Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series

by Michelle, Aleya

  What made you walk out my door?

  Wow… that is one intense and deep letter.

  My beautiful friend has never gotten over him. He was and still is her one true love. I can still picture them together they were so in tune with each other, they mirrored each other’s movements, looked at each other with admiration and passion.

  I have never seen Roxy happier than when they were together.

  Why hasn’t she sent this?

  Oh Roxy as your best friend, I have to help you. So I slide the letter into an envelope, search out Kade’s address from her address book and write in on the front. If I can just get the ball rolling by letting him know how she feels the rest of it will flow. Just like the waves he surfs, they will crash on the shore bringing him back into her arms.

  Oh Jemma you should have been a poet, I chuckle to myself.

  It’s my job to help her find love and happiness again. I need to protect her and I’ll do the best damn job I can. Next on the agenda is to help her get rid of Disastrous Dylan.

  Posting the letter on the way to work tomorrow, that is for sure.

  Chapter 13

  The End of The Road

  I decisively decide it’s finally time to seize the day and go visit my mother and tell her the callous truth about Dylan.

  He has become increasingly scary and it is now essential that everyone is aware of his dark mood swings and unpredictable behaviour.

  I am honesty not sure what he is capable of.

  Thank god he didn’t call or message me after the nightmare he caused at Jem’s party. What the hell was he thinking? That’s just it with him, he never thinks before he acts, mentally unstable - that sums him up nicely.

  I unwillingly pick up the handset to call mum from my work phone, it has been an unusually quiet day in the office for a Monday.

  “Hey mum,” I say trying to hide my low mood as she answers cheerfully. Monday is her day off. Don’t we all wish we could have Mondays off.

  “Oh Roxy, it’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?” Mum asks me in her sweet calm tone and it instantly settles me.

  “I’m okay mum, just missing you. Can I call over after work?” I ask her really hoping she doesn’t already have plans. Sometimes a girl just needs her mum.

  “Of course you can. You and Dylan should come for dinner,” she says to me lovingly, without the slightest clue of what has been going on.

  “Oh thanks mum, I would love too but don’t worry about Dylan, he is working late,” I reluctantly lie to her, hoping she forgives me later when I tell her the truth.

  “Okay hunny. Oh I’m so excited to see you,” she tells me adoringly, and it makes my heart melt, that feeling of love from a parent is so warming.

  As I finish up work I am grateful the slow day is over. Neeta accompanies me to the car park.

  “Have a good night Roxy, call me if you need me promise,” Neeta says to me and hugs me firmly. She has been my support system today especially after I told her Dylan’s latest stunt.

  “Thanks lovely, you too,” I answer her back as I climb casually into my car to start the drive to mum and Phil’s place, not really looking forward to the conversation I know is coming.

  I decide that I need a distraction from my thoughts for a while so I turn the music up and sing along to Mariah Carey, out of the corner of my eye I see my phone flashing, it says no caller id.

  Wondering who it could be but feeling a little apprehensive I pick it up and answer.

  “Hello.”

  “Look Roxy, please don’t hang up its Dylan. I know I’m the last person you want to speak to right now, but can we at least talk?” Dylan’s desperate voice says into the receiver.

  Very clever of him to hide his caller id so I would answer it. But he is right we do need to talk.

  “Yes okay we do need to talk but that is it Dylan,” I tell him honestly wanting to get it out of the way so I can just move on with my life, without him in it.

  “Can I meet you at your place?” he pleads with me sounding raspy and deflated.

  But he should, doesn’t he think his behaviour has impacted us all?

  “I’m having dinner at mums after work, but then I’ll be home. You meet me by around eight thirty,” I say to him feeling anxious but it is now or never.

  “Okay, I will see you then Rox. Thanks for agreeing to see me,” he proclaims to me almost whispering into the receiver.

  “See you then,” I say to him ending the phone call and hanging up, getting chills just hearing his voice. And not in a good way.

  I am not sure what his expectations are about me agreeing to see him, but I will be setting him straight once and for all.

  I decide to give Jemma a quick call, my sassy lifeline, I need for her to be present at our apartment when Dylan comes over. I just can’t risk being there alone with him, especially knowing his mood swings and what he is capable of…

  And well, getting dumped can bring out the worst in people…

  “Hey Jem,” I say to her not really in the mood for our usual playfulness and banter.

  “Hey Rox, what’s up? You sound down girlfriend,” she says to me and I’m grateful she picked the tone in my voice.

  “Dylan is coming over tonight. It’s essential that I finally end our relationship and I’m not sure how he will take it,” I admit openly to her.

  “Oh of course, do you need me to be there?” she asks me sincerely.

  “Yes please babe. I mean just you being in the other room is more than fine, I’m just a bit frightened of the guy lately,” I confess to the person who knows me better than myself sometimes. “Oh but I won’t be home till eight thirty. I’m having dinner at mums, need to fill her in on a lot of stuff she isn’t aware of,” I add informatively.

  “Okay, no problem at all Rox. I’ll have Dan grab some clothes and come over too. I think we will both feel safer,” she tells me and I suddenly feel less anxious.

  “Thanks gorgeous, I love you,” I say truthfully to my bestie.

  “Love ya too,” Jemma says to me and it makes me smile, her friendship is one of a kind.

  I pull my tiny blue car into mum’s driveway and inhale a deep breath in and exhale out. I know she will freak about what I need to tell her.

  I climb out slowly and walk up her pretty garden path as the front door opens and mum runs out with her arms open.

  “Hey sweetie, why has it been so long in between visits and phone calls for that matter?” she says to me as she squishes me with a giant bear hug that I’ve missed so much.

  “Oh mum,” I reply and burst into an ocean of tears.

  “Oh Roxy, it’s okay. I’m just stirring you. I know you are busy and have Dylan,” she tells me trying to help ease the never ending tears, thinking her comment caused them.

  I shake my head. “No there’s a lot you don’t know mum.” I manage to force the words out through my tears.

  “Oh hunny, what is it? Are you okay? What can I do?” she asks now sounding overly concerned.

  “Come inside, we will sit and you can make us both some tea and I will tell you all about it,” I say to her wiping my eyes, trying to act tougher than I am feeling that’s for sure.

  Mum makes us both a cup of her special green tea. “Okay so spill it miss,” she remarks to me now in her ordering authoritative voice, in between sipping her drink.

  I nod to her and drink my beverage that tastes amazing. “Okay here goes. I’m ending it with Dylan, tonight actually, you have no idea what he has been like mum,” I say truthfully to her and the tears flow again. She puts down her cup, and she pulls me in for an embrace.

  “Roxy, I had no idea you were having problems. Why have you been keeping it to yourself? If he so much as laid a finger on you I swear to god I will call the police!” she reports to me angrily now frowning in disbelief.

  “No, no he hasn’t hit me. Well not yet but that is what I am afraid of. I just know that he won’t be able to control himself one day so that’s why I n
eed it to be over mum,” I tell her feeling miserable and dejected that it has come to this.

  “It started out as little things he did. Like he started out normal then moved onto smothering, overbearing, then extremely jealous. But then he turned up at my work acting crazy I thought that was it, but of course the sweet Dylan talked me out of it,” I admit feeling silly I hadn’t told her sooner and that I fell for his disguise.

  “Oh Roxy, you should always come to me about anything. I know when you were a teenager we didn’t always see eye to eye but I love you and you are my daughter, my flesh and blood and I am here to support you through anything in your life,” she confesses to me with more heartfelt emotion from her than I have ever seen before in her eyes and she couldn’t have picked a better moment for it. I feel so loved right now.

  “Oh mum, I love you too and trust me, I wanted to tell you so many times. I guess I just thought he would change or that maybe the good would outweigh the bad. And well it did for quite a while, but Jemma’s party was the last straw,” I tell her feeling relieved that it’s off my chest.

  “Do I want to know what happened at Jemma’s party?” She quizzes me sounding apprehensive.

  “Um well probably not, but the short version is that I had a big fight with Dylan before we even left the house so he didn’t come. But of course he turned up later to see me accidentally kiss a friend of Dan’s and well it was so brutal mum.” I shake my head but continue the story.

  “He head butted Scott in the nose and blood spurted out everywhere, it was terrible.” I recount the events of the night to her feeling just as disheartened about it now as I did then.

  “Oh Roxy, you must have been so frightened. What a scary event, and poor Jemma. I just can’t believe it that bastard had us all fooled now didn’t he? Please Roxy promise me that you won’t see him again after tonight,” she begs me to agree to her demand.

  “I promise after tonight that is it. I have Jemma and Dan staying home with me just in case he overreacts. I’m sure he knows it’s coming. I mean who the hell thinks violence is okay? Not to mention the smothering and overbearing behaviour,” I respond to her request to keep my distance.

  Pulling me in for another hug, mum pushes a stray hair lovingly behind my ear and kisses my cheek.

  “You know I still wanna kick Kade’s butt for the way he up and left you,” she tells me smirking, knowing it was a taboo subject for me months ago, but actually her comment couldn’t have come at a better time.

  “Yep you and me both mum. Oh and I kinda saw him at the club last weekend,” I inform her now smirking myself but not giving her the heated details of our encounter.

  “That’s a sign Roxanne if I ever heard one. The way Kade used to look at you it was unconditional love, not smothering or dysfunctional but spine tingling love. I have a feeling about him sweetheart,” she tells me endearingly.

  “We will see what the future holds mum,” I tell her now smirking at the possibility of love again and with Kade. The thought just gives me butterflies.

  While mum finishes cooking and dishes out our dinner I quietly head out into the neatly manicured backyard for some much needed fresh air.

  Growing up in our family home we always had a tree house that Jeremy and I would play in. It was built from old grey timber panels, was unpainted and crooked thanks to my drunken father’s building attempts, but it was ours…

  Phil was quite handy and had built one for their grand kids. Thanks to Phil’s older children this one was perfect, it was built from sanded pine, structurally stable and well painted in a light blue colour, much more homey.

  I carefully climb the ladder into the sky blue tree house and the memories come flooding back to me of the grey one I spent countless hours in.

  Before my father left…

  It was a fun place filled with excitement and laughter.

  After he left...

  It became my place of refuge. Up high it felt like no one could touch me, see me or hear the beating of my rapid heart, feeling anxious of the big wide world.

  Today it gave me the same safe feeling...

  Away from the world that now seems so scary, the world I once loved, welcomed and enjoyed so much. The world in which Kade’s warm embrace enlightened my soul and set fire to every ounce of my heart.

  Now the dullness is creeping back, circling me like a shark in the water, a predator waiting to strike...

  Dylan has been my savour in my heartache, and yet now he has shown me his true colours, ones that are black and dark. He has become my worst nightmare that won’t let me wake up, and I feel so alone and trapped.

  I take some deep breaths and head back inside feeling much more confident after sheading the weight he has created on my shoulders.

  Mum has skilfully dished out our dinner, chicken schnitzel and vegies with extra gravy just the way I like it, and she even went to the trouble of making banana bread for desert. Phil has been told it’s over with Dylan and mum told him she would fill him in later about the rest of my updates.

  Phil makes small talk about his work, I ask him about his kids and general conversation.

  “Amazing dinner as always mum,” I admit to her as I take my last bite of chicken, then wash it down with ice-cold water.

  “Jeremy seems happy with Seline,” I remark to mum and Phil and I can see from their smiles they agree with my comment. He deserves happiness after all his negativity.

  “I couldn’t agree more Roxy. She is a lovely girl, let’s hope it lasts,” mum tells me winking.

  “Okay, well I need to head off guys,” I tell them both at around eight as I stand to grab my jacket and handbag.

  Following me to the door mum grabs my hand. “Please call me or message me Rox so I know it all went okay. Promise me,” she pleads with me looking concerned.

  “Yes, I promise. Jemma and Dan will be there so I’m not worried,” I tell her and hope she can’t see through my lies. I am feeling sick to my stomach about Dylan’s reaction.

  “Bye Roxy, I love you,” mum tells me squeezing me tight.

  “Love you too mum, bye,” I say.

  Phil waves from the lounge. “Bye Roxy, take care darl,” he tells me looking a little unsure of the overly affectionate exchange and words between mum and I.

  On the drive home to the apartment I feel shaky and start to tremble. I pull over the car and grip the steering wheel as I would a stress ball.

  “You can do this Roxy, and then it’s over forever,” I say out loud to myself, somehow thinking by saying it out loud it is the truth.

  I close my eyes and picture my happy place. It’s the lake house, the view of the rippling water, hot sun beaming down on my skin, the smell of the salt from the beach down the road, and Kade is there, smiling at me, the warm vibrant smile that stretches my heart to a fullness I never thought was possible.

  Breathing in and out, I feel much calmer. I continue the drive to face the music.

  It’s time for the feisty Roxy to come to the party…

  Parking my car I climb out of my blue beast, and meander into the building. It is so dark, pitch black apart from a couple of ceiling lights and I can’t say I’ve ever noticed the eeriness before, but then again I’ve never been scared of someone either.

  I quicken my pace to our apartment and speedily unlock it with my key and race inside, feeling like I’m being watched or followed. Locking it hastily.

  Jemma comes out of her room. “Hey Rox, you okay?” she asks me concerned.

  “Just being silly and on edge,” I say to her and shake my head at my childish thoughts. I turn to check the time on our silver wall clock. Eight twenty five, five minutes to go.

  “Give me a hug for good luck Jem,” I say to her and almost dive into her inviting arms.

  “It will be fine, if not Dan is here and we will be one second away. Or do you want me to stay here with you?” she interrogates me gauging my response.

  Feeling tempted to say yes, I figure I owe him the decency to break
up with him in private. It would be kind of embarrassing with an onlooker present.

  “No, all good but, thank you,” I tell her and spin her around towards her room.

  There is a soft tap at the front door, and I’m guessing it’s the sweet Dylan who has turned up tonight trying to win me back with his softness.

  Fuck that, never again!

  I give Jemma a small nod to let her know I’m fine so she takes it as a signal and heads into her room but leaves the door ajar.

  I open the front door quite shaky, and there he is. I see the blue eyes first, looking darker than usual somewhat sad, bags under his eyes, clothes unironed maybe even unwashed. He is unshaven and honestly I have never seen him look so bad…

  Another plan no doubt, for me to feel sorry for the heartbroken guy.

  “Hey Roxy,” he says to me with a shaky voice.

  “Hey Dylan,” I say back not sure what else to say.

  “Thanks for meeting with me. I need to explain a few things Roxy,” he says to me wanting to plead his case no doubt.

  “Look Dylan, I know you’re sorry, it will never happen again, you love me. I’ve heard it all before but this time I am not going to forgive you. This time it went too far,” I state to him before he can give me his bullshit excuses.

  “Roxy, it is all true. I do love you so much, and I am so sorry, more than you can imagine. I saw another guy kiss you, what was I supposed to do?” he argues back to me with desperation in his eyes.

  “It was a just a game. But even before that the refusing to dress up, your constant phone calls, your anger and jealousy issues. I just don’t think our relationship is working,” I boldly retort to him.

  “I knew you would do this. Please give me another chance, you are all I have in the world,” he says looking at me with a deep desperation making me feel tiny and even guilty.

  “You have your family, friends, and your work. You will be fine without me,” I tell him trying to justify myself and reassure him.

  “You have never been fully invested in this relationship Roxy. Don’t try and bullshit me that you have because I know the truth. I can see it in your eyes, you don’t love me. After all that I’ve done for you, all that I’ve bought you and how I treated you like a queen, you ditch me?” Dylan says to me croakily and forlorn, somehow trying to switch the blame onto me.