Mia's Heart (The Paradise Diaries)

by Courtney Cole

  “Well,” he tells me. “You’ll just have to come visit me instead. I mean, you need to know if I’m telling you the truth, right?”

  And he literally stops what he is doing and stares into my eyes. His are warm and brown and chocolately. And I feel flustered for a second. Lost. And then he smiles.

  “Deal?”

  I swallow and nod.

  “Deal.”

  He’s satisfied with that. And he boosts me onto Titan. And I forget for a second that I am terrified because Quinn is swinging up behind me. I twist around to look at him.

  “Tandem horseback riding?”

  “I thought you could use a break today from things that stress you. So we’re going to have a relaxing ride today. You just sit back and let me do the work.”

  So I do.

  I settle back against him, enjoying the way his chest is hard and strong. I seem to melt into it and we fit just right. His arms curve around me and I am encompassed there. And I really like being here in this spot. He makes me feel safe and sound and warm. I love the way his chest feels as he talks, and I love the way his voice is smooth, yet husky.

  And then I am faced with a big realization.

  I love quite a few things about him.

  It’s a bit scary.

  But then I’m distracted by the stubble on his chin as he dips his head to talk to me. So I grin up at him and before I even know what I’m doing, I’m twisting around to kiss him.

  I am as surprised by this as he is, but he recovers first.

  He wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. His tongue delves into my mouth, his breath hot. When he finally pulls away, I feel like panting again.

  There should be a law against being as sexy as Quinn McKeyen.

  “What was that for?” he asks softly. His chocolate brown eyes are glued to mine.

  “I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. “I just wanted to.”

  “That’s as good a reason as any,” he answers. “Maybe your heart is starting to give you answers.”

  And maybe he’s right. But I don’t say that.

  Instead, I lean against him again. And I enjoy the ride. Titan walks smoothly, his large muscles contracting beneath us. The sun feels so good on my face that I almost fall asleep. I’m still tired from my late night. We ride through the entire property, weaving amongst the olive trees and down by a natural creek that runs on the property. We take a few minutes there to stretch and let Titan drink. Then we ride more.

  Finally, several hours later, Quinn guides Titan back toward the house and I close my eyes, basking in the sun like a contented cat. I am seriously almost asleep when Titan stops.

  I open my eyes. And I get the surprise of my life. And not a good surprise, either.

  Gavin is here.

  He’s standing next to the corral, apparently waiting for me, and he isn’t happy to see me riding with Quinn.

  Efffff.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Hi Gavin,” I call out.

  He doesn’t answer.

  Effffffff.

  “Will you be alright?” Quinn asks me quietly.

  “Of course,” I tell him. “It’s fine.” He nods and helps me down from Titan, then heads to the stable.

  I walk straight to Gavin. And Gavin is not happy.

  At all.

  “What are you doing, Mia?” he asks. And there are thunderclouds on his face. I’ve never seen him look quite so mad. Actually, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Gavin mad at all. I gulp.

  “I went for a ride.”

  “Yes, I see that. With Quinn. Literally, with Quinn. You were basically on his lap.”

  Is he jealous? Holy cow.

  “Well, to be fair, there’s only one horse and I don’t really know how to ride yet. So, Quinn was kind enough to take me for a ride.”

  Gavin scoffs. “Oh yeah. He’s being kind. There’s nothing in it for him.”

  And now he’s being facetious. And definitely jealous. That’s not like him.

  “You weren’t answering your phone,” he points out.

  “That’s because it’s in the house,” I tell him. “I texted you this morning and you ignored me. So I just left it inside.”

  “Convenient,” Gavin says wryly.

  “What is wrong with you?” I demand. “You wouldn’t even talk to me last night. And here you are pissed off that I went for a ride with Quinn.”

  As I speak, I glance toward the stables to see if Quinn has emerged, but he hasn’t. He must still be taking care of Titan. I decide that’s best, considering how agitated Gavin is.

  “What is wrong with me is that ever since your accident and I saw that things could change between us, in a good way, I’ve felt better than I have in a long time,” Gavin tells me. “You and I together is a very good thing. We know each other. We would fit so easily into each other’s lives. And all of a sudden, you’re too nervous to try and pursue it. And you’ve never been nervous a day in your life. I don’t understand it. And now you’ve taken up with Quinn. And I can’t figure you out.”

  I stare at him.

  “Do you want to be with me?” I ask. “Or do you want to be with the idea of me… because we would ‘fit so easily into each other lives?”

  Gavin rolls his eyes. “Don’t twist my words, Mi,” he tells me. “You know what I mean.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I answer. “And I haven’t ‘taken up with Quinn’. I went for a ride with him. We didn’t run away and get married.”

  Gavin is angry now. His tan cheeks are flushed. I can see that he’s trying to rein it in and I don’t understand it. I don’t know where his anger is coming from.

  “Mia, I’m worried about you. And your decisions. Quinn isn’t like us. He’s not from here. And I like him, I do. So it’s not that. But you don’t realize right now, because you’re not yourself… but you can’t just got trotting off with someone you barely know. Not in your position. I hate to say this, but you don’t have the best track record with guys. You thought you knew Vincent Dranias too, but look how that turned out. Dimitri, Dante and Elena could have all been killed.”

  I suck in a breath and Gavin goes still.

  And I go still. And my blood turns cold.

  “I’m sorry, Mia,” Gavin says quickly. “I crossed the line. I didn’t mean it.”

  “But you did,” I answer slowly. “You did mean it. You don’t think I can think for myself. And you think that the assassination attempt was my fault.”

  He looks pained now.

  As he should.

  I jut my chin out.

  “Mia, that’s not what I meant. That wasn’t your fault at all. It was Nate’s fault. And if you hadn’t fallen for Vincent, they would have just found another way into our circle. I just meant that you aren’t yourself. Now isn’t a good time for you to make rash decisions.”

  “But I haven’t made any decisions,” I point out. “None. And I think that’s really why you are mad. You thought I would just fall into your arms and that would be that.”

  “Well, that would certainly have made things easier,” he says wryly. “But you’re far too stubborn for that.”

  “No, I’m not,” I insist.

  “Yes, you are,” he nods. But at least he’s smiling now.

  And then suddenly….something about his smile, or the light hitting his face, or the way he’s looking at me, or something that I can’t put my finger on… something triggers my messed up mind.

  There is a weird sort of flicker in my thoughts, like a blur.

  Everything sort of swirls together in a huge chaotic mess of colors and lights and words.

  And then everything comes crashing down.

  I remember everything.

  Everything.

  I remember diving with Gavin, I remember being friends with him since preschool. I remember meeting Reece for the first time. I remember lashing out at my parents. I remember all of the black gothic clothing I wore. I remember my car. I remember countless charity
events at the Old Palace. I remember going to school.

  I remember everything.

  “I remember,” I murmur.

  And I sink to my knees because the suddenness of it, the enormity of it, is overwhelming. I actually feel nauseas.

  “You remember?” Gavin asks and he is concerned now as he bends next to me. “How? Are you alright?”

  I don’t know. I feel like throwing up. And I don’t know why.

  I rock back and forth on my heels as I focus on my thoughts, on all of the faces in my thoughts. Of Elena- and how she is the world’s biggest bitch and how could I forget that? I remember Reecie and Dante and Nate and Vincent.

  Oh My God. Vincent. I remember Vincent. And Gavin is right. I used very poor judgment with Vince. But how in the world could I have known better? He was hiding who he was from me. That wasn’t my fault.

  And I remember Gavin.

  I stare at him now. At his handsome face and his white smile. But now, all of a sudden, I don’t see him as a heart-stoppingly sexy guy. I see him as my good friend. That is immediate and apparent. He is and always will be my friend. It’s like my heart turned a complete one-eighty. I can’t help how I feel. And just like I was afraid of, my memories have changed everything.

  Gavin stares back.

  “Do you remember me?” he asks quietly.

  I nod.

  And his expression falls.

  “Hey,” Quinn yells from the stable door. “Mia! Are you okay?”

  My head snaps up and my eyes meet his.

  And he rushes toward me.

  But Gavin stands up and all of a sudden, his frustration with the situation has a target. A target who doesn’t deserve it, but is a target nonetheless.

  Quinn.

  Gavin rushes at him with an aggression that I’ve never seen in him. Quinn startles as he realizes what is going on and then he does the only thing he can do.

  He defends himself. He braces himself for impact.

  Gavin plows into him and slams him to the ground.

  Quinn’s head whips back and I hear it crash into the ground with a sickening thud. My stomach clenches at the sound. He hits hard. And then Gavin punches him. Hard. I can hear his knuckles smash into Quinn’s cheek.

  And then Quinn roars like a lion.

  He throws Gavin off, and Gavin tries to come back for more. Quinn is able to hold him at bay.

  “You don’t want to do that,” Quinn says. I think he’s pretty calm, considering the situation. His lip is split and it is bleeding. And I know he’s holding back. He’s not thrashing Gavin the way he could.

  “You don’t know what I want,” Gavin snaps.

  “Oh, I do know,” Quinn says. “And I’m sorry that you can’t have her.”

  And then Gavin punches at him again. But this time, Quinn catches his fist in his large hand and squeezes, forcing Gavin away. But Gavin won’t give up. He brings his knee up and slams it into Quinn’s gut. I hear the air whoosh out.

  And suddenly, Quinn has had enough.

  He punches Gavin. Hard. In the face.

  Gavin flies backward into the dirt. And he lays there, still.

  I find my wits now and rush to him.

  “Are you alright?” I shake his shoulder. He’s dazed, but he opens his eyes. “Gavin, are you okay?”

  I am panicked now. Blood seems to be everywhere. His hand is bleeding, his nose. I twist around and see that Quinn’s face is streaming blood, too.

  This can’t be happening.

  OhMyGod.

  “Gavin?” I say, and my voice is shaky. “Can you hear me?”

  He actually smiles for a second, but then he turns serious.

  “Of course I can hear you. I’m not deaf.”

  He pushes me off of him and he gets to his feet.

  He stares down at me.

  “This isn’t the right decision, Mia,” he tells me. And then he walks away before I can even answer.

  Quinn takes a step and offers me his hand.

  “Are you okay?” he asks me. And I have to laugh at that. He’s got blood streaming everywhere and he’s asking me if I’m okay.

  “I’m fine,” I tell him. “How about you?”

  He touches his cheek gingerly and I see that his hand is swollen already. I start to grab it, but restrain myself. I don’t want to cause him more pain.

  “Oh my god, I think your hand might be broken,” I tell him worriedly. He nods.

  “I’m pretty sure it is. Don’t worry about it. It won’t be the first time.”

  I stare at him.

  “Do you get in fights often?”

  He grins his crooked grin.

  “Did I forget to mention that’s one of the things Americans like to do?”

  “You like to get into fights?” I’m incredulous. He smiles, then shakes his head.

  “I’m kidding. But I do live in a small rural town. There’s not much to do, so the majority of us have gotten into a fight or two. What I really meant was that I’ve broken a few bones playing football. It’s okay. I’ll heal.”

  “You need ice,” I tell him as I grab his arm and spin him toward the house. I’m not sure how I know this, but it seems logical.

  He stops.

  “Are you okay?” he asks me quietly. “I heard you. Your memories are back. Do you need to go see a doctor, or…”

  I stare at him in utter disbelief. He’s dripping blood and he’s worried that I’m the one who needs a doctor? I mention the ridiculousness of this to him and he smiles.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t have any experience with this whole amnesia thing. It just makes sense that you would need to see your doctor.”

  I shrug. “Maybe I do, but not as much as you do right now.”

  “I’m fine,” he insists. And as he does, he wipes the blood from his lip. I shake my head.

  “You aren’t fine,” I tell him.

  He ignores that. “What was that even about?” he asks. “What set Gavin off like that?”

  I pause. I don’t have a great answer.

  “I… um. I think that Gavin has tried a very long time to be everything that everyone needs—the perfect son, the perfect friend. He tries very hard to be laid back and easy going. And when I lost my memory, I think he saw an opportunity to be part of a relationship with someone who understands what it is like to be with someone like him--- we have the same social pressures. But tonight, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. And I think that everything just sort of exploded for him. All of his pent up frustrations and whatnot. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Don’t take it personally, although I know that’s hard.”

  Quinn nods, but before he can say anything, I hear voices.

  I turn to find Dante and Reece running toward us.

  “What happened?” Reece breathes as she skids to a stop next to us. “Oh my gosh, Quinn! What the hell? We saw Gavin leave and he was bloody. And you’re bloody….” She trails off and stares. “Holy monkeys. You got into a fight.”

  “Are you alright?” Dante asks quietly. He’s glancing over Quinn, at his split lip and swollen hand. I see now that Quinn’s eye is a bit swollen too. I gulp.

  Quinn nods. “I’m fine, guys. I’ve had worse than this after a game. Trust me.”

  Reece narrows her eyes. “What were you fighting about?” And then she looks at me. I exhale shakily. I’m still feeling nauseas.

  “I remember everything,” I tell her. “Gavin was upset because I was riding Titan with Quinn and for some reason, something triggered my memories and they all came back. And now I think I’m going to throw up.”

  And I do. I barely have time to turn away before I am dropping to my knees and puking my guts up.

  I hear movement behind me and Reece holding my hair back. She pats my back. But it’s Quinn’s voice that murmurs to me that it’s going to be okay.

  I glance back and find that it is Quinn comforting me. Reece is standing a short distance away, looking for all the world like she wants to shove him out of the
way and kneel next to me, but she doesn’t. She lets Quinn do it.

  Another wave of nausea floods through me and I throw up again. And then I’m okay. I sit still for a second, then I wipe my mouth and turn around.

  I try to stand up, but my knees are weak. I feel shaky.

  And I grab onto Quinn’s strong arm.

  Instead of helping me up, he just scoops me into his arms.

  He carries me the entire way to the house, up the stairs, down the hall and into my bedroom. My mother’s face is shocked as we pass her in the foyer, and she follows behind with Reece and Dante.

  Quinn sets me on the bed.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he tells me. And I’m not sure if he is comforting me or giving me a directive. But I nod. Either way, he’s right.

  I’ll be fine.

  I know that now.

  Chapter Twenty One

  Reece sits with me for the entire first twenty-four hours. My mother takes the doctor’s order to rest to heart and refuses to let me leave my bed, so my friends come to me. Dante comes to play chess. Quinn comes to chat and bring me coffee. Reece is always here. We look at fashion magazines, do our nails and she flat-irons my hair.

  Gavin doesn’t come.

  I try not to let this hurt. Reece texted him and told him that I’m alright, that my memories have all returned. She relayed what the doctor told us… that my brain has now made a full recovery. She joked with him that I’m still not right in the head, but I’m as right as I ever was.

  He replied that he’s glad I’m okay.

  That was it.

  And that really hurts.

  But I have to try and look at it from his point of view. And when I do that, I feel really sad. Because he was right. It would have been very convenient if we’d have gotten together. And I think his feelings really did change toward me after the accident. I think that New Mia was exciting for him. It was like meeting someone new, yet someone who was familiar and safe. Just like I felt about him.

  Felt.

  Past tense.

  Because those fluttery feelings that I had for both Quinn and Gavin are gone. And they are solely focused on Quinn alone now. Of that, I am certain.