Dare To Love Again

by Silver, Jordan

  I stood in front of her for a good two minutes, not saying a word while she stared down at the floor. “Come!” I took her hand and led her down the hallway, past her room, and onto mine. If nothing else, I can still enjoy fucking her; why not? She owes me.

  Giselle

  I shouldn’t enjoy so much his use of my body, but I’m powerless to stop him. There’s so much that needs doing between us, so much unresolved, and yet I’m selfish enough to take what little attention he gives me and run with it. For two years, I’d shut off all emotion except the love I bore my son, but now in these last few days, it’s as if the floodgates have opened up, and I can’t get enough of Calen. Even when he’s being mean to me, my poor love-starved heart succumbs still.

  There were no words spoken between us as he led me to his bed. Nothing said when he undressed me and then himself. My knees were already shaking when he pushed me back against the bed and spread my legs open. “You’re wet!” My face became inflamed as he looked down at me spread open wide for his pleasure, and when he swiped a finger through my wet heat, my eyes crossed.

  I bit into my lip so as not to give myself away, but it doesn’t take much for him to get my engine revving. It never did. I was able to hold back my moans for all of five seconds, biting a hole in my lower lip, but that was before he got down on his knees on the floor between my spread thighs and ran his tongue along the opening of my sex.

  My tummy concaved as shock waves ran through me. No matter how often we share this intimacy, I can never get over the heights to which he makes me soar. My fingers burned to touch him, to hold him closer to me as he feasted on my flesh, and as if reading my mind, he took his lips and tongue away long enough to growl a command, “Touch me.”

  I buried my fingers in his hair and pushed myself harder against his mouth while my heart threatened to jump out of my chest. How can someone who hates me as much as he does give me such mind-blowing pleasure?

  * * *

  CALEN

  * * *

  I don’t think I’d planned to fuck her tonight; I’m not sure. I’ve been a ball of confusion since her return, and the more I think about our situation, the less sense it all makes. My son is happy, loved, cossetted, I can see that with my own eyes. The woman who left me didn’t take any of the expensive gifts I gave her and never even accessed the bank account I’d opened for her. Neither had she tried to use any of the expense accounts I have opened for her all over the city and other parts of the world.

  The PI’s story doesn’t add up with what I had in my head, and what’s more, when I fucked her the first time since she came back, she was tight as fuck. I remember a handful of times when I had to leave her for more than a week on business how tight she’d be when I took her as soon as I got home. I used to secretly joke with myself that if she ever cheated on me, I’d know because her body would tell on her.

  So just what the hell had sent her running from me and the life I’d given us? Her fingers tugging at my head was a remembered feeling, the sounds she made, those sexy as fuck come fuck me sounds was something I’d missed and her taste. I’d forgotten how amazing her pussy tastes, unlike any other.

  I took my time and ate her out until pussy juice dribbled from the corners of my mouth, and still, it wasn’t enough. When she became too sensitive to touch, I held her ass harder, keeping her in place as I went to town on her leaking cunt that seemed to breathe around my tongue. My heart, which I have been trying hard to keep at bay these last few days beat erratically in my chest, and I was only too aware of what that meant.

  I wanted to be angry as I pulled my tongue out of her and slid up her body, but the look in her eyes brought me up short. Love, that’s what I saw written there, so much love. I remember that look, the way it used to make me feel when she’d look at me like that. It used to blow my mind that this amazing creature could love someone as unworthy as me.

  But how do I feel now? I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to that, and that scares me. A day ago, I was sure about us; I was sure that I would never forgive her for what she’d done. My plan, or at least one of them and the one I liked the most, was to keep her and use her until I got her out of my system. I thought I could do it because I thought that what I once felt for her was long dead, now I’m confused all over again.

  I closed my eyes against the emotion I saw written on her face and lowered my lips to hers, giving her a taste of herself. Instead of slamming my cock into her hard enough to hurt, I took my cock in hand while holding her cheek with the other and slid into her nice and slow. It was the first time I’d touched her with such gentleness since her return, and I berated myself for it.

  She succumbed to my gentleness, opening herself up to me without reserve, and when she wrapped her legs around me and locked me off with her tight pussy I felt myself teetering on the edge. “Damn you, damn you…” I kept repeating the phrase as I fucked her deeper and deeper until my cockhead was knocking against the door to her womb.

  I don’t know why every time I get inside her now, my thoughts run to breeding her. We hadn’t actively been trying when my son was conceived, though there had been a time or two when I’d given it some thought. But now, because of all that I’d missed, I want it all, and I want it with her. No one else will do. As my thoughts took flight, I fucked her harder into the bed until it knocked against the wall.

  I fucked past her cervix and into her womb, making her screech and cry out in pain. I didn’t care; I couldn’t hold back, couldn’t rein myself in if I wanted to. The opening to her womb clamped down around my cock, and I started shooting off inside her, hoping and praying that I was getting her with child, my child, our child.

  A thousand thoughts ran through my head as I emptied inside her. Little Calen as a newborn, her pregnant, ripe with my child, that and all that I’d missed. I lost all my senses for a moment as her pussy tightened and squeezed around my cock. I heard her voice as if from afar screaming my name, and that’s when I came back to my senses. I had my hand around her throat, and my teeth buried in the soft flesh of her neck. What the fuck did I just do? I reared back to look down at her still buried balls deep and saw fear and apprehension there instead of the warm emotion that had been before.

  I couldn’t bring myself to tell her sorry, so I set about soothing her with my touch. I kissed her softly until she calmed down and stopped shaking. What the hell did I just do? Am I really that mad at her? Of course, I am, but not enough to commit murder; I don’t think.

  * * *

  GISELLE

  * * *

  He’s still so mad at me. Of course, he is; I don’t know what I expected. This is what I expected to happen if our paths ever crossed, and why I’d gone out of my way to see that it never happened. I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear his disdain, and yet here I am, willing to take any crumb he was willing to give.

  I relished his weight as he pressed me into the mattress; his cock still flexing deep inside me. The fear I felt just a short second ago dissipated with the haste with which he’d released me when I cried out. I know now that even as mad as he is with me, he won't really hurt me.

  If only I could come clean and tell him the truth. I’ve been playing around with the idea a lot today. In the face of his anger, I’d love nothing more than to set the record straight and ask for his forgiveness, maybe beg him to take me back. But the monster would never let that happen, and I would only be bringing danger to him. Once she finds out where I’ve gone, it’s only a matter of time before she comes after me again.

  She’s found me here once before; what’s to stop her this time? I’d turned off location on my phone and had changed it three times in the last year to get away from her, and whatever spyware she keeps adding to my devices. But it’s only a matter of time before the men she had following me caught up with me.

  I hadn’t seen them in a day or so, which is far from the norm, and have a sneaking suspicion that they’d seen Calen follow me home and had, in turn, followed him when he left. Th
ey wouldn’t have expected me to go anywhere, I’m sure. Once he realizes that he’s being followed, it’s only a matter of time before he starts asking questions.

  I think I might be running out of time. “Again!” That was the only warning I got before I felt him harden inside me again, and before I could say anything, he covered my lips with his and took me over and under once more. I’ll think about my mother tomorrow; just for tonight, let me enjoy being in my beloved’s arms.

  Calen

  I can’t keep doing this. Every time I come inside her, it’s like giving her another piece of myself, sharing a part of me that I swore I would never give to anyone ever again. It’s a dangerous game I’m playing, but between my own thoughts, my parents’ attitude, and the fact that she’s not leaving here with my son, I think I know where this has to go. Besides all of that, there’s one glaringly obvious reason why I keep fucking her. I never got over her.

  I should feel like a simp, but somehow I don’t. Had I learned that she’d left me for some other man, the decision would’ve been easy, take my son and punt her ass somewhere. But she hadn’t done that, and now I find myself wanting to know her reasons even more than before. I looked over at where she was out cold in my bed beside me, and that feeling of warmth that I thought long dead hit me again.

  I tried holding on to my reserve, to remind myself that no matter why she’d left, she’d cheated me out of knowing my son. But for some reason, it no longer packed as much heat as it did the day before. I’m slipping back into the same old rut it seems like, but I’ll be damned if I let her play me for a fool again.

  I rolled out of bed, making sure not to wake her, and walked into the closet to find my robe that was hanging there. I stopped off at the nursery first to check on my boy before making my way down to the other end of the hallway. I decided not to go to the office in the other wing but dipped into the smaller, less formal one on this side of the house. I only needed a phone for what I was about to do.

  My eyes fell on the clock; it was late at night. But my team knows they’re on call twenty-four seven so I wasn’t worried. Silas answered on the second ring sounding wide awake and ready. “Sir?”

  “I need a full track and trace kit for my wife and son.” I caught my wording as soon as the words left my mouth but didn’t correct myself. I also need you to go to her apartment and set up hidden cameras inside and out. What did you do with Sorenson?”

  “We told him to keep his mouth shut and let him go. He was worried about what he was going to tell his client, but in the end, I think he knows you’re more of a danger to him than he or she is, so he decided that he’d come up with something on his own. How soon do you want us to set everything up?”

  “Now! Did you find anything yet?”

  “Some, I was going to wait until we had more and call you in the morning.” I didn’t say anything, and he took that to mean I wanted him to go on.

  “Right, um, like I said, the number Sorenson had comes back to the Winthrop estate. The only one we can find there so far who can pull off something like this seems to be his widow. The only other people left are staff, and I doubt any of them are being paid enough to afford something like this.”

  “The woman’s name is Anna Winthrop, nee Salvo. According to the records, they had a daughter who would’ve been about six or seven when the husband died. He committed suicide, or so they say, but apparently, there were a lot of people who didn’t believe it at the time. As for the daughter, the kid seems to have dropped off the face of the earth after that. She was still alive; some people had seen her, but within a year, she was gone, and it was a while since anyone saw or heard from her.”

  “What was her name, the daughter?”

  “Uh, let me check my notes; we were going to do some digging on that tomorrow so that I could give you everything. Uh, here it is, Kynlee Winthrop; if she’s alive, she’d be twenty-seven this year. So far, we have nothing on her, no photos, no school records, nothing past the age of five.”

  The name didn’t sound familiar at all, but what did any of this have to do with my wife? I have to stop tripping myself up like this. If I keep thinking of her like that, it will only be a matter of time before I stupidly open myself up and let her back in. “Keep digging; let me know what you find as soon as you have anything.”

  “Sure thing, sir.”

  I hung up the phone no closer to the truth than I was before I came in here. What could Sterling Winthrop’s widow want with my ex? And who is this daughter? Her and Giselle would be about the same age if the daughter is still alive, but from the way, Silas spoke it doesn’t seem like the kid had made it. But if so, why is there no record of it?

  Just as I stood to go back to bed, the phone rang again; it was Silas. “What do you have for me?”

  “I forgot to mention that I found an old friend of Sterling Winthrop’s who’s willing to talk to us if you need it. He seemed to have a lot to say, but I’m not sure what use he will be to what we’re doing here.”

  “Set it up, first thing in the morning.” I hung up the phone and went back to her.

  Something about seeing her in my bed with her hand resting in the space where I was supposed to be as if seeking me out in her sleep did something strange to my heart. I never saw myself as one of those people who would fool themselves into believing something that wasn’t true. I always thought that I was the sort to face shit head-on. So how is it that the walls I thought I’d so meticulously built around my heart had so easily crumbled in just a matter of days?

  And why am I now more confused than when she left? Could mom be right? I’ve never had reason to doubt her before, never known her to fly off the handle and be so staunchly set against something only to have her be proven wrong in the end. I could tell myself that she was doing this for the sole purpose of gaining and keeping access to her first and only grandchild, but I know for a fact that if she believed that Giselle was at fault, I’d have to be the one holding her back from doing my ex harm.

  I climbed back into bed with her, once again conflicted. There is no danger of the same thing happening again, of her disappearing from my life, ghosting me as efficiently and heartbreakingly as she had, but now my thoughts seem to be shifting from taking my son and booting her to the ends of the earth, to how to keep them both. But how do I protect myself from being destroyed again?

  I’d barely made it out intact the last time. Friends like Dana and Donovan had been the ones to keep me from dissolving into nothing. I didn’t even know back then, as much as I loved her, that it was as deep as it turned out to be. I never understood that love, once lost, could leave such despair in its wake. I never want to feel anything like that again. But what if I’d been wrong? What if she was afraid of something or someone?

  My thoughts had me turning to her, and she mumbled in her sleep before curling into me the way she used to, and I felt another little piece of my heart open up to let her in. “Wake up!” I whispered the words against her temple before making my way down her cheek to the corner of her lips with mine. She came slowly awake to the feel of my tongue slipping into her mouth and me pressing her naked body onto her back before slipping my cock into her still wet pussy.

  The knowledge that my cock was slipping and sliding into the seed that I’d spilled inside her just hours before worked on my libido like an aphrodisiac, and I was painfully hard in no time as I fucked into her nice and slow, picking up speed as she moved along with me, her arms and legs coming around me holding me tight.

  When I came in her this time, it was with a gentler passion than before. I held her close as our hearts beat together as one, even though in my head, I was still questioning what the hell I was doing. When I rolled away from her, she must’ve still been in the throes of slumber because instead of keeping her distance the way she had been, she curled into my chest the way she used to when we were husband and wife, sighed, and went right back to sleep.

  I laid awake for much longer after she fell asleep, trying to mak
e sense of the picture that was unfolding. I should ask her about the Sterling Winthrop angle, but somehow something was warning me not to. If she’d been so afraid to leave me two years ago, who knows what she’ll do this time if I showed my hand too soon. I can’t take the risk of losing them again. I acknowledge that it isn’t just my son that I’m worried about losing though I won’t say that shit out loud.

  * * *

  We sat across from each other at the breakfast table with our son in his new highchair between us. The baby worked as a good buffer since neither of us wanted to think or talk about what we’d done before leaving my bed not too long ago. It was the first time she’d awakened in my bed, the first time since she’s been back that I didn’t treat her like a receptacle for my lust.

  It was comically awkward to wake up to her in my arms, staring up at me, and to save face since I was the one holding her, I’d turned her onto her chest without a word, spread her thighs, and eased my cock into her ass. Don’t ask me why I did that shit. It’s as if the more I find myself softening towards her, the more I have to prove to her that I don’t give a fuck.

  I know from past experience that anal is not exactly her favorite thing, and anal without lube is on no one’s bucket list of things to do. I guess I was trying to hide my weakness for her behind the degradation of taking her ass raw before cumming all over her ass and back like she was nothing more than something I’d picked up off the streets for a night of fun.

  Now neither of us can look the other in the eye, she maybe because she’d enjoyed it way too much and me, because of my son who was now sitting between us picking at his cereal while chortling away at us. I’d fucked his mother in the ass, showed her no respect, and then barely cleaned my rod before making her suck me off so I could fuck her tight pussy again. I’m deeply ashamed and mad at myself for feeling that way.