Angel on my Shoulder

by Carl Leckey

  Before we lift Denise out of the coach I spread the car rug onto a grassy bank. We lay her on the blanket. Louise carefully examines Denise and declares her to have no broken bones or obvious injuries except for a bruise on her head thank goodness. My guardian Angel is still watching over me and mine.

  Billy searches the coach. He drags the body of the coach driver out of the ditch. The body is not my priority at that moment I shout. “Hey Bill leave that bastard where his is and let him rot.” He waves to me but continues searching the body.

  Louise informs me. “Adam we have to get her to a hospital I think she has concussion and she could have internal injuries I cannot detect. The nearest one is in Le Havre.” Carefully we load her onto the back seat of the car I sit alongside her holding her close Billy drives with Alec in front the others cram into the car around us. We find a field gateway turn the car and head back towards home.

  As we pass through the village the same old man is still where we left him. We pull up alongside him for the second time.

  When Louise informs him of the crash he agrees to notify the local police. We continue on our way to Le Havre hospital. As we drive along Yvette describes what happened. “When we came out of the church everyone else had already left. While we were waiting for you to pick us up Jean went around the back of the church looking at the inscriptions on the head stones. Two men appeared and ordered us to get into the coach Denise refused. The one we knew got nasty and threatened us with a knife. I have not seen the other one before he was not from the chateau. We were arguing when Jean returned he told them to leave us alone.

  The two of them set about him. Jean shouted. Make a run for it while he continued fighting with the pair of swine. How could we do that? We refused to leave him. Denise found a stick and began hitting them with it she was like a tiger our Denise. I have never seen her so angry. The coachman knocked her to the ground she fell onto a gravestone and banged her head. I was kneeling over her they were still beating Jean. When he fell to the ground they both kicked him until he passed out. He is so brave. Is he alright do you know? I am so worried about him?”

  I assured her. “We left him in good hands with Hazel she is a trained nurse He is most probably in hospital by now being treated. What happened then Yvette?” I enquire.

  She retorts indignantly. “They threw Denise and me into the coach after tying us both up as you found us.”

  “What happened to the other man, do you know?” Alec asks.

  “I don’t think he came on the coach. I didn’t hear anything of him after we left the church.” Yvette replies. “The Bastards” Billy mutters angrily. “I’m glad that sod broke his ugly neck, it saved me a job.” Denise is still unconscious when we arrive at the hospital. She is taken from us by the nursing staff we are excluded as she is taken into a side room.

  Hazel is already there with Jean. We learn he has suffered broken ribs plus other minor injuries he is being treated in another department. We sit in a corridor worrying for what seems to be hours. Every time a Doctor or nurse emerges from the room we stand up expectantly. Eventually we learn Jean is being kept in for observation.

  Three hours pass, a Doctor emerges and asks for Denise’s husband. I stand up and approach my stomach is churning I am weak of the knees. The Doctor only speaks French and I can’t take in what he is saying.

  I call Louise to interpret. The Doctor says something Louise turns pale. She takes my hand. “Adam he is telling you your wife is alright and has regained consciousness although she has a severe headache she is very weak because of the haemorrhage but.”

  Tears appear in her eyes she begins weeping I take her in my arms. Yvette joins us. “Tell me Louise for God’s sake what is the matter?” Finally Louise forces it out between sobs. “She has lost the baby.” “What baby? He’s wrong, she wasn’t having a baby. Was she? I didn’t know, she never said anything how can this be?” I slump into a chair. The Doctor is talking to Louise and Yvette. They come over and hug me. “Adam there is more. He is waiting for the opinion by a specialist but it is not good news.” “No. No more, is she going to die? God no please don’t let her die.” I break down crying. “She is not going to die Adam.” Yvette consoles me. “The Doctor thinks that Denise will never be able to have another baby.” Mixed emotions engulf me. Denise my love is alright she isn’t going to die. I consider the loss of the baby?

  I don’t know what to think about that. I know Denise is desperate for children. How will she cope with the news she is unable to have any children? I’m not bothered one way or another I was quite prepared to wait until it happens. “Have the Doctors told her yet Louise?” I ask. She replies. “No Adam he believes he should wait for the specialist opinion.” The Doctor is still standing near the doorway. “May we see her now?” “He advises only you may visit until she is stronger. She is very weak and might not recognise even you.” Louise says. “We are leaving now, you stay with Denise. We are only up the road if you want us. I will drop in later to see how Denise is getting on. I need to have a talk with you. I curse the evil persons responsible for this.

  The main thing is she is out of danger and making progress.” Denise is as white as the sheets on her bed. She lies with her eyes shut when I sit near her bed and take her hand. Her eyes flicker she recognises me and faintly smiles then falls asleep again, Hours go by, a nursing Sister lights the gas mantels and brings me a cup of coffee she asks me do I want anything to eat? I haven’t eaten since breakfast but I can’t face food at the moment. I thank her but refuse the offer. About seven o’clock Louise arrives draws up a seat and sits by me. I have had many hours to think things over and have many questions unanswered. Louise and I whisper together so as not to disturb Denise. She opens the conversation by saying. “Adam you have been married quite awhile why are you surprised to find Denise was pregnant?” I have to think before replying. “Louise, it is simply because Denise never said anything to me. Every time we made love she asked me did she think it would make her pregnant.” “Did you not notice she had missed a couple of periods?” Embarrassed I reply “Honestly Louise I know nothing about such things. That is woman’s business I have no knowledge of the likes of that.” How ignorant I am. The only thing I know about a women’s period is the crude referrals my army mates made to the condition as No, no week or she is having a visit from the strawberry trader. I recall laughing along with the lads but I hadn’t a clue what they were on about. Louise interrupts my thoughts. “I don’t think Denise does either. I have failed her. I should have taught her the facts of life, I know she was irregular but I assumed she Oh! What a bloody mess. Right it is no good dwelling on what might have been the question is what do we do now? What are your plans?” I answer. “I can’t think until we see the specialist. I just want her home with me as soon as possible.” “Whatever you decide you know you will have my support don’t you?” She kisses my cheek. Billy arrives bringing Yvette, he then arranges to escort Louise home. He doesn’t come into the room just waves to me from the doorway advising Yvette. “I will be back in an hour.” She takes the seat alongside me kisses her sister then hold’s our hands.

  Yvette is quite for a while until she asks. “Is Denise going to be alright Adam?” How can I reply to that question? Yes she is alright but her world will be shattered if she can’t have kids. I squeeze Yvette’s hand. I am unable to answer as I fill up to the point of crying. “I have just been to see Jean.” She informs me. “He is so brave when he fought those horrible men I thought they had killed him. I realise now I love him Adam. I thought I had lost him.” I reply. “I thought you didn’t like him? You have ignored Jean and treated him badly since we brought you to Le Havre.

  If you love him why did you treat him in such a manner? You nearly broke his heart you know?” I rebuke her. She thinks for a moment then replies despondently. “I don’t know why I treated him so badly it’s just I didn’t want him to come with me. I wanted a clean break from that place He gave up a good job to be with me I didn’t
ask him to do it. Oh! I don’t know.

  I’m all mixed up. It is too late anyway he loves another.” Despite the situation her response amuses me. “You don’t mean Hazel do you?” She nods. “Yes he loves her.” “Yvette I suggest you go now and tell Jean you love him. He was only wooing Hazel to make you jealous.” “How do you know?” she replies excitement obvious in her voice. “Because Jean told me so you silly girl, Hazel played along with the ploy because she is a good friend to us and wanted to see you together.” At that moment Denise opens her eyes Yvette’s rocky love life is forgotten immediately. Denise whispers in a weak voice. “May I have a drink please?” I instruct her sister. “Quickly Yvette go and get the nurse or Doctor.” She hurries out of the room. I lean over kiss Denise and say. “Wait until the Doctor has been I don’t know if you should have a drink yet.” I remember my instructions from my ambulance days. Don’t give water to someone with a stomach wound. In my ignorance of women’s problems I don’t know whether the same applies to a haemorrhage. The Doctor arrives within minutes accompanied by the nursing Sister. He asks me to leave the room while he examines my wife. Reluctantly I leave and stand in the corridor smoking one cigarette after another, something I haven’t done for ages. Yvette paces back and forth nervously like a caged animal. Half an hour passes when the Sister beckons me to enter the room excluding Yvette. She looks disappointed. I whisper. “Here is your opportunity, go and see Jean and make it up to him. I’ll tell you what is happening to your sister later.” She scurries off down the corridor. Denise is fully awake now sitting up in the bed propped by pillows. She has a half finished glass of water on the bedside table. The Doctor says something indistinguishable he and the Sister leave. Except for her paleness and a bruise on her forehead she looks as beautiful as ever. The nurse has tidied her long hair into plaits. She is wearing a plain hospital shift something catches my eye as it glints in the light of the gas mantle.

  Around her neck hangs a gold enamelled pendant I have not seen before. I kiss her and touch the pendant she notices my gesture and explains. “It’s lovely isn’t it? Jean found it in one of the coaches behind the leather cushions. He gave it to me when we going to church this morning.” I take another look. The design is difficult to see in the poor light but I have an idea I have seen it before somewhere but cannot remember quite where?

  The nurse arrives with hot soup and a meal she insists on Denise consuming the food. I am informed the specialist will not be visiting until eleven in the morning.

  She orders me to leave and let my wife rest.

  I begin to object until Denise also asks me to leave and get some food for myself.

  It is only then I realise how hungry I am. Reluctantly I agree and leave the room after hugging and kissing my wife.

  Billy and Yvette are waiting in the corridor I run Yvette back to Alec’s house. After dropping her off and reporting on Denise’s progress Billy and I head for the café. The four English drivers and Paul one of the French drivers are there slightly drunk. We join them and Billy reveals what has happened during the day. The lads are shocked and angry that this has occurred. Paul doesn’t say much sitting quietly nursing a drink. When we have finished our meal and are preparing to leave he asks if he can have a word with me on my own. We go outside for a smoke and chat.

  He is mortified when he reveals his part in the attempted kidnapping. “The Gendarme Sergeant is a cousin of mine.” Paul hesitantly admits. “He has something on me from the war. What the hell! I’ll tell you what it is. My Brother deserted from the army and I hid him. The swine used the information to make me spy for him. I had to let him know of anything unusual I saw at the depot. I had to keep my ears open and pick up any information. It didn’t seem much but when Billy and I returned from the long run on Friday I noticed the charabanc parked in the depot. I made an excuse that I had the shits and reported to him. I am sorry Adam you have been good to me I didn’t know what to do. My Brother could still be sent to jail even though the war is over. He served with valour for years but his nerve went in the end he was in a terrible mess when he came to me for help. How could I turn my brother away? His nerves are still shot to pieces I can’t take him to a Doctor they might report him.” I can see Paul is in despair. Placing my hand on his shoulder I say. “Look Paul I know all about the pressure of war I have seen some good men destroyed in the same way. I also appreciate family loyalty. As a matter of fact you have confirmed something we suspected. I’m glad you told me, don’t worry we know who is our enemy is now.” He replies. “Be careful of him Adam he is a bad man. He doesn’t like the British and is very jealous of your success. I don’t suppose you will want me working for you now?” I shake his hand and tell him. “Now it is in the open there is no reason why you shouldn’t stay with us. Maybe we can use your connection against the Sergeant to pay the swine back for what he did to my family.”

  We return to the cafe and join the lads. I expected Paul to keep what he confessed between us but instead he reveals everything to the rest of lads. At first they are angry with him until I intercede then their anger turns towards the Sergeant. Billy says. “I think that bastard wants sorting out.”

  I decide to go home leaving the lads still drinking. I have a bad night tossing and turning and very lonely without Denise I give up about six o’clock and walk to the depot. When I arrive there is no one about. In Alec’s office I light the primus and make a brew. Billy arrives unwashed with bleary eyes. He requests. “Do me a brew Scouse. My mouth is like the bottom of a parrot’s cage. What a piss up we had last night you should have stayed.” “And look like you.” I laugh. “No thanks.” We are drinking our second mug of tea when Alec arrives just after seven with Hazel and Louise in tow. From what they say nobody has slept well. We sit quietly saying nothing much. In fact it appears everyone is skirting around the subject of Denise. Until I snap “This will not do, life must go on. I can’t go to the hospital until eleven o’clock. We have a business to run so let’s get down to it. Louise I believe you are here to work out a deal with Alec. Hazel you are picking the truck up and loading at the docks.” Alec removes some papers from a clip on the wall. “Well as a matter of fact there are two loads to be taken pretty close to your place Louise.” “I’ll go.” Billy volunteers immediately.” Louise chips in. “Alec, Hazel and I have decided I should stay here until Denise has recovered. That’s if it is alright with you Adam?” I agree immediately. I can’t think of anyone better to have around at this time. Louise continues. “Hazel is taking the truck, if you let Billy take the other one he can overnight at the farm. I’m sure you will enjoy a night with the kids Uncle Billy.” She smiles. “I reckon we can find a return load for him. We made some good contacts at the market. I know what they want and I know where to get it. We plan for Hazel to be back here on Friday night for the Saturday market.” The meeting over the other drivers are drifting in for their days orders. I take Hazel out to the truck we recovered from Metz, give her a run down on the vehicle, show her where to fuel up, then leave for breakfast in the café. Promptly at eleven I am at the hospital with Louise and Yvette accompanying me. Louise diverts her to see Jean while we visit Denise. She explains. “It is better if we see the specialist alone Yvette can become er too emotional at a time like this it will only upset Denise if she does.” The specialist confirms the Doctor’s opinion that Denise will be unable to have children “She will never conceive again.” He has passed his expert opinion that if Denise could have sustained a full pregnancy because she has narrow hips.

  It would certainly have made childbirth more difficult if not impossible.

  It would have meant her undergoing a very dangerous caesarean operation with a slim chance of saving either the Mother or child. These are the exact words he uses. I am devastated but glad the choice between losing Denise and saving her has been taken away from me. He also informs us she has to remain in hospital for at least a week. The specialist leaves us to break the news to her, something I am dreading. Left alone Louise
and I sit on either side of her bed. She looks much better now her colour has returned and the bruise appears to be fading due to the application of a substance by the name of Arnica. “What have you to tell me?” Denise enquires. “I can see by your faces something is wrong,” “Denise my love the accident er has caused you some problems but they will clear up. What I have to tell you is more serious. You were pregnant and er.” It is too much for me I fill up with tears and cover my face. Thankfully her sister takes over. “Denise you were pregnant but you have had a miscarriage.

  Do you understand what I am saying?” Denise looks horrified I lean over and hug her close we are both crying by this time. “Is there more?” she whispers. “Yes Denise my love. The Doctor found out when he examined you that er, you can’t ever have kids.” Louise explains. “It is not due to what that swine did to you it could never happen. It appears you are not capable of a having a full pregnancy, you will always miscarry.” “Don’t give up we will get a second opinion.” I add hurriedly. She cries for a while Louise and I hold her, suddenly she says. “I don’t want a second opinion. I don’t want Doctors prodding and poking me.” I plead with her. “But if they can help you darling surely.” Denise intercedes. “When I was ill a few years ago I was told the same thing but I hoped they were wrong. It was horrible and it hurt so much I bled for days. I just want to go home Adam. Louise you are a nurse please get me out of here you can look after me as well as they can.” “Why didn’t you tell me this Denise?” Louise questions her. “You had enough troubles of your own don’t forget he wouldn’t let us have contact for a long time when you left the chateau. Forgive me. I thought you had abandoned us especially when Grandfather had me confined to the convent. Why did you leave us Louise I never understood how you could go away without a word?” Poor Louise, she looks totally dejected. I know the reason but it is not for me to explain.