeting each of them with a handshake, I take a seat next to Bri.

  They all seem nice enough. No one is scowling at me for sitting next to her, so I’ll call that a victory.

  “Cole, Bri has told us a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Bri’s mom says. “She said you had dinner with your family, but we have plenty of food if you’d like to eat.”

  “No, thanks, ma’am. I ate more than enough or my momma wouldn’t have let me leave.”

  Josh’s mom laughs. “Us southern momma’s want to make sure our kids are fed.” A nostalgic smile crosses her face, and her husband puts his hand over hers.

  “He was a good man,” I say.

  “Thank you,” her smile widens.

  I look at Bri and a grateful expression fills her eyes. It’s natural to be sitting here. Mr. and Mrs. Stephens are great and welcoming, and I don’t feel any resentment from the Carmichael’s.

  I tell them about my family and the band, and they share stories about their lives with me. Bri relaxes into the evening.

  “This apple pie is fantastic,” Mrs. Stephens says.

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll have to get this recipe from your mom.”

  “I think she’ll be willing to share.” The thought of my mom and Mrs. Stephens getting to know each other and sharing apple pie recipes makes me fucking happy.

  “Apple pie is my favorite,” Mr. Carmichael adds.

  “I’m glad y’all are enjoying it.”

  For it being only a few people, they gathered a buffet of dessert.

  “The apple pie is good, but this sweet potato pie is my favorite,” Mr. Stephens says.

  “Mine too, daddy.”

  Although they lost someone significant less than a year ago, they are happy. I was unsure if it would be a despondent mood since it is Christmas. I look over at everyone, talking and laughing. Bri’s hand squeezes mine under the table, and I turn to see a bright grin.

  Meeting her family is a success and any worry I had seems insignificant seeing how happy she is.

  Her parents and the Carmichael’s leave a short while after dessert, promising to see me again.

  “Thank you.” Bri wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me. I pull her in closer to me and lock my arms around her. I’d do anything to make her happy.

  “It was fun. Thank you for inviting me and trusting me to be here. Josh’s parents are great.”

  “They are,” she murmurs against my neck. The vibrations tease me, but I calm myself down. This is her pace and her needs.

  “Walk Dixie with me?” I reluctantly let her pull back to look at me.

  “Yes.”

  Coats on, we stroll through the neighborhood. My fingers wrap around Bri’s as we let Dixie do her business.

  “I can’t believe the year is almost over.” Bri stares up at the dark sky.

  “I know. Are you ready for the apartment?”

  “I am. I’m read
y for everything that move represents.”

  “Proud of you.” I squeeze her hand.

  We wait in silence until Dixie is ready to head back to the house. “I’ll be right in,” I call out as I jog to my car. Anxiously, I grab the box that has Bri’s gift.

  Bri is sitting on the floor with Dixie and a bag full of tissue paper next to her. I chuckle and place the box in front of her.

  “Great minds.”

  “Guess so. I hope you like it. Merry Christmas, Cole.” I take the bag she hands.

  “Ditto, babe.” I watch her pull the lid of the wrapped box. She chooses the CD first. My handwriting scrawled over the cover, Beautifully Broken is written on it. “It’s the song we performed at Riot. Your song. I wanted you to have a copy. We’re adding it in as a bonus track on our new album.”

  “I love it.” I see the emotions pushing forward in her eyes and a few tears slide down.

  Bri laughs when she holds the small Statue of Liberty. “That’s for Dixie. I got it when we were in New York. Maybe the brat will like me better.”

  “She does like you; she’s just protective of me.” She holds the toy to Dixie. “Here, girl. Do you like it?” Dixie sniffs the entire thing and finally licks it and lays her head on it. “I think you just won her over.”

  “Who would’ve thought that all it’d take is a toy from New York? There’s more.” I look at the box.

  When Bri looks at the rectangular planter and the seeds, I say, “It’s for an indoor garden. I thought we could plant the seeds once you’re settled in the apartment. You’ll have fresh herbs in no time.”

  “Thank you. This is…” She looks around at her gifts. “Perfect. Open yours.”

  I remove the tissue paper and take out the hat. “Sweet.” I smirk. I try it on and ask her how I look. Her giggles are enough to make my happy. When I see the other gift, I pause. I feel the cover, reading it.

  “Open it,” Bri whispers.

  Obediently, I turn the first page and see two pictures of us.

  “It’s only two pictures, but we can add more as we go.”

  I grasp her face and pull her close to me. “I love you. I don’t say it so you feel obligated to repeat it. I want you to know where I stand. I promise to fill this album, and a ton more, with memories of us.”