Just One Reason

by Kirsten DeMuzio

  She smiled at me, “Okay.” I put my stack of folded washcloths in one of the dresser drawers and sat down in the rocking chair with several miniature hangers and a lapful of girly dresses.

  “So…Grady came over for dinner last night,” Leah began. I continued putting dresses on hangers and waited for her to continue. Since that Monday after the scene in the pub when Leah had assured me she didn’t hate me for what happened with Grady five years ago, she hadn’t mentioned his name. Spending every weekday with Leah, I had come to know her fairly well. And I knew for certain that she wasn’t one to hold her tongue. So, I was incredibly impressed that it had taken her this long to bring up the subject of Grady Hawke. Grady and Josh were close friends, and they worked together at Mitch’s boat shop, so I knew that Leah had plenty of regular interaction with Grady.

  “He asked about you,” Leah said quietly, looking at me for my reaction. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

  “Did he want to know when I was leaving town?” I asked. After his strange behavior at church last week and me admitting my life was shit and him mauling me yesterday in his office and then acting like he was mad about it, I didn’t expect him to care about me one way or the other, except to know if I was gone yet.

  She shook her head, “No. He doesn’t want you to leave, Lindsay. He still loves you.”

  I gaped at her. “Did he say that?”

  “Well, not exactly. He wouldn’t say that…after…” she trailed off.

  “After I broke his heart?” I filled in the blanks for her.

  “Yes. I’ve known Grady for a long time. He is still angry and hurt, but he loves you. He hasn’t had any other serious relationships since you. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, Lindsay, I know you wouldn’t have done that without a really good reason.” She was looking at me expectantly, clearly wanting to find out that really good reason. It wouldn’t be fair for me to tell her when Grady didn’t even know.

  I sighed, “I did have a very good reason, Leah. I can’t tell you what it was, but I can tell you it wasn’t because I stopped loving him or wanting to be with him. If I haven’t stopped loving him by now, I don’t think I ever will.”

  “I knew it!” Leah shouted, jumping up as well as an almost nine month pregnant girl can jump up, and clapping her hands together. Uh oh. I knew that look. It was a look I often got myself when I was meddling in Taryn’s life.

  “No, Leah. You have this baby coming soon. You are not allowed to get involved in this mess with Grady and me. We’ll work it out eventually…or we won’t,” I said sadly.

  Leah hugged me again and confidently said, “You will work it out. I can feel it.”

  I patted her belly. “I think what you feel is little Leah doing somersaults.”

  Leah rubbed her belly and groaned, “There is no room in there for somersaults.” We worked in companionable silence for a while, and I admired the décor Leah had chosen for the nursery. There was, of course, an abundance of pale pink, but the white and yellow accents made it fun and not overly girly.

  “So, how long are you here for?” Leah asked me.

  “Honestly, I have no idea,” I replied. “Long enough to figure out what I want to do next.”

  “Lana said you were going to school to be a lawyer. You don’t want to do that anymore?” She asked.

  I shook my head and settled on the floor to open packages of rattles, teething rings, and pacifiers. “No, that’s about the only thing I’m sure of right now. My dad is a lawyer and he pushed me to go that route too. But after my internship with his firm this summer, I just couldn’t do it. One day, I’d had enough of being locked away in my office and I quit.”

  “You just walked out? Were your parents pissed?”

  “Oh, yeah. That’s an understatement. My dad was completely baffled. I think he always wanted a son instead of a daughter and then to find out I wouldn’t be following in his footsteps was the final straw for him. My mom was just as upset but for completely different reasons. All she cares about is social standing and image. She thought I could have found a great husband at the firm.” I shrugged. “Neither of them has spoken to me since I quit and moved out that same day.”

  Leah lowered herself to the floor beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lindsay. That really sucks.”

  “Yeah, well, it was a long time coming. My mom played a big part in why I left Grady, and that’s something I can never forgive or forget. Now I just want to find what I’m supposed to be doing.”

  Leah nudged me with her shoulder. “Right now you’re supposed to be sorting rattles and binkies.” I laughed and we got back to work.

  When my phone beeped in my purse, I pulled it out expecting to see a text from Taryn. God knows it wouldn’t be my parents, and none of my spoiled, socialite so-called friends from the city had bothered contacting me since I left. I was extremely surprised to see a text from Camden Holt. Or Cam, as he asked me to call him yesterday. Normally I would have been drooling over the chance to meet a super-hot celebrity, let alone show him vacation rental houses all afternoon. But my encounter with Grady yesterday kept my thoughts on him and not on Cam.

  “Who’s putting that big smile on your face?” Leah asked.

  I giggled and showed her my phone. “It’s Camden Holt. Grady’s working on his boat, and he was here yesterday to look at vacation houses. He wants to take me to dinner next week when he’s in town. To thank me for showing him around yesterday.”

  I typed in a reply while Leah fanned herself with a bib. “Oh my God, Lindsay! He is so hot! I would totally do him.”

  “Leah!” I squealed. “You’re married. And pregnant.”

  She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “So?”

  I laughed and read Cam’s reply. “He also says he’s having a party on Labor Day and that I should invite anyone I want.”

  Now it was Leah squealing. “This baby better stay in for another week. There is no way I’m missing a party with Camden Holt!”

  By the end of the day the nursery was completely ready for baby girl Jansen. Josh came inside from where he had been installing the car seat in his truck and found Leah and I slumped on the couch.

  “Thanks for helping out, Lindsay. As much as I’m looking forward to this baby coming, I can only take so many ruffly dresses and tiny socks,” Josh said, sitting down in the chair across from us.

  “No problem, Josh. It was fun,” I replied.

  “Come on, ladies. Let me buy you dinner at the pub,” Josh said, standing up and holding out his hands to help us up.

  Knowing full well I might run into Grady at the pub, I agreed. Leah and I had become good friends and I was enjoying the slow pace of life here. I wasn’t going to let Grady Hawke run me out of town or keep me from living my life.

  ***

  Leah and I sat at a table near the bar, and I sipped a Lemon Drop Martini. She was really going to owe me for all these nasty drinks I ordered just so she could smell them. But seeing as how she was my only true friend in town, drinking liquid sugar was the least I could do. Of course, Grady was already here sitting at the bar and talking to Ford when we arrived. Josh went over to sit with them when one of the waitresses sashayed over and rubbed her big fake boobs against Grady’s arm.

  We were close enough to hear her proposition him, “Hey, Grady. Can I get you anything?” The tone of her voice made it clear she was offering more than food and drinks. I couldn’t help the hiss from escaping my lips as I watched this blatant display of desperation.

  Leah rolled her eyes and said, “When is Shelly going to get the message? Every damn time he’s in here, she’s shoving her tits in his face. But he always blows her off.”

  Feeling slightly better from Leah’s assertion that Grady didn’t go for such sleaziness, I turned back to lock eyes with Grady. He studied me for a moment before I turned away flipping my hair over my shoulder.

  I was determined to ignore him the rest of the evening, but ice ran down my spine when I heard
Grady say, “You got a break coming up, Shelly?”

  I could almost feel Shelly’s excitement from across the room when she said, “Yeah, I can take a quick break now.”

  As hard as I tried not to, I had to look. Then I desperately wished I hadn’t when I saw Grady lead Shelly down the back hallway and into the back storage room. I closed my eyes for a moment to collect myself and contain the emotions that were swirling violently through me.

  Leah yelled at Josh to come over. “What the hell is Grady doing? Does he know what kind of nasty diseases he can get from her?” I cringed at the thought that they were doing something where diseases could be contracted.

  Josh shook his head and glanced at me. “I don’t know what he’s doing, babe. I’m sorry, Lindsay.”

  I waved him off and put on my fake smile that I had perfected over the past five years. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Josh. It’s not your fault your friend is an asshole,” I said sweetly. I downed the rest of my drink, barely tasting the sickening sweetness and pulled out my phone to keep my hands busy while I waited for Grady to emerge from the backroom. When he did, not even ten minutes later, he strode out and winked at me. I glared at him and my lip curled up automatically in a snarl.

  “I can’t believe he just fucked her in the back room,” I said to Leah. We watched as Shelly followed him out and pulled lipstick out of her purse.

  “I don’t think he fucked her. She’s reapplying her lipstick, but I don’t see any on Grady’s mouth.”

  “Ewww gross!” I exclaimed and stood up, grabbing my purse. I said goodbye to Leah and Josh and left without eating dinner and without another look at Grady. Fortunately, I had a text waiting for me when I checked my phone on the walk home. Cam told me he was looking forward to seeing me again next weekend.

  Hmmm, let me think. Dinner with a super hot actor who also happened to be a really nice guy or sitting at home avoiding my asshole ex who lets random skanks blow him in the back room of a restaurant. Tough choice.

  Chapter Nine

  Grady

  Right after Shelly and I came out of the back room, Lindsay got up and left in a hurry. I had wanted her to see me go off with Shelly. After losing myself with her yesterday, this had to stop. I couldn’t let my guard down around her again. We needed to stay away from each other, far away. Making her hate me was the easiest way to keep her at a distance.

  Uh, oh. Leah was glaring at me, and she stood between me and the door. I sighed and joined her and Josh at their table. Sitting in the seat Lindsay just vacated, I braced myself for the lecture.

  “Grady Hawke! You should be ashamed of yourself. Doing that right in front of Lindsay. And with Shelly? Do you know what a nasty hoe-bag she is? You might as well of just had sex with half the men in this town.”

  I cringed at how right she was about Shelly. Ordinarily I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole. Josh looked disgusted as well. “Jesus, Leah. You can’t talk like that after the baby’s born.”

  Leah just rolled her eyes at him and kept laying into me. “Lindsay’s had a lot going on in her life lately, and you’re just piling more of your shit on top.”

  I had to stop her there. “Listen, Leah. Lindsay’s life is not my concern. She made that very clear when she broke up with me. Now she’s back here, fucking with my head. I need to make sure she stays away from me.”

  Leah frowned at me. “Grady you need to get over what happened before. I know that Lindsay had a very good reason for what she did. And it wasn’t because she didn’t love you. She didn’t tell me what she’s hiding, but you need to find out. Camden Holt is coming back into town in a few days, and he’s interested in Lindsay. You need to get your shit together or you’re going to push her right into his strong, tanned, famous arms.”

  I rubbed my hand over my face and tried to process what Leah just said. The thought of Lindsay with Cam made me want to punch his pretty boy face. The thought of her with anyone else was enough to drive me crazy. That’s why I didn’t think about her. If I thought about her, I would never make it. Hearing Leah say that Lindsay was hiding something about why she left me wasn’t something I could handle. I had spent the last five years making Lindsay into the villain. It made it easier to deal with the pain. But hearing that it wasn’t because she didn’t love me? That was almost enough to send me back into a downward spiral. It didn’t matter anymore. It was in the past. I was not going there with her again.

  Pushing away from the table I muttered goodbye to Leah and Josh and waved at Ford. I thought about going by my dad’s house, but that was too close to enemy territory. So I went home. I grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge and went down to sit on the end of the dock. The sun had just set, and the lights of houses around the lake glowed in the darkness. Taking a swig of my beer, I thought back to another time I had sat in this very spot right after sunset.

  June 2006

  Lindsay was giggling at some stupid joke I made. She was still wearing her bikini from our swim earlier and a pair of cutoff shorts. Her hair had dried into a mass of crazy sexy curls, now blowing in the breeze.

  The sun had just set, and the night sky was clear. This was our second day together. Just last night I had met Lindsay, taken her for dinner and ice cream, and drove around the lake until she started yawning.

  Back at Lana’s house, I had walked her to the front door like the gentleman I had never been before. She thanked me and rose up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. I wanted to turn my head and capture her lips, but I held back.

  Jogging down the steps, I turned back just as she started to enter the house. “Hey, Lindsay? You busy tomorrow?”

  She smiled at me over her shoulder. “Hmmm, my schedule is pretty full. But I might be able to squeeze you in.”

  I winked at her before walking across Lana’s yard and into mine. When I looked back one last time she was still watching me.

  Today I picked her up right after work and brought her here to swim. At first she was apprehensive about the lake water. I’m sure she was used to clear pool water. So, I picked her up and tossed her off the end of the dock.

  Lindsay surfaced sputtering and yelling obscenities at me. As soon as I followed her in, she jumped on my back and dunked my head under the water. We spent the rest of the daylight hours swimming and talking.

  After sharing a pizza and soda for dinner, we sat on the end of the dock and watched the sun set. There were plenty of opportunities when we were swimming for me to grab her and kiss her. But something held me back, just like last night on the porch. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was foreign to me. The feeling farther south I knew well, but this was something more. I think I was actually nervous. Grady Hawke did not get nervous around girls…until now. This was just the first of many ways Lindsay would prove to be different.

  Lindsay was giving me all the signs - flirty smiles, hair flipping, leaning closer. What the fuck was wrong with me? While I was internally arguing with myself, Lindsay grabbed my face with both hands and planted one on me.

  I was shocked immobile for a moment, but the feel of her soft lips moving against mine spurred me into action. I pulled her closer and wrapped my hand around the nape of her neck. She might have started it, but she easily gave up the lead to me. The nervousness was gone, replaced with white hot desire. When I held back this time it was out of respect for Lindsay. She was young…and special. For the first time ever I wasn’t thinking about how far I could get with a girl. I was thinking about more.

  I set my second empty bottle down in the spot next to me and rubbed my fist over the center of my chest. If I left this house, would I leave behind this empty aching feeling? Would I be able to go home at night and not feel her presence surrounding me? God, I hoped so.

  ***

  By the time Monday morning rolled around I was chomping at the bit to get going on listing my house for sale. With Lindsay working as Lana’s assistant, there was no way I was going to her office. There were several other real estate age
nts in town, but Lana was the best, and I knew she would get why I had to do this. First thing Monday morning, I called her cell phone to avoid Lindsay answering the office phone.

  “Hello, Grady. What can I do for you?” Lana asked.

  “Hey, Lana. I want to put my house on the market,” I said, not wanting to waste time with small talk.

  There was a pause before she replied, “Okay, if that’s what you want to do I can make some time to come by this afternoon and we can get the ball rolling.” This was why I chose Lana. She didn’t ask questions.

  Or maybe she did, which I realized as we sat in my living room later that day. “So, Grady, tell me why you spent the last few years designing and building this house and now you want to sell it a mere six months after it’s finished.”

  I paced back and forth in front of the floor to ceiling windows that spanned the entire front of the house and provided an awesome view of the lake. “I could make a killing on this property, Lana. You know that.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Now, Grady, you and I both know this house was never about making money.” Obviously Lindsay had told her about this house, and I wondered if Lindsay knew I had gone ahead and built it.

  The woman was like a freaking mind reader. “Lindsay told me about your last night together when you outlined the house in the grass. That’s incredibly romantic, Grady. But she doesn’t know that you actually built it.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. For some reason I didn’t want her to know. To know that while she had been living it up in the city all this time, I was pining away for her in a house I built for her.

  “Lindsay’s not part of my life anymore, Lana. I need to move on. Selling this house is the first step.”

  Lana studied me intently for a minute, making me feel like I was ten years old and in the principal’s office. “Have you tried to talk to her? About what happened to make her break it off with you?” She asked. I had no idea if Lana knew the real reasons behind Lindsay’s decisions.