Angel on my Shoulder

by Carl Leckey

  She replies to her sister. “When you are feeling better I will tell you everything but not now Denise. I will go and see if I am able to take you home. I have promised Yvette we will pick Jean up from the other ward if they will allow him home.” She is back within ten minutes and tells us. “He has agreed to you going home Denise as long as I am there to look after you but Adam he wants to see you before you leave.”

  “God! Louise. I can’t understand a word he says, are you sure he is speaking French?

  I understand almost every one now but not him.” She explains. “He is from Algeria and has a strange accent, never fear I will come with you.”

  In his consulting room he enquires. “How long have you been married? Was your wife your first lover?” This is most embarrassing especially as Louise is translating. I must admit she does it in a most professional manner. I hesitate before answering but admit “No she isn’t, why would you ask me such a question? I don’t see the point.” I feel my face flushing as I blush, something I haven’t done for ages. Louise reveals.

  “Adam he is trying to ascertain er how experienced you are, don’t worry most men sow their wild oats before marriage.” The next question is even more direct. “You were your wife’s first intimate lover?

  Did you have trouble penetrating her for the first time?” I admit “Yes.” In a quiet voice I cannot look Louise in the eyes. “Hmmm! was there any blood present after the intercourse?” This question shocks me, was it the manner I made love to her that has caused the problem? I answer. “No I didn’t see any. Should there have been?” He replies. “I have to explain. Your wife informed me she had an internal examination a few years ago. She doesn’t know why she just remembers it was very painful and embarrassing. This would account for the lack of blood when you first had intercourse. To actually give her an internal examination, the Doctor would have ruptured the hymen, do you understand?” I don’t but will not admit it. I just want to get out of that room and finish with the embarrassing questions. When I nod he shakes my hand and dismisses us. As we walk along the corridor Louise says. “Poor Denise and you really are babes in the woods aren’t you Adam?” I haven’t a clue what she is on about and frankly I don’t want to. I have had enough for one day thank you. I can see I know very little about the mysteries of the female. I realise I know more about the workings of the internal combustion engine than I do about the inner workings of women. I shall have to find out more about the workings of the female body. I could ask Louise, but I find discussing the intimate details with my sister in law much too embarrassing. Books that’s the answer! I shall find a book that explains all the mysteries and I will study it until I am more knowledgeable on the delicate subject of women.

  CHAPTER 9

  Home again

  I take them home in style using the Rolls, Louise has left Pompey Lill at the depot Alec is arranging a service for her. Louise assists Denise up to our place whilst I see Jean into his

  I climb the stairs I realise there is a problem to be confronted. Where should I sleep Louise? I have a couple of options I can assemble one of Oscar’s beds in our parlour or she can sleep on the chez - lounge although that won’t be very comfortable I will discuss it with her after we settle Denise in our bed. She looks most embarrassed. “Adam I don’t know how you will take this but Denise assumes I am staying with her.” I answer mystified that she should say this. “I know that Louise it’s just where?” the penny drops. “You don’t mean she wants you to share our bed with her?” She replies. “I am afraid so. I think it all stems from when we were only kids. We all slept in one big bed and comforted each other. I believe she wants that comfort now.” “But can’t I do that myself? I am her husband after all. Louise I love the bones of her. Just being parted from her last night was the worst night of my life, and I have had plenty of those I can tell you.” Louise holds my hand. “I am sorry now we didn’t leave her in hospital. Give her time she has undergone a very traumatic experience. Let her have her way say for a night or two then we will see eh?”

  What can I say except to agree?

  When Louise retires for the night I throw myself on the chez-lounge with a blanket over me.

  I decide if this is to go on for a while I have to make better arrangements than this. I wake up continually during the night as stiff as a board and aching at ever joint. Although the chez lounge is comfortable to sit on they are not made for sleeping

  A have this dream about this very chez lounge from the brothel days. In the dream I re-enact my interlude with the Lady who sat on this chez-lounge. I remember her vividly exposing her Garden of Eden to entice me upstairs, it is so real. Bloody hell I have done it again another wet dream. God I need my wife desperately how selfish that sounds considering what has happened recently. I am up before they stir moving about quietly so as not to disturb the women. I have a couple of arranged runs today I hope an early start will give me an early finish. I check Alec’s empty office before taking the truck where I find two letters addressed to me. One has a British stamp and the other French. I recognise the hand writing on both. The English letter is from Harry Evans.

  He has secured passage on a ferry arriving tomorrow. Great this will be good news for Alec. There is plenty of room in the depot billet until he finds alternative accommodation

  I open the other with apprehension scanning it quickly. I read it again more thoroughly unable to take in the contents. It is from Oscar but posted in France. He has had it smuggled out of Germany by a friend as he doesn’t trust the prison postal service. The return address is in Germany but not a prison. Oscar has already been tried by a military tribunal found guilty of desertion in the face of the enemy. He is sentenced to ten years hard labour in a military stockade. The harsh sentence is due to the fact that Oscar being Oscar is an honest man to the core. Despite the fact that it jeopardised his freedom admitted he had deserted. He had done this rather than kill fellow human beings because of his Christian principles.

  Although my letter was used by his defending officer as evidence they chose to ignore it as I was only a lowly private. No official record of his detention as a POW was produced for some reason. I can’t help wondering why? Surely if they contacted the British army they would have forwarded the records. I had given all the details of the dressing station the names of commanding officers etc. Bloody hell my run of bad luck seems to be unending, first the problem with Denise now my good friend Oscar. There is no way he will survive ten years hard labour in a military prison if they are as harsh as the British ones. Oscar is not a strong person anyway. A mental picture passes through my mind of him when he was captured dishevelled and thin as a rake. I leave a note for Alec regarding Harry Evans after fuelling the truck I leave the depot.

  Still pondering on my problems I take the truck to the café swig a quick coffee pick up a packed breakfast and lunch and head to my first pick up in a village about five kilometres away. The farm is a lovely little place run by an ancient farmer. I learn he does this entirely on his own

  On the second run I am sitting in the cab having my lunch when he appears alongside and offers me some homemade cider to wash it down. It is delicious and I tell him so when I return the flagon before leaving. He informs me. “I’ve been making cider all my life and my Father before me but this will be the last batch I’ll be making.” “Why is that old fella?” I enquire. He replies wearily. “I’m giving up. I have no kids to leave it to. This cursed flu has seen to that. I plan to sell up before winter comes when I have gathered this year’s crops in. Then I’m heading to my sisters by the seaside. I have always had a yearning to die by the sea. Funny thing for a farmer to want eh young un.” “Sure is old fella, best of luck to you and thanks again for the cider it’s the best I’ve ever tasted.”

  I finish work about three in the afternoon and head home immediately.

  Although Jeans ribs are plastered and he is still looking the worse for wear he is working on the harnesses in the coach house, I stop to have a word. He
is very pleased about Yvette’s change of feelings towards him.

  Denise and Louise are sitting in the parlour when I arrive.

  I drop to my knees in front of my wife and give her a hug asking her how she feels. She doesn’t respond to my embrace in fact she appears to shy away. I am dismayed at her attitude it feels like a stab in my heart. “What’s wrong Denise? What have I done?” I plead for an explanation. “I have lost my baby.” Tears pour from her eyes as she repeats. “I have lost my baby. Don’t you understand my baby is dead?” When I try to hug and comfort her she rejects me again. I can’t take anymore I stagger to my feet and slump into a chair Louise comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Adam I need to have a word with you, come through to the bedroom please.” In the other room she explains. “We have been talking most of the night. Denise is grieving, no matter what I said to comfort her, she can’t get the loss of her baby out of her mind. That’s not all I hate to tell you this. She is blaming you for some reason, I know it is illogical.” Despair grips me. “What am I going to do Louise I wouldn’t hurt her for the world.” I begin crying like a baby she takes me in her arms and assures me. “Adam we will get through this, don’t despair.”

  Things don’t get any better as the week progresses Denise won’t have me near her. Louise takes her to see everyone that could help, to no avail. I take to sleeping at the depot and frankly getting pissed every night. Harry Evans has arrived in France he begins work immediately and takes to the job like a duck to water. His presence allows Alec to return to his true love, repairs and maintenance. His venture into vehicle sales is also off the ground. We should be happy. The company is doing well beyond all expectations in fact. We are making loads of money and thinking of investing in the warehouse Oscar and I planned. Alec and I decided from the outset that a third of the profits are banked in a separate account for Oscar.

  Nothing seems to help with the Denise’s situation. Billy arrives back from his trip, he reports it a great success he has shifted many loads and had a great time with the orphan kids at the farm. He informs me one of the older boys is a natural mechanic. Billy has evidently taken the boy everywhere with him. He returns with a fat profit paid in cash and a full truck of wool to be delivered to the docks. When I tell him of the situation at home he tries consoling me, but all we do is get drunk together. Friday arrives along with Hazel bringing a load of goods for the market.

  She is horrified when I reveal the situation on Friday night in the café. However nothing she says to Denise improves the situation although she tries her best on my behalf. Hazel and Harry Evans take an immediate shine to each other. It looks as if Billy and Louise are becoming serious about their relationship. Although Billy is upset by the news Louise has to return to the farm on Sunday morning in Pompey Lill. She has to confirm to the authorities personally that the orphans are now in her care.

  Hazel and she leave together. My problem persists as Denise insists Yvette takes her place in the coach house when Louise leaves. I have given up trying to make reconciliation; rejection is too painful I don’t even bother going home anymore. When I am in deep depression some good news arrives from Oscar in the form of a letter that cheers me up. Correspondence has arrived addressed to his civilian lawyer in Germany from the Colonel verifying he was taken prisoner and served in the German hospital unit as an orderly. The Colonel promised he would forward the official papers as soon as he obtained them. On the basis of the letter the lawyer was lodging an appeal. Oscar’s future now depends on the Colonel. I hope he doesn’t let us down knowing what I know. I immediately write him a long letter offering to do anything he suggests to help.

  We are in the café one evening celebrating one of the French drivers birthday. My mind goes back to the last party we had here and what a great time we had before the kidnapping attempt. I must have looked pretty miserable considering we are having a party when Paul arrives and sits beside me. “We have heard of your troubles. You know our good wishes are with you Adam my friend?” I reply miserably. “I know that Paul.” “Would you like to hear some good news for a change?” “I sure would.” I reply. “Then listen to this, we have dealt with that cousin of mine the Gendarme Sergeant.” When his statement sinks in I feel alarmed. “You haven’t? I hesitate to say it. But you haven’t killed him have you?” No, no!” He assures me. “I told my family what he has done and they have punished him. He has been forced to leave Le Havre to take another posting in the colonies He won’t dare show his face around here again believe me. My Grandfather is a pretty powerful figure in this district he is a leading magistrate you know? My cousin either accepted the posting abroad or he would have been exposed and ruined. He would also have finished up being jailed. The life span of a Gendarme in a French prison is not very long.” He adds cheerfully. “My brother may come out of hiding now thank goodness maybe he will begin to recover his health and mind.” “That’s good Paul you are a good man and I hope everything works out for you.” A thought strikes me.

  “What did you say your brother did in the army? What skills has he got?” “He was an architect before the war and a very good one. In the army he served with the engineers I don’t know what he did then, he won’t say anything about it.” “Can he drive?” I ask. Paul hesitates. “Well he could before the war but the way his nerves are now” He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know?” “Look Paul I won’t promise anything. Bring him around to the depot say in two days. I would like to have a word with him. I have an idea. I want to get Harry and Alec’s views before we go any further.”

  The news Paul gives me did buck me up despite my problems.

  I enjoy the rest of the evening with the lads. Paul’s brother arrives for an interview he is suffering with an affliction I have seen on many occasions amongst the shell shocked. He has a nervous twitch and blinks rapidly. Alec is most sympathetic and offers to take him on in the workshops on a trial basis. I put another idea to him. “Marcel, your brother tells me you are an architect.” He confirms this. “I know it is not your chosen profession but would you consider working with Alec in the workshop? At the same time I want you to have a look around the depot and plan how you would improve it. For example we require a warehouse and an office on the site. This decrepit shed is not good enough for our needs. Also we wish to display second hand and maybe new vehicles as well when they are available. The workshops will need updating. The billet, I was thinking of, I don’t know, something on the same lines but modern facilities for long distance drivers to stay overnight. There is no rush I would like to have your ideas in say six weeks time. No detailed plans as such just ideas you understand?” “When do I start work?” He asks. I reply “Immediately if you like.” Friday night arrives with more surprises. Hazel and Louise appear at the depot with the truck and Pompey Lill both loaded with goods for the market. Little Daisy accompanies Hazel and Father Peter accompanies Louise. I introduce Louise to Harry Evans they immediately go into a huddle talking business. Billy is on a long run and won’t be back until later. Later Hazel and Harry sit together in deep conversation in the office I don’t disturb them, we leave the pair still chatting when we depart. I invite the others to the café for a meal. The lads take over Daisy in the café or the other way around she keeps them amused with her antics. Father Peter and Louise corner me. “Right Adam how are things?” she enquires. “No better.” I reply. “In fact they are worse if anything. I haven’t been home for three days, there is no point Denise hates me.” Louise explains. “That’s why I brought Father Peter he found it hard to believe when I told him what’s happened.” Father Peter says. “If you agree I would like to have a word with your wife.” “Be my guest Father I hope you have better luck than me.” I reply miserably. “By the way have you heard anything about the coach crash and the death of the driver?” The Priest reveals. “That was covered up as an ordinary accident there was no mention in the report of where he had been or what he had been doing. The Marquise’s influence is not confined to his estates.
” “That is typical it’s the same the whole world over. You get away with murder if you have enough bloody money, the Bastard!” I mutter to myself as they are already heading out of the door. I decide to remain in the café when Louise, Father Peter and Daisy leave. Louise is back within an hour. “Come with me Adam. I want you to see this.” She won’t say more. When I get home I race upstairs Denise is on the floor playing with Daisy. It’s so wonderful to hear her laughing again.

  She doesn’t see me as I remain in the doorway astounded.

  Father Peter puts his fingers to his lips and ushers me into the bedroom Yvette follows she says.

  “It was like a miracle, as soon as she saw the child her whole attitude changed.” Father Peter has an enormous smile on his face. He explains. “This is why we brought Daisy. We hoped she would make a difference she is such a warm child everyone takes to her. There is something I need to talk to you about Adam. Come show me these wonderful coaches I noticed down stairs I am very interested in them.” Mystified I lead him below. He does admire the coaches but he has another reason for getting me alone. “Adam. Are you aware I spent time in Africa before the war?” Puzzled by the question I retort. “Yes Peter. Louise told me you were some kind of missionary.” He replies. “I discovered many things when I was there. Most western so called civilised people misunderstand the natives. They believe they are primitive and dismiss their beliefs out of hand.”