The Pink Heist

by Adam El Shalakany

  "You still can't get through to the holo-deck? Then, VII, and Captain Pippy, I guess we'll have to deal with it ourselves. It won't be the first time I bet for the three of us. Any weapons on the Curacao?"

  "It seems to be a trans-ship." VII said studying the screen. "Unless it's cloaked or something. In which case, well we'd be screwed Zenbot or no."

  "If it's a trans-ship, hon', they'll most likely want to board us." Captain Pippy said, maneuvering the yacht away. "I can make it difficult for them in that case. Don't ya worry girls. They'll have a hard time locking onto us. But if they've got weapons on board, there won't be much I can do. Not in this bright pink yacht, anyhow."

  VII stood up and walked over to the long table. She replicated herself some tweezly sticks, chewing on them viciously, and then returned to the screens. "I'm not very good in close quarters. It's my nerves." Her hands shook as she wrote the code.

  "Figures." Mancy sighed. "And you Captain? How are you in a fight?"

  "I can hold my own. Though I'd prefer it don't come to that. If we can oblige that request."

  "Agreed. You keep doing whatever you girls need to do. I'm going to go see our muscle." Mancy left the cockpit and made her way towards the holo-deck

  "But the intercom's not working." VII shouted after her.

  "I'll figure something out. Maybe the bastard can hear us through the doors."

  "Zenbot's a she." Captain Pippy said calmly. "Y'all said so ya'selves. Call her a bitch, hon'."

  "Excellent. Mr. Qruise. Excellent. You took me completely by surprise. It's a shame your kick didn't land. A shame. It came quite close though. And I could really feel you put yourself into the thing. Excellent. We may have a chance at this thing yet."

  "You didn't have to kick me back so hard, you monster." Mr. Qruise's eyes could barely open. They were puffed up like a fish, red, blue and bloated. A giant lump was sprouting on the side of his head, he felt at it softly as he lay on the ground. "Have I been out for a while. My head feels … wrong"

  "I didn't have to kick so hard." Zenbot nodded. "I didn't. That is true….but I did."

  "Is that all you've got to say? You've been beating me bloody blue for the past Shen knows how long. How many days has it been out there? I mean my beards grown back longer than ever." Mr. Qruise pulled at his long bushy beard, searching for the skin beneath with his nails.

  "Three."

  "Shens. Only three?" Mr. Qruise felt at his head and massaged the giant lump. "And in here?"

  "Quite a while."

  "I'd say."

  "You shouldn't complain. You've been beating Freedman equally blue for those three days. It's all a circle." She twirled a finger around.

  "Have I?" Lightening flared up in the dark. Red and purple. "That's some consolation I suppose. But Shens I feel tired… 'master'." The word caught in Mr. Qruise's throat. "I don't think I can do it. I just don't think I'm capable of it. And what do you mean circle? I don't see anyone beating on you."

  "The day will come, Mr. Qruise, when you see me beaten. I am certain of that. Just wait. As for you not being capable I don't believe that."

  "Based on?"

  "I've been trying to teach you, I refuse to believe in luck. If you can't achieve my talent with hard work, that means I've been lucky and I can't have that. Even if I have to beat you half to death to prove it."

  Mr. Qruise winced. He raised his arms to shield himself before looking back up at his master. "And if I can't?"

  "Then you'll have won and I'll have lost. I'll tell Ms. La2x that it can't be done and the mission will be scuttled."

  "As easy as that?" Mr. Qruise groaned loudly on the ground, paralyzed. "I can't feel my legs, you know."

  "As easy as that. I wouldn't put your hopes up though." Zenbot was smiling.

  "Why not?" Mr. Qruise peeped up from his half open eyes, puffing loudly. "It's getting hard to breath."

  "Ms. La2x was screaming through the holo-deck door a while back. It seems that we're being pursued by a ship which means to do us harm. A ship called the Curacao. Ms. La2x is back at the door again. They're catching up. We might be annihilated within a few hours. That is some good incentive for you."

  Mr. Qruise jumped up on his feet and grabbed Zenbot by her sleeve. "Get out of here, you loon. Go and help in the fight. What the hell are you doing wasting your time with me?"

  "I can't do that, Mr. Qruise. My job is to train you and I still believe I'm not wasting my time. That kick really was impressive. I won't go picking fights when I don't have to. If I can avoid violence I do. And the best way to do so is in here. So here we'll stay. Now back to sparring. That's enough of a rest."

  "They're within a couple of AU's now. Pippy can't you go faster?" VII chewed on her tweezly sticks, her eyes flitting between the screens in front of her and the bay window in the lounge where the Curacao could be seen with the naked eye, a distant blue spot of light in the middle of empty space.

  "Don't you go calling me Pippy, now. It's captain alright. I worked hard for the title and I ain't gonna let it go to the likes of you two's. If I could go faster, I would. I told ya this luxury yacht ain't meant for no races. Their ship should be in range for ya, VII, in a couple of minutes. Ya'll buzz your signals off soon, don't you worry."

  "Alright, Pippy - Sorry - Captain. I think I hear the boss coming back up."

  "I'm here." Mancy joined the pilot's cockpit. "There's no point. I explained the situation and Zenbot's still refusing to come out. We're really alone on this one. VII? You in range yet?"

  "Yup. Accessing the Curacao systems now. Oh-oh, this is pretty bad. Pretty, pretty bad. It's a cloaker. Its got some pretty heavy weapons on board too. Strange though. They could've shot us a whole while ago. Long range torpedoes, long lazies and a battling gun or two. One sec. Let me just root around a bit more. It seems there's a bounty out on your head Mancy and for the Big Pink. Reward is a favor from the La2x family. No limit."

  "Heck, a favor, that's my pay out of this whole thing. Maybe I should just turn this thing around girls." Captain Pippy turned around from the pilot's chair. Mancy and VII weren't laughing. "Just kidding. Geez. I'm in this for the myth. Can't y'all take a joke?"

  "It must be Daddy." Mancy said. Her voice began to break, losing the usual cool authoritative tone.

  VII continued reading off the screen. "It says to capture you alive though. So that's a hint as to why they've not shot at us yet. What should we do, boss?"

  "Can you shut them down for a couple of hours? Enough time for us to get to the nebula?"

  "I can try. I can't tell you their reaction though. If I fail. They do have those torpedoes." The tweezly stick in VII's mouth disappeared as she chomped down on it ferociously.

  "Daddy wants me alive."

  "But they don't necessarily care or even know what 'Daddy' wants." VII said, chewing. "If we attack them and try to shut them down they may just shoot us down for the trouble."

  Captain Pippy fiddled with the ships dials before turning around. "Don't want to interrupt this thinking session girls. But they're half an AU away. It's now or never."

  Mancy nodded to the cryptographer. "Do it VII."

  "You got it, boss. It's uploading now. Seems to be working. It should take five minutes."

  "We don't have five minutes, VII."

  "Well. The ticker's started. Oh, shit. Um… Captain Pippy, Mancy, are you seeing this? They've launched a torpedo."

  Mancy looked across the lounge at the radar monitor on VII's workstation. "They want to maim us. Hoping they'll slow us down."

  The single red dot racing towards the Big Pink on the screen was joined by another. "They've launched another one. Oh and another." VII said.

  "VII…hon'?" Captain Pippy stood up and joined Mancy and VII at the workstation.

  "Yes, Captain?"

  "Your code wouldn't'a messed around with the weapons systems would it? Say, causing the launch of several tor-pe-does at us instead'a the one."

  "It might have, Captain. It w
as a rush job after all."

  "Good. Good. Just making sho'. If we live VII, remind a girl to kill ya."

  "Can you evade them, Captain?" Mancy asked, staring anxiously back at the empty cockpit.

  "I can evade one, sho'. But - oh look'ee there, they've launched another one - But with the amount they've launched we ain't gonna make it." Captain Pippy replicated herself a quick drink and drank straight from the bottle.

  "Mr. Qruise, this is it. We're about to die." Zenbot dodged every punch Mr. Qruise threw its way.

  Mr. Qruise was gasping, exhausted. None of his attacks were landing. He twisted his hips, and balanced his legs, but all he met was air. "What do you mean? Are we being boarded?"

  "Worse. The Curacao's just launched an entire salvo of torpedoes our way. According to Mancy's delirious shouting at the dojo's door. First impact should be in a few seconds. Out there of course. She ran all the way to tell us. She hopes I can help. Poor thing. I'm not a miracle working Shen." Zenbot dodged Mr. Qruise's kick. "It's now or never Mr. Qruise. You've never popped on a ship because you'd end up in space. Can you pop with a ship? Now, that's the question. If you're going to survive the next few seconds you're going to have to believe in yourself."

  "You want me to pop and take you with me? That's impossible." Mr. Qruise hunched over, hands on his knees, breathing heavily.

  "Impossible is not a word for this 'verse, Mr. Qruise, especially not for you. You must do it or die."

  "How can you be so calm?"

  "I've accepted death a million time's over. I have no fear of it."

  "You know what, Master?"

  "What is it, Mr. Qruise?"

  "If I tell you it's impossible, it's bloody impossible. I'm getting sick and tired of your crap." And with that Mr. Qruise punched Zenbot in the face. An explosion of light erupted from his fist and the darkness of the night sky was torn asunder, lightening struck the lone tree on the hill and lit it on fire.

  The Big Pink with its crew went 'pop'.

  Loveless sat in the Curacao's mess surrounded by other players from the Game on MO4. They all sat around a holographic map of the local space-time area. Loveless looked the same as in the Game. She was, however, shorter, her blonde hair longer, and her face while still pretty was not as defined as in the Game.

  The yacht they were chasing was displayed on the holo-map as a pink square. Fourteen small red dots wound their way towards the square. The red dots closed in slowly and then suddenly the square disappeared off the map. The red dots closest to the square disappeared as well. The further ones continued in their trajectories alone.

  "Who the hell launched all those eff'ing missiles?" Bonebreaker was a large bull of a man, hairy and muscled. "Who killed the target? Do you want the eff'ing La2x family on our eff'ing tails? We're dead. Y'hear. Dead."

  Loveless replayed the last minute of the telemetry on the map. "Calm down you bull."

  "Don't tell me to calm down, Loveless, or I'll break ya. The law's no matter to us now. May as well get some real life killing done if we're all gonna die." He cracked his knuckles.

  Loveless replayed the telemetry information again. "Calm down will you. I'm looking at something. They're still alive. No need to soil ourselves. The La2x hounds won't be on us anytime soon."

  "Whadd'ya mean they ain't dead? They're blown off the face of the map." Skyburner, a small gap toothed woman in cut overalls spat as she spoke.

  "Look at it. The ship disappears before the missiles reach it." Loveless played back the telemetry slowed down. It showed the pink square disappearing a milli-second before the first red dot reached it.

  Bone breaker rubbed his square jaw, laughing with his belly. "You're right. But where could it a gone. Do they have cloaking tech, ya think?"

  Skyburner drummed her fingers on the table. "Could be a crypto. VII was with them. A tough som'a bitch that one."

  Loveless watched the telemetry over and over again, while the others discussed.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Geminix Nebula

  Zenbot meditated by the lounge window. The rest of the crew sat at the long table in silence. Algy hid in VII's breast pocket, squirming.

  They sat for a while, none of them speaking, drinking various hard alcoholic beverages, and replicating more when they were done. Mancy stole a glance at Mr. Qruise and quickly stared in front of her once more. Mr. Qruise simply looked down into his cup. He was the one who finally broke the silence.

  "Does anyone have a vape?" he asked.

  Mancy didn't reply. She pressed a button on the replicator.

  The crew returned to their silence. Mr. Qruise puffed away at his vape when it was ready, staring into his cup once more.

  Captain Pippy looked at the others, all the while braiding her hair. "Folks. If I can just say one thing. I've piloted many a ship and all that can be said about this trip's 'wow'. Neva' felt anything like this. Do y'always feel that way, Qruise?"

  Mr. Qruise looked up from his cup. "You… you enjoyed that, Captain?"

  "Enjoyed it? Hon', I Shens'amn loved it. I'd love to do that again and again. We jumped a hundred and forty parsecs in a second. Do you know what that means? We've broken the 'verse's speed record by … by Shen, don't even know. I'd say scrap the mission and tell the world but ain't no one's gonna believe this."

  Mancy nodded along with Captain Pippy. "If we ever get through this bloody mission. It'll just be another feather in our cap. Captain Pippy, where are we exactly?"

  "We're right dab in the middle of the Geminix Nebula. How in the hell' that boy did it I don't know. He got us right where we were headed. I mean after we were on the run, he was stuck in the holo-deck. No way for him to know, but we're here. Make's a girl believe in the Shens again. We're safe fo' now. The io-niz-ed cloud around us'll shield us from scans." She paused. "We're about four and a half days from Qamar. But honestly I don't think we'll make it. Not in this ship and not with that bounty on our head."

  "Bounty?" Mr. Qruise asked between deep heavy drags on the vape.

  Mancy stared at Mr. Qruise and then looked away quickly when he returned her gaze. "We'll leave the mystery that is Mr. Qruise to later. Thoughts anybody as to evading our hunters?"

  "You really only have two options." Zenbot twirled around from its position next to the window. "We can risk the run, or we can change the ship."

  Freedman furrowed his brow in thought. "Or," he broke into his goofish grin, "we can change the color."

  "The color?" VII asked.

  "Yeah. The color of the ship. No one's gonna know we're the Big Pink if we're not big and pink." He was still grinning.

  "That, Freedman, is an idiotic idea." Mancy said.

  "Why? The pinkness of the ship is what makes people know us, isn't it." His smile disappeared slowly.

  "The Curaçao didn't see us, Freedman, it scanned us. They don't see the pink from afar. Shens." Mancy rubbed her temples. "Zenbot says ditch the ship or run with it. Let's ask our pilot. Captain?"

  "I don't rightly know folks. It's a tough one. This ship's a good one fo' the mine field. No doubt about it. Good control in tight spaces. I'd like to use it to break through, but it just ain't got the speed. I don't s'ppose our stranger can pop us straight to Qamar, can ya Mr. Qruise? Fourteen thousand parsecs'd be a bit of a tough call."

  "Lady. I don't have a clue how in the world I did what I just did. I wouldn't trust myself now to snap my fingers along with a tune. You count yourself lucky you made it out in one piece. We're still in one piece aren't we?" Mr. Qruise took off his boots and inspected his feet. "Have you checked? You should all really check? Seriously. Thank the Shens. My left's still left. You checked your's Freedman?"

  Freedman suddenly frightened, emulated Mr. Qruise taking off his boots and inspecting every toe.

  "So I reckon Qruise is out'a the picture fo' a while. Still a great job tho' hon'." Captain Pippy winked. "You've made your name. I can tell you that. You've made all our names. But our names can still reach new heights." She
stood up hopping in place. "Maybe they'll talk about us like ol'Zenny over there. To do that, tho', we need to get to Qamar in one piece. And fo' that I guess we have no choice butta' go for a speeder. VII? Where's the nearest ship dealership?"

  "That'd be back at the End of the Line. We'd lose a couple of days going and coming back. Also, there's a lot of traffic on that route, so chances are we'd never make it back, with that bounty on our heads."

  Mancy scuttled the idea. "No. No going back. Is there a nearer dealership?"

  VII checked her screens. "There's a small printing point a day's ride towards Qamar. We wouldn't lose any time, boss, and it's not a highly visited route."

  "What's the catch?"

  "The catch is that it's part of a den of pirates, thieves and murderers."

  "Is it a La2x town?"

  "Got it in one, boss."

  The La2x family flag flew high over city hall, a sole towering skyscraper at the center of the town of La2x 42. The flag was bright pink with a picture of Max La2x smoking a cigar in the middle. Beneath Mr. La2x's smiling face was the La2x corporate motto: "Give us your poor, your sick, your tired, we can use'em."

  The city hall tower was a magnificent mix of glass and glittering metal. The rest of the town was comprised of small brick buildings, built in the old world manner. Row after row of the small buildings lined out uniformly from the tower. The industrial part of town loomed large on the horizon past the more scenic part of the city. Large metallic buildings, rusty, scratched and used broke the skyline.

  Captain Pippy and Zenbot walked through the marshes outside of town, circling around the city towards the rusty factories.

  "That' should be the hanger right there." Captain Pippy pointed towards a large spiraling building in the distance. "That's the place to go if we're looking for a ship. Remind me again why couldn't we just fly in, instead of all this walking?" Large insects surrounded the pair in a cloud of chirping.

  "For the tenth time, Captain. The Big Pink is not the most inconspicuous of ships. Hence the need to park so far away."