A Hopeful Heart

by Amy Clipston

  His iPhone began to ring. He pushed up from the sofa and grabbed it from the counter where he’d left it. “Hello?”

  “Hey, little brother.” Christy’s voice sang through the speaker. “How are things in Amish country?”

  “They’re fine, thanks. How are you?” Trey fetched a can of Coke from the little refrigerator and popped it open before returning to the sofa.

  “I’m fine. Brett’s at a conference in Raleigh and the kids are asleep. It’s nice and quiet here. I thought I’d give you a ring since we haven’t talked in a couple of weeks. How’s your search for the perfect bed and breakfast going?”

  “It’s going pretty well.” Trey hit the mute button on the remote control, silencing the television. “I found a place I really like, but my realtor is still dragging me all around the area to look at others so that I’m certain before I make an offer.”

  “Oh.” Christy chuckled. “Trying to get a bigger commission I suppose, huh?”

  “Maybe.” He sipped his drink. “I visited an Amish farm today.”

  “Really? How did that happen?”

  “I sort of became friends with an Amish woman.”

  “How did you befriend an Amish woman? Don’t the Amish keep to themselves?”

  “She works as a housekeeper at the hotel, and we keep running into each other.” He shook his head while thinking of the first time he met Hannah. “A few of the times were a little embarrassing. I guess you could say it was sort of meant to be that we’d become friends.”

  “What do you mean by embarrassing?” She asked the question slowly, sounding intrigued.

  Trey told her about each of their encounters, beginning with the day Hannah walked in on him when he was shirtless and ending with Hannah soaked at the bus stop. “She invited me to stay for supper Wednesday night, and I met her family. She has three kids, twin teenage girls and a little boy.”

  “What does her husband do?”

  “He ran a horse farm with his brother. He died of a heart attack four years ago.”

  “Oh, no. So she’s lost her spouse too. I can see why you became friends. You have a lot in common.”

  “Exactly. I went back to visit her today so I could see her horses. She raises Dutch Harnesses along with a couple of other breeds.”

  “She has Dutch Harnesses? That’s incredible!”

  “I know.” Trey smiled. “Do you remember Snickers at Grandma and Grandpa’s farm?”

  “Of course I do. Snickers was your horse. He followed you around like a puppy.”

  “That’s right. Hannah has this horse named Huckleberry. He’s chestnut colored with the same four white feet and white blaze between his eyes. You wouldn’t believe it, Christy. Going to Hannah’s farm is like stepping back in time. While I was there, I felt more at peace than I have in a long time.”

  “That’s really nice. I bet Corrine would’ve loved to have been there with you. I remember how much she loved the Amish. I’m glad you’re finding some happiness there. I’m just surprised Hannah invited you to her home.”

  Trey thought of Barbie and frowned. “Not everyone was happy to see me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Hannah’s mother-in-law came by to visit this morning and gave me the cold shoulder.”

  “Did she really give you the cold shoulder or was she just quiet and reserved?”

  “Christy, the woman had daggers in her eyes.”

  “Yikes. I guess I was right about the Amish keeping to themselves. I saw this special on the Amish a few months ago on PBS, and it talked about how tight-knit their community is.”

  “Yeah, but that’s a broad generalization.” Trey sipped more Coke and then placed the can on the end table beside him.

  “The Amish community is a culture, and they live by certain rules. They stay together. They worship together and they support each other. She could’ve been violating rules by having you over as a guest alone. You’re both single, and maybe it looked like a date or something.”

  Trey contemplated his sister’s words. “A date? I just wanted to see her horses.”

  “I’m certain it was innocent, but the Amish are very conservative in the way they act and dress. Having a single man at her farm may have sent the wrong message to her mother-in-law.”

  “It was broad daylight. We walked to the back of the pasture and back up to the house.”

  “Trey, you’re not listening to me.”

  “I am listening. I’m just pretending to be ignorant.” Trey raked his hand through his hair while staring at the television screen. He was kidding himself if he tried to protest his sister’s words. “You’re probably right. I hope I didn’t cause her any trouble today. She’s a really nice lady.”

  “Uh oh.” Christy clicked her tongue. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for her, Trey.”

  “No, no, it’s not like that. I just feel like we were meant to be friends. She understands how I feel about losing everything that mattered to me. She can relate to my grief. It feels like God brought us together, like he engineered how we met. And when I was at her farm, I felt a sense of hope for the first time since I lost Corrine and Sammi. I’ve been going through the motions for months, just living day to day, hoping to feel something other than complete loss. Being with Hannah on her farm made me feel like I was living again—really living and not just breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.”

  “Wow. That’s really deep.” She paused and sniffed. “Everything you said makes sense, and it actually makes me want to cry. Just be careful. She’s Amish, and you’re not.”

  Trey sipped more Coke. “I know the limitations of our friendship, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands how I feel.”

  “You know you can always talk to me. I can’t relate on the same level as someone who’s lost their family like you have, but you know I care.”

  “Of course I know, and I appreciate you for it. How are things in Charlotte? How are my favorite niece and nephew?”

  They made small talk about Christy’s family, the weather, and Christy’s job until he heard a click on the other end of the line.

  “Oh, I better go. Brett is on the other line. I need to find out what time he’s heading home tomorrow after the conference ends.”

  “Tell him I said hello and give Sabrina and Cody a hug and kiss for me.” Trey hoped his brother-in-law wasn’t making the same mistakes he had, working and traveling too much.

  “Yeah, I will. Call me soon, okay? I’d love to come see you when you pick a place for your bed and breakfast. Maybe I can help you set it up.”

  “That would be great, sis. Thanks. Good night.”

  “Talk to you soon.”

  The line went dead, and Trey placed his iPhone on the end table next to the sofa. He drank his Coke and turned up the volume on the television.

  While he stared at the screen, he thought about what his sister said about the Amish. He hoped he hadn’t created problems for Hannah by visiting her farm today. He also hoped that her mother-in-law wouldn’t prevent Hannah from being his friend. He was thankful that he’d finally met someone who truly understood his grief. Hannah’s friendship felt like a gift from God, and he didn’t want to lose that precious gift.

  Lillian walked beside her sister on their way back toward the house later that evening. They’d helped Andrew put the horses in the stables for the night since their uncle had left before supper. Andrew ran ahead toward the house and Lillian glanced at Amanda. She’d wanted to talk to her all day but hadn’t had the opportunity to speak to her alone. “It was nice seeing Mammi today, ya?”

  “Ya, it was. I’m surprised she came by to visit. We don’t normally see her on a Saturday.”

  Lillian touched Amanda’s arm, causing her to stop walking and face her. “She told me why she came by.”

  “Oh?” Amanda raised an eyebrow. “What did she say?”

  “She was very upset when Onkel Josh told her that we’d had an Englisher for supper
Wednesday night.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I don’t understand. Mr. Peterson is a nice man. Why would she be upset that he came for supper?”

  “I got the feeling that Mammi thinks it’s inappropriate that Mamm is spending time with an Englisher. She implied that since Mamm is a widow the relationship is frowned upon.”

  “She implied it? What did she say?”

  “Mammi said that her mamm once said widows shouldn’t spend time with men alone, especially with men who aren’t Amish. She said she wasn’t talking about our mamm specifically, but she wouldn’t have said it if she wasn’t thinking of our mamm.”

  Amanda grimaced. “I love Mammi, but I think she’s overreacting a bit. It was just supper.”

  “But he came back today.” Lillian gestured toward the house. “And he brought donuts. Don’t you think he likes Mamm?”

  “Of course he likes Mamm. They’re freinden.”

  Lillian frowned at her twin sister. Why couldn’t Amanda see things the way she did? “I don’t know, Amanda. I have a bad feeling.”

  “You worry too much.” Amanda smiled. “Have faith in Mamm. Maybe God introduced Mr. Peterson into her life so she’d have someone to talk to other than us.”

  Lillian studied her sister. Amanda always saw blue skies, even when storm clouds were peeking over the horizon. “I don’t know if it’s that simple. Mammi looked really concerned that Mr. Peterson was here.”

  “He said he came by to see the horses, and I believe him. He’s from the city and he missed being on a farm like his grandparents’. Englishers love coming here and seeing how we live. I don’t think anything inappropriate is going on between Mamm and Mr. Peterson.”

  “Amanda! Lillian!” Their mother’s voice bellowed from the porch. “Come inside. It’s time for devotions.”

  “Let’s go.” Amanda touched Lillian’s hand. “Trust God, Lily. Everything will be fine.”

  They headed for the porch. Cool drops of rain kissed Lillian’s cheeks and she glanced up at the dark clouds. A strange feeling of foreboding filled her, and she wished she could be as positive and certain about Mr. Peterson as her sister was.

  She followed Amanda up the porch steps and through the back door to the kitchen where her mother and brother sat at the table. Lillian sat next to Amanda and folded her hands.

  After a silent prayer, she looked up and found her mother smiling at her. “Lillian, why don’t you read and start on 2nd Corinthians tonight?”

  “Ya. I’ll read.” Lillian took the book and began to read. She stopped after reading the seventh verse. “‘And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.’“ She looked around the table at her family. “This verse feels very poignant to me. What do you think it means?”

  “I think it’s comforting,” Amanda said with a smile. “No matter what, God is with us.”

  Andrew nodded. “Ya, even when things are hard without our dat. Right, Mamm?”

  Mamm touched Andrew’s hand. “That’s what it means to me too.” She looked over at Lillian. “Why don’t you keep reading before it gets too late? We need to head to bed soon. Church comes early in the morning.”

  Lillian finished reading the chapter and then they closed with a silent prayer. Lillian lingered in the kitchen after her siblings left to get ready for bed. She chewed the side of her lip as her mother stood up from the table. She wanted to talk to her mother about what her grandmother had said, but she didn’t want to be disrespectful. The worries and concerns about the Englisher, however, were haunting her every thought. She needed to know the truth about her mother and Mr. Peterson.

  Mamm stood by the table and tilted her head. “What’s on your mind, Lily?”

  Lillian cleared her throat. “I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to be disrespectful.”

  Her mother sat in the chair and folded her hands. “You’re never disrespectful. What do you want to ask me?”

  Lillian ran her fingers over the tabletop while she contemplated the right words. “Did Mammi talk to you today while she was here?”

  “Not really. Why do you ask?”

  “She told me why she came over today. I wanted to ask you if she was right.”

  “You want to know if she was right about what?” Mamm’s eyes narrowed.

  Lillian could tell she’d struck a nerve, and she held her breath. Maybe she should’ve just gone to her room and not said anything at all.

  “Lillian?” Mamm leaned forward. “What did Mammi say to you?”

  “She said she was concerned after Onkel Josh told her about Mr. Peterson coming to supper Wednesday.”

  Mamm frowned. “She told me that. Is that all she said?”

  Lillian shook her head. “She was very upset when she saw he was here again today. She’s concerned you’re not a gut role model for Amanda and me, and she’s worried you’re going to get a reputation in the community.” Her mother’s expression fell, and she was certain she spotted tears in her eyes. Lillian immediately regretted her words. “I’m sorry, Mamm. I shouldn’t have told you she said that about you.”

  “It’s okay.” Mamm sniffed. “I’m froh you told me. Did Mammi say anything else?”

  Lillian nodded. “She said she was concerned about your relationship with Mr. Peterson.” She hesitated. “I got the impression she’s worried that you want to be more than his freind.”

  “You look like you want to ask me something. What do you want to say?”

  “Do you like him as more than a freind?”

  “No, mei liewe.” She took Lillian’s hands in hers. “I like talking to Mr. Peterson. He lost his family tragically, just like we lost your daed. He came today only to see the horses and talk about the Lancaster area. That’s it. He’s mei freind, just like you’re freinden with some of the buwe you grew up with.”

  Lillian nodded as guilt rained down on her. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Mamm.”

  “It’s okay.” Mamm’s shoulders drooped. “Your Mammi has a way of convincing you to listen and believe whatever she has on her mind.” She paused and tapped the table. “Did she also talk to your schweschder and bruder?”

  Lillian shook her head. “She only talked to me when we were cleaning up from lunch. Amanda was outside with Andrew and Onkel Josh.” She wanted to tell her mother that she’d spoken to Amanda about it earlier, but she felt guilty for talking about her mother behind her back. She couldn’t bring herself to admit that she’d done it.

  “Danki for telling me.” Mamm stood. “Go get ready for bed. We need to leave early for church.”

  Lillian hugged her mother and then hurried toward the staircase. As she climbed the stairs, she asked God to forgive her for doubting her mother. The feeling of foreboding that gripped her when she talked to her sister outside, however, continued to haunt her.

  EIGHT

  During the Sunday service, Hannah sat with the other married women. It was the Ebersol family’s turn to host the three-hour service, which was held in the home of one of the church district families every other Sunday.

  Hannah thought about how, when she was a child, she was always amazed at how the movable living room and bedroom walls in each member’s home could create such a spacious meeting area. Since she was a little girl, she’d become accustomed to sitting on the backless benches that were lined up for the district members and would later be converted to tables for lunch.

  Hannah had once walked by an English church in town and noticed that the doors were open. She could see that the church’s sanctuary décor was much different from the plain houses where the Amish church held its services. Unlike the English churches, Hannah’s worship area didn’t have an altar, a cross, flowers, or instruments.

  Now, as the service began with a familiar German hymn from the Ausbund, Hannah redirected her thoughts to the present. Hannah joined in as the congregation sang the hymn slowly. The male song leader began the first syllable of each line, and the
n the rest of the congregation joined in to finish the line.

  While the ministers met in another room for thirty minutes to choose who would preach that day, the congregation continued to sing. Hannah saw the ministers return during the last verse of the second hymn. They hung their hats on the pegs on the wall, indicating that the first sermon was about to begin.

  The minister droned on like background noise to the thoughts echoing in Hannah’s head. Although she tried to concentrate on the preacher’s holy words, she couldn’t stop looking toward the row in front of her where her mother-in-law was sitting. She’d been awake most of the night thinking about her conversation with Lillian. She’d felt a mixture of betrayal and anger toward Barbie for saying such hurtful things about her. Why would she tell Lillian that Hannah was a bad role model? She knew her mother-in-law was often critical of her, but to say horrible things to her daughter was going too far. Hannah wanted to confront her before the frustration consumed her. She believed in forgiveness, and she would forgive Barbie. She needed, however, to get her feelings off her chest first.

  The first sermon ended, and Hannah knelt in silent prayer along with the rest of the congregation. After the prayers, the deacon read from the Scriptures, and then the hour-long main sermon began. Hannah stared at her lap and willed herself to concentrate on the sermon, which was spoken in German.

  Her thoughts turned to Trey. She’d enjoyed her visit with him yesterday, and she’d regretted that Barbie’s interference had cut it short. Since Barbie was trying to alienate her children from her because of her friendship with Trey, Hannah knew she should sever the friendship now. She couldn’t risk losing her children over a friendship with an Englisher, no matter how kind he was.

  After the main sermon ended, relief flooded Hannah when the fifteen-minute kneeling prayer was over. The congregation then stood for the benediction and sung the closing hymn.