Just One Reason

by Kirsten DeMuzio

  Mitch reached over to pat my shoulder, “That’s okay. You’re young. You have all the time in the world to figure it out.” I smiled gratefully at him. Mitch opened up the newspaper and handed the sports section to Grady while he looked at the front page. The tension between Grady and me was thick, and I’m sure that’s why Mitch tried to talk about the news.

  “Looks like the North Koreans are putting their missiles away,” he commented.

  I shot a glare at Grady, remembering the encounter with the blonde bimbo I had witnessed last night. “Yeah, I know someone else who needs to put his missile away,” I grumbled under my breath. Grady smirked at me and laughed, which only served to make me more uncomfortable.

  I couldn’t sit there next to Grady any longer and pretend like he didn’t affect me. So, I excused myself and started to hurry up the stairs to my room when his voice stopped me.

  “So, what Lindsay? You got bored with your pampered life? Tired of all the rich guys in the city? You thought you would just come back here after five years? Did you think we could just pick up where we left off? Trying to pass the time by having another fling with me?” Hearing him describe what we had as a fling was enough to further damage my already broken heart.

  My hand gripped the railing and I tried to fight back the tears. I turned around, this time it was my eyes that were flashing with anger. “I didn’t come back here for you, Grady,” I said, wanting to believe it myself. “I came back here, because I didn’t know where else to go. My parents aren’t speaking to me, my best friend is starting a new life that doesn’t involve me and my most recent romantic involvement was with my married professor.” I stopped to take a breath and was satisfied to see that Grady was speechless for a moment.

  “I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I’m lost, Grady. And I came back here…because I have nowhere else to go.” My voice had dropped to a harsh whisper, and the tears couldn’t be held back any longer. I swiped at them angrily with the back of my hand before continuing, “Just ignore me. Pretend I’m not here.”

  I turned and ran up the stairs, but not before I heard him say softly, “Easier said than done, Bambi.”

  I spent the rest of Sunday holed up in my room, even though I had watched Grady walk away in the direction of his shop shortly after I came upstairs. Lana came up around dinner time and said she had ordered a pizza, so I joined her in the kitchen for that. She was watching me carefully and finally said, “I don’t know what’s going on with Grady. But I can see that he still loves you, Lindsay. Even if he doesn’t want to.”

  The thought of him not wanting to love me was almost worse than him not actually loving me. I know I had hurt him, and I knew he might feel differently if he knew the reasons behind what I did. But I wasn’t ready to tell him yet. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready.

  Chapter Seven

  Grady

  Another Saturday spent at the shop. Cam’s boat was going to be awesome, and I could almost smell the money an endorsement from him would bring in. And it was keeping me busy. And away from Lindsay. That was the most important thing at the moment.

  When I went to church last week, it was an impulsive decision and I didn’t have anything on my mind other than making her as uncomfortable as she made me. I was honestly surprised at her physical reaction to me. It was clear from the shiver that ran through her body when I put my arm around her and the way she stared at the flowers on the altar like she was trying to burn holes through them with her eyes that she was still very attracted to me. But that didn’t mean anything.

  I would have thought that hearing how unhappy she has been would have made me feel better, vindicated somehow. But it didn’t. It only made me want to pull her onto my lap and comfort her. Damn, the girl is dangerous. I have no business feeling sorry for her or caring about her happiness. She sure didn’t care about mine when she broke my heart. I had to remember that and try not to notice the sadness lingering in her blue eyes.

  Josh’s voice brought me out of my internal pity party. “When is Cam stopping by?”

  I shrugged one shoulder, not looking up from the design I was applying to the side of the boat. “He didn’t say. I told him I’d be here all day, so he could stop by whenever.”

  “Cool,” Josh replied.

  I put down my tools and wiped my hands on my shirt. “You can head out when you’re done with that,” I said nodding my head toward old man Peterson’s sailboat. Leah was going to have that baby any day now, and I knew they were still working on getting the crib and all that other baby shit set up.

  “Thanks, man. Leah wants me to get all the baby’s furniture set up this weekend and the car seat put in the car,” Josh said. Lately he’d been talking about cribs and swings and Pack N Plays, whatever the hell that was. I wondered if some part of your brain switched on when your wife got pregnant, because I’d never heard of most of this shit.

  We worked a while longer in silence until my dad rolled in with take out from the diner. “Burgers and fries, boys,” he said setting a large greasy brown paper sack on the table we used for meetings and eating, more for eating.

  I was starving and wasted no time pulling out my food and digging in. With our mouths full, we were silent for a while. Then I broached a subject I’d been thinking about for a while. Ever since a familiar blonde came back into town.

  “So, I’m thinking about selling the house,” I said before taking a long drink of my soda. Both pairs of eyes stared at me in surprise.

  “But son, you just finished the house. You’ve been working on it for years,” my dad said, clearly confused why I would want to sell. The truth was it was just getting too hard to go back there every night - alone. It was designed and built for a family, for a wife and kids I would never have now.

  Josh didn’t say anything. Even though he was surprised, I think he understood why I needed to do this. He was there when Lindsay left me. He and Leah had been the ones to really see the depth of my pain and what it did to me.

  I took a deep breath and tried to explain, “It’s a family house, Dad. It should have kids running through the grass and swimming in the lake. Not a single guy who doesn’t even have furniture in most of the rooms.”

  My dad frowned at me. “I think you should hold on to it for a while, Grady. You’re young. There’s no reason to think you won’t have a family someday.”

  I merely grunted in false agreement and turned my attention back to my food. There was no reason to tell my dad now that he would never have grandchildren. I had always assumed I would have kids, someday in the distant future. But the only person I could see as my wife was Lindsay, and I was not letting myself go down that road again. It hurt too much the first time.

  Right when we finished up with lunch, the bell on the door jingled and Camden Holt strolled in, followed by a very large bodyguard. Nobody other than Josh and my dad knew I was working on Cam’s boat. His celebrity status didn’t matter to me, but I knew if word got out I would have every female in town staked out in the parking lot waiting to catch a glimpse of the famous Camden Holt. The only people I wanted in my parking lot were paying customers.

  I threw my trash away and went to greet him. “Hey, Cam. Glad you could make it in,” I said holding out my fist. He bumped it with his and took off his flashy sunglasses.

  “Can’t wait to see the boat. The pics you’ve sent have been awesome, man,” he replied. We walked over to the spot in the shop reserved for his large speedboat. I showed him what was already completed and we talked about what was still left to be done.

  “So it’ll be ready by next weekend? I’ll be back in town a week from Monday and staying through Labor Day,” Cam said. It was tight, but I would make sure it was done even if I had to work around the clock.

  “I’ll have it done. Let me know where you’re staying and I’ll have it docked when you arrive,” I replied.

  Cam seemed pleased with my answer, and we walked back toward the front of the shop. “I’m going to look at a
place today, so as long as it checks out that’ll be where you can deliver it.”

  We stopped near the front door, where his bodyguard still stood at attention. “What rental agency are you using?” I asked, praying he wouldn’t say Lana’s office. There were several real estate agents in the area who handled lake rentals.

  “I’m using Lana Dalton. I hear she’s the best,” Cam said. Fuck.

  He continued, “Lana was tied up today, so she’s sending her assistant to pick me up here and drive me by the house. You mind if I wait here for a few? She should be here by 1:00.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Leah was done with work until after the baby came, so I knew the “assistant” would be Lindsay. She wasn’t mine anymore, but the last thing I needed was to watch her fall under the spell of Cam’s pretty boy face. I didn’t have much more time to ponder this before a silver Mercedes SUV pulled very slowly into the parking lot. My mouth twitched at how ridiculously carefully Lindsay drove.

  Cam hadn’t noticed her pull in and he was going on about what he wanted to do in the area during his vacation. Lindsay didn’t get out right away, and I watched as she took a few deep breaths and smoothed her hands over her hair. Was she nervous to meet Cam? Or was it me that had her tied up in knots?

  Lindsay got out of her car and walked into the shop, gorgeous as usual in one of those little sundresses she liked to wear that hugged her tits and showed off her legs. She smiled graciously and shook hands with Cam, not seeming to be affected in the least by meeting one of the hottest actors in the world today. But when she looked at me, I could see her chest rising and falling just a little quicker, and her eyes were bright with emotion. It was definitely me. I didn’t know whether to be glad or pissed off about that.

  But one thing I knew for sure. I needed to find out why she was here and what she wanted. “Before you go, can I talk to you for a minute, Lindsay?”

  Oblivious to the tension swirling between Lindsay and me, Cam smoothly interjected, “Do you mind if I take a look at that sailboat you have parked outside while you’re talking?”

  I nodded, “Sure. Josh can take you out to see it.” Josh glanced from Lindsay to me, raising an eyebrow. I turned away and ignored the question and warning in his look.

  “Can we talk?” I asked gruffly, nodding my head toward the private office to our left. Lindsay just stared at me, so I put my hand on her lower back and guided her into the room, shutting the door behind us. The second my hand left her back it itched to be touching her again, and I had to curl my hands into fists to keep from grabbing her and pulling her against me.

  The space in my office was small, so Lindsay backed all the way up against my desk in an effort to put some distance between us. I immediately regretted putting us in a small closed space together. The tension in the room was palpable, as was the pull between us. I paced the floor in front of her, pulling off my bandana and shoving my hands through my hair.

  “Grady…” Lindsay began, but I cut her off.

  “Why?” I asked, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.

  She spoke softly, “Why what?” My eyes opened and I took a step toward her. The air was heavy and it felt like the walls were closing in around us.

  “Why are you here? Why are you back in town? ” I took a deep breath and asked the question I needed the answer to more than I needed my next breath. “Why did you leave?”

  Lindsay’s eyes widened slightly with fear. Fear of me? Fear of telling me why? She opened her mouth to reply, but I suddenly didn’t want to know. Could I handle it if she told me she left because she just didn’t love me anymore? No, I couldn’t handle that. Just like I couldn’t handle being this close to her without touching her any longer.

  I closed the space between us and hauled her against my body. My lips were on hers before I knew what was happening. Lindsay’s hands were on my chest, tightly gripping the fabric of my shirt. When Lindsay’s lips parted I stopped thinking about why this was a bad idea and gave myself over to the sensation of Lindsay’s hands on me.

  My tongue swept inside as I kissed her hungrily. She moved her hands up my chest and around my neck to grab my hair, holding my mouth to hers. Her chest was heaving against mine as I gripped the back of her thighs and lifted her to sit on the desk.

  “God, Lindsay…” I breathed against her mouth. Her body felt so good pressed against mine, and I craved more of it. Lindsay seemed to feel the same, because she released her hold on my hair and shoved her hands under my shirt to run her fingers roughly over the muscles of my abs. I groaned and gripped her ass pulling her hard to me, grinding against her.

  Lindsay whimpered, the sweetest sound, and dropped her head back allowing me access to the smooth skin of her neck. But just as I was trailing hot kisses down her neck and her fingers hooked in the waistband of my jeans, a knock rapped on the door. I pushed harshly away from her, my eyes wild with hunger and my breathing heavy. Lindsay sat stunned and panting on the desk with her dress pushed all the way up her thighs. I had never seen anything so sexy, and for a second I considered ignoring the knock and pushing her back on the desk and burying myself inside her. Then a second knock sounded.

  “Yeah?” I yelled towards the door. I heard Josh’s voice say something about Cam having some questions. “I’ll be right there,” I said.

  The interruption allowed me a minute to get my head on straight and stop thinking with my dick. What was I doing? And what was she doing? If Josh hadn’t interrupted us I would have fucked her on my desk in the middle of the day, and she would have let me. I was sure of that. Her eyes were still heavy with desire.

  I exhaled and rubbed my hand over my face. I had not intended for that to happen with Lindsay. All I wanted was some answers as to why she was here. But then she was standing so close, smelling like summer and flowers, and I had to touch her. Taste her.

  I turned around and slammed my fist against the door. “Fuck, Lindsay!” She jumped off the desk pulling her dress back in place and ran to the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Jesus Christ! Lindsay made me feel like I was actually going insane.

  After a full five minutes in my office waiting for my hard-on to disappear, with Lindsay still hiding in the bathroom, I went outside to answer Cam’s questions. A few minutes later and Lindsay finally emerged from my office, looking calm and put together. But I noticed the faint flush in her cheeks and the heat in her eyes that told me she wasn’t all that put together.

  Cam saw her come out and said his goodbyes before asking Lindsay, “Are you ready to show me the house?”

  She smiled and nodded, “Yes, let’s go.” She didn’t look back at me as they left.

  Josh clapped me on the back. “Grady, man, chill out.”

  A snarl ripped from my mouth and I glared at him. “Back off, Josh,” I warned.

  He held his hands up in surrender and back up a few steps. “Dude, I’m just saying you’re all over the map with this girl. First, you hate her. Then you’re doing God knows what to her in your office. Now you’re shooting daggers at your biggest client because he’s working with her.”

  Josh was right, but I didn’t know how to reel it in where Lindsay was concerned. “Get out of here and go home,” I told him. Right now I needed to get back to work and be alone.

  Chapter Eight

  Lindsay

  On my second Sunday in Penn Yan I skipped church with Lana and Mitch and went over to Leah’s house to help her put away her baby shower gifts in the nursery. After yesterday I needed a distraction, which was how I ended up knee deep in burp clothes, pink and purple onesies and crib sheets.

  Meeting Camden Holt, one of the hottest up and coming young actors, was enough. Add on top of that a hot and heavy make out session with Grady on his desk, and I was seriously over-stimulated. I barely slept the night before, and I really needed this girl time. Taryn and I still texted every day, but I didn’t want to bother her with all my shit when she was just starting a new semester.

  “Do
you like this one or this one for the coming home outfit?” Leah asked me holding up a frilly pink dress next to a soft cotton footy sleeper in pale lavender.

  I pointed at the sleeper, “Definitely that one. It looks way more comfortable. Besides, she’ll probably spit up all over it anyway.” Leah laughed and folded the sleeper and set it in the bag she was packing for the hospital.

  “You’re right. I should probably take a couple of extras,” she said grabbing two more identical sleepers and shoving them in the bag. “You’ll make a great mom some day, Lindsay.”

  My hands paused in the act of folding tiny washcloths, and I looked away to hide the tears involuntarily welling up in my eyes. But Leah was observant, too observant.

  “Lindsay, what’s wrong?” She asked me, taking the polka dot washcloth out of my hands and setting it down on the changing table. I blinked back the tears and forced a fake smile onto my face.

  “It’s nothing. I’m sorry, Leah. It’s just that I can’t have kids, and…um…” I trailed off, not really knowing how to explain. I don’t remember all the medical terminology the doctor used when explaining it to me, but I do remember her saying I had a better chance of getting hit by lightening and winning the lottery on the same day than I had of getting pregnant. At the time it hit me hard, and then I pushed it away, rationalizing that I didn’t want to have kids anyway. But after seeing Grady again, and spending time helping Leah get ready for the birth of her daughter, I was feeling the empty hole in my heart again. The hole that would never be filled with love for a child, my child.

  Leah pulled me into a tight hug. As much of a hug as we could have with her huge belly between us. “I’m so sorry, Lindsay. I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have asked you to help me with this.”

  I pulled back and shook my head firmly. “No, it’s okay Leah. Yeah, it sucks and makes me sad sometimes. But that doesn’t mean your baby is any less special. I offered to help you, and there’s no way you’re putting all this stuff away by yourself.”