The Perfume of Silence

by Francis Lucille

  If we take the other side of the equation that relates to objects, to things, to our experience and certainty that there is something rather than nothing, whatever this “something” actually is, we have to see clearly that these objects, whatever their ultimate reality, always appear in consciousness. Therefore, our access to their reality, to the true nature of whatever is experienced, is always made through consciousness. This is very important and is usually ignored. We presume that we have direct access to things in themselves and that these things exist independent from consciousness, but it is not so. Whatever we experience, we always experience it through consciousness. However, we have excluded consciousness from our model of reality, which is considered to exist independently of it.

  What evidence do we have that reality, the true nature of things, is independent of consciousness? Absolutely none. We believe it to be true without evidence. If we ask ourselves if we have ever experienced anything without consciousness the answer is unequivocally, “No!” However, with the same conviction and in flagrant contradiction to our actual experience, we maintain that objects exist independent and separate from consciousness. This conviction is the root cause of conflict and misery.

  However, we should not adopt this new perspective, but simply liberate ourselves from the belief that reality is independent of consciousness. We are then open to another possibility in which reality, the ultimate nature of things, arises out of consciousness and is therefore one with it. After all, that is our actual experience.

  The approach to a true understanding of objects, that bypasses the presence of consciousness, is self-limiting, because our knowledge of the reality of objects can only be as good as our knowledge of consciousness. The scientific approach to reality ignores this fact on purpose. It limits its investigation to the realm of the phenomena of the world, forgetting the fact that they are inseparable from consciousness. Therefore, the knowledge that is secured through these means is inherently limited, because the scope of the investigation is limited from the outset.

  If the only path to absolute knowledge is through consciousness, how are we going to proceed? Simply by seeing, by looking. Consciousness, that which we are absolutely certain of, whatever it is, is also that which we call “I.” However, we have overlooked this “I,” we have forgotten our Self, we have excluded it from the way we view and understand the world, and have superimposed onto it beliefs, concepts, and feelings that have been inherited from our surroundings, from our experiences, and perhaps even from our genes.

  All that needs to be done to realize the true nature of reality is to liberate consciousness from the accumulated beliefs, concepts, and feelings that we have superimposed upon it. We do this simply through seeing, through welcoming. For this to be accomplished we need a certain quality of energy, of intensity, which I call love for the truth.

  There Is No “There”

  Very little seems to be said about emotions in this approach.

  We are not interested here in the story of our lives, in what happened to us when we were young, and so on. The root of all that drama is taken care of by freeing thoughts, sensations, and perceptions from their association with a personal entity. We don’t have to follow the story downstream to all the apparent causes in the past, because that would take us nowhere. We just stay with the current story, the present situation, without interpretation or interference, and this takes us naturally upstream to the source. At the end of the story we don’t need to tell the story; we simply note the absence of a storyteller. We have to be careful of any approach in which we feel that we have to get rid of something. Every time that we feel that we get rid of something, we remain as the “feeler” getting rid of something. In this case we get rid of one contraction but create another subtler entity, the one who has eliminated the problem. The one who has eliminated the problem is the continuation of the problem.

  The ego thinks that this approach is ineffective because it claims, “I don’t see myself dying.” However, it is not possible for the ego to be the witness of its own disappearance. This approach doesn’t leave any hope or food for the ego, the person, the drama. In this sense, it is very dry. However, when the ego is not present, true emotion, true beauty, true love, and true impersonality blossom. When we are unencumbered by the drama, we have a deep connection with others. We see their beauty and their love for the truth. At the moment we see this love of the truth in someone, we are touched very deeply at a place where we are one.

  What do you mean by “going upstream to the source”?

  It means going from the uncomfortable feeling, whatever it is, to the source in which it appears and out of which it is ultimately made. First of all, the feeling is divested of its psychological content, the “I” element, around which it revolves and upon which it depends. This is accomplished simply by understanding that this “I” element is in fact non-existent. This understanding is the accomplishing agent. We simply return to this understanding, and the “I” element is naturally dropped as a result. In this way, the uncomfortable feeling is downgraded to the status of a bodily sensation rather than a feeling. It is simply experienced as a sensation appearing in our benevolent, indifferent presence. We have no agenda with the sensation, positive or negative. It is just experienced for what it is, a neutral sensation. Because it is no longer coveted or rejected, the sensation is free to evolve, remain, or vanish in its own time and we are free to remain as we are, the freedom in which it appears, the source. See that it is your experience that everything is free-floating in awareness, no matter how delightful, painful, or neutral the situation. It is always so. When that is understood, the situation is always neutral and awareness always delightful.

  What do you mean by “true emotion?” All my emotions feel real.

  “True emotion” refers to any emotion that does not depend on a separate “I” entity for its existence. Negative emotion always has this apparent separate entity for its foundation.

  Is it possible to be enlightened without the mind having any knowledge of it?

  Yes, because the symptoms of enlightenment are not necessarily apparent to the mind right away. To begin with, the mind may not be aware of enlightenment because there may not be, as yet, any traces of destruction in it. The mind becomes aware of it at a later stage when the signs of destruction are visible everywhere. At some point, the mind notices that it has become like a child again, happy and free. However, these kinds of signs come later. In the beginning enlightenment is a non-event for the mind. There are instances in which there is a big explosion at some point, a point of no return, but it is not necessarily the case. If you have come here with a sincere desire for the truth, which only you can ascertain in your heart, then either it has already happened or it is imminent. The mind will gradually know, when it sees the destruction of the old patterns of fear and desire.

  I don’t feel enlightened or even near enlightenment.

  The person who does not feel enlightened or near to it, can never be enlightened, unenlightened, near to it, or far from it. This entity does not exist other than the thought or feeling “I.” This thought or feeling “I” appears in enlightenment, which is always present, but also has the capacity to temporarily and apparently veil it. This veiling capacity is called Maya.

  I have very strong opinions and don’t want to give them up.

  That’s your problem! You’ll be screwed up by those who have the same opinions as you and by those who have the opposite opinions. You have to give up everything, not only your opinions, but also your life. See how understanding comes about through intelligence. Understanding is always the result of giving up some past opinions. For instance, Einstein discovered the theory of relativity by giving up the notion of an absolute system of reference in time and space. It is always through giving up concepts and opinions that we make progress. When we give up all opinions, then we make absolute progress, which means progress towards the Absolute. It doesn’t mean that there is no activity, that you accep
t everything passively. We can simply see the facts in any situation, without strong opinions, take action, and forget whatever has happened.

  There is no need to form a philosophy to oppose a belief. The opposite of a system is more or less the same as that which it opposes. For example, communism and capitalism are both related to greed. When you see that what you are opposing is just more of the same thing, you drop it and go your way.

  You might think that this approach is not efficient, but honesty is always efficient. It may not seem so straight away, but it has long-term, positive effects. Honesty, truth, and love never die. They remain alive in the hearts of people. They are like a torch. They pass on from generation to generation. Of course, if you see a problem in society and there is something that you can do about it, go ahead and do it.

  ***

  What is the experience of consciousness and where is it recognized?

  At this moment, you are understanding these words. That “you,” which is understanding these words right now, is consciousness. It is very simple. From moment to moment, there is presence. This consciousness is always present, under all conditions and in all circumstances. You cannot turn it on and off. It is always present in the background of all perceptions and activities. It is what we refer to as “I.” The problem occurs when we identify this consciousness with a personal entity, a body-mind, which is in fact a perceived object. This object is made of memories at the level of thinking, and habits or patterns of behavior at the level of feeling and acting. There is nothing wrong with the body or the mind. The only problem is that we identify our witnessing presence, consciousness, with them. As long as we identify this witnessing presence with the body and the mind, there is no room for this presence to reveal itself in all its glory. We could say that it reveals itself through a veil. This veil is made of the I-thought and the I-feeling. When it reveals itself in all its glory, which could be called enlightenment, we realize that it is not personal. It realizes its universal nature. We all have it in common. It is the source of all things. It is beyond time. It is eternal. It is absolute splendor, love, and happiness. However, we have to disentangle consciousness from the body-mind mechanism. That is accomplished by understanding the distinction between the perceived and that which perceives. The body and the mind are perceived. Consciousness is that which perceives all things, all thoughts and feelings.

  If I hear your words, doesn’t that imply duality?

  At the time of hearing there is no hearer and there are no words. There is only hearing. Check this for yourself. Ask yourself, “Can I separate myself, consciousness, from the sound that is present?” No! They are one. So the separation is not actually experienced. The experience of hearing happens here, at a zero distance from myself, from consciousness. However, it is followed by the afterthought, “I was the hearer of these words.” With this thought the subject, “I,” and the object, “words,” are created. That is how duality is created. However, this thought is in turn inseparable from consciousness. It is again perceived at a zero distance from consciousness. There is no thinker and no thought, there is only thinking. In the now, in the truth of our experience, there is no distance, no separation. Everything is here; there is no “there.” Duality is never actually experienced. That is why it is called the “illusion of ignorance” and not just “ignorance.”

  Many times, when I am alone and ask, “What am I?” there is a deep longing.

  This sense of longing is a perception. Are you the perception or the space in which it appears? You are not this longing and it is not always present. It comes and goes. You are not the perception, you are that in which it appears. However, you can never perceive this space in which it appears. If you could it would, by definition, be a perception. Our actual experience is that we are nothing objective. The next step is to live in accordance with this understanding. If it becomes unclear again and we find ourselves thinking or feeling that we are located somewhere or that we are limited, we have to return to this understanding. We have to be serious and honest, and try to find what we really are, because we don’t want to spend our lives serving something that does not exist. If I am the servant of something, then at the least I want to know what it is that I am serving. We should serve that space, that awareness, that presence, which we can never see objectively and which is at the same time undeniable. We know that it is undeniable because if it were not present nothing else could exist.

  When you do anything, see whether this activity is undertaken as a servant of this presence or as the slave of a shadow, a personal entity. In the beginning, this may seem theoretical and the mind will come up with resistances such as, “This is theoretical; forget it.” This thought, however, is one of the ways the separate entity tries to protect itself. The real question is not whether it is theoretical, but whether or not it is true.

  If the answer is, “Yes, my activity is serving a separate entity,” then we have to investigate this entity, this “I.” This “I” is a perceived object. To what does it appear? It appears in the real “I,” consciousness. In this way we move from the object to its source. At this moment, we get a glimpse of our true nature. After some time, because of the habit of always thinking or feeling ourselves as objects, we find that we cannot remain simply as this objectless presence. Again, the feeling of separation returns, with its customary train of thoughts and activities. However, the mind has been struck a mortal blow by this encounter with the unknown, and its capacity to convincingly impersonate the real “I” has been irreparably weakened.

  How should we approach the small “I” when it returns?

  We simply return to the understanding that it appears in the real “I.” The thoughts that relate to the small “I” will gradually subside. Do not replace them with anything. There will now be gaps in our experience that were formerly occupied by the thoughts and feelings of the small “I.” Later we recognize these gaps as our original openness. To begin with these gaps seem to appear, from time to time, between two thoughts or feelings. Later on we discover that it is in fact the thoughts and feelings that appear, from time to time, in the timeless presence of consciousness. So, from the point of view of mind, these gaps appear fleetingly in the stream of thoughts and feelings. However, from the point of view of consciousness, it is the thoughts and feelings that appear fleetingly in the ocean of consciousness.

  Why is it so difficult to remain as this open space of consciousness?

  It is actually impossible not to remain as this open space of consciousness. However, to be it knowingly is a different matter. The reason is that once the I-thought has disappeared as a result of understanding, new layers of feeling come to the surface. Unlike the thoughts of the small “I,” which seem to hold some promise of happiness, of fulfillment, these feelings are uncomfortable and we therefore try to escape from them into thinking. Thus the process of avoidance through thinking and subsequent activity is again generated. It requires great courage, love, and patience to face these feelings without wanting to escape from them.

  ***

  I know theoretically that I am love, happiness, and joy, and that everything else is unreal, but this is not actually experienced.

  You cannot claim that you are love, happiness, and joy, and at the same time claim that this is not experienced. If it is not experienced, go to that place that you call “I” and don’t superimpose the notions of love, happiness, and joy onto it. This place is neutral. Truth is neutral, colorless. This presence is neutral, just like a mirror that allows all pleasant and unpleasant images to be reflected within it. Consciousness is transparent. It has no characteristics of its own. It is pure availability. It is the welcoming of all things: your thoughts, the world, and your body—not the concept of the body but the actual experience of it. It is important not to reject the body without welcoming it. Don’t escape from it into thinking. Experience deeply the richness of the body, like the intricacy of an ancient carpet. It is not something you can explore in one moment. Therefore,
first discover the truth as this neutral space of openness, of welcoming, and later on, you will discover that it manifests as love, happiness, and joy.

  The truth is that which is, the facts without any preferences, the facts unfolding in your benevolent presence. Observe the facts as a scientist would observe a new species of bacterium. They have a life of their own. We are the welcoming presence in which they appear. At some point the perfume of this presence will become manifest.

  However, for the time being, your body is largely unknown territory. You have to welcome it, explore it, make acquaintance with the richness of this web of subtle contractions, tensions, and dynamics, without naming it, without calling it fear, desire, or boredom. If you want to name it, call it “interesting stuff,” but don’t meddle with it. The scientist doesn’t want to kill the bugs. He wants to see how they live, reproduce, move, and eat. In the same way, we don’t want to kill these sensations, these feelings. We want to understand them. We want to see the richness and the diversity of what we call “me,” because we usually avoid it. The moment we see our desire to change things, we are free from it.

  So it is not up to me to feel the joy, but rather to see the separation clearly.