Northern Lights

by Michelle Cary

  That son-of-a bitch. That fucking bastard. Nathan gritted his teeth and worked to keep his hands from balling into fists. What could he possibly say to her after a disclosure of that magnitude? “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I really don’t have a clue what to say.”

  She shook her head. “You don’t have to say anything. It was a long time ago, and I’ve learned to deal with it.”

  This was how she’d dealt with it? “You call sitting in my wheelhouse in the middle of the night crying in the dark dealing with it?” He extended a hand. “Come down here.”

  She slid from the seat and joined him on the floor. “Okay, so maybe I’m not handling it as well as I’d like. But then it’s not every day that my life is in danger.”

  “And you’ve never told anyone about it?”

  She shook her head. “Like I told you before, I’ve always hoped if I pretended it didn’t happen I’d eventually forget it.”

  “And how’s that worked for you so far?”

  She turned her head, looked up at him and gave Nathan a sad smile. “Not so good.”

  “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m telling you, talking about it does wonders for working through it.”

  “Is this more of your Bering Sea therapy?”

  “Maybe. But I can tell you that when Casey and the boys died, I felt like my world stopped spinning. I didn’t want to eat, shower or even get out of bed. My brothers made me talk about her and the boys. It was painful and though I’m still not fully over them, I realize it did help me learn to deal with their deaths.”

  She picked at the edge of the carpet where it met the wheelhouse steps. “So what you’re telling me is you’re speaking from experience?”

  “You could say that. So how about it? I’ve got some big shoulders for you to lean on.”

  Seconds ticked by like heartbeats before she spoke again. “Okay. Doing it my way has gotten me nowhere, so we’ll try it your way.”

  “Why don’t you start by telling me how old you were when this happened?”

  “Seventeen.”

  For a second time his fists curled into balls and Nathan wished he could get his hands around her stepfather’s neck.

  “It was the night before my eighteenth birthday. He’d been pawing at me for years, leering at me with those horrible eyes filled with hate. I’d told Mom about him making advances and she flat out accused me of lying.”

  She shrugged as if brushing away the memories that came with her words. “Anyway, that particular night, mom had gone to work the late shift at the factory so she wasn’t home when he came in drunk and slobbering all over himself.”

  Nathan slipped an arm around her shoulder, and, much to his surprise, she leaned into him. “He came home late and stumbled into my bedroom reeking of beer. He told me that since I was turning eighteen, it was time for me to become a woman.”

  “How did he know you hadn’t been sexually active already?”

  She sniffled as she wiped an errant tear from her face with the back of her hand. “I was a bookworm. He knew I’d never had a boyfriend and even if I’d had, I was a good girl and wouldn’t have done such a thing.”

  She paused and he could feel her gathering the strength to speak. “He’d been out all evening drinking with his buddies and reeked of cigarette smoke and beer when he came into my room, turned on my bedside lamp and woke me up.”

  She stared down at the steps and for several seconds didn’t speak, then began again. “I remember he closed the door with his foot and nearly lost his balance and fell on his face. Instead, he landed on my bed, and I shifted to get away from him, but he snagged my arm. He told me that no man would want me because I didn’t have experience and if I had any hope of ever finding a husband I needed to learn how to pleasure a man.”

  She blinked, releasing more tears, and sucked in a long breath. “He made it sound as though he was doing me a favor. I begged him to stop, but he hit me and told me if I didn’t take it like a good girl he’d hurt my brother. He knew that since my father had died Brent meant everything to me.”

  “So you laid there and let him have his way with you?”

  She nodded and a small sob escaped. Nathan pulled her tight against him, cradling her, protecting her. All of his previous thoughts dissolved into one focus. No way would he allow that sick bastard ever to place another grubby paw on Brooke again. “What he did to you was wrong, baby. You did the right thing in testifying, and I’m going to do whatever I can to help you get through his.”

  CHAPTER 12

  Finally, docked back in Seattle, Brooke puttered around the galley, tidying up the last few dishes left in the sink and bagging up the unused groceries that would spoil before they headed out again. Since the boat would stay docked until the next fishing season began, each of the guys would take a bag with them when they left, ensuring that none of the food was wasted.

  She looked around the room and felt a certain amount of melancholy settle over her. When the season had started a few short weeks ago, she was sure she’d been in over her head. Looking back now, she realized that not only did she survive her first crabbing experience, but she’d enjoyed it to a certain degree.

  It hadn’t been anything she could use to pad her resume, but the amount of satisfaction she’d gotten out of feeding five hungry men outweighed even the best experiences she’d had as a sous-chef. She set the last clean cup in the cupboard and closed the door. Adam had generously volunteered to take her home, but before she left, she needed to tell Nathan thank you.

  Brooke climbed the wheelhouse steps for what she knew would be her last time and fought the sadness washing over her. It was stupid, really, but she’d meant it when she’d told Nathan that she felt like she belonged. The men liked having her around, and she enjoyed taking care of them. Still, Nathan had only offered her the job to protect her. Now the trip was over. The best she could hope for was that the police had caught her stepfather while she’d been away.

  At the top step she cast her gaze toward the helm. Nathan sat staring at his logbook, his eyes focused on the numbers in front of him.

  “Hi,” she managed to squeak.

  He looked up and smiled. “Hi.”

  “I…” She made the last step into the wheelhouse and drew in a deep breath to steady her voice. Emotions churned inside her, threatening tears and an upset stomach. “I just wanted to come up and tell you how grateful I am for everything you did.”

  Nathan set the pencil down and shifted his body so he faced her. “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help and I’m happy this trip worked out as well as it did. I have to admit I had my reservations at the start.”

  She scuffed her foot over the threadbare carpet and cast her gaze downward. “Me, too.”

  Unable to formulate the correct words, for several seconds she said nothing. Could she possibly tell him her true feelings? How, when he held her, she felt safe and warm after so many empty and cold years. Would he appreciate the fact he’d been able to chip away her emotional barriers until she’d finally allowed him into her inner sanctum? Would he even know? Not many people had ever been able to breach her defenses, and he’d been the first man.

  “Well…” She angled her thumb toward the steps. “I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. I just wanted to say thank you and goodbye.”

  “Goodbye?” He slid from his seat and took several hurried steps toward her. “I thought I was taking you home.”

  She shook her head. “Adam offered to drop me off on his way home and I hated to inconvenience you.”

  “It’s not an inconvenience. Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about maybe coming back next season?”

  Her heart leaped. “Really?”

  He smiled. “Yeah, really. We all loved your food, and I have to admit it was nice to have someone to keep me company on those long shifts. Just don’t tell my crew I said that. It would ruin my reputation as a hard ass.”

  She laughed. “I won’t say a word.”
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br />   An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and she chewed on her bottom lip wondering if she should follow her instincts or logic. In the end, instinct won out. Rising up on her toes, she cupped his cheek in her palm and brushed a soft, chaste kiss over his lips. “Thank you for everything. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have a purpose, like I belong, and for that I’ll always be grateful to you.”

  She pulled back and turned to go, but before she’d taken a step, he snagged her by the wrist.

  The look in his eyes when she turned back to face him spoke volumes. Fear. There was definitely fear, but also something else. Something more dominant. Something she couldn’t quite identify. Her heart pounded, a gong inside her chest, sending the residual vibrations through her body, causing her to shake. He stepped forward, and she was more than a little surprised when her legs moved toward him, bridging the distance.

  He stroked a knuckle over her cheek. “Let me take you home.”

  It wasn’t an order or a request, but more along the lines of a plea. A plea she would have a hard time denying. Sure, she could say no and he would accept her answer—for now, but did she want to say no? No man had ever caused her to want with the same depth and desire that Nathan did.

  A yes would mean so much more than a simple ride home. With it would be all the responsibilities of a real relationship, including sex. She pushed away the need to shiver with fear in response to that thought while she continued to consider his request. It was inevitable, she supposed, that her issues would eventually need to be addressed, especially if she ever hoped to have a relationship of any meaning and permanence. If she were going to face her past, she couldn’t think of a better man to have by her side.

  She’d never been one to make the first move in a relationship, which was precisely what drove her to kiss him in reply. For a split second, he stiffened, apparently shocked by her aggressive move, then relaxed by wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close. The contact should have sent her scurrying from his grasp, but all she could think about was more. She wanted more of Nathan and everything he had to offer, regardless of the consequences. Stars went supernova behind her eyes, causing her knees to wobble as he took control of the kiss, deepening it on a moan that Brooke swore poured directly from his soul. It was a sound she knew spoke both of his desire and fear, and one she hoped she’d never get tired of hearing.

  Urgency raced through her, tugged at her self-control, and pushed her to ask him for more. She whimpered at her own long ignored needs and slid her fingers through his silky hair, relinquishing her last bit of control to him. He groaned in response, tugging her closer with one hand while lacing his fingers through her hair.

  Fire ignited something low in her belly, sending the residual warmth radiating through her extremities. This wasn’t the same gentle whisper of a kiss he’d brushed over her in the cabin before. No, this time it was fierce, demanding and should have made her take a step back in fear. Instead, she sank farther into his embrace, going nearly pliant in his hands.

  It was time to enjoy the moment, to feel again for the first time in years and revel in the knowledge that despite being damaged goods, Nathan wanted her.

  Somewhere inside her own haze, she heard Adam’s amused voice carry through the room. “Brooke, are you ready? Oh… Well, um…I take it Nathan will be driving you home instead. Don’t worry. I know my way out.”

  * * *

  “So.” Brooke shifted in the passenger seat and ran a shaky hand through her hair.

  “So?” Nathan repeated as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  “That was some kiss.”

  He couldn’t help the smile stretching across his face. “That it was. How do you feel about it?”

  “I’m not sure. I mean I really like being with you, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the kind of a relationship a kiss like that would dictate.”

  He understood completely. Despite his feelings for her, the last thing he’d expected was for her to initiate such an erotic and sensual kiss. Now she had, he’d be damned if he was going to let her pull back into her shell like some scared turtle. “Yeah, neither am I, but if I remember correctly, you kissed me? Which means you have feelings for me, right?”

  “Yes, but—”

  He shook his head. “No buts, Brooke. You know how I feel about you. At least I hope you know after my babble fest during the first offload.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but he wasn’t finished and he wasn’t going to give her a chance to make up some lame excuse about why they couldn’t be more than friends. “If we wanted to, both of us could find a million reasons why a real relationship between us wouldn’t work. Personally, I don’t want to do that. I know this is probably a very uncomfortable and frightening step for you. It is for me, too, but I’m willing to see where it takes me. Are you willing to do the same?”

  She appeared to mull over his words, and he hoped she understood how hard this was for him. Life had scarred him as deeply as she was, yet he was willing to put those emotions and his very heart on the line. Was she? Could she possibly face her demons and give them the chance they deserved at happiness?

  “I don’t know. There’s a lot to consider and I have a ton of baggage I’d be bringing with me. That would hardly be fair to you.”

  He brushed a thumb along her cheek. “Like I don’t have my own baggage to deal with? I know that because of the rape you’re scared. It’s okay. I’m not in any hurry to rush you, sweetheart.”

  “B…but I’ve never had a real relationship, Nathan. I don’t have a clue how things are supposed to progress.”

  Since when were there rules about how relationships worked? The light changed and he turned onto her side street and pulled into an empty spot in front of her building. He put his truck in park, shut off the engine and turned to face her. As much as he didn’t want to push her, he decided maybe some pressure might be necessary. It wouldn’t be fair to shortchange them both because of her past. “Then we take things slow and just follow our instincts.” He leaned forward and brushed a gentle kiss against her lips, hoping it would be enough to persuade her.

  When he pulled away, she smiled. “You win. I’ll try this thing you call a relationship, but I’m warning you now, I’m probably going to suck at it.”

  He laughed. “Well, that makes two of us, so we can suck at it together.”

  “You want to come in?”

  “Sure.”

  Nathan stepped out of the truck and rounded the back. About to pull her bag from the truck bed, he noticed she’d almost frozen in place. He turned and placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Something wrong?”

  “My door is open.”

  The tone of those four little words revealed just how much fear still haunted her and Nathan’s attention quickly shifted to the front door. His skin prickled with awareness. “You’re right. Does anybody else have a key?”

  Brooke shook her head. “Only my landlord, but he’s elderly. He wouldn’t be able to climb the flight of stairs to make it into my place.”

  If someone had broken into her apartment, no way would he let her go inside until he could be sure it was safe. Nathan pushed in front of her, then slowly moved to where he could toe open the door. “You stay back.”

  She tugged at his arm, doing her best to pull him away. “What if somebody is still in there?”

  He could only hope Wayne was still inside. Wouldn’t it be sweet to finally get his hands on the sick bastard and beat him into a bloody pulp? “All the more reason for you not to be the first one inside. No offense, honey, but I could pick you up and toss you around like a doll. Do you really think you’d have a chance against some intruder?” He shook her off his arm, reached into his pocket and handed her his cell phone. “Now stay here and call the police.”

  Inside the doorway, he paused and listened for the rustle of clothing or the sounds of footfalls upstairs, only to come up with nothing. Careful to make as little sound as possible, Nathan eased up
the steps and peered through the wrought iron railing into the darkness. He didn’t see any movement, but if somebody had heard them talking or seen his truck pull up, they might be hiding. Wishing he had more than just his fists for protection, Nathan slowly walked into the room and worked hard to ignore its destroyed contents. He couldn’t afford any distractions until he was sure the place was clear.

  If Wayne was here, then he was a coward, Nathan decided as he flung open the bathroom door, prepared for a fight. The only thing that greeted him was a small spider, which scurried beneath the cabinet when he flicked on the overhead light. Nathan let out a long, frustrated breath and checked behind the curtain before he moved on to her bedroom. It only took a few minutes for him to realize that whoever had inflicted the damage was long gone. Unfortunately, there wasn’t going to be any easy way to tell Brooke about her belongings.

  He pivoted on his heel to head out of the bedroom and stopped in the doorway when he spotted Brooke standing on the top step. Even with only the dim light from the bathroom casting shadows through the room, he could see the complete devastation etched into her features. It pained him to see her that way, but it also angered him that she hadn’t listened to his orders. “I thought I told you to stay outside.”

  She shot him what he knew was a forced smile. “I didn’t want you to have to face the danger alone.”

  Typical, he thought, for her to think of others even when she was the one facing danger. He sighed and crossed to her. “The place is empty. Whoever did this is long gone.”

  Sirens sounded in the distance and Nathan’s gaze shifted from her to the staircase and back. “I’m guessing you followed some of my directions and called the police.”