A Hopeful Heart

by Amy Clipston

  “I’m doing fine, thanks. I was actually going to give you one more day and then call you again.”

  “I’m so sorry. What’s new? How’s your Amish friend?”

  “Funny you should ask.” Trey motored through an intersection while he spoke. “I spent today with her.”

  “You spent the day with her?” Christy’s voice raised an octave. “How did you manage that? As I said before, I always thought the Amish kept to themselves.”

  “You’re right. They normally do keep to themselves, but she called me this morning. I picked her up and we went to my church and then we had lunch together.” He smiled while he thought of her beautiful smile as she sat across from him at the sandwich shop.

  “Did you say she went to your church?”

  “Yes, I did. It’s a nice little community church located in Paradise. You’d love it. Hannah said she liked the service too. I was really surprised.” He contemplated how nice it had been to have her next to him in the pew. He’d like to enjoy that feeling every Sunday if he could. He stopped at a stoplight and rested his free hand on the steering wheel. “We had a really nice time.”

  “Wait a minute. From the sound of your voice, you seem to really like her. I mean really like her.”

  “Yes, I do really like her. I more than like her. I think I’m in love with her.”

  “Trey.” Christy clicked her tongue. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “Yes, that’s definitely a possibility.”

  “I hope you realize you can’t have a relationship with her unless you become Amish or she stops being Amish.”

  “I know.” The light turned green and he gripped the wheel as he accelerated. “I’m playing with fire. I feel like I’m living out the story of Romeo and Juliet.”

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking. What are you going to do?”

  He shrugged as if his sister could see him through the phone. “I have no idea. I guess I’ll just enjoy what time I have with her. What else can I do?”

  “You can put a stop to this before you find yourself with a broken heart.” She sighed. “I know you suffered after losing Corinne and Sammi, but I hate to see you torture yourself this way. You’re very vulnerable.”

  Trey glowered. “I’m not as vulnerable as you think, Christy. These feelings are real, and I think she feels the same way about me. Remember, I told you she called me. I didn’t call her.”

  “I understand, but I’m worried about you.”

  “Thanks for worrying about me, but I’m a big boy. I can handle myself.” He didn’t want to be treated like a child. “You need to hear about the place I found. I put an offer on it.” He told her about the farm, describing the house and the property in great detail.

  “That sounds perfect. I’d love to come see it.”

  “That would be great.” He asked about her children, and she shared how busy they were with school and extracurricular activities.

  “I better let you go. I have to get the kids ready for bed. It was nice talking to you.” She paused for a moment. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I think you’re going to wind up hurt if you get involved with this Amish woman. She’s bound by rules we don’t live by. I wish you’d stop seeing her. You’re going to get hurt, and I don’t think you need more heartache right now.”

  “I think it’s my decision if I want to face more heartache.” Trey steered through another intersection. “I’m tired of being alone, and I enjoy Hannah’s company.”

  “You can find another woman to spend your time with. What about joining one of those online dating services? One of my divorced friends found a really nice man through one of those sites. Or maybe you’ll meet someone through your church. There are plenty of nice women out there who don’t have the complications Hannah has.”

  Trey shook his head. Christy just didn’t understand, but he knew he’d never convince her to look at the situation from his point of view. Once his sister made up her mind, there was no use trying to change it. “Fine. I’ll try to meet someone at church.”

  “You’re humoring me, aren’t you?”

  “Not at all.” He couldn’t help his smile.

  “Look, I’m just worried about you.” A flurry of activity sounded behind her. “Oh, I need to go. Sabrina needs me to help her study for a math test. We’ll talk soon, okay?”

  “That would be great. Tell Sabrina I hope she does well on her test tomorrow. Good night.” He hung up and then steered into the hotel parking lot.

  He nosed his car into a space near the back. He strode toward the front door while thinking about Christy’s warning. He knew in his heart that she was right; the relationship was too complicated to work out. His gut tightened with sorrow and dread.

  Yet he also knew he loved Hannah too much to just give up. He would keep the door open for Hannah and let her guide their future.

  Trey would also keep praying and asking God for a chance to build a relationship with her. If he could just have a chance, he’d do his best to make her happy and possibly even build a life with her.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Monday evening, Josh wiped his brow and glanced up at the ominous storm clouds gathering in the sky while he stood in the pasture. He’d hoped to finish repairing the fence in his parents’ pasture before the storm hit, but he was quickly running out of time as thunder rumbled in the distance.

  He picked up another nail and then retrieved the hammer from the post. While he drove another nail into the loose plank, his thoughts returned to Hannah. He’d been contemplating their last conversation when he’d opened his heart to her and told her he wanted to marry her. He’d all but thrown any caution to the wind and asked for her hand in marriage, and he thought he’d possibly convinced her since she said she’d think about it. Yet when she didn’t come along to his parents’ house with her children on Sunday, he realized he hadn’t gotten any closer to having her as his wife.

  He worried that she was actually going to leave the church for that Englisher. He had to convince her to stay. He couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving. He didn’t want to lose her or the children. He wanted them to be a family.

  Josh shared his worries with the church district’s deacon, Jonas Chupp, and one of the district’s ministers, Melvin Bender, when they came to visit his parents yesterday, and now he worried that he shouldn’t have told them. They probably went straight to the bishop. He knew he couldn’t bully her into staying in the community and marrying him. He had to prove his love to her. He thought that giving her the spool holder was a way to show his love, but that hadn’t worked either. He was at a loss as to how to get her to marry him.

  He drove another nail into the post, hoping to relieve some of the tension and frustration gripping his shoulders and neck. He didn’t know how to get through to Hannah. How could he convince her that he’d be a good husband and father? Why didn’t she want them to be a family?

  “Joshua?” His father approached him from behind. “Do you hear that thunder? You should come in before the storm hits. Don’t forget that bu who was hit by lightning while working in the field last year.”

  “Ya, I know.” Josh hammered one more nail and wiped his brow again. “I was hoping to finish this.”

  “You can finish it later.” His father eyed him. “You’ve been awfully tense for the past couple of days. Was iss letz?”

  Josh leaned against the post as another clap of thunder sounded. “I’ve been wondering what I’m doing wrong with Hannah.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been trying to convince her that I want to take care of her and the kinner.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I love them all, and I feel like it’s my duty to be there for them since Gideon’s gone. We already handle the farm together, so it just makes sense that we’re a family.”

  Eli studied him a moment. “Are you saying you love her?”

  “Oh ya.” Josh nodded. “I’m crazy about her, Dat.”

  “Do you think she loves y
ou too?”

  Josh shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re close freinden, and we get along well. I’ve told her I care deeply about her. In fact, I finally came out and told her I love her, and I’m certain our relationship could develop into a loving marriage.”

  “Have you asked her to marry you?”

  Josh shrugged. “I’ve mentioned it.”

  “But have you asked her the direct question?”

  “Well, I haven’t officially asked her. I’ve talked about how I think we should get married.” Another clap of thunder sounded, and Josh picked up the nails and hammer.

  “So you haven’t really asked her.” Dat gestured with his hands. “You haven’t asked the direct question.”

  Josh shook his head. “No, I haven’t officially said, ‘Will you marry me?’“

  Dat smiled. “She needs to hear the question, Joshua. You can talk about marriage until you run out of words, but it won’t become reality until you ask her. You have to say, ‘Hannah, will you marry me?’ You can’t dance around a subject as serious as that one.”

  The thunder boomed, and Josh nodded. “I’ll ask her.” His stomach tightened at the thought of saying the question out loud and having Hannah finally say the magical word—yes.

  “We’d better get inside.” Dat gestured toward the barn, and Josh followed him while he contemplated when he would ask Hannah the question. He couldn’t wait. He’d go see her today, and then they could finally choose a wedding date.

  A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance while Hannah worked to patch the holes in the knees of a pair of Andrew’s work trousers. She looked at the spool holder on the desk and wondered if Joshua was working outside. He’d told her he planned to fix the fence in his parents’ pasture before it got dark. She hoped he came in before the storm hit.

  Hannah glanced out the window of the sewing room to observe the approaching storm, and she spotted a horse and buggy moving up the rock driveway.

  “I wonder who that could be.” Hannah peered out the window and saw Jonas Chupp and Melvin Bender climbing from the buggy. She grimaced, knowing the only reason they would visit would be if there was a concern with her family. She imagined it had to do with the rumors circling about her relationship with Trey.

  Hannah checked her reflection in the mirror hanging above the mountain of material teetering on the desk next to her sewing machine. She smoothed her hands over her apron and touched her prayer covering before hurrying down the stairs to the kitchen. She opened the back door just as Jonas and Melvin reached the porch.

  “Wie geht’s?” Hannah forced a smile as lightning streaked across the dark sky above her. “Please come in.”

  “Danki.” Melvin removed his hat as he stepped into the mudroom.

  “Good to see you, Hannah.” Jonas followed the minister into the kitchen.

  She fiddled with her apron as she stood in front of them. “May I offer you a glass of meadow tea and some kichlin?”

  “Oh no, danki.” Jonas touched his beard.

  Melvin folded his arms over his wide chest. “We won’t be here long.”

  She pointed toward the table. “Let’s all have a seat.” She sat across from them and folded her hands. “What brings you out here this evening?” She thought she heard a squeaking sound from the stairs leading to the second floor, and she wondered if one of her children was eavesdropping.

  Jonas fingered his beard as thunder rumbled around them. His expression was soft and devoid of accusation. “The bishop has expressed some concern regarding your relationship with an Englisher.” He motioned toward the minister. “We talked about it earlier and thought it would be best to come speak with you instead of waiting for you to come to us about it.”

  Hannah’s stomach dropped. The deacon and minister were often sent when a member was suspected of immoral behavior or if a member was planning to leave the church. She opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated. She wasn’t certain what to say to these men. Her mind raced with questions and worries. Did she need to confess her love for Trey? She wasn’t certain if she wanted to leave the church or what she should share with the two men watching her from across the table.

  “There’s no reason for you to be naerfich, Hannah.” Melvin’s smile was tentative, and his words didn’t ease her worry. “We want to know if you’re planning to leave the community.”

  “I don’t know where you got the idea that I plan to leave the church. I didn’t tell Elmer I was planning on leaving.” Hannah folded her clammy hands on the table. “I only told him I agreed I should discontinue my relationship with mei English freind, Mr. Peterson, because I want mei dochder to have a chance to be teacher. I was tired of the rumors that were floating around about me, and I want my family to be treated fairly.”

  Melvin held up his hands as if to calm her. “We’re not here to chide you, and we don’t plan to feed any rumors. Some discussions have been brought to our attention, however, and, after also hearing from the bishop about his concern, we felt we should be proactive and talk to you.”

  Frustration coursed through Hannah. Who was talking about her behind her back? “What discussions are you referring to? I haven’t had any other discussions about my friendship with Mr. Peterson. I visited Elmer on Wednesday, and Elizabeth Beiler spoke with Lillian on Thursday about applying for the teaching position.”

  The two men shared a glance.

  Jonas shifted in the chair. “There has been talk that the Englisher is very special to you and may be more than your freind.”

  She looked between the men and wondered what they were hiding. “Who told you that?”

  “I don’t think I’m at liberty to share my source’s name.” Melvin’s smile was apologetic.

  “I think I have a right to know who’s been talking about me. I’d like to set that person straight.” Hannah hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.

  Jonas sat up straighter in the chair as if he were taking control of the meeting. “If you’re planning on leaving, then we should set up a meeting with the baptized members of the congregation.”

  “I never said I was leaving. I love this community. Leaving it would break my heart.” Hannah looked at each of them. “Who told you I was going to leave the church? Was it Barbie?”

  The men shook their heads.

  “But if it wasn’t Barbie …” Hannah gasped when she realized who could’ve been talking about her. “It was Joshua, wasn’t it?”

  Both men averted their eyes.

  Hannah shook her head while thoughts spun through her mind. I should’ve known it was Joshua and not Barbie. He’s always loved me, and he said he wanted to be with me after Gideon died. Of course he would report my relationship to the minister and the deacon. He’s jealous!

  Melvin cleared his throat. “As Jonas was saying, if you are leaving, and you’d like us to set up a meeting with the baptized members of the church, we can do it this Sunday. That way you can tell them you plan on leaving. Of course, you won’t be able to stay in this haus since you rent it from your in-laws. You won’t be able to do business with any Amish families once you’re excommunicated.”

  Hannah shook her head. “No, I don’t need you to set up a meeting. I told you, I’m not planning to leave the church.”

  Melvin nodded, and his expression softened. “I’m glad to hear that. We’ve been concerned about you. You know what a huge decision it is to leave the church. Just think of your kinner, Hannah. It would be difficult for them if you did leave the community. And it would break the hearts of all of our members. We don’t want you to leave. You should really think through this relationship with the Englisher. It’s in your best interest to stay in this community. You’ve been Amish since you were a child. Why would you want to leave?”

  “He’s right that we’ve both been worried about you. We only want the best for your family. We’re glad to hear that you’re not going to leave.” Jonas folded his hands on the table. “It’s not my place to judge, of course, but when I heard
you were thinking of leaving, I thought of Gideon. He was the head of your household, and we all know Gideon had a very strong faith. He would be very upset if he knew you were considering taking your kinner away from the church.”

  “You’re right. Gideon would be upset if I took our kinner away from the church.” Hannah shook her head. “But I never said I was leaving, so you don’t have anything to worry about.” She wasn’t sure what she wanted. She knew one thing for certain—she wanted everyone, including Joshua, Jonas, Melvin, and Barbie, to stop making assumptions about her and her future.

  Jonas smiled. “I’m froh to hear we don’t need to set up that congregational meeting for you.”

  “I’m froh too.” Hannah stood as frustrated thoughts rushed through her mind. I’m not certain what’s in store for me right now. But I do know I want the community to stop making decisions for me before I’ve had a chance to make them for myself. She walked toward the door. “Danki for coming by. Please tell your wives I said hello.”

  The two men made their way to the door.

  “Gut nacht.” Jonas grabbed his hat from the peg on the wall in the mudroom.

  Melvin nodded as he took his hat and followed him out the back door into the rain.

  “Be careful on the way home.” Hannah watched them jog through the rain to the waiting buggy. She shook her head. Why would they ask her if she was leaving the community if she hadn’t expressed the desire to leave? And why did it seem as though Jonas and Melvin had a hard time believing her when she said she had no plans to leave? Hannah wondered if Joshua realized something she didn’t. Perhaps he could sense her restlessness before she could. Maybe she did want to leave, but she hadn’t admitted it to herself yet.

  A streak of lighting lit up the sky followed by a clap of thunder.

  “Mamm?”

  Hannah looked back and found Lillian glaring at her from the doorway to the kitchen. “Lily? How long have you been standing there?”