Just One Reason

by Kirsten DeMuzio

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lindsay

  I didn’t have the energy to change into my pajamas, so I curled up on my bed and hugged my pillow to my chest and cried. Over the last five years I had tried very hard to not let myself think about Grady or what we had lost. But tonight, spurred by the birth of Leah’s daughter, and the stark reminder that I would never have a baby of my own, I cried. I cried for what I had lost. For the first time since I sent that e-mail five years ago, I cried myself to sleep.

  The sun was streaming through the window full force when I woke up. My mouth was dry and my eyes were swollen, and I was still wearing my jeans and tank top from the day before. I rolled over and stared up at the ceiling fan twirling overhead. A quick glance at the clock told me it was 2:00 - in the afternoon. Ugh. I felt like ass.

  I grabbed my phone and texted Josh to see when visitors were allowed. He replied that Ford had already been by this morning before his shift started and Grady was planning on going after he got off work.

  Poor Grady. He was up all night at the hospital and then he had to work today. I briefly debated whether I should visit now and be gone before Grady arrived, or if I should time my visit to coincide with his. There had been a definite shift in his attitude toward me after he found out I really had loved him. I still couldn’t believe he thought I didn’t care about what we had. Although I couldn’t blame him. I only had myself to blame for that.

  Even though I was well rested, I was emotionally drained from last night, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk to Grady about everything we needed to talk about. So, I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower.

  Two hours later I arrived at the hospital, flowers and pink stuffed bear in hand. It was a warm day in early September, so I wore a flowy skirt, fitted t-shirt and flip flops. When I entered Leah’s room, I found Josh sitting in the rocking chair with little Madeleine. I stopped for a moment in the doorway and watched him cooing at her. It was heartwarming to see a big burly guy holding a tiny baby girl. She was all swaddled in a soft pink blanket with a hat on her head, so all you could see was her precious face peeking out. The toilet flushed and Leah shuffled out of the bathroom in her hospital gown and socks. I set my things down and helped her over to the bed.

  “Oooh, my girly parts hurt,” she complained as she gingerly sat on the bed and swung her legs over the side.

  Josh winced. “Jesus, Leah. Not everyone who comes to visit needs to know that.” He looked at me, “I thought Ford was going to shit when Leah started talking about the damage Maddy did on her way out.” I laughed at the image of Ford listening to Leah’s birth story.

  “So, we’re calling her Maddy?”

  Leah nodded, “Yes. Madeleine is a mouthful for such a tiny thing.”

  Josh stood up and motioned for me to sit in the rocking chair, and then he gently placed Maddy in my arms. She was so small and weighed next to nothing. I had never held a newborn before, and it was amazing. She was sleeping and made the most adorable scrunchy faces. I rocked her for half an hour while chatting with Leah. She ran through the whole story of the birth, sparing no details. And as much as I loved Leah, I could have done without the play by play description of breastfeeding for the first time. Especially since it wasn’t something I would ever be doing.

  Since I was here to keep an eye on his ladies, Josh had excused himself to run down to the cafeteria. It was getting close to 5:00 and I wanted to be out of here before Grady arrived. I heard Josh’s voice coming down the hall and planned to make my escape, but then he walked into the room with Grady right behind him.

  He had clearly come from work with his faded jeans, dirty t-shirt and bandana covering his hair. I was fascinated by the tattoos on his arms and hoped one day I would get the chance to examine them closely, every inch of him really.

  He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me, like he could tell where my thoughts were heading. I dropped my focus back to Maddy and let my hair fall over my shoulder to hide my blushing cheeks.

  Standing up carefully, I said, “Well, I’ve monopolized your baby for long enough. I’d better get going.” I started to pass Maddy back to Josh, but he motioned for me to hand her to Grady.

  Leah piped up from the bed, “Wash your hands first, Grady. I don’t need motor grease all over my baby.”

  I instinctively swayed back and forth while I waited for Grady to wash and dry his hands. He came over and I placed Maddy in his arms. A huge smile immediately came over his face and he started to sway too. My heart clenched painfully in my chest at the sight of him holding a baby. I had to get out of here before I broke down in front of him again. I grabbed my purse and gave Josh and Leah quick hugs.

  “Call me when you get home tomorrow and I’ll come do your laundry or clean your house or whatever needs to be done,” I said and practically ran out the door.

  When I was safely a ways down the hall I stopped and leaned against the wall, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and worked on breathing evenly and holding back the tears. After a few minutes and several stares from other visitors I felt calm enough to leave.

  But where would I go? I didn’t want to go back to Lana’s empty house, and my only friend was here in the hospital. I thought about calling Taryn, but that would require me to explain things I didn’t want to explain yet.

  Ford, I thought. Ford’s ever-grumpy mood and the drinks he served were just what I needed right now.

  I drove home and left my car in the driveway. With the amount of alcohol I was planning to drink, there was no way I would be able to drive home. So, I walked the short distance to downtown Penn Yan and the pub.

  Ford was putting away glasses at the other end of the bar when I plopped myself on a bar stool. It was barely 5:00 so the dinner rush had yet to fill the tables. I tapped my nails on the bar impatiently until Ford threw the towel over his shoulder and sauntered down to me.

  “Lindsay,” he said. I smiled at him, glad that he had moved past scowling at me as a form of greeting.

  “I want a Corona and a shot of tequila.”

  He raised an eyebrow at my request and took off his baseball cap to scratch his forehead.

  “Uh, it’s a little early to be doing shots, don’t you think?”

  I slapped my palm on the bar and said sternly, “Don’t fuck with me tonight, Ford. Bring me my drinks, and keep ‘em coming.”

  He exhaled and held up his hands in surrender, “Okay. Okay.”

  Less than a minute later he set my beer and shot in front of me. “Rough day?” He asked sarcastically.

  I scowled at him. “You have no idea.”

  He leaned against the counter behind the bar, crossing his arms over his chest and scoffed, “Ha. Yeah, it must be real hard to live off your trust fund and do whatever you want whenever you want.”

  I tossed back the shot and chased it with a swig of my beer. Slamming the empty shot glass upside down on the bar, I pointed my finger at him. “Oh. You want to play this game, big guy? You think you can beat me in the ‘I hate my life game’? I guarantee you I will win.”

  He looked intrigued and I’m pretty sure this was the longest conversation I had ever seen him have with anyone. “All right, I’m in. If I win, you have to take over my shift on Halloween. It gets crazy in here, and I would love to see the city girl slinging drinks,” he said with an actual smile on his face.

  I grinned back at him, “Okay. And if I win, you have to wear a costume of my choosing while you work on Halloween.” He smirked at that, clearly confident in his life’s suckiness, and held out his hand.

  “Deal.” We shook on it, and he refilled my shot glass.

  I started out with something easy, “My dad always wanted a son instead of a daughter.”

  Ford wiped off the counter in front of me and sneered, “If that’s the best you got, we might as well just stop now and declare me the winner.”

  “That’s definitely not the best I’ve got, or the worst depending o
n how you look at it. I’m just getting warmed up. I have all night. It’s not like I have anything better to do.” I took another swig of my beer and propped my chin in my hands. “Okay, your turn.”

  Ford rubbed his chin for a moment and then said, “My dad left my mom and me when I was seven years old, and we haven’t heard from him since.” I frowned. This might be harder to win than I thought.

  “My mother hasn’t spoken to me in almost three months,” I said.

  “My mother has cancer,” Ford replied evenly. Oh, God. I dropped my forehead onto the smooth wood of the bar with a thunk. “I’m so sorry, Ford.” He shrugged one shoulder, and went to get drinks for a couple that had settled at the other end of the bar.

  When he returned I decided to steer clear of family. “You’re up, Ross,” he said setting another full shot glass down in front of me.

  “The last guy I had sex with was my professor. My much older, married professor,” I said, waiting for his response.

  He raised an eyebrow and thought for a minute before saying, “You got me there. The last girl I screwed was a swimsuit model here for a photo shoot.”

  I rubbed my hands together. All right, I was back in this competition. Ford surprised me by going first this round. “I fucked up my leg so bad I still have a slight limp, and it aches every damn time it rains.” Hmmm, that was a pretty bad one. But I was positive I had a medical mess to top that.

  “I can’t have children,” I said haughtily. Ha, top that one. Ford narrowed his eyes at me, and then nodded in agreement that I took that round.

  After that he had to serve several customers that had come in for Happy Hour. I amused myself with choosing songs on the juke box and dancing by myself. Come to think of it, I probably amused everyone in the pub.

  Two hours, three beers and four shots later, I was starting to feel a lot better. The dinner crowd had picked up, so Ford was busy and our back and forth had slowed. I was up next having just heard the dollar value of the NFL contract he lost when he hurt his leg. The only thing I had to top that was the secret I was holding from Grady and everyone.

  “Ford!” I shouted and waved my empty beer bottle in the air. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the customer he was serving.

  My body tingled with awareness, and I heard Grady’s voice near my ear, “I think you’ve had enough, Lindsay.” I snapped my head around to smile at him as he took a seat next to me. Normally I would have glared at him for telling me what to do, but the alcohol was making me happy.

  I waved my hand in front of his face. “Pffft, I’m fine.” I swung my gaze back to Ford and motioned for him to come over. “Ford and I are getting to know each other. We’ve established that his life sucks dick. But…I have one last little secret up my sleeve,” I taunted.

  Grady was looking at me with an amused smirk on his face. “Get some food out here to soak up the alcohol,” he said to Ford.

  Grady sat next to me for the next hour making me drink water and eat the food Ford brought out. He listened patiently to me rambling on about nothing and everything. When I had sobered up a fair amount, he stood up and said, “I’m taking you home. Let’s go.”

  He pulled out some cash, but Ford waved it away. “It’s on the house, man. She has provided me hours of entertainment.” I walked behind the bar to give Ford a hug, standing on my tiptoes and throwing my arms around his neck.

  “Thanks, Ford. It’s too bad I’m hopelessly in love with Grady, or I would take you home in a second and…” Grady growled and pulled me away from Ford. “Wait!” I said going back to Ford and tugging him down to my level so I could whisper my secret in his ear.

  The smile fell from his face and he was quiet for a moment before saying, “You win, Lindsay.”

  “Let’s go, Lindsay. Before I have to beat the shit out of my best friend,” Grady said pulling me toward the door. The sun had set and the stars were out. I looked around for Grady’s bike, but didn’t I see it anywhere.

  “Where’s your bike?”

  He put an arm around my waist to steady and guide me. “It’s at Lana’s. I thought the walk would do you good.”

  The food and fresh air had sobered me up enough to realize Grady was not antagonizing me or toying with me. And that his arm was around my waist holding me firmly to his side as we walked. We reached the steps of Lana’s porch, and I stepped up two steps and turned around so we were eye to eye. I was ready to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him. But more than that, right now I wanted to kiss him. So, I did.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Grady

  When I was done with work I had called Josh and found out that Lindsay was already at the hospital. I closed up the shop early so I could get to the hospital before she left. Maybe we could grab some dinner and talk. But when I got there she bolted out the door like the place was on fire. Clearly she was avoiding me. One way or another I was going to get her to talk to me. She wasn’t getting out of this that easy.

  I had never held a newborn before, and at first I was afraid I would break her. She seemed so small and fragile. After a few minutes though, I relaxed and enjoyed holding the tiny pink bundle in my arms. I really did look forward to being a father someday. That is if I could get Lindsay to talk to me. She is the only person I could imagine as the mother of my children.

  Once I had rocked Maddy for close to an hour and endured Leah’s play by play of the birth (God, please wipe these memories from my mind), I left Leah and Josh alone with their daughter. My first instinct was to go to Lana’s house straight from the hospital, but on second thought I decided to swing by my house for a quick shower and a change of clothes. Then I headed on to Lana’s house. When I pulled into my dad’s driveway to park my bike, I saw Lindsay’s car next door. Good, she’s here.

  I was halfway up the walk when my phone rang. “Hey, Ford,” I answered.

  “Dude, your girl is down here at the pub, and she’s trashed. I think you’d better come get her.”

  I frowned. “Lindsay?” I didn’t know who else could be “my girl”, although that wasn’t exactly Lindsay’s title at the moment.

  “Yeah. You got another girl I don’t know about? And don’t even think about saying Shelley,” Ford said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see, and said I’d be right there. Lindsay must have walked to the pub. I eyed my bike but decided to walk too. If she was trashed, it would be better for her to walk home than try to hold onto the back of my bike.

  Ford wasn’t lying. Lindsay was wasted. I could tell the second I sat down beside her and she smiled at me. She didn’t even flip her hair in my face one time. For an hour I listened to her talking, while I made her eat and drink water. She seemed to be happy drunk and not so far gone that she would feel it in the morning. Obviously we wouldn’t be having any serious conversations tonight like I had hoped, but at least I could be here to take care of her. At the moment she was babbling something about how she was beating Ford in some contest.

  I didn’t really follow what she was saying until she threw herself at Ford and said, “Thanks, Ford. It’s too bad I’m hopelessly in love with Grady, or I would take you home in a second and…” I didn’t let her finish that thought. No way did I want to hear what she would do to Ford. But I did like hearing her say she is hopelessly in love with me.

  She ran back to whisper something to Ford. It must have been good because he conceded that she had won their contest, whatever the fuck it was they were competing about. I would have to ask him tomorrow what the hell that was about.

  We successfully walked back to Lana’s without Lindsay throwing up or falling over. I think the food had helped. She seemed much more sober than when I had arrived at the pub. The plan was to get her inside and into bed. Since Lana and my dad were out of town, I could sleep in the guest room so Lindsay wasn’t alone tonight. But Lindsay apparently had other ideas that didn’t involve sleeping when she leaned forward to kiss me. I sure as hell wanted to kiss her back, but she was drunk. And I didn’t
want her doing anything she would regret in the morning when she was sober.

  I caught up her wrists and tried to gently push her back. “Lindsay, you’re drunk. And there’s a lot of shit between us that…” She interrupted the rational and practical words that were coming out of my mouth. Lindsay reached her arms around my neck and grabbed my long hair in her fists, tugging gently to get my attention. It wasn’t necessary. She always had my full attention.

  “Shut up, Grady. I want you. And I know you want me too. I’m not that drunk, and all that other shit…we can deal with that tomorrow.” That was a persuasive argument.

  She crushed her mouth back to mine, and I continued to resist at first. But when she sucked on my lower lip and lightly scraped her teeth across it, my resistance crumbled and I pulled her up against me. She tasted like beer and honey. It was an intoxicating combination. We were a tangle of arms and legs as I took the keys from Lindsay and attempted to unlock the door, all the while kissing her lips, her neck, her shoulder. One hand snuck up her shirt to caress the warm soft skin of her lower back, while I tried to get the key in the lock with my other hand.

  After finally unlocking the door, I kicked it shut behind us and carried Lindsay with her legs locked tightly around my waist to the stairs. In the dark I stumbled forward so Lindsay landed on the steps, but I caught myself before falling on top of her. Lindsay tightened her grip with her legs and rocked her hips against my erection, moaning at the intimate contact.

  “Christ, Lindsay,” I swore tearing my mouth from hers and ripping her shirt off over her head. Her bare skin was soft and creamy. God, where to start? I dropped my head and suckled her nipple through the thin silky fabric of her bra, causing her head to fall back with a thump against the stairs. My right hand reached up to cradle her head against the hard wood of the stairs as I continued to lavish attention to her perfect breasts.

  Apparently I was moving too slowly, because Lindsay raked her nails down my biceps and whispered harshly, “Fuck me, Grady.”