A Hopeful Heart

by Amy Clipston

  Hannah turned back toward the house and spotted her children heading back to the barn. “I guess they finished their donuts.”

  “Are they working in the stables?”

  “Ya. Andrew must be content to let me give you the tour.” Hannah pushed the ribbons from her prayer covering back over her shoulders. “There’s always work to be done. The horses get their hay and their oats in the morning and then their stalls need to be shoveled. We do that morning and night.”

  “I imagine that takes awhile with all of the horses you have here. My grandparents had about two dozen at one time, and it took a good part of the day to care for them.”

  “Ya, it is a lot of work. That’s why we need to hire someone to help Joshua. The children help as much as they can, but Joshua really needs someone here all the time, even though he disagrees.”

  Mr. Peterson raised an eyebrow. “He doesn’t think he needs help?”

  “He doesn’t like seeing me have to work so I can help pay the salary.”

  Mr. Peterson turned toward her. “What do you think?”

  “I like working. I love being around the hotel guests and meeting new people, but Joshua thinks Gideon wouldn’t like it.” Hannah paused while she considered sharing her true feelings with him. It baffled her that the truth seemed to always spill out from her lips when he was around. “To be honest with you, I believe Joshua thinks Gideon would be disappointed in him somehow.”

  “Do you think he’s right?”

  “Ya,” Hannah shook her head. “But I’m doing what I feel is best for our family, the family I was left alone to care for.”

  Mr. Peterson nodded slowly, as if taking it all in. “I think Joshua wants to help you raise that family.”

  Hannah tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

  “I got the feeling he’s a little possessive of you and your children.” Mr. Peterson grimaced and raised his hands as if to apologize for his honesty. “I don’t mean to overstep my bounds. It was just a feeling I got Wednesday night during supper, but I could be wrong.”

  Hannah pondered his words for a moment. The idea made sense when she thought about how strangely Joshua had acted Wednesday night. He said he was worried about Hannah and warned her to be careful with Mr. Peterson. “You could be right.”

  Mr. Peterson looked beyond the pasture. “Is that a pond?”

  “Ya. We have our own pond.”

  “Can we walk down there?”

  “Of course.” Hannah fell into step with him as they walked the fence line toward the pasture. She looked up at the bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds. “It’s a perfect day.”

  “Yes, it is.” Mr. Peterson smiled down at her. “There’s nothing like a farm. My grandfather made his money in real estate and retired young. His dream was to have his own farm and raise horses. Sometimes, when I visited there, I’d pretend I lived there and I’d tell my parents I didn’t want to go home.”

  “I bet your parents didn’t like hearing that.”

  “No, they didn’t.” He paused for a minute. “You know, I’d forgotten about that until just now. I think something about being here has really affected me. I feel a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s as if being here with your family and your horses has brought me some relief from my grief that I haven’t been able to find anywhere else.”

  “I’m glad that visiting here has helped you. I know I had a difficult time finding things that would help me right after I lost Gideon. The best therapy I could find other than the Bible was sitting here.” Hannah pointed toward a bench next to the pond. “Why don’t we sit for a moment?”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  Hannah sank onto the wooden bench next to him and breathed in the warm spring air. She watched a mother duck and her fuzzy ducklings swim across the pond. Their little quacks made her smile. “This is my favorite time of year.”

  “It’s mine also.” Mr. Peterson nodded. “I think I could just stay here all day and nap in the warm sun.”

  Hannah contemplated his comments about Joshua. She wondered what Joshua had done to demonstrate his possessiveness. “I hope Joshua didn’t make you feel uncomfortable Wednesday night.”

  Mr. Peterson shrugged. “I didn’t really feel uncomfortable.” He paused. “Okay, I did feel uncomfortable. It was as if I’d walked into another man’s home uninvited.”

  “Really?” Hannah shook her head. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you to feel unwelcome.”

  “It’s not your fault at all. And I was okay. I can handle a little hostility.”

  “Hostility?” Hannah gasped. “I had no idea he behaved that way. I noticed he was rather sullen, and it seemed as if something was bothering him during supper.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t come here again.” He stood.

  “No.” Hannah touched his arm. “You can stop by anytime. It’s my home, not his.”

  Mr. Peterson sank back down onto the bench. “This is really a beautiful place. Paradise is the perfect name for this community. It’s the perfect mix of nature and modern life. It’s paradise.”

  Hannah nodded. “I can’t imagine living anywhere else. What was the house you shared with your wife like?”

  “Corrine and I had a nice house in the suburbs of northern New Jersey. The area had really good schools, which was a big draw. Actually, that’s why we wanted to live there.”

  He picked up a stone from the ground and tossed it into the pond. A ripple moved rhythmically across the small body of water. “Sammi loved school. She played flute in the band and spent a lot of time with her friends. It was rare that I saw her without her cell phone stuck to her ear. Sometimes I’d get frustrated and even a bit envious of the attention she gave her friends, but I know that was normal teenage stuff.” He stared over the pond. “It was a good life. It was a really good life.”

  Hannah nodded. “It sounds like you had a wonderful life.”

  “I did, but I did grow tired of my job over the years—the commute into the city, the phone ringing nonstop, the stress of running here and there. I had missed out on so much with my family because of my job. And Corrine begged me to quit and make our family the first priority. She told me I was a workaholic, and I know she was right. I had this misguided belief that it was my duty to make as much money as I could for us. I did make a nice salary, and I put a lot of money in the bank. But I did it to the detriment of my family. I forgot what was important, and that was family. It’s nice to live a comfortable life, but it means nothing if you can’t share it with your family.”

  Hannah could see the regret in his eyes, and she felt sorry for her friend.

  “We were going to move to Lancaster so I could get away from that job and spend more time with Corrine and Sammi. I wanted to make up for the time I’d lost. My daughter was looking into colleges close by so we could see her often.” He paused and shook his head. “But I made the decision to retire too late. I know I messed up. I should’ve quit the first time Corrine accused me of being a workaholic. I was too blind to see all of the mistakes I’d made. Now I’d give anything for five minutes with my family again. Just five more minutes to look into my wife’s and my daughter’s eyes and tell them how much I love them.”

  The words spoke directly to Hannah’s heart. She too would give up nearly anything to look into Gideon’s eyes again and tell him how much she loved him. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I understand.”

  Mr. Peterson smiled at her. “I didn’t mean to make the mood gloomy.” He stood. “Let’s walk back and check on the children. Maybe I can help them with their chores.”

  Hannah looked at his expensive-looking trousers and collared shirt before shaking her head. “I don’t think you’re dressed to work in the stables.”

  He folded his arms over his chest. “So you don’t think I can do manual labor?”

  “I didn’t say that. I just said you weren’t dressed for it.” She stood and they fell into step while walking back toward the stables.

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nbsp; He glanced down at his shirt. “Maybe I’ll dress appropriately and help next time I come.”

  “I think the children would like that. They would appreciate the help.”

  “Does Joshua come to help on weekends?”

  “Ya.” Hannah nodded. “He should be over soon. He had to help his parents with a few chores this morning. He has breakfast with his parents on Saturdays and then does a few things around the house for them before he comes here.”

  They talked about the weather and the beautiful horses as they approached the clearing near the stables. When Hannah spotted her mother-in-law standing with the twins on the house porch, she raised her eyebrows. It was rare that Barbie came to visit on a Saturday. She hoped nothing was wrong.

  “What a surprise. My mother-in-law is visiting.” Hannah picked up the pace as they moved toward the house. “You’ll get to meet Barbie.”

  They approached the porch, and Barbie turned to the girls. “Why don’t you both go inside and start getting ready for lunch?” The girls disappeared, and Barbie’s expression transformed to a glower as she peered down at them.

  Hannah forced a smile. “Gude mariye, Barbie. What a surprise to see you today.”

  Barbie lifted a chubby arm and motioned toward the stables. “I decided to ride over with Joshua. I thought I should see what was going on over here.” Her eyes moved to Mr. Peterson and then back to Hannah.

  “Oh.” Hannah cleared her throat. “Barbie, this is Mr. Peterson. He’s from New Jersey and looking for a place to open a bed and breakfast.”

  Mr. Peterson climbed up a few steps and held out his hand to her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Glick.”

  Barbie clicked her tongue and looked back at Hannah. “I think you should consider getting ready for lunch, ya? Or will you delay lunch since your children have gobbled up a box of donuts mid-morning? It seems that they may have ruined their appetites for a gut lunch.”

  Hannah clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. She’d gotten accustomed to her mother-in-law’s sharp comments over the years. When Hannah married Gideon, Barbie seemed to enjoy sharing her opinions on how to run a household. After the twins were born, Barbie’s opinions transformed into criticisms of how Hannah was raising her children. Hannah learned to simply ignore Barbie’s words and go about her business instead of trying in vain to defend herself. Yet having to endure Barbie’s condescending remarks in front of a guest was nearly more than Hannah could endure.

  “Oh, look at the time.” Mr. Peterson studied his wristwatch as if he’d just discovered it. “I better get going. I’m supposed to meet my realtor in thirty minutes. Thank you for showing me around the workings of an Amish farm.” He smiled up at Barbie. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Glick.”

  Barbie’s lips formed a thin line.

  Hannah turned to Mr. Peterson. “I’ll walk you to your car.” They moved in silence to his waiting vehicle. “Thank you for coming to visit today.”

  “You’re welcome.” he opened the door. “I had a good time. Your farm is lovely.”

  “Thank you.” Hannah glanced back at the porch where Barbie stood watching with her arms folded over her wide mid-section. She then looked back at Mr. Peterson. “I’m sorry Barbie was rude to you.” She nodded toward the house. “I better get inside.”

  “I’ll see you Monday.” He climbed into the car. “Have a good weekend.”

  “You too.” Hannah waved as he drove off and then she headed back to where Barbie was waiting on the porch, her foot tapping disapprovingly against the railing. Hannah climbed the steps. “I have a feeling you want to talk to me.”

  Barbie glanced back toward the house and then stepped toward Hannah. “Why would you bring an Englisher to your home? What impression do you think this gives your kinner, especially your dochdern?”

  Hannah frowned. “Did Joshua tell you that Mr. Peterson came for supper Wednesday night?”

  “Of course he did. I wanted to talk to you about it, but then I found you walking alone with the man this morning. What are you thinking, Hannah? Your dochdern are at a very impressionable age. You should want them to grow up with the right morals. You may give them the wrong ideas about being alone with a bu.”

  “I’m not teaching them anything bad, Mamm. He gave me a ride home Wednesday after finding me soaking wet in the rain at a bus stop. Amanda invited him to stay for dinner, and I felt it was okay since Joshua was also here. Today he came to see the farm, and I gave him a tour of the property. It was all completely innocent.”

  Barbie shook her head. “I don’t think you’re being a gut example for your kinner, Hannah. You’re telling them it’s okay to become friendly with strangers and invite them into your home.”

  Hannah felt frustration boiling inside her, but she needed to keep calm. She’d realized early in her marriage that arguing with Barbie was useless. Besides, she needed to respect Barbie, who was the only mother she had since her own mother had died ten years ago. “We need to remember what Scripture says: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Mr. Peterson is a nice man who offered me a ride in the rain.”

  Barbie lifted her chin. “It’s inappropriate, Hannah. You know I’m right. I’m going to make your kinner a proper lunch. I’m glad I stopped by so I could make sure they’re eating right.” Her mother-in-law marched off into the house, slamming the door behind her.

  Hannah lowered herself into a rocking chair and blew out a cleansing breath. She knew it was best to stay out of Barbie’s way when she took over the kitchen. Although she resented Barbie’s criticism of how she was raising her children, she was thankful her children had a grandmother in their lives since her parents and husband were gone. Families were full of complicated, intertwined relationships that somehow translated into love and support.

  She rocked back and forth while staring up at the glorious blue sky. A strange excitement skittered through her as she reflected on her short visit with Mr. Peterson. She was thankful for his friendship. Although they were from different worlds, they shared similar experiences. He understood her better than most of the people close to her. She looked forward to seeing him again and wondered if he had enjoyed their visit as much as she had.

  SEVEN

  Josh stood in the stable doorway and watched Trey Peterson drive off in his flashy car. He glowered as Hannah waved to the Englisher and then went back to the porch. Why would Hannah welcome this man into her home, a home Gideon had built? It didn’t make any sense at all. He hoped she wasn’t unhappy with her life. He groaned at the thought of watching Hannah, the woman he’d always loved, walk away from everything they believed in.

  “Onkel?” Andrew held out a shovel. “Are you ready to clean the stalls?”

  “Ya. I’m coming.”

  Josh turned back to the porch, where Hannah and his mother were speaking. He deduced from their frowns that his mother was speaking her mind. It was his fault she had insisted on coming by this morning to give Hannah a stern lecture. He’d stopped in to check on his parents last night after supper, and when his mother asked what was wrong, he spilled the news about the Englisher Hannah had brought home. His mother was appalled, and she insisted on coming with him this morning to tell Hannah what a poor example she was setting for her children.

  “Onkel?” Andrew studied him from one of the stalls. “Did you come here to work or stare at the haus?”

  Josh shook his head and grinned while crossing the stable. “You sound just like your dat.”

  “Oh ya?” Andrew flashed a toothy grin. “You didn’t do your chores when you worked with Dat either?”

  Josh laughed. “You’re lucky I like you, or you’d be in trouble.” He grabbed a shovel and gloves and then began working in the stall next to Andrew.

  “You should’ve come earlier. Mr. Peterson brought us donuts.”

  Josh stopped shoveling and wiped his sweaty brow with his arm. “He brought donuts this morning?”

  “Ya!” Andrew’s voice radiated with excitement. “They were so gu
t. I should’ve saved one for you, but I couldn’t help myself. I ate most of them. I love the ones filled with cream the best. Although, the chocolate covered ones are appeditlich too.”

  Josh’s stomach churned as it had when he’d seen the Englisher’s car in the driveway. Was the man using food to try to bribe the children into liking him? Jealousy stabbed him in the chest.

  “Lillian said I shouldn’t eat so many because I’d get a stomachache, and she was right.” Andrew’s words carried over the neighboring stall. “But I couldn’t let them go to waste, you know? Mamm is always watching her weight, so I knew she wouldn’t eat any. I was doing her a favor by finishing them. And a little stomachache was worth it. How often do we get fresh donuts for breakfast?”

  Josh smiled despite his disgust with the Englisher. “You’re a smart bu, Andrew.”

  “I’m just like you. Mamm says I look like Dat, but I think I look like you too. I bet some people think I’m your son, right?”

  “Right.” Josh began to shovel again while thinking about his nieces and nephew. He longed to fill in as their father, and even more, he wanted to be their stepfather. If only he could distract their mother from the Englisher who was trying to worm his way into her life.

  Trey set his car keys and phone on the counter in the hotel room’s kitchen area and dropped onto the leather sofa. He lifted the television remote and scanned the channels without giving much thought to the content. He settled on a police drama and stared at the screen while contemplating his day.

  After the unwelcome encounter with Hannah’s mother-in-law, he’d left the farm and met his realtor at another home. Although it was a beautiful house with six bedrooms and a vast amount of land and barns, he still liked the first house he’d found better than the rest of them. The other homes were nice, but they didn’t have the charm or character of the first home he’d found.

  The first home had appealed to him from the moment he’d laid his eyes on it. He was drawn to the sweeping porch that spanned the front of the house, the row of red barns behind it, the fenced-in pasture, and the little pond at the back of the property. Suddenly it hit him—the first house he’d looked at reminded him of Hannah’s and his grandparents’ farms. Perhaps he was searching for the warmth and comfort of his childhood, when everything was easy and he didn’t have to worry about the future.