Mia's Heart (The Paradise Diaries)

by Courtney Cole

  “What?” I cajole him. “The big brawny cowboy can ride a bull but can’t dance?”

  And now he rolls his eyes.

  “Is that a challenge?”

  “Does it seem like a challenge?” I ask innocently.

  He sighs and grabs my hand. “Come on, tiny tot.”

  I smile victoriously as he leads me onto the polished dance floor. The crystal chandeliers sparkle above us and servers in black-tails and white gloves sail through the crowds with trays of champagne.

  Quinn pulls me to him and we smoothly dance around the ball room floor. I look up at him.

  “You’re a surprise,” I admit. “I figured you couldn’t dance.”

  But then again, I figured he didn’t own a pair of dress shoes, either. He’s sexy as hell tonight in a tux and polished black loafers. What is it about a tuxedo that can make a boy go from handsome to movie star hot in two seconds flat? My heart flutters as Quinn grins at me crookedly.

  And that’s another thing. My heart has been doing a lot of fluttering lately, mostly over this crooked grin of his.

  “I can most certainly dance,” he tells me needlessly. And I say needlessly because he is demonstrating that fact right now. He can most certainly dance.

  His arms feel really good wrapped around me. I almost sigh because this moment feels pretty perfect. The music is soft and soothing, Quinn is handsome and strong, and I am pressed against his strong chest. He smells delicious. I could go and on about why this moment rocks.

  But unfortunately, it doesn’t keep rocking.

  Because as I look up, I see Gavin. He is standing casually with Dante and Dimitri, with a champagne glass dangling loosely from his fingers at his side. He is the picture of casual elegance—as if tuxedos were invented to be worn by him. But I’m not distracted by how handsome he is. Because the look on his face startles me.

  He’s upset.

  With me.

  That is apparent. I stare into his dark eyes and he looks pointedly away. And he stays looking away. He doesn’t glance back at me. My stomach sinks like a rock.

  “Is something wrong?” Quinn asks, as he stares down at me. I shake my head.

  “No. I mean, yes. Maybe.”

  He stares at me again, his blonde eyebrows furrowed as he tries to figure me out.

  “I’ll be back, okay?”

  He nods and releases my hand and I scamper through the crowd to get to Gavin. But when I reach the spot where he was, he isn’t there anymore.

  “Mia!” I hear Reece call to me. I gaze around and find her in the crowd and she is gesturing wildly toward something behind me. I turn and see Gavin disappearing into a hall. I’m after him like a shot.

  I call out for him, but he doesn’t stop.

  So, I do the only thing I can think of to do.

  I chase him.

  I have no idea how he manages to stay so far ahead of me when I am running and he is walking. It’s like something out of a bad horror movie. I just can’t seem to catch up. I trip along in my heels until I finally get smart enough to take them off. And then I trip along after him barefoot.

  But finally, he takes pity on me

  As he reaches a door that opens to the outdoors, he turns. He is tall and lithe and handsome and he doesn’t want to be with me. That much is apparent.

  “What do you need, Mia?” And he sounds weary.

  I’m confused.

  “Why are you running from me?”

  He smiles a small, tight smile.

  “I’m not running. I’m walking. You’re short enough that you have to run to keep up.”

  “Details,” I sniff. “Why wouldn’t you stop?”

  “Because I don’t want to talk to you right now,” he answers simply. And that answer hurts. Because out of everyone in my life, Gavin has always been there for me.

  “Why?” I ask softly.

  “Because,” he shrugs. “I don’t want to right now.”

  “But why?” I demand. “You have to have a reason.”

  “Because I just realized something,” he says. And his voice is cool and his eyes are a bit sad. It makes me apprehensive and scared to ask. But of course I ask anyway.

  “What did you realize?”

  Gavin is quiet as he stares at me. And the serious and slightly sad expression on his face scares me because I have never seen it before.

  “What?” I blurt out. “What is wrong with you? What did you realize?”

  Gavin sighs.

  “I realized that you have never looked at me like you were looking at Quinn just now. And you probably never will.”

  And then he turns around and walks into the night.

  And I am stunned.

  Because I think he might be right.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I have no idea if he is right or wrong or what. But it doesn’t matter. Because the look on his face was so horribly sad that I just want to wipe it away.

  “Gavin, please—wait!”

  I chase after him and tug on his arm. He doesn’t even look at me as he stops by the pool. He looks achingly handsome in the light of the moon. The water moves next to us in aquamarine ripples and I stare into his face. I find that I want to reach up and stroke his cheek or wrap my arms around his shoulders or hug him tight. But I restrain myself.

  “Gavin, I’m sorry. I told you… I don’t know what I want. How can I possibly know that when I don’t even know who I am?”

  I can hear the desperation in my voice and so can he.

  His face softens a bit in reaction.

  “Gav, I told you this on the boat the other day. I said that I was afraid to pursue this because I never want to lose you. And you said that it wouldn’t matter—that I would never lose you, no matter what.”

  Now his eyes are really soft as he looks down at me.

  “So, you don’t want to lose me… but you don’t know that you want me, either?”

  My heart hurts at his words.

  Like, it literally hurts.

  “I don’t know what to say, Gavin,” I tell him. “I know that I love you in some way. I know that you are sexy as hell and you make me laugh and you know me like no one else does. I know that I love being with you—I love laughing with you and swimming with you and kissing you. But something seems to be holding me back and I don’t know what it is.”

  I’m crying now. I feel the tears streaking down my face and Gavin moves to wipe them away. I lean into his hand and he cups my cheek.

  “Let me know when you figure it out,” he says softly.

  And then he leaves me by the pool.

  Alone.

  I am stunned.

  Gavin, easy-going, always laughing, always ready Gavin, just left me alone because I hurt him.

  And I definitely didn’t mean to.

  Yet I did.

  And now my heart seriously hurts.

  I sink to my knees by the water and cry. Anyone who ever thought I’m a bad ass should see me right now, because I cry until my lungs hurt. The ugly kind of cry, too. Not the pretty, delicate sniff-into-a-tissue cry. Oh, no. I’m crying the dreaded gut-wrenching, mascara-ruining ugly cry.

  And I don’t care.

  I don’t even care when I hear someone behind me.

  “I need a minute,” I call out, sniffing into my hand. I don’t have a tissue, so I wipe my snotty nose on my hand. Gross, but necessary.

  “Are you alright?”

  Quinn’s husky voice is quiet in the dark.

  I freeze. I know I look like some sort of monster with black-rimmed swollen eyes and a runny nose. But worse than that, I don’t want him to see me this way—sad and broken. Not when he thinks I’m some sort of bad-ass. And especially not when I’m crying because I don’t know what my heart wants. How pathetic is that??

  “I’m fine,” I tell him without lifting my head.

  There is more rustling behind me. And then I feel his hand on my back. It’s warm and large and comforting.

  “You don’t seem fine,”
he says softly.

  “I’m not,” I admit limply. I look up now, knowing full well that he will see me in all of my raccoon-eyed glory. But he doesn’t even flinch. He’s just staring at me with the most concerned look.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks simply. “Can I help?”

  I swallow.

  “I don’t know,” I tell him. “Can you fix the holes in my memory so that I know what I want?”

  Quinn stares at me. He’s serious and calm and thoughtful as he tries to decide what to say. Finally, his lips move. I know this because I’m staring at them.

  “No, I can’t fix your memory,” he tells me as he scoots closer to me. “But who cares? You don’t need your memory to figure out what you want.”

  I snort, then remember too late that my nose is gunky and runny. I sound like a snotted up pig. I blush, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

  “You don’t,” he insists. “You know who you are even if you don’t remember it.”

  “That’s what Reece said,” I mutter. “But it’s easy to say when you’re not the one who is clueless.”

  “Oh, I’m clueless,” he nods. “Trust me. Or you can just ask Reece. She can tell you. I’m very, very clueless about many, many things.”

  I smile now, even through my snot.

  “Why are you here?” I ask curiously. “How did you know I was out here?”

  Quinn shakes his head. “It wasn’t hard. When you ran out of the room chasing Gavin, I didn’t think it was going to end well.”

  I’m still now.

  The night is cool against my skin and my heart beats hard against my ribs. It’s so quiet out here that I can almost hear it.

  “You knew I was chasing Gavin? And you still came after me?”

  Quinn nods slowly.

  “How did you know that it wasn’t going to end well?”

  Quinn rocks back on his heels and he stares at the pool thoughtfully.

  “I just knew. Gut instinct.”

  “So you came after me.”

  I’m stunned by this. What kind of boy would come after me when he knew that I was chasing another guy? Clearly, one who is self-confident. And Quinn is that. And clearly, a boy who is caring and kind. And Quinn is that, too.

  But still.

  Holy Whoa. How amazing is he?

  “Thank you for not pressuring me,” I tell him randomly. I feel so tired and drained. And I’m just so thankful for his presence. So I tell him that.

  He smiles.

  “You’re welcome. And I’m not going to pressure you. Do I think you’re cute as hell and twice as sexy? Yes. I do. Do I love your sassy-ass sense of humor? Yep. That too. But I’m going to wait until you realize that you like me, too. I might be clueless about many, many things, but even I know that I can’t make someone like me. If someone likes you, they’ll realize it. And then it will be worth the wait.”

  “You think I’m worth the wait?”

  I’m whispering now. I don’t know why because we’re all alone in the moonlight. Quinn smiles his sexy lop-sided, knee-weakening grin.

  “Yes. I do.”

  “You seem so confident that my mixed up head is going to decide that you’re the one for me.” I state this calmly as if this conversation wasn’t insanely ridiculous. I’m sitting here with a gorgeous American cowboy discussing the fact that I don’t know if I like him. Is this even happening? Ohmygosh.

  “Oh, your mixed up head will definitely decide that,” Quinn answers with a grin. Then he winks. “Because it’s the right choice.”

  Then he grabs my hand, completely ignoring the fact that I’ve been wiping my nose with it. He pulls me to my feet.

  “Will you dance with me?”

  I look at him uncertainly.

  “I don’t really want to go back inside. I’m a mess. And I don’t want to see Gavin right now.”

  “That’s fine,” Quinn assures me. “I meant right here. We can hear the music from here. And it’s sexier to dance under the stars, anyway.”

  Quinn McKeyen can’t get any sexier. I decide that in this instant. He pulls me to his tuxedoed chest and I rest my cheek against his satin lapel. His strong arms close around me and we sway together in the light of the moon.

  My heart pounds.

  He is so, so sexy.

  And patient.

  And strong.

  And amazing.

  I sigh.

  He’s got quite a long list of good traits.

  I melt into him and let him hold me. And we dance, swaying together under the twinkling stars. We dance through the next several songs. Then we sit and chat by the pool. And then we dance some more.

  And honestly, by the end of the evening, even in spite of the whole crumbling-into-a-sobbing-heap thing, I can say it’s been the best benefit event I ever remember attending at the Old Palace.

  I know that doesn’t say a lot considering that my memory has holes in it.

  But still.

  ********

  I wake up to a knock on my bedroom door.

  I growl and cover my head with my pillow. After not getting home until 2:00a.m, there is no way that I’m getting out of bed at 8:00.

  Not.

  Gonna.

  Happen.

  I bury my head deep under my pillows and squeeze my eyes shut.

  But whoever it is won’t give up. They knock again and again.

  And then finally, they get tired of knocking.

  My door opens.

  And Quinn is standing there. He looks breathtakingly sexy and fills up my entire doorframe. He’s wearing old jeans that fit him exactly right, his cowboy boots and a blue faded button up shirt. The shirt looks soft and worn and it hugs his chest.

  I peer out from under my pillows to get a better look.

  He grins at me.

  “Why are you so early???” I groan, flipping onto my back and staring at him. “And so cheerful already? Plus, you’re dressed and everything. Ugh.”

  He raises an eyebrow as he approaches the bed. I only just now notice that he’s carrying two cups.

  “Would you prefer that I wasn’t dressed?” he asks innocently. He holds out a cup. “I come bearing gifts. Coffee with one shot of espresso plus enough cream and sugar to make cake batter.”

  I stare at him now as I sit up.

  “How did you know how I like my coffee? Stalk much?”

  Quinn laughs and I decide that I might want to marry his laugh. It’s just that sexy.

  “I don’t stalk you, tiny tot. I don’t have to. I know you’ll come to me someday. I asked Marietta how you take your coffee. And then she made it. So if it sucks, don’t blame me.”

  I smile and roll my eyes.

  Marietta might have made it, but Quinn brought it to me. And that’s pretty dang sweet. But I don’t say that.

  Instead, I take a sip of the nectar of the gods and stare at him over the cup.

  “So, what’s the occasion? Why have you come bearing gifts?”

  Quinn perches himself on the edge of my bed. And no, the fact doesn’t escape me that now Quinn is technically in my bed. With me. And I’m half naked.

  My heart flutters again.

  Down girl, I silently tell it. Then I return my attention to Quinn, waiting for an answer.

  “I want to continue with your riding lessons. And I figured you’d need some coffee to wake up.”

  I’m already shaking my head.

  “Oh, no. I don’t get up this early. The old me didn’t and the new me doesn’t either. And neither one of us is getting up this early to go riding on a gigantic demon. Nope. Not gonna happen.”

  I am up and dressed five minutes later.

  Hey, don’t judge.

  Quinn can be pretty compelling while sitting on the side of my bed smiling at me.

  Okay, fine.

  I’m weak. Weak, weak, weak. Quinn’s cocky grin does that to me.

  But I admit it, so that’s something, right?

  Right before I duck out the door to meet Quinn
outdoors, I text Gavin.

  I’m really sorry about last night. I hope you can forgive me. I hate that you’re upset.

  There’s no immediate answer. And I leave my phone in my room.

  Quinn is already waiting for me outside. And now he’s wearing his cowboy hat which only makes him even sexier.

  “Hey tiny tot,” he greets me. “I have something for you.”

  And he hands me a pale pink cowboy hat.

  No. Lie.

  I laugh as I take it and shove it onto my head.

  “Where in Caberra did you find a cowboy hat?”

  He grins. “There’s a woman in town who makes straw hats. I showed her mine and asked her to make a smaller one for you. In pink. She did a good job.”

  I feel sassy now in my pink hat. I find myself wishing that I had a pair of shorts and boots on like Reece always wears.

  “Thank you,” I tell him. “I love it. I feel so American now.”

  He chuckles. “Well, surely you know that all Americans aren’t cowboys. In fact, most Americans aren’t even cowboys. Just some of us. The awesome ones.”

  I smile up at him. “Okay, Awesome One, tell me more about America.”

  So, as he saddles up Titan, he does. I stay a safe distance away from Titan’s enormous stamping foot, but still close enough to listen. And obviously, close enough to watch Quinn’s muscles flex as he lifts the saddle.

  Because that’s important.

  “We like good barbeque, football and Sunday naps. We like pep rallies and college ball teams and ice cream. And French fries. We like animals and some girls even carry little dogs around in purses. But I could never see you doing that. We like working hard to be the best we can be. We love Disney World, no matter how old we are. And we love riding in Jeeps with the tops down. We love target shooting. We love firecrackers and the Fourth of July. We love going to the lake on a summer day, especially in a speed boat.”

  He looks at me as he adjusts Titan’s bridle. “Is that enough or do you want to know more?”

  I smile at him.

  “Every American likes those things or just you? Because I honestly don’t see Reece target shooting.”

  Quinn smirks. “Well, most Americans probably love those things. I certainly do.”

  “I’ve never been to America,” I tell him. “So, I have no way of knowing if you’re exaggerating. I’d planned on coming to visit Reece at some point, but now she’s here.”