Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series

by Michelle, Aleya

  “No Dylan, don’t say that. I have been nothing but nice. I have tried and tried and my heart is just not in it. Just give me some space and who knows okay?” I plead with him trying to avoid an explosion and pretty desperate to say anything to get him to agree.

  “I bought this for you, just take it please, think of it as a goodbye present Roxy,” he says handing me a pink box with a white ribbon. Once again thinking material items can make it better has always been part of the problem.

  “No I can’t accept it, keep it for your sister or mum or even the new woman that will come into your life,” I say desperately not wanting another thing from him. Ever.

  He doesn’t listen to a word I say and places the box on the table.

  “Okay fine. I don’t have a choice now do I? So I’m gone, you won’t hear from me, you will regret this Roxy. Do you think another guy will treat you like I have? You obviously don’t watch the news, a murder a minute this day and age. Good luck with your life!” Dylan yells loudly to me not giving me eye contact as he turns and shuffles angrily out the front door slamming it shut.

  Shit…

  I run fast to the door and lock it. I slide down the door onto the floor, breathing a huge sigh of relief. I did it, I really did it. I ended it. I let out another deep breath.

  Jemma comes running out. “It’s over Rox. The Dylan chapter of your life is over hunny. I love you, it will be okay,” she tells me sitting me and hugging me securely.

  Freedom finally…

  Or is it?

  Chapter 14

  Dylan

  My once normal life had been consumed by darkness and grief after Cassie’s accident. I finally found the light and happiness once again with Roxy.

  But now she has ended things with me, she really said our relationship is over but I know she doesn’t really mean it. She loves me just like I love her and maybe even more - she just needs to admit it to herself.

  I’ll do whatever it fucking takes. I need her as my light or the darkness will take hold again and this time not let me go.

  I have been there many times, too many.

  The little white pills work for a while but now that I have Roxy I don’t need them. She is my drug, my addiction, my obsession and I’ll be damned if I’ll let her just walk away.

  And besides… who does she think she is? She was once a little hussy, she slept around. I have treated her like a queen. I’ve stolen for her to buy her beautiful and extravagant gifts.

  And what now, she thinks she can just desert me?

  And for who?

  Not that fucking surfer… I will break his neck.

  Roxy is MINE!

  Now and always.

  No one else can have her. I would kill her before I let someone else have her…

  Chapter 15

  Surfing is Mind Over Matter

  “Faster Kade, get your arse moving!” I hear my frustrated coach yelling loudly to me from the sandy shoreline.

  I attempt to rapidly increase my strokes, paddle my arms harder and increase my velocity. Speed is the key to surfing, if I can get moving faster, the rest is toast.

  But today it is my god damn brain. If it would just shut off already I could smash this session.

  Anyway it’s not like the gorgeous blue eyed blonde woman you are thinking about is even remotely interested in fixing things, the past is the past right.

  Judging by the way she took off in the club...

  We did share that smouldering moment and simmering passionate touch. Just from that I had an instant hard on and I felt her shiver. The deep intense eye contact keeps tormenting me… Her pastel blue eyes are etched in my mind.

  If that is anything to go by then I do believe she’s feeling the same way as me. But the passion, sex, and hot times we had are they enough?

  No.

  But the love we shared is…

  Fuck Kade, FOCUS!

  As I paddle my arms I splash the cool refreshing water on my face to cease the thoughts in my head. It does the trick, well for now.

  Surfing. Hawaii. World title. Do those words ring a bell shit head? I chuckle to myself.

  I thrash the water faster and harder, digging my hands in deeper and I start to imagine the waves and me on my board standing for the ultimate tube.

  I see a large wave coming, rolling in along the whitewash. It is calling me so I head toward it as swiftly as my forearms will enable me. They start to burn and my ribs ache but I won’t give up, not ever. Giving up it’s not an option.

  I make contact with my agile wave and I use my hands to push into a standing position, knees bent and feet spread. It’s a nice size, coach better not fucking whine...

  I ride the swirl of the wave pivoting left, right with my arms well balanced, hips grooving to the rhythm.

  I feel free doing what I love.

  I was born to surf, born to ride, born to win.

  Feeling happy with my wave, I jump into the inviting ocean, splashing like a playful seal as I enjoying the cold sensation on my skin. I never get sick of the feeling.

  I swim to the surface of the water finding my board with my leg rope and I climb up to straddle my beloved surfboard.

  I take a moment to stare into the unknown as I push my unruly wet hair off my forehead. I inhale the fresh salt air and my nose tingles.

  I smirk to myself as I lay on my front and slowly paddle into shore, my mind is clear and I know now what I need to do.

  I won’t give up on her.

  I will never give up on Roxy.

  Giving up is not an option.

  Chapter 16

  Mix-n-Match

  Hey Jem, it’s my first workday as a single woman. I feel like I should celebrate. Want to meet me somewhere for lunch?

  I text her as I’m feeling happy but hoping the walls don’t come crashing down.

  Sure Rox. I’ll meet you at The Chocolate Room at say twelve thirty, sounds like you need a choc fix.

  She replies and she is totally fucking right, chocolate can fix anything and everything!

  See you then!

  I message her back.

  I spend the rest of the morning sending a few emails to clients for their graphics and playing around with a few ideas for Bella’s Photography Studio, my newest client. Red, black and white are the main colours. Should be pretty funky when I’m done with it.

  At twelve-fifteen I grab my grey embroidered cardigan and black Guess handbag. It is of course a present from Jemma, her choice is always the brand names. I walk out past Neeta’s office and poke my head in her door. “Just heading to meet Jemma, do you need anything?” I ask her just in case.

  “No thanks sweetie, have a nice lunch. Oh on second thought maybe you could bring me back a surprise, and you know how I love the chocolate room,” Neeta answers grinning.

  “Sure thing girlfriend,” I say to her and make my way out to my car, grateful the drive is only ten minutes to the café.

  I pull my shiny blue car into the tiny car park and see Jemma’s car here already so I proceed inside. Even though it’s only been twenty-four hours since I saw her last, I feel so much warmth and instantly settled when I spot her sitting at one of the modern looking tables.

  She instantly stands. “Come here, you,” she says pulling me firmly into one of her famous bear hugs that I so desperately need. I am a mixed bag of emotions right now.

  “Oh Jem, you always know how to make me feel better,” I say to her and a single tear rolls down my cheek.

  “That’s why I am and always will be your best friend,” she declares to me smugly with a large grin.

  “I’m not even crying because I’m upset. It’s more a tear of relief that I have done it. The weight of ending it was heavy on my shoulders and now it’s lifted,” I say to her feeling relieved but still uneasy about it all.

  “Of course Roxy, that was a huge thing you did, you were with Dylan for months so there are always going to be feelings involved. But it’s for the best. We all know there is so
mething not right about him,” Jemma says reassuring me and I nod. Totally something not right.

  “That is what fucking scares me Jem. He slammed the front door and left but didn’t scream or throw things, and it just feels like the calm before the storm. What the hell is he going to do?” I ask her honestly, as now I feel a bit on edge not knowing. But my gut feeling is telling me he won’t just take this break up lying down…

  “Who knows Roxy, maybe he will just mope around and watch sad movies? He might just surprise you and be mature about it,” Jemma announces to me trying to alter my mood and make me feel better.

  “You don’t really believe that do you?” I ask her knowing she can’t lie to me - it is an unsaid rule between the two of us, plus we just are not capable of lying to each other.

  “Um no, not really babe. But it’s wishful thinking, right?” she tells me smirking and shrugging her shoulders. I knew it.

  A petite brunette haired waitress casually meanders over to our table. “What can I get you ladies?” she asks us holding her note pad and pen to take down our order.

  “I’ll have a hot chocolate please,” I tell her smiling, totally looking forward to my beverage of choice and with marshmallows. Diet starts next week.

  “A cappuccino please with skim milk,” Jemma orders when the waitress looks her way and smiles.

  “We will also have the large chocolate fondue with pancakes and fruit to share thanks,” I finish off our order, knowing the delicious chocolate fix will help me feel better for the time being. Jemma nods to the waitress and smiles as she takes our menus and heads to the kitchen with our sugar filled order.

  Jem leans sweetly across the sturdy black table and squeezes my hand. “Just try and forget about it and about him. I won’t let anything happen to you Roxy, I promise you,” she tells me. “You will just be stuck hanging out with me, Dan, Tia and the rest of the girls for the next few weeks’ twenty-four-seven.”

  I smile widely at Jemma and can’t help but yawn. I have had the most terrible nights sleeping the last few nights and I really thought I would feel different now, I’m so grateful it’s over with Dylan but unsure of what is to come.

  Sleep brings dreams though. I don’t want the nightmares to come back, only the sweet calming dreams of tropical islands back in Kade’s arms. Back where I desperately wish I was right now…

  I can’t help but think back to Dylan. “He must have known I wasn’t that into it. I mean do you know how many fake smiles I gave the poor guy that last week Jem?”

  “Oh and I’m sure fake orgasms too, Roxy,” Jem announces laughing at her own comment.

  “Aint that the fucking truth Jem. I never realised my G-spot wouldn’t work if my mind wasn’t in it. Well damn you learn something new every day, that is for sure,” I say to her and we break into a fit of hysterical laughter.

  I enjoy the rest of our lunch date immensely. Oh how I love this woman. My best friend since we were four.

  Jemma really is my person.

  Like Kristina is to Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy.

  Like Jack is to Emily on Revenge.

  And well I am so unbelievably happy she has met someone. Not just a random like most weekends, but someone who respects her and takes her for dinners and spoils her. And well yes, has hot steamy sex with her too. But respect. That is the best and biggest part.

  Dan comes from a great family, has an older brother married with kids so that has helped him mature.

  We finish up when Jemma says to me playfully, “So I have an idea for a new extracurricular activity for you and me bi-atch”

  “What no pole dancing intermediate classes?” I say stirring, remembering the bruises from the classes.

  “Been there, done that,” she tells me matter-of-factly.

  “Something new and fun, where we can shake it. Belly dancing classes Roxy!” Jemma tells me and screams causing a few patrons to look our way. She never ceases to amaze me.

  “Oh my god Jemma. Well I guess it’s time for my bff and I to spend some more time together! Last activity was pole dancing so this time it’s Belly dancing. We are gonna shake it baby.” I say to her just like the line from Dirty Dancing.

  “You are gonna show me up again tart, just like pole dancing?” I say to Jemma sarcastically.

  “Some people are just designed to be awesome at everything! And I’m one of those cool people,” Jemma answers me smirking like she won a Golden Globe.

  “Oh you are a walking goddess that excels at everything,” I say totally sarcastically. “So should I start calling you your majesty?” I joke to her and laugh till my chest hurts.

  “Yep sounds like a great idea or Princess Jemma even better,” she replies giving me a wink.

  Thinking hard to myself there must be some way I can try and show her up. Think Roxy, what can’t Jemma do?

  “Oh oh, I can name something that you totally suck at Jem!” I stir and point in her direction.

  “Hit me with your best shot girlfriend,” Jemma orders me moving her shoulders showing a bit of attitude.

  “Year Eight music competition, you Miss Jemma Donovan cannot sing to save your life!” I tease her and poke my tongue out.

  “Oh my god, no way! That was a low blow Roxy.” Jemma giggles knowing how true my words are.

  “Just because I forgot a couple of words to “Quit Playing Games (With my Heart)” by the Backstreet Boys, does not mean anything!” Jemma tells me trying to sound annoyed until another giggle escapes her lips.

  “Ha ha, I successfully found one thing you suck at. One out of a hundred I’d say your average is pretty damn amazing Princess Jemma,” I answer her and proceed to punch her on her arm.

  We have our first Belly Dancing class booked in nice and quick due to a cancellation. It’s with Madame Elvina.

  “Welcome ladies, tonight we will be learning the principles of Belly Dancing, it’s all about using your lower body which are your hips and feet to draw a shape, then adding your mid and upper body.”

  “Let’s do it,” Jemma calls out in her usual loud voice, and that of course encourages a few others to cheer along.

  “Hip slide first, feet under your hips and shift your weight from leg to leg. Once you’re in the rhythm add your hips out further to the side, like this,” Madame Elvina tells us and demonstrates looking glamorous in her purple Bollywood gypsy skirt and silk black and gold beaded bra with dangly bits. Damn those hips of hers are fast.

  “Your turn ladies. Side to side, hips out. Go!” she calls encouragingly to us. I attempt the move, feeling very uncoordinated and I’m sure looking that way too, glancing at Jemma she looks so graceful. Bitch.

  “Perfect, now let’s shake it faster to some music!” she screams and presses play on her stereo which plays a very Indian style belly dancing music but it totally helps with the rhythm to this move.

  I let loose and shake it feeling free, vibrant and happy. Who cares how I look!

  We then add a chest slide and head slide into these movements, our bodies shake and grind, talk about a full body workout.

  Feeling out of breath and sweaty we finish up our first lesson.

  “Thanks for coming you are all such beautiful ladies. See you all next week,” the instructor tells us smiling and blowing us a kiss.

  “Well that was amazing Jem. I loved every minute, this was more enjoyable to me than the pole dancing was, that is for sure,” I remark to her truthfully.

  We hop in her snazzy cruiser and set off home, both sweaty and tired and needing a shower then our beds.

  The car starts up and drives along fine for a few kilometres when I notice is starts shaking slightly.

  “Why is the car shaking like that Jem?” I ask her feeling slightly uneasy.

  “No freaking idea, something doesn’t feel right though. That’s for sure,” Jemma answers me as she pulls the car over on the side of the road.

  We both climb out, and I run around to Jem. We hold hands like little schoolgirls. It is late and dark, bu
t at least we are in a well-lit area and in the suburbs not on a freeway or deserted road somewhere.

  “Shit, it’s a fucking flat tyre look!” she tells me pointing to her back side tyre. “Let’s climb back in and I’ll call Dan. Bet my poor baby is already asleep,” she says sweetly which makes me smile how she thinks of him.

  Twenty minutes later Dan pulls up to the rescue and decides it’s too late and dark to change the tyre so he takes us home. The car should be safe until the morning.

  “Nice size tear in that tyre Jem. Hope it wasn’t intentional,” Dan remarks to us while driving us back.

  “No way. We must have just run over a nail or a screw,” Jemma says quickly either to erase the idea from my head or her own.

  I shower and climb into bed. I feel exhausted from Belly Dancing so for the first night since I broke up with Dylan I sleep soundly like a baby and wake up to drool on my pillow. Out like a light.

  Chapter 17

  A Twist of Fate

  The next day I am feeling well rested. I receive a text and of course the distance and silence was too good to be true it is from Dylan.

  Hey Roxy, I know I said I would leave you alone and I will after this, I promise.

  I am actually quite embarrassed to ask but a mate from college has his engagement party this weekend and well I said yes months ago, now I have to go alone and I feel pathetic. Would you come with me, just as friends?

  I don’t have anyone else to ask and well I will be the only one there with no partner. Please?

  Bloody hell…

  You need to say no Roxy! My inner thoughts are pleading with me.

  I’m really sorry Dylan; it is just not a good idea. I can’t sorry.

  I text him back quickly and hope to be done with it.

  Okay I will just cancel.