Heart of Gold

by Fiona Palmer

  Dot shook her head. ‘Burt said we could do whatever we needed to.’

  Irene played with her cigarette and lighter. CJ knew she was dying to light up but didn’t want to go out into the heat.

  ‘He’s so different from when I first met him in town,’ Dot said. ‘I think CJ has really changed him. He even said he’d go guarantor for her or give her the loan himself. Bloody Burt can be a hard nut at times but he really has a heart of gold.’

  Irene nodded. ‘Are you going with CJ to the shearing comp on Sunday?’ she asked Dot.

  ‘I was thinking about it, but I have a shift at the hospital and she probably doesn’t want her mum hanging around, cramping her style.’

  CJ was about to say she would love her there, but the next question from Irene kept her quiet.

  ‘Do you think she’ll move on from Lindsay?’

  Chris was muttering to himself as he added up some figures but CJ was fully focused on the conversation in the other room. Her ears strained to pick up the reply.

  ‘Her heart’s broken and I think only he can fix it. Mind you, your Chris is a lovely boy and I’ve seen a huge improvement in CJ since they’ve been hanging out.’

  CJ shook her head, smiling. Her mum knew her too well.

  ‘Yes, I’ve seen it too. I worry for Chris, as I don’t think she’ll let go of Lindsay.’

  ‘Do you think you’ll ever find someone to love again?’ Irene wasn’t one to beat around the bush. CJ found she herself was curious about this answer. She’d never thought about it until now.

  ‘Truthfully… I hope so. In time, anyway. But right now I’m just loving spending time with Catherine. We’re connecting again, and even Emily came home to help me clear out the house. She brought a few bits of art to hang on the wall to make the place feel —’

  She was interrupted by CJ’s phone, which rang on the windowsill in the lounge room. It was the spot for the best reception.

  CJ unstuck her shorts from the backs of her legs and walked over to the phone.

  ‘Hello? Yes, speaking. Oh hi, Ross. Yeah, it’s nice to finally talk to you too. How’s Burt coping in the city?’ There was a pause. ‘What? What’s happened?’

  All eyes turned to CJ as they heard her voice change. They watched in horror as her face dropped, seconds before her legs gave way and she slid down the wall as fast as the tears that now streamed down her face. ‘Oh my God… Oh my God…’

  Dot was out of her chair and crouching by CJ’s side, holding her hand. Chris stood in the doorway, watching the commotion.

  Irene grabbed a few tissues and handed them to CJ, who was crying so hard now that she could hardly speak.

  ‘I’ll come… up tomorrow… I just… I can’t… believe it. How?’ CJ squeezed her eyes shut, causing a cascade of tears to fall.

  ‘Thanks, Ross… I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to you… then.’

  With a shaky finger she disconnected the call. ‘Burt’s gone. He died… an hour ago!’

  Irene’s hand shot to her mouth. Dot wrapped her arms around her baby and rocked her, as CJ shed tear after tear for the man she’d loved like a father.

  38

  CJ pulled up outside the sports club, where the shearing comp was being held in the town of Baron. It had been the longest twohour drive of her life. Two hours to think of Burt. Ross had rung the next day and they’d spoken at greater length. Burt had died from a stroke, suddenly. Burt had made Ross promise to tell CJ that she had to enter the shearing comp. She wasn’t to give up on his behalf. CJ was more determined now to do it and to do it well, for Burt. She wished with all her might that he could be in the crowd tonight, watching her with that no-nonsense look on his face. He would have put his arm around her afterwards, no matter where she finished, and kissed her on the forehead. She would miss that smell of tobacco on his skin, his strong embraces and the crackle of thunder in his voice. For the hundredth time that day she found herself crying again. Christmas would be a bleak affair this year without him.

  Pull yourself together, she thought. No one at the shearing comp wants to see a girl who’s been crying her eyes out. She wished she could have brought Sam to keep her company and keep her mind off the empty hole in her heart, but she was heading straight to Perth the next morning for the funeral. Irene and her mum had both offered to come with her, but her ute wasn’t the most comfortable thing for long drives. She’d told them she was a big girl and didn’t need her hand held. Irene had looked at her like she was talking bullshit but let her have her way. Besides, she had her swag in the back to camp here for the night before setting off at sunrise and she knew her mum wouldn’t cope with that.

  The car park was filling up and she could hear all the voices coming from inside the club. Leaving her gear in the ute, she went straight to check in. The club was packed with spectators and supporters, mostly at the long bar getting drinks. Kids were running around with chip packets in their hands. Opposite the bar was a wall full of doors and windows that looked out over the bowling green, and CJ could see the shearing stand on one side. She had to admit it was set up well, with portable yards behind it filled with sheep, and a stock truck loaded with more sheep at the ready. Some of the kids were already sitting down on the lawn in front of the stand, eagerly waiting for the competition to start. CJ checked in at the officials’ table on the veranda. She had put her name down for the intermediate division as she was past being a novice now.

  A guy with a scruffy beard handed her a blue shearing singlet with ‘Baron Shears 2011’ on the back. They were made for men and CJ would have to wear a tank top underneath because it gaped around the armpits. Or maybe she wouldn’t – she might need all the help she could get!

  ‘Howdy, stranger!’

  CJ turned. ‘Hey, Jules. What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’ve come to watch Duffy, my girlfriend’s brother. He’s in the Open event. How about you? Giving it a crack, eh?’

  ‘Yeah, I can only make a fool of myself.’

  ‘Nah, mate. You’ll be right. We’ll barrack for ya. We’re sitting at a table over in the far corner if you wanna join us and leave your gear.’

  ‘Cheers. I’ll meet you back there. It’s nice not to have to sit like a reject on my own.’

  CJ found it hard to get through the crowd carrying her large bag of gear. When she arrived at Jules’s table she was stunned to see Irene and Paul standing there. ‘What the heck are you doing here?’ she yelled over the noise of the crowd and gave them each a hug.

  Irene grinned. ‘Couldn’t have you doing this without a cheer squad, now, could we?’

  ‘What about Mum? Weren’t you giving her a lift tomorrow?’

  ‘Joe’s taking her to Perth tomorrow and we’ll meet her there. I couldn’t miss out on watching you kick butt.’

  CJ felt her nerves settle for the moment. She dumped her bag and Jules introduced them all to his girlfriend, Jade, and her brother, Duffy.

  ‘The novice event is starting,’ said Duffy. He had arms the size of tree trunks and when he laughed it was infectious. He seemed like a really happy guy who might have plenty of funny yarns under his belt. Jade was petite with short, pixie-style brown hair, and looked sweet in a lemon summer dress.

  The room buzzed with excited talking and the kids raced for the best spot to watch. The crowd milled about behind them. Four young blokes walked out onto the stand, all looking rather nervous.

  The horn sounded to get them underway but one red-headed guy froze. He was obviously crapping his pants with the huge audience in front of him. A minute later he started up, but the poor bloke only got one blow in before he cut open the ewe’s belly. It was a really nasty cut – so nasty the ewe’s entrails dropped out on the floor. When the kids saw the blood and intestines spilling over the floor they started screaming and running away. Meanwhile the rest had stopped shearing and the poor redhead didn’t know what to do. He ended up walking out the back towards the stock truck looking rather green.

  ‘Oh, that’s the fun
niest thing I’ve ever seen at a comp,’ said Duffy. ‘Man, that poor guy. He looked so shocked.’

  Jules looked at CJ. ‘Well, you can’t do any worse than that now, hey?’

  ‘Thanks, Jules!’ She laughed. ‘Gee, I feel sorry for the bloody sheep. What a way to go.’ CJ watched the mob clean up and take the poor sheep out the back to see if they could save it.

  All of a sudden, CJ found she couldn’t breathe. She thought maybe she was seeing things, but the wrist brace told her she wasn’t. Lindsay! And damn, did he look good. He was so tanned and his hair was bleached even blonder by the sun. He was wearing jeans and the Baron shearing singlet, like most of the other officials. But the thing she noticed the most was how healthy he looked – no more gaunt features.

  She turned to Irene and whispered in her ear. ‘Lindsay’s here.’

  Irene’s eyes were the size of hubcaps. ‘Really? Where?’

  CJ pointed him out as he helped the other officials clean up.

  ‘Are you okay, CJ?’

  She nodded as she tied her hair up tighter in the ponytail. ‘Yep. Gonna have to be. I’m up next.’

  ‘Well, you just show him how good you are. Here, slip your singlet on. I’ll get your stuff ready.’

  ‘Cheers, Irene. Boy, am I glad you guys came.’

  Lindsay had thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he read over the list of names and saw CJ Wishart in the intermediate group. His guts had knotted up like a tight ball of barbed wire as he waited for her to arrive. He’d trained his eyes on the door of the club, and when he’d caught that first glimpse of CJ all his fantasies flooded to mind. It had taken all his effort not to run to her, but his legs had forgotten to work. And when he’d seen the way her shearing pants hugged her body, his mind had also taken a vacation. There’d been something in her eyes – a depth of sadness – and he’d hoped it wasn’t because of him. He’d made his way to the toilet to gather his senses. It wasn’t until he’d splashed cool water over his face that he started to function again.

  Now he found himself watching her prepare her gear for the next event. Damn, he was going to be a crap judge because he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Everything about her was professional and looked like it was meant to be. The way she held the handpiece, as if it were a part of her. He watched as she looked up at the ceiling and mumbled a few words, then sprang into action when she heard the horn.

  Intently he watched, his eyes always coming back to CJ. He found himself breathing only after she’d completed each step successfully. She was out in front with this guy Frodo, from Baron, close on her heels. You could easily pick how he got his nickname, with his pointed ears and scruffy hair. His technique wasn’t so flash but he had speed. They were neck and neck, both onto the last shoulder. The crowd was getting excited and he heard Irene and Paul’s familiar voices screaming out CJ’s name. The cheering got louder and louder as the end approached. The two leading shearers finished the flank and last leg, matching each other blow for blow. Ropes were pulled and a stunned silence fell over the crowd. Who had won?

  Lindsay didn’t even realise it had finished. He was still picking up his jaw from the table top. She had just blown his mind. She was amazing – so calm and rhythmic. Well and truly a shearer now. He realised how much he still loved her, and his ache for her intensified.

  One of the blokes was nudging him – they had to go out the back and count the cuts on the shorn sheep to try to decide the winner. Lindsay already knew it would be Calamity. The other judge soon announced that CJ was the winner and the club went wild with cheering. They had all got behind her, thrilled to see such a good female shearer.

  Then she looked across at him, causing his body to forget how to breathe. He couldn’t help but smile and she smiled in return. No one would understand just how much that smile meant to him. It said that she didn’t hate him for leaving, and maybe, just maybe, she still cared for him.

  He knew he had no real claim to her – he had walked away, and she was a free woman. That in itself scared him. Looking at her now, he knew he would have to seek her out and talk to her. He was drawn to her.

  39

  CJ stood in front of the huge crowd and waited for the applause to die down. She fiddled with her blue-ribbon sash and held the envelope of money tightly in her fist.

  ‘Thanks, everyone,’ she said into the microphone. ‘Firstly I want to thank Irene and Paul for their support tonight. I did hear you cheering. Thanks to the Baron Shears organisers, the judges, helpers and sponsors. It was a great night and I hope to come back.’ She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the next bit. ‘I want to thank Lindsay, for teaching me how to shear.’ She risked a glance at him, and tried to keep the raw edge out of her voice. ‘I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. And lastly, I want to dedicate this win to my best mate, Burt. Wish he could have been here to see it. Thanks.’

  As she made her way to her chair, she received pats on her back and congratulations from everyone, even people she didn’t know. She felt like a cloud, floating along on such a high. The smile was glued onto her face. She probably looked like a circus clown but she’d be damned if she was going to let anything spoil this feeling. And she knew that Burt would be damn proud too. This was for him.

  Afterwards Irene and Paul came to say goodbye. They were heading off to stay at Paul’s uncle’s place.

  ‘We’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral. Okay?’ Irene gave her arm a squeeze.

  ‘Will do. Catch ya then.’

  CJ celebrated her win and Duffy’s second place over a beer with Jules and the others, but she really wanted to be on her own. She just didn’t feel like having a big night, even though she knew Burt would probably have wanted her to. But Lindsay! Just knowing he was in the same room caused her body to ripple with shivers. She was trying so hard to keep her interest and her eyes from wandering to him.

  ‘Well, guys, I’m gonna go shower and clean up.’ CJ carted her gear back to the ute and grabbed the small bag with her change of clothes and toiletries. She didn’t want to sleep in the swag smelling like wool and handpiece oil.

  After a cool shower she brushed her wet hair and let it fall loose around her face. She put on blue cotton shorts and a white tank top with a thin long-sleeved shirt over the top. She double-checked that her undies weren’t hanging out of the bag, then headed back into the crowd.

  ‘Hey, you look good. All refreshed?’ said Jade.

  Cheers. I just came to say goodbye. It was great to meet you all. Jules is a lucky fella,’ she said to Jade.

  ‘You take care, CJ,’ Jules said. ‘I heard about Burt Kelly, and I know he was a mate of yours. Sorry, hey.’

  The way he said it nearly had her crying again. He was such a sincere bloke. She thanked him before she lost her voice and waved goodbye to Jade and Duffy. Then she headed out the back door to her ute, passing the young red-headed bloke at the bar with the drinks stacked up in front of him. definitely trying to drown his sorrows, the poor bugger.

  Lindsay had some official stuff to do but he was itching to get away and find CJ.

  ‘Hey, Jules!’

  ‘Hi ya, Lindsay,’ Jules said, shaking his hand. ‘How ya been, mate? How’s the arm been treating ya?’

  The long, thick red scars still looked new. His skin puckered and pulled tight where the skin had healed.

  ‘It’s getting there. Still gives me plenty of grief, though. Hey, I’m chasing CJ. Is she here?’

  ‘Nah, mate. She just headed out the back door. If you’re quick, you might catch her.’ Jules had barely finished his sentence before the back door of the club house was swinging shut.

  Lindsay headed to the car park and found CJ leaning over the side of her ute.

  ‘Hey,’ he called.

  CJ turned at the sound of his voice, and her body tensed up like a bow pulled tight. Her mind went into overdrive. What should she say? What was he going to say? Could she resist him? Did she want to? Oh heck, he’s so close!

&nb
sp; ‘I can’t let you go without saying how great my first ever student went. You did bloody well, CJ. I was… overwhelmed.’ For all he knew she could have stopped shearing after he left. Lindsay took a deep breath, and the slight breeze wafted through her damp hair, bringing with it a hint of lavender.

  He could just make out her features from the lights of the club house. It took all his effort not to pull her to him.

  CJ bowed slightly. ‘You taught me well, master.’

  Lindsay laughed. He shifted his feet nervously. ‘So, um… how have you been?’

  She gave him a look that said, Do you really want to know?

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Are you leaving tonight?’

  ‘No. Got my swag in the back. You?’ she asked.

  ‘Got my swag too.’ Lindsay nodded to his ute, which was a dozen or so cars across.

  She pointed to his hand. ‘So, how’s it going? Still giving you pain?’

  Lindsay was sick to death of talking about his arm, but not with CJ. ‘It’s okay. The doc reckons in another six months or so it will ache less.’

  ‘And James and the farm?’

  Lindsay ran his hand across his mouth as he tried to stop the desire to have her lips on his. ‘James is great. He’s been my rock. My folks were quiet to start with but they’re getting back to their old ways now. The farm’s okay; we’ve finished harvest now. Dad and I had a talk the other day, about my real dad.’

  She gazed into his eyes and saw a contentedness. ‘Oh, really? Wow. How did that go?’

  ‘Great, actually. I had kinda guessed it was my uncle Pete, but Dad confirmed it and told me the story.’

  ‘That’s incredible. It’s a shame you didn’t get to meet him,’ she said softly, remembering how he’d died.

  Surprisingly, Lindsay smiled. ‘It’s okay, though. Mum and Dad are telling me lots of stories about him now. I actually feel as if I did know him.’ They lapsed into silence for a moment, both of them fighting a very intense attraction. ‘Um… so how’s everyone? Hope you’re not letting Tom connect any punches,’ he said, holding himself back from touching her face at the spot where he’d first seen Tom’s handiwork. ‘And what’s Burt up to these days? I miss him and his scotch.’ Lindsay laughed, and wondered why CJ didn’t laugh also. It was then he noticed her eyes. Full of that pain he’d seen earlier, her blue eyes cloudy and dark. The corners of her mouth moved and her eyes filled with tears.