A Hopeful Heart

by Amy Clipston

  Hannah cleared her throat. She had to tell him the truth, and waiting would only make it more awkward. “Mr. Peterson, I have enjoyed talking with you, and I had a wonderful time when you visited my farm and had supper with my family.” He frowned, but she pushed on, ignoring the sadness and regret surging through her. “Unfortunately, I can’t spend time with you anymore. Having you over at my house put me in an awkward position with my community. Although I’m permitted to speak with a man who isn’t Amish, befriending one could lead to problems. I hope that makes sense.” She said the words she’d rehearsed, but her voice sounded weak instead of confident. Why was this so difficult?

  “Oh. I see.” Trey grimaced and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I should’ve called before I came over on Saturday, but, like I said, I didn’t know how to get in touch with you. I thought I’d just take a chance and go out. I never meant to cause you problems. I had a feeling that your mother-in-law was going to give you a hard time about my visit, and I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” She paused and tried to find the right words. Nothing felt like the right thing to say as she looked into the eyes of her friend. “My mother-in-law reminded me of how our friendship could be misinterpreted, and I can’t risk causing problems for my children.”

  “That makes sense.” He leaned against the wall. “I understand. I talked to my sister the other night, and I mentioned our friendship. She pointed out that she thought I may have gotten you into a sticky situation with your mother-in-law. I’d hoped she was wrong, but she wasn’t.”

  Hannah studied him. “You told your sister about me?”

  “Yes, I did.” He looked confused. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Oh.” She found herself stuck on this detail, trying to figure out what it meant. Why would he tell his sister about their friendship? Did it mean that much to him? The idea filled her with hope and excitement, but she quickly pushed the thought away.

  “I better get going.” He motioned toward the elevator. “Have a good day. Hopefully I’ll run into you again, but I’ll be sure to have my shirt on.” Humor shone in his eyes.

  Hannah gaped for a surprised moment and her senses swam. “Good-bye, Mr. Peterson. I’m certain your bed and breakfast will be a wonderful success.”

  “You take care of my horses.” He waved and disappeared around the corner toward the bank of elevators.

  Hannah stared after him and felt her heart breaking with each passing moment. She wondered why it was so painful to say good-bye to someone she barely knew.

  “How are you today?” Amanda stood at the cash register and punched in the prices for the cheese, eggs, and cookies the customer had brought to the counter.

  “I’m fine, thank you.” The woman pulled out her leather wallet from her fancy-looking purse and motioned toward the package of chocolate chip cookies. “Do you make these cookies? They’re fabulous.”

  “No, I don’t.” Amanda pointed toward Nancy, who was working at the bakery counter on the other side of the small deli. “My friend Nancy and her mother make them. Aren’t they the best?”

  “Please tell your friend and her mother that they are amazing bakers. I wish I could bake like that too. I’m better at ordering takeout than making anything in the kitchen.” The woman handed her the money, and Amanda gave her change before bagging the items.

  “That’s funny.” Amanda smiled.

  “It’s the truth. My husband often jokes that he needs to hire a chef.” The woman jammed the money into her wallet and then dropped the wallet back into her purse.

  “I imagine it would be nice to have a personal chef.” Amanda glanced toward the window and noticed that the rain had stopped. The bright sunlight filtered down through the skylights above her and provided the only indoor lighting for the store other than a few gas-powered lamps. “The sun came out. I thought it was going to rain all day.”

  “Yes, it brightened right up. The temperature is perfect—not too hot, not too cool. I love this time of year. Of course, my kids are counting the days until they get out of school. They can’t wait to spend the summer lounging at the pool.” She took the bag from Amanda. “Have a great day.”

  “You too.” Amanda grabbed a rag from the shelf under the cash register and began wiping up the counter. She hummed to herself while she worked. She heard footsteps and looked up just as Mike Smithson approached. He held up a package of pumpkin whoopie pies.

  “Hi, Amanda.” His curly brown hair stuck out from under a blue baseball cap, and he was clad in a green T-shirt and baggy jeans.

  “Hi, Mike.” Amanda pushed the ribbons from her prayer covering behind her shoulders. “How are you today?”

  “Fine.” He pointed to the whoopie pies. “You know I can’t resist these.”

  “We always have some ready for you.” Amanda rang up the little cakes, and Mike handed her the money. “Where’s Julianne?”

  Mike turned toward the other side of the store. “There she is. She’s talking to Nancy. You know how my sister likes to chat. So, how’s the farm?”

  “Good.” Amanda nodded. “How’s school?”

  He shrugged. “School is school. I’m counting down the days. Only one more month left. I want to get a summer job instead of just hanging around doing nothing like last summer.” He gestured toward the door. “My uncle owns the bookstore just across the street. I’m going to talk to him about a job this weekend.”

  “I didn’t know your uncle owns the Book Café.”

  “Yeah, he does. I thought it would be the perfect summer job before I leave for college.”

  “Ya, I imagine it would be fun to work in a bookstore.”

  Julianne appeared next to Mike and bumped his arm. She shared the same brown eyes and brown curly hair, only hers fell in ringlets past her shoulders. “Hi, Amanda.”

  “Hi, Julianne. How are you?”

  “I’m great, thanks.” Julianne looked back and forth between them. “What were you two talking about?”

  “I was just telling Amanda I’m hoping to get a job at Uncle Rick’s bookstore this summer.” He bumped her back with his elbow.

  “I’m certain Uncle Rick will hire you.” Julianne feigned a frown. “Can you believe this will be our last summer together before you pursue your dream of becoming a big-time doctor and then forget the rest of us?”

  Mike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

  Julianne handed Amanda a sampler box filled with a variety of desserts. “This is totally going to kill my diet, but how can I come in here and not buy something? It smells so good.”

  “Nancy’s samplers are delicious.” Amanda rang up and bagged the desserts, and Julianne paid her.

  Julianne glanced at her watch. “We’d better go. We have youth group tonight. We have to be at church by five.”

  Mike smiled at Amanda. “See you soon.”

  “Bye!” Amanda waved as her two friends started for the door. She pondered how excited Mike must be to head to college. He dreamt of being a doctor while Amanda had always wanted to be a veterinarian. She wondered what it would be like to be able to have the choice to be more than just a cashier at a deli. If only she had the luxury of choices like her Englisher friends had …

  Trey drove through the wet Paradise streets later that afternoon. The rain had cleared and a bright rainbow shimmered in the sky. Yet his mood remained grim. He couldn’t wipe the frown off his face that had appeared when Hannah told him they could no longer be friends. He kept telling himself that he and Hannah were from different worlds, and they were never meant to be friends. He knew in his heart, however, that her friendship meant a lot to him—more than he could even express in words.

  He steered around a corner and pulled into the parking lot of the Paradise Community Church. He needed to talk to someone and share the confusing feelings that had gripped him since this morning. He pulled his iPhone from his pocket and dialed Christy’s number.

  After a few rin
gs, her voicemail picked up. “Hi, this is Christy Becker. I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave me a message, and I’ll call you right back. Thanks!”

  Trey waited for the beep before he began to speak. “Hey, Christy. It’s me. I just wanted to say hi. Give me a call when you get a moment. Thanks.” He ended the call and dropped the phone into the cup holder.

  He leaned back in the seat while staring at the church in front of him. He’d longed to visit a church since coming to Lancaster County, but he hadn’t made the time. It seemed he was always too busy, putting his goal of finding the perfect bed and breakfast for Corrine ahead of his spiritual needs. He and Corrine had been active members of their church back home in New Jersey.

  Trey had gone back to church after he’d lost Corrine and Samantha, but it wasn’t the same. He felt the warmth and comfort of his church family when they brought him meals, visited him, and kept him on the prayer list for months. The Scriptures warmed his heart and gave him hope both during the services and also at home at night. But there was something missing when he was in church. He knew what it was—it was the vacant pew beside him. Not having his precious wife and daughter beside him during worship left him feeling empty.

  When he moved to Lancaster, he wasn’t just trying to bring Corrine’s dream to life; he was also trying to escape the loneliness and guilt that had haunted him since he lost his family. When he’d met Hannah, he felt a spark of hope ignite in his soul. But that spark dwindled when Hannah ended their friendship.

  Would he ever feel whole again?

  Trey blew out a sigh and studied the white church. The tall bell tower and the colorful stained glass cross reminded him of the church back home. He suddenly felt the urge to take a closer look. He climbed from his car and crossed the parking lot to the brick front steps. He pulled open the large door and stepped into the sanctuary. The church had a historic feel with its wooden pews and a matching altar. A wooden board displayed the hymn numbers and total attendance for the previous week.

  He walked to the front of the sanctuary and sat in the first pew. Bowing his head, he sent a prayer up to God.

  Lord, I’m lost, and I need your help. Please guide my journey toward a new home in Lancaster County. And help me find the peace I need to heal my heart and soul after losing my family. In your holy name, I pray. Amen.

  When he finished his silent prayer, warmth filled Trey. He blew out a deep breath and stood.

  “May I help you?” A tall man with dark, graying hair and a warm smile approached him. He was dressed in dark clothes with a white minister’s collar.

  “Hi. I’m Trey Peterson. I was driving by and felt the need to come in and visit.” Trey shook his hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Bob Wingate. Welcome to Paradise Community Church. Are you visiting the area?”

  Trey shook his head. “I’m in the process of moving here from New Jersey. I’m searching for the perfect location to open a bed and breakfast.”

  “That sounds wonderful. My wife and I love to stay in bed and breakfasts instead of hotels when we travel.”

  “My wife did too.” Trey gestured around the sanctuary. “You have a lovely church here. I was drawn in by the simplicity of the building and the cross.”

  “Thank you. I’ve been the pastor here for about fifteen years, and God has blessed me with a wonderful congregation. You should join us on a Sunday. I think you’ll feel very welcome.”

  “I’d like that. I’m looking for a new church home.” Trey looked up at the cross. “This feels like it might be the place.”

  “I felt the same way when I first visited here. There’s something about this sanctuary that feels cozy, like you’re sitting in front of the fireplace on a cold winter’s night.” The minister laughed. “Of course, I told my wife that, and she looked at me as if I were crazy.”

  “No, you’re not crazy at all. I felt that too. I’ve had a difficult time finding my way lately, but somehow I think I’m finally on the right path.”

  “That’s wonderful. I hope to see you Sunday morning. Service starts at ten.”

  “I look forward to it.” Trey motioned toward the door. “I better get going. It was nice meeting you.”

  “You too.”

  Trey started down the aisle toward the door.

  “Trey,” the minister called after him.

  Trey looked back at him. “Yes?”

  “If you ever need anything, please let me know.” Bob approached him and handed him a business card. “Call anytime.”

  “Thank you.” He put the card in his pocket. “I appreciate that.”

  Trey walked out to his car, looked up at the rainbow again, and smiled. Suddenly things didn’t seem as grim as they had before. No matter what, God keeps his promises.

  TEN

  Later that evening, Josh wiped his mouth and watched the twins carry the dishes to the counter.

  Hannah stood at the sink and began washing dishes. Her beautiful face had held a frown that deepened the lines around her mouth during supper. A quiet demeanor replaced her usual talkative personality. She listened as her children discussed their day, but she had very little to say about hers. Something was wrong, and he had to find out what it was.

  Josh pushed his chair back from the table and crossed to the sink, where Hannah was scrubbing a dish with such vigor that he thought it might break in half. “Hannah.”

  She jumped when he spoke. “I’m sorry, Joshua. I didn’t hear you come up behind me.”

  “You seem upset about something.”

  “I’m fine.” She averted her eyes by studying the already clean pot she continued to scrub.

  “I’d like to talk to you alone.” He looked at the girls, who were busy talking while cleaning the table. “Maed, can you take over the kitchen duties while I speak to your mamm in private?”

  “Ya.” Amanda moved to the sink. “I’ll wash, and Lily can dry.”

  Lillian frowned while watching Josh. “Was iss letz?”

  Josh forced a smile. “I’m certain everything is fine.” He motioned toward the door. “Why don’t we go talk out on the porch?”

  Hannah hesitated. “I’m really fine.”

  Josh raised an eyebrow and she sighed before following him outside to the porch.

  “What’s going on?” He leaned against the railing. “You look really upset. Did something happen at work? You know you don’t need to work. I think we can manage Daniel’s salary just fine.”

  “Work is fine.” Hannah folded her arms over her dress. “I don’t want to quit. I just had a long day. It seemed everything I did went wrong.”

  “You’ve had long and hard days before, and they didn’t end like this. What’s going on, Hannah? You can talk to me.” He reached for her hand, and she stepped back. He knew he was crossing a line, but he wanted to show her how much he cared for her.

  “Danki, but I’m fine.” She paused, and he wondered if she was choosing her words to avoid sharing too much. “I had to have an uncomfortable conversation today with someone.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She looked past him toward the barns. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  The words stung, causing him to wince. “After all of these years, Hannah, why don’t you trust me?”

  “How could you say that?” She regarded him with annoyance. “I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.”

  “No, Hannah, you don’t.” He drew himself up straight and tall. “I’ve always been here, but you continue to ignore me.”

  “I don’t ignore you, Joshua. That’s not fair.”

  “You’re right. It isn’t fair. I don’t know what else I can do to show you how much I care about you and the kinner.” Josh started toward the door. “I’m going to get Andrew, so we can put the horses in for the night.” He stopped and faced her. “I forgot to tell you that Daniel King will start working here first thing tomorrow. He checked with his parents and they are fine with our arrangement.”

  “Gut.”
Hannah nodded but didn’t smile. “I know you need the help, and he’s a gut bu.”

  “Ya, he is.” He gripped the doorknob and studied her, wishing he could find out why she was so upset. “I’ll finish the chores and then head home.”

  “That sounds gut.”

  Josh studied her and his thoughts turned to Trey Peterson. “Does this have to do with your Englisher freind?”

  Hannah hesitated. She didn’t respond.

  Jealousy and frustration consumed him. He’d thought he and Hannah had reached a deeper friendship after he’d given her the gift last night. He’d believed that maybe, just maybe, she’d see him as a suitor instead of just a friend and business partner. Yet now he found himself right back where he was on Saturday—fighting a tug of war with that Englisher to win her attention. Joshua wished Hannah had never met that man. If their paths hadn’t crossed, then the stranger wouldn’t have had the chance to toy with her emotions and ruin any chance he may have had with Hannah.

  “I had a feeling it had something to do with that man. I don’t understand why you’ve gotten so emotionally involved with someone you met while cleaning at the hotel.” He shook his head. “I wish you would quit that job. The business is doing fine. I keep telling you there’s no reason why you have to keep working.”

  “I want to work.” She said the words slowly, enunciating them.

  “Fine.” He leaned in close to her, close enough to inhale the sweet scent of her lilac shampoo. “Just remember that your fancy Englisher freind can’t give you the life I can. If you choose him, you’ll lose everything you have here.” He gestured widely. “You’ll lose your farm and your place in the community. If you choose him, you’ll have to walk away from everything you’ve ever loved, which will create a mess for your kinner. Is that what you really want, Hannah?”

  She stared at him wide-eyed, and then blinked her beautiful green eyes.

  “I don’t think that’s what you really want. I can give you love and stability. If you give me a chance, I can give you everything.” Josh pushed the door open. “Andrew! Let’s go take care of the animals.”