Dare To Love Again

by Silver, Jordan

  “I have to run out for a little bit this morning.” The first thing I’d done after showering was to check my messages and saw that Silas had already set something up with the friend of Sterling Winthrop, who seemed only too eager to talk. I had a few ideas of my own playing around in my head, and as farfetched as they seemed, I think it’s best to get them out of the way so we can move on with the investigation.

  “You’re not to go anywhere. I’ll have a new security team in place by later this afternoon and a new driver.”

  “What happened to Sam?” Sam used to be her old driver.

  “He was fired after you disappeared; he couldn’t do his job. Did you think I’d keep him around?”

  In fact, I’d damn near killed the other man when I thought he had something to do with her disappearance or had had a hand in helping her leave and was refusing to say. Back then, he was responsible for knowing her every move, but when the trained ex-mercenary had sworn up and down that he had no idea where she went, I’d lost my shit. It took half of Silas’ team to get me off him.

  It’s only when all of my efforts to find her had failed that I started to believe him and had rehired him in a new position. I couldn’t very well fault him for something I myself wasn’t capable of solving. I was feeling mean because she’d spent the night in my bed, so I didn’t tell her that Sam was fine. No doubt she was thinking about his wife and kids and the fact that his wife had been pregnant with their third child around the time she’d left. At least the person I once knew would think about stuff like that. Who knows what the fuck this one is into.

  Calen

  Gordon Simms was a stocky salt and pepper gentleman in his sixties who looked like he was accustomed to living the good life with a few side trips to the wrong side of the tracks. He answered the door himself, shooing his housekeeper away with a stern order to find herself in another part of the house so as not to stick her beak in things that didn’t concern her.

  From the way she huffed and grumbled, I got the impression that these two had a long lasting working relationship filled with barbs and putdowns, with each one trying to one-up the other. “Come on in, young man; I was pleasantly surprised to hear that you wanted to talk about my old friend. It’s been a while since anyone mentioned poor Sterling.” He shook his head in memory as I followed him to his study.

  I’d thought long and hard on my way here about how I wanted this conversation to go. I was coming up with way too many ideas in my head but running into roadblocks with each one so decided in the end that the best way to go was to just come right out and get to the point. If what I surmised turns out to be true, then this one convo might answer a lot of questions for me and set me on the right track moving forward. So first things first…

  “Before we get to that, do you know someone by the name of Giselle?” The other man acted as though I’d prodded him with a lightning rod. “What do you know about her? Have you found her? Where is she? Is she still alive?” The questions came hard and fast, one after the other, and what I thought were my stupid farfetched suspicions started to take shape.

  “Answer me first, who is she? How do you know her?” He sighed heavily and dropped into a chair before pointing me to another to take a seat. “Giselle was her second name; she was a beautiful child, the apple of her daddy’s eye. Sterling loved that little girl more than his own life. That’s where all the problems started.” He carried on as if no longer aware of my presence in the room.

  “Ann was always an odd one, but Sterling wouldn’t hear anything against her, so the rest of us accepted her for his sake. She did her bit to fit in, but it was always obvious to the rest of us that she was playing a part. She came from old money, you see, but her granddaddy had lost most of it with bad business deals and a string of mistresses that he never went out of his way to hide.”

  “That’s one of the reasons Sterling’s grandfather was opposed to the marriage. He was afraid that Ann was only in it for the money, something the rest of us only came to find out later. At the time, no one paid much attention, Sterling was in love with the girl, and like I said, we’d all come to accept her for his sake. Besides, old man Sievers was a right old sod.”

  I felt the blood race in my veins. ”Did you say, Sievers?”

  “Yes, he was Sterling’s grandfather on his mother’s side. His father’s family name is Winthrop, as you know. They, too, had their own wealth but nothing on par with his maternal side.” Sievers is Giselle’s last name. What are the odds that we are talking about two different people?

  As if somehow reading my mind, he asked the question that put a huge part of the puzzle together for me. “But why are you calling her Giselle? If we’re talking about the same person, and I only know one person with that name associated with Sterling, her first name is Kynlee. I remember the fights between Sterling and Ann when the child was born. She wanted to name the baby Kynlee, and he wanted to name her Giselle.”

  Gordon seemed to get lost in his head for a second until I brought him back around. “You said things changed after the child was born?”

  “Oh, yes! I’ve never seen a mother so jealous of her own child in my life. Sterling, of course, was gaga over his kid. He talked her up nonstop from the time she was in her mother’s womb. There wasn’t a day that went by that he wasn’t bending someone’s ear about his pending fatherhood.”

  “The trouble started even before she was born, come to think of it. There were many a night Sterling would sit in that very chair you’re sitting on lamenting the fact that Ann didn’t seem to want the baby. At first, it seemed like she was excited to become a mother, but the more excited Sterling became, the less enthusiastic she was.”

  “Anyway, once little Kynlee was born, shit hit the fan. There was always something to complain about for Ann. You’d think she’d be happy that her husband showed such interest in their child but nope, every little thing he did only fed her anger and jealousy.” He tapped the bowl of his pipe into the wastebasket before filling it again.

  “He hung in there until little Kynlee was about five or six, but their relationship was never the same. He’d been talking to a lawyer about divorce and gaining custody of the child on the grounds that the mother never even tried to bond with her, and two weeks later, he was dead. No one would ever convince me that Sterling killed himself. He had too much to live for, and he would’ve never have left his little girl alone to be raised by that monster.”

  “How do they know it was a suicide? Who saw it?”

  "Take a wild guess. After that little Kynlee disappeared. It was rumored that she’d been shipped off to a boarding school overseas but no one could ever find her, and after a while we all gave up. So, is your Giselle our Kynlee?”

  “I think so.” What the hell is going on? My Giselle is this other person? How could she have kept it from me?

  “Where is she? How is she doing? Look, does this look like her?” He got up from his seat and went to a side drawer in his desk.

  “I always keep this here. It used to hang on the wall over there, but I got so upset as time went on with no word and the cops refusing to look into the suicide, it got to where I couldn’t stand to look at their faces any longer. It felt like I’d betrayed them both. She was my Goddaughter you see, and Sterling made me promise that if anything happened to him that I’d look after her.”

  He held out a photograph of a smiling man in his thirties and a young grinning girl. My heart lurched in my chest, and I felt the air leave my lungs. It may have been a very young her, but there’s no mistaking that the girl in the photograph was my wife. “Tell me everything!”

  * * *

  It was hours before I left his place feeling like someone had run me over with a semi-truck. We’d spent the last few hours piecing things together and coming up with some very incriminating answers. I was still left with the question of why Giselle had left me without a word, but I was beginning to get the picture. Her mother was a formidable woman.

  As I sat in the
back of my car with Jeremy taking glances at me every so often, my mind was formulating a plan and turning everything I’d just learned over in my head. So far, it seems the mother, Ann Salvo, had gone off the deep end upon giving birth. It could’ve been some form of PPD, but from what Gordon said, the timing was way off. She’d started showing signs of resentment towards her daughter long before she was born.

  My interest now lay in what happened between the years that Kynlee Giselle disappeared and when we met a little over three years ago. Where had she gone? And more importantly, why was she using her grandmother’s maiden name when I met her? It’s all very confusing, but I aim to get to the bottom of it soon. If all Gordon suspects is true, this woman is a danger not only to my wife, but by extension, my son.

  I’m not sure how accurate he is in his assessment that Ann Winthrop was responsible for her husband’s death, but he seems very sure. I’d left with the promise to see him and some other old friends of Sterling’s again but not telling him anything about my relationship with Giselle or that she was with me. If he wanted to, he could just simply Google my name and see that my ex-wife was named Giselle, but I’m not worried about him finding out.

  The one thing he told me that had given me a start is the history behind the Salvo family. If what he says is true, that family once had very strong ties to the underworld that spans from Sicily to New York. They’d know more about making people disappear than most. Is that why she’d left? Had someone threatened her?

  Where had she been between the ages of five and twenty-three? When had her name changed? Had she been hiding from her mother, and if so, how had they found her? All these questions and more were running through my head when we pulled up in front of the house.

  Instead of parking, I sent Jeremy back out to pick up the stuff I’d ordered Silas to get me earlier, and maybe that is why the house’s occupants didn’t hear my approach. After everything that I’d learned in the last few hours, I couldn’t wait to see her. I wanted to hold her, comfort her, and ask her all the questions that were burning a hole in my gut. But I knew that I wouldn’t, not now, not until I knew more.

  It’s obvious to me now that she was afraid of someone or something, but there was still too much of the picture missing for me to put it all together. I needed more before I approached her for the truth that she seems so scared to tell me. It pisses me off that whoever was behind this had kept me away from my wife and son using whatever tactics they’d used to send her into hiding. I won’t let anyone off easy once I get to the bottom of this. I’ll deal with my misplaced anger at her later. Right now, my only priority is making sure that she and the baby are safe.

  I walked into the house where I could hear raised voices coming from the downstairs study. None of the staff were around, which I found odd as I made my way in that direction. Usually, there would be a maid dusting or someone doing something on this floor this time of day, but the place was curiously empty.

  I stood outside the door and listened, my anger growing by the second. When I’d heard enough, I walked into the room, startling its occupants, but when I saw that my son was there, my anger went through the roof. “Giselle, take my son out of here.” She looked scared as she moved to do my bidding. I stopped her when she reached my side in the doorway and kissed her head and his before sending her on her way. “I’ll be up soon.”

  Giselle

  What does this new attitude of Calen’s mean? I dared not put too much hope in the fact that he’d let me sleep in his bed, in his arms the night before, especially after the way he’d treated me this morning when we woke up. But just now, when he kissed mine and the baby’s head, he seemed so changed from the angry, uncaring man who’s been threatening me these last few days.

  I felt unsure about leaving him alone with Dana after the things she’d said before he showed up. What if she repeats those same things to him? What if he sides with her? I wish I had the nerve to turn her away when she showed up here not long after Calen had left. Too late for that now. I’m always one step behind in everything.

  When she first showed up here I did try though. I did my best to avoid her by locking myself and the baby away in the nursery, hoping she’d get the hint and go away once she realized that Calen wasn’t at home but imagine my surprise when we left the nursery more than an hour later after baby Calen’s nap to find her waiting for me.

  She’d taken one look at my son and sneered before announcing that we needed to talk. Once again, I wish I’d had enough confidence in myself to ask her to leave, but this was no longer my home and I’m sure she was more welcomed than me. I looked around for the housekeeper or one of the staff, but she smirked and told me that she’d sent them all to the other side of the house under the guise of having to work. “I know how much that Delores likes to gossip, can’t have her carrying tales to my future mother in law.”

  Her words made me sick to my stomach. She can only be talking about Calen’s mom when she said this, and here I was, the mother of his child, the woman who’d shared his bed just the night before, and I had no leg to stand on. “Let’s take this into the study, shall we?” I didn’t feel like I had a choice, so as much as I hated it, I followed her, feeling like a stranger in the home I’d designed, and my husband had built for me.

  As soon as we entered the room, she turned on me, spitting fire and hate all pretense of civility now gone. I’d always suspected while Calen and I were married that she despised me. At first, I thought it was because I’d taken her friend away, seeing as how Calen had spent all of his free time with me. Later, I suspected that she had feelings for him, something I’d mentioned only once jokingly but never again since Calen had shot down the idea without giving it much thought and I knew how much he would’ve despised my show of jealousy.

  “I don’t know why you’ve come back here, but it’s not going to work. You and your little crotch goblin aren’t going to come between Calen and me, not now, not ever. And don’t even think for a second that Calen’s mother will have the last say in our lives. She might be siding with you now because of your brat, but once she’s reminded of how you left her son almost destroying him, I’m sure she too will agree that I’m what’s best for him.”

  “This has nothing to do with you. What happens between Calen, our son, and I is our business and none of yours.” I’m highly offended at what she called my baby. She should keep her insults aimed at me but not my son. “Everything to do with Calen is my business. I lost to you once, but that won’t happen again, so don’t even think about worming your way back into his life again, or this time I’ll destroy you.”

  “What? What do you mean this time? What did you do?” I wanted to wipe the self-satisfied smirk off her face, but my limbs had gone weak, and my son was beginning to get antsy at the raised tones in our voices.

  “Let’s just say that I know exactly how to get rid of you and that thing in your arms. Calen might be excited at the prospect of having a child, but I can give him children in the future once you’re gone. Any children between us, with our pedigree, will be ten times better than your spawn. You don’t belong here, neither of you do and once the novelty wears off I’ll make sure that Calen sees that.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll see to it that you get a hefty sum for child support if you agree to go away and never come back here again. But if you refuse to leave, I’ll see to it that you get nothing, that you and your brat are put out on the street like the unwanted trash that you are. I won’t share my family with you.”

  I was lost for words in the face of all that hate and spite. Her words left me feeling like I was being pummeled from all sides by very strong insistent waves and I couldn’t find my bearings. I couldn’t believe that Calen could’ve changed so much. The man I knew would never have taken me to his bed if his interest laid elsewhere. But he’s been so mad at me, maybe this was all part of his revenge, to use me and toss me aside like the trash she’d just called me.

  No, Calen might hate me, but he’d never do
that to his son no matter how many other children he goes on to have with her on anyone, I’m sure of that. I started to formulate a comeback, to remind her that if Calen had truly planned on marrying her that he could’ve done so at any time during the last two years that I’ve been gone but just as I opened my mouth to speak Calen walked into the room and asked me to leave.

  Now I’m a nervous wreck as I pace the nursery, which is where I’d retreated to once again. What did Dana mean by ‘this time?’ Did she have something to do with the monster finding me? But how? None of this makes sense. There is no way for Dana to have known anything about my past; not even Calen knew the whole story.

  I’d never told him about my mother, hadn’t mentioned my past to anyone in years, not since I left the boarding school in Switzerland, changed my name, and came back to the states to finish my education. I’d gone to great lengths to escape my mother’s clutches; it had taken years of planning and plotting to pull it off, and up until the moment I slipped away from my watchers and got onto the plane, I’d lived in fear.

  No one knew that I’d applied and changed my name legally online and had procured all the necessary documents. I’d had a time of it getting a new birth certificate which I needed first to prove who I was, along with my social security card both of which I’d never even seen since my mother had all of that in her possession. Still, once I turned eighteen a few months before school ended and had all the information needed to fill out the forms, things became much easier than I thought.