Take Me All the Way

by Toni Blake

  She still looked just as taken aback as before he’d spoken. “But you waited so long and wanted it so much,” she said. “And it seemed like such a miracle. How can you let that go?”

  “It was a miracle. But I’m realizing now that some miracles aren’t meant to be held on to—some miracles are just moments in time, amazing moments, and that’s what you hold on to, the memory and wonder of the moment.” He looked out over the sunset, then told Tamra the truth he understood now. “I had to get her back before I could let her go. I needed to . . . have that choice. I needed to see how things were between us. I’ve done that now. And it’ll be all right. Just like she told me in that note four years ago. Everything will be okay. Everything is okay. I feel that in my soul.”

  Tamra reached out, squeezed his hand. And he squeezed it back, grateful for her friendship.

  Then she tilted her head and said, “Did you know Bethany’s staying? In Coral Cove? For good?”

  Fletcher blinked, and suspected that now he looked freaked out. “Um, no. What the hell did I miss?”

  “A lot, apparently. But I think you’re about to get back on track.”

  He let himself smile. “I was on track all along, my friend. It was just a long and winding one. But I think it’s about to get straighter, a little easier to navigate.”

  AS Tamra took her seat, she spotted Jack’s surprise. Christy’s Grandpa Charlie stood at the end of the aisle, waiting to escort Christy down it—the key word being stood. The old man had been in a wheelchair the entire time Tamra had known him, with occasional outings on a walker. But now he stood in a tuxedo, looking proud as a peacock, with only a cane for support.

  When Bethany appeared at the top of the wooden steps that led down to the beach, the guitarist began to play a lovely version of “Here Comes the Sun,” and the crowd turned to watch as she descended the stairs, passed Grandpa Charlie—giving him a smile—and then made her way up the aisle in a flowy, gauzy lavender dress.

  And then Christy appeared, a wreath of flowers in her hair that matched the small bouquet in her hand, in an equally flowy, lovely white dress that struck Tamra as the perfect choice for a beach wedding. As all eyes went to the bride, Tamra watched Christy pause to take in the scene, and the moment—and then Jack, who stood with Fletcher and the minister in front of the arbor.

  It was only as she descended the sun-bleached stairs, however, that her gaze fell on Grandpa Charlie, waiting there for her. She gasped, and her eyes fell shut for a moment, clearly holding back tears of joy.

  “How did you do this?” Tamra heard Christy ask him quietly, glad she’d sat in the last row and could catch this exchange.

  “Been workin’ on it with Jack for weeks now. He’s a good coach.”

  Christy switched her gaze lovingly to her husband-to-be for just a moment before she hooked her arm through that of her grandfather.

  “Now I just hope we make it down the aisle,” he told her with a wink.

  And she said, “Don’t worry—we will. We’re in this together. I won’t let you fall.”

  And then it was Tamra fighting back tears as she watched Christy and Charlie proceed slowly down the aisle, where he gave her away, and where she watched Jack and Christy pledge themselves to one another, becoming husband and wife.

  JEREMY had watched the wedding from up above. He’d shown up late and hadn’t wanted to interrupt. Coming had been a last minute decision—but he’d made himself do it, because he knew he should, and he knew he’d probably be better off for it. Hiding in his room would have been easier, but maybe he’d decided he was tired of taking the easy road. The truth was, when he took the road that seemed a little rockier and required a little more effort, it always turned out to be a road that actually led somewhere. Usually somewhere good.

  Another big impetus was his sister, Tessa. She and Lucky had been due to arrive only a few hours prior to the wedding, so they’d made plans to connect here. He didn’t want to get back into the business of letting people down. Well, not his family anyway. He knew he’d already let Tamra down—but maybe he could keep his disappointing to a minimum and not spread it around the way he used to.

  Now he stood off to the side watching the reception—also taking place on the beach. It was getting dark, so that made it easier to lurk in the shadows.

  Polly and Abner were in charge of the food, using Christy and Jack’s place as a home base, and the DJ had set up in their backyard, placing speakers in the sand below. And to Jeremy’s surprise, there was no fish on the menu—Abner was grilling hamburgers and kebobs while Polly put hot dogs on spears for people who wanted to roast their own over a fire pit on the beach. Near the fire was also a s’mores bar, and a tower of pastel cupcakes decorated with candy shells, starfish, and seahorses, courtesy of the Beachside Bakery, next door to Gino’s.

  Old friends from Destiny milled about. Anna Romo, who he’d once had that crush on, and her now longtime boyfriend, Duke Dawson, looked happy roasting hot dogs together. Amy and Logan Whitaker stood talking with Christy, who made a lovely bride. And he spotted Anna’s brother Mike Romo and his wife and young daughter near the s’mores stuff, preparing to roast marshmallows.

  “Where the hell is Jeremy? Anybody seen him?”

  He swung his focus to the sound of Lucky’s voice to find his brother-in-law joining the crowd by the fire pit.

  “Good question,” Anna said. “I’d heard he moved down here, and I was hoping to say hello. How’s he doing?”

  “Really well, from what we’ve been told,” said his sister, Tessa, now at Lucky’s side. “He was supposed to meet us here.”

  Cami, who’d been helping at the cupcake table, called over, “I thought I saw him right after the ceremony, but I’m not sure where he went.”

  And then his eyes fell on Tamra as she came down the stairs from Sea Shell Lane, probably running back and forth, helping out. And damn, she looked beautiful. She wore another knockout dress that showed off her shape and made him wonder why she’d ever hidden it. And he was glad she was comfortable enough to let the world see that beauty. The difference between the way she looked tonight and the way she’d looked at the wedding shower was . . . she was comfortable now. She wasn’t nervous; she wasn’t wondering what anyone would think. She was just being her beautiful self.

  His eyes were drawn from Tamra only when a more surprising sight came into view—Fletcher and Bethany looking as chummy as they had at the party. Something had changed here—something big. Clearly the wife was out of the picture. And Fletcher looked pretty damn happy, so Jeremy guessed that meant everything was okay.

  They walked past close enough for him to hear Fletcher saying he had a lot to explain to her. But her eyes shone bright as the strings of lights now stretching across the beach around the reception as she took his hands in hers and said, “Later. Tonight is just about new beginnings and being happy. The dancing is going to start soon—I want to dance the night away and celebrate my best friend’s happiness. With you.”

  Looking around the beach, it struck him that he was probably the least happy guy here. Hell, even Abner looked happy tonight, having donned his top hat again for the wedding, though now he’d changed to a fluffy white chef’s hat as he manned the grill.

  A sweet song about love and swaying palm trees called “Always” filled the air as Christy and Jack shared their first dance on the sand. And Jeremy looked at all the people at the wedding, all those damn happy people. And it hit him that . . . love didn’t always come easy. He knew a lot of those people and he knew they’d had to fight to get where they were—they’d had to overcome troubles and hurt and demons, same as he’d been trying to. And the only difference between them was . . . they’d done it. And they’d let themselves be happy. They’d let themselves get over whatever fears held them down and let themselves love somebody.

  Just then, the same big, muscle-bound lifeguard from the golf course opening came rushing up to Tamra, boldly took her face between his hands, and planted a k
iss on her lips!

  What the hell?

  He didn’t know what he’d missed between these two—he only knew he didn’t like it! And he didn’t really have a clear plan as he started toward her across the sand—but seeing another guy kiss her that way had just pushed him over the edge.

  The guy was up in her face, whispering sweet nothings or some such shit when Jeremy reached her. He closed his hand over her arm and turned her toward him to say, “What the hell is happening here?”

  She blinked, then looked a little outraged, which was maybe understandable, but he didn’t care. “A wedding,” she bit off.

  “No, I mean here.” He wagged his finger back and forth between her and the he-man. Who might pound him into the ground any minute, so it was probably a good time to be a Marine, which came with certain skills. But he wasn’t very concerned about that right now, either.

  “What do you care?” she snapped at him.

  And he snapped right back at her, “I care because I love you, damn it.”

  “What?” she spewed, looking just as shocked as he supposed made sense.

  He was kind of shocked, too, but he was in this now, and ready to plow full steam ahead. “I love you,” he repeated. And though some people were dancing now, he also sensed other people turning their attention in this direction.

  “I thought you said you didn’t,” she replied.

  And he decided this was a good time for them to step away from the crowd—he didn’t want to make a spectacle of them at Christy and Jack’s wedding. But he had stuff to say. Big stuff.

  So he more gently took Tamra’s hand and pulled her a few feet away from everyone else. And he spoke more softly but with just as much conviction as he said, “I’m a man with PTSD, Mary! Why would you take my word for something so important when you know I’ve got serious issues?”

  She was blinking again, repeatedly now, just before she said, “Well, what am I supposed to think here? Yesterday you didn’t love me, today you do—how do I know you won’t say you don’t love me again tomorrow?”

  Jeremy took a deep breath. And suddenly nothing in the world seemed as important as making her understand, making her trust, making her believe in him. So he got as honest as he possibly could, and he let down every wall he’d ever put up. “First of all, I did love you yesterday,” he explained. “And the day before that. And the day before that, too. I’ve just been running from it.

  “But I don’t want to run anymore, Tamra. And I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, except . . . I don’t put myself on the line lightly. That much you know about me. I don’t say I love you to anyone I don’t love. I barely say it to people I do love. So if I’m saying it to you . . . you know it’s real.

  “And I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I tried to make us . . . less than we were. Because you . . . saved me. You saved me the way Chuck tried to save me. And I . . . fucked up both attempts. But I’m done fucking things up, honey. I’m done throwing away the good in life. And you’re the good in life. You’re better than I deserve—I know that.

  “I told you once not to make decisions out of fear, but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Only I don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to love you. I want to love you the way you should be loved. You’re an amazing woman. And you and I—we fit together. And I want that. I just want that.”

  Jeremy was out of things to say. He’d said all that he could, all that was in his heart. So he stopped, waiting to see if he stood a chance with her—or if she’d do what she probably should and tell him to go to hell.

  And when she said nothing, just stood there gaping at him, he concluded, “I’ve . . . I’ve been contrary.”

  “That’s a nice way of putting it,” she said.

  “I know,” he admitted. “Here’s another way. I was a selfish ass. Caught up in fear. Old fears. That I want to let go of now.”

  “What fears are we talking about?” she asked.

  “Fear of losing people,” he told her. “Fear of not being able to keep anyone safe.”

  “I can take care of myself,” she assured him.

  “I know,” he told her. And he truly did. “But when I love someone, I feel a responsibility to keep them safe. Body and soul. And Afghanistan made me think I couldn’t do that anymore, keep anyone safe. Even a damn cat.”

  Her voice finally went a little softer. “You seem to be doing okay with the cat.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “And now I’m thinking I’d like to try my hand with someone who doesn’t just love me for bringing food.”

  “The cat loves you for more than that,” she insisted.

  He just shrugged. “He’s an easy audience. He doesn’t realize how contrary I can be. And he’s pretty forgiving. Are . . . are you? Can you forgive me, Tamra? Give me another chance?”

  Tamra couldn’t believe this was happening. Because even if she hadn’t known Jeremy long, she felt she knew him well—she understood him. And she understood about walls—she’d kept them up for so long herself.

  And now he wanted her to forgive him. The request forced her to think of her past. The way her parents had emotionally abandoned her. The men who’d done the same. She’d spent a long time coming back from those betrayals. “Forgiving and forgetting are two different things,” she pointed out to Jeremy now. “Forgiveness I believe in. Forgetting can be harder, though.”

  He took her hands in his. And oh—it felt so much better, so much more . . . right, than when silly Alejandro did. “I’m a troubled guy, Mary,” Jeremy told her. “I know it, you know it. I can be moody as hell. I can get trapped in my own head. I’ve got ghosts all around me. And I feel I owe a hell of a lot to more people than I can count right now and sometimes that overwhelms my brain.”

  She saw him swallow. And understood that he was baring his soul to her. In a deeper way than he ever had before. “But I can be better. I’m so much better than I used to be. Except . . . on the day I hurt you. That day I messed up bad. I made an awful mistake. And I wish I could take it back, do it over again. But . . . I understand if that’s too much to ask.”

  Tamra searched her heart. She’d told herself today that she was open to love. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t close off that kind of hope. And so even if it was scary as hell in a way to trust Jeremy again, she knew she had to. She had to.

  “Everyone gets a do-over,” she said softly.

  “Even in . . . love?” he asked.

  She nodded, slowly, surely. “Even in love.”

  “That’s amazingly generous.” He squeezed her hands in his.

  And she gave him a gentle smile as she told him, “See? I’m not so contrary after all.”

  “Now,” he said at the end of the story, “it need not be a secret anymore.”

  Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

  Epilogue

  DEAR FRIENDS,

  Season’s Greetings from sunny Coral Cove, Florida!

  The most exciting news in my life? A year to the day since we met, Jeremy asked me to marry him! There are no words for how happy this man has made me. Let’s be honest—before him, I was a little bit of a stick-in-the-mud. But Jeremy has found in me lighter parts of myself I’d truly forgotten existed—and I’m pretty sure I’ve improved his life in many ways, as well. We’re excited to be planning a small, intimate ceremony in my garden next spring, with a reception for the entire community afterward at the Hungry Fisherman. Hope you like seafood!

  I continue to find success selling my art and to be inspired by the other artists I’m lucky enough to share this community with. Among them my next door neighbor and fabulous jewelry designer Christy, my incredible seascape painting friend Bethany, and her boyfriend and my best friend, Fletcher, who puts the fun in funambulist every night as he walks his tightrope next to the Coral Cove Pier.

  Jeremy is rising rapidly through the ranks at Sun Coast Construction, and takes true satisfaction in his work. He was named foreman for the building of the Barefoot Ba
r currently being constructed on the beach right now. It’s a wonderful coincidence that our dear friend and my next door neighbor, Jack, (Christy’s husband, as luck would have it! Small world, right?) is the owner and financier of the project—especially since Jeremy and I met primarily through working on one of Jack’s other business ventures, the Coral Cove Mini-Golf Paradise.

  Speaking of Coral Cove businesses, the whole town is looking great! Another close friend, Cami, continues to serve as head of the town planning commission, and my oldest friend in Coral Cove, Reece, just put a new coat of paint on the Happy Crab to celebrate the fact that business there is booming again. Polly and Abner continue to make improvements to the Hungry Fisherman with Cami’s guidance—soon the restaurant will sport a lighter, airier interior with a dockside theme. Polly has hired two new waitresses, and the biggest shocker of them all: she’s retired her old uniforms, trading up to khaki capris! More and more new businesses are looking to make their home here, but Cami vows that our idyllic seaside town will always retain its quaint charm.

  Jeremy and I are looking forward to spending Christmas in his hometown of Destiny, as we did last year, and it already feels like my home away from home. “Home” has been an iffy concept in my life, so I like the idea of having two! I met Jeremy’s wonderful family over the holidays last year and I already love them! Family is another thing I’ve been short on, so I’m grateful to become a part of his.

  Jeremy’s cat, Captain, will be moving to my cottage along with him when we get married. Jeremy sometimes talks about getting a dog as well, but I don’t think Captain would stand for it—he loves Jeremy to death. And the feeling is mutual, too, but you didn’t hear that from me about my tough ex-Marine fiancé.