Back to Me

by Earl Sewell

  “You have to go?” Keysha asked.

  “Yeah, I have to go and break bread with the enemy,” I said, feeling vindictive venom flowing through me.

  “Call me back when you’re done eating. I have to tell you what Wesley did,” Keysha said.

  “Wesley?” I was surprised that she’d brought him up.

  “Yeah. I want to get your opinion on it,” Keysha explained.

  “Okay,” I answered. “I’ll give you a buzz once I’m done.”

  “Cool. Talk to you later,” Keysha said, holding up her hand and waving goodbye. I returned the gesture before ending our computer connection.

  I went into the kitchen and became immediately irritated at the sight of Viviana. Not only because she was dating Misalo, but also because she was sitting in my seat. My mom sat on the right side of my dad, and I always sat on his left side. Viviana had parked her big bubble behind on his left side, and I had an issue with that.

  “Excuse me,” I said, walking over to her. Viviana looked over her shoulder at me as if she was confused as to why I was standing behind her. “You’re in my seat.”

  “What? There is assigned seating for lunch?” Viviana laughed at me. I wanted to claw her eyes out.

  “Maya, sit next to your brother. It won’t kill you,” said my mom as she placed a bowl of mustard potato salad on the table.

  “This is my seat, though. I always sit here,” I griped.

  “Seriously, Maya?” Viviana asked condescendingly.

  I bit down on my bottom lip and gave her a look of disgust. That was when I noticed the clothes she was wearing. She’d been at my house for a while, and I’d never seen her wear that particular top.

  “Come on, Maya,” said my brother, who pulled out the chair for me. I sat down and got situated.

  “Viviana is pretty smart,” my dad announced as my mother set his food in front of him.

  “Oh, yeah?” my mom said as she moved over to the countertop near the stove to grab another plate.

  “I’ll help you, Aunt Raven,” Viviana said, rising out of her seat. That was when I noticed the True Religion blue jeans she was wearing. It was another article of clothing that I’d never seen before. I knew for a fact that she couldn’t fit in Anna’s clothes, and the jeans did not belong to me.

  “We were playing Trivial Pursuit, and she beat me hands down twice,” said my dad.

  “Is that so? No one ever beats you at that game, babe. You’re the only person I know who walks around with tidbits of random information,” said my mother. It was true. My father prided himself on knowing something about any particular subject. He said that knowing something about a variety of topics was useful when he was talking with clients.

  “Yeah. I think Viviana is naturally gifted.” When my father said that, my stomach turned.

  “Thank you, Uncle Herman.” Viviana soaked up his compliments like a vacuum sucking up dirt.

  “So, Viviana, what’s up with the new clothes?” I asked suspiciously so that everyone would pay attention to her outfit.

  Viviana spun her neck around so quickly, I thought for sure she’d snapped it off. She shot hot daggers at me with her eyes, and I knew immediately that she didn’t want to discuss how she’d come by her new clothes.

  “Yeah, Viviana. I noticed you had some new clothes, as well. When did you go shopping, and why didn’t you take me?” asked Anna. I really didn’t like my little sister all that much, but at that moment, I wanted to give her a big hug for helping me place Viviana in the hot seat.

  “I did a little shopping for myself. Is there a law against that?” Viviana answered sarcastically.

  “Depends on where you got the money and where you went shopping,” I said. In the back of my mind I was accusing her of stealing the clothes. There was no way she could afford the expensive jeans she was wearing.

  Although I couldn’t prove it, I wanted there to be a certain amount of suspicion surrounding her purchases.

  “I had money saved up. My mom gave me a little and…” Viviana’s voice trailed off. I could tell by the way she kept shifting her eyes from left to right that she was quickly trying to think of a convincing lie. “Grandmother Esmeralda also gave me a little money.”

  I thought to myself, No, she didn’t just lie about our grandmother. “Yeah, right,” I said, badgering her.

  “Well, it’s true. I got everything on sale, and I’m a good shopper, as well,” Viviana said. “Besides, Uncle Herman also gave me fifty dollars. Trust me, I know how to stretch a dollar.”

  “You gave her fifty bucks, Dad?” asked my brother. “What’s up with that? You still owe me twenty-five bucks for cleaning out the shed.”

  “Did you finish the job?” my dad asked my brother.

  “Yeah. I told you that I had two days ago,” my brother reminded him.

  Snapping his fingers, my dad said, “That’s right. I do remember you telling me. There is money in my bedroom, on the dresser. After lunch you can get it.”

  “Is that why you were in my parents’ bedroom the other day, Viviana? Were you looking for money?” I asked, unwilling to extinguish the spotlight of suspicion that I was casting on her.

  “What were you doing in our bedroom, Viviana?” my mother asked.

  Shrugging her shoulders, Viviana said, “I was searching for Anna. I thought I heard her in there. That’s all. I hope that’s okay.”

  Oh, spare me your cordialness, I said to myself as I felt my resentment for her coming to a boil.

  My mother finally sat down and blessed our food before we began eating.

  My father continued to praise Viviana. “Like I was saying, Viviana would probably make a good contestant on a game show.”

  “Do you really think so, Uncle Herman?” Viviana leaned into him and playfully jabbed him with her elbow. If I could’ve stabbed Viviana in the neck with my fork and gotten away with it, I would have. The way she was sucking up to my dad was sickening.

  “Yes. I think you’re a very smart girl,” my dad said. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to shatter the good girl image Viviana had sold to my dad. I had to let him know Viviana had about as much sense as God gave a rock.

  Summoning my courage, I said, “Viviana is dating Misalo, the boy you forbid me to date.” I lowered my eyelids to slits as I glared at Viviana. I wanted her to see the flames of rage burning in my eyes.

  “What?” My dad began choking on his food. My mother immediately got up, walked over to him and began slapping his back. Once my dad recovered, I repeated myself.

  “I said she’s dating Misalo. You remember him, don’t you? He’s the boy who took me to a dogfight.”

  “Viviana, is this true?” asked my mom.

  “It’s nothing serious.” Viviana tried to downplay her role in the matter.

  “That’s not what I heard. I was told by an eyewitness that you were totally making out with him and practically having sex with him in the parking lot of the roller-skating rink.” I couldn’t believe I’d said all of that. I had got caught up in my anger and wanted Viviana to feel the heat of my hatred.

  My dad turned to Viviana and said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to date him.” I’d gotten the reaction out of him that I wanted.

  “Why would you want to date Maya’s ex-boyfriend? That’s kind of tacky, don’t you think?” my mom asked, jumping on my “I hate Viviana” bandwagon.

  Viviana shrugged. “He’s a very nice guy and a great kisser, too.” I knew Viviana’s comment was meant for me, but I didn’t care at that point.

  “Has your mom had a conversation with you about boys and sex and protection?” asked my mom.

  Viviana looked at my mom as if she was horrified. Deep inside, I was laughing at her.

  “Yes, Viviana, are you sexually active?” I blurted out. My
little brother started giggling.

  “That’s none of your business!” Viviana snapped at me.

  “But it is my business,” my mother remarked.

  “What are you talking about?” asked Viviana.

  “I’m talking about sex.” My mom was not at all embarrassed to talk about it.

  “Okay, can we, like, have this conversation some other time?” Viviana was clearly uncomfortable, and I loved it.

  My dad chimed in. “You need to be smarter when it comes to boys, Viviana. Misalo was the reason Maya ended up with a broken leg. Besides, it’s not cool to date the ex of a family member. Your aunt Raven is right. That’s just tacky on your part.”

  “Real tacky,” I added.

  “I like him. He didn’t marry Maya. It’s not like I stole her husband or something. He was fair game,” Viviana replied, defending her relationship with Misalo.

  “It’s your safety we’re concerned about Viviana,” said my mom.

  Viviana got defensive and raised her voice. “So, what are you saying? I can’t date?”

  “Of course you can date. You just can’t date him,” said my mom.

  “How are you going to tell me who I can and can’t date? You can’t control who I choose to like,” Viviana screeched at my mom. She was teetering on the edge of being disrespectful.

  “Watch your tone of voice, Viviana,” my dad warned her. I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I knew she was trying extra hard to win my dad over and disappointing him would hurt her deeply.

  “Misalo is nothing like you’re making him out to be. He’s a very nice guy. Nicer than any other guy I’ve ever liked. He’s thoughtful, sincere, and I’m not going to give him up,” Viviana said defiantly.

  “Oh, yes, you are,” I blurted out. I didn’t mean to say what I was thinking. I just couldn’t stomach her talking about Misalo as if they were truly in love. That not only made my skin crawl, but it also deepened my disdain for her.

  “Misalo isn’t nearly as bad as the guy Maya’s dating.”

  I looked over at my little sister, Anna, who’d decided to see her way into the conversation. “What are you talking about?” I asked, annoyed by her attempt to shift the focus to me.

  “You’re dating someone, Maya?” asked my mom. She waited for me to answer her. Both my mom and dad insisted on keeping track of every guy I was dating.

  “Anna doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” I desperately wanted to discredit Anna’s words.

  “Yes, I do know what I’m talking about. Maya is dating Carlo, the boy I used to like, until I ended up in the hospital after mistaking meth for candy when I was at his house.”

  Before I could stop myself, I hurled a string of curses at Anna.

  Seventeen

  VIVIANA

  “I hate Maya. I hate Maya. I hate Maya!” Anna muttered as she walked into her bedroom in tears. I was trailing behind her because Uncle Herman had come down on both her and Maya hard for arguing at the dinner table. He was not happy about the undeniable animosity between them.

  “I hate her, too,” I chimed in as Anna rested on her bed with her face buried in her pillow. I sat on the floor beside her bed. “Sometimes she can be so mean,” I said, resting my head against the bed.

  “I seriously think she has some kind of mental disorder and she needs professional help,” Anna said tearfully.

  “Anna, don’t allow her to make you cry,” I said, trying to cheer her up.

  “Why does she always seem to attack us?” Anna asked.

  I answered by shrugging my shoulders.

  “Especially you, Viviana. It is so obvious that you guys can’t stand each other. What happened between you two? Why is she so bitter with you?”

  Anna was earnestly searching for information that I wasn’t willing to share. I avoided answering her questions directly and said, “She’s just a bitter girl.”

  “She wasn’t always so bitter,” Anna pointed out.

  “No, she wasn’t.” I had a vague memory of a time when Maya and I were inseparable.

  Anna got out of the bed and retrieved her iPad. She powered it up and said, “How many of these educational apps have you downloaded?”

  “Just a few,” I answered.

  “So, what’s the real deal with you and Misalo?” Anna inquired.

  “He’s nice. He listens to me. I’ve never dated a guy who actually did that. Most of the guys I’ve dated were too busy trying to feel me up,” I confessed as I thought about a boy I used to be close to named Frankie.

  “Is that it? I mean, are you guys officially a couple? Have you officially taken him away from Maya?” Anna asked some tough questions.

  “We’ve kissed and we like talking to each other. He hasn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend, but I think we’re well on our way to being a hot couple. Do we look good together?” I asked cautiously.

  “You guys look cute,” Anna answered as she began touching the tablet’s screen. “Look at this.” She showed me a photo of a runway model.

  “Who is that?” I asked

  “I don’t know, but I really like the designer outfit she’s wearing. Don’t you think it would look awesome on me?” Anna asked.

  “Of course it would,” I said, agreeing with her.

  “I’ve been thinking about getting into modeling again,” Anna said.

  “I think you should,” I agreed.

  “I’m going to talk to my mom about it.”

  “Well, one thing is for sure, you certainly have what it takes,” I said.

  Anna shut down her iPad and lowered her head. Then she suddenly burst into tears.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. I sat next to her and hugged her.

  “I hate it when my dad yells at me. I don’t like it when he gets mad at me.”

  I gave Anna a tight squeeze. I didn’t know what to say, so I just held on to her and rocked her until she released all the hurt feelings she was trying to control.

  Anna and I were interrupted by a knock at the door. When I glanced up, Maya was standing in the doorway.

  “What do you want?” I snarled at her like a bloodhound from hell.

  “I came to apologize to Anna,” Maya said.

  “Go away, Maya. I don’t want to see you.” Anna reached for a pillow and wrapped her arms around it.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry,” Maya said and then remained silent. I think she was waiting for Anna to accept her apology, but Anna said nothing.

  “Aren’t you going to apologize to me, too?” I asked.

  “Yeah, right,” Maya said unsympathetically before she turned her back and walked away.

  “Just ignore her,” I heard Anna mumble.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m going to sit out in the backyard. Do you want to come?”

  “No. I want to be alone right now,” Anna said as she rested on her back and stared blankly at the ceiling.

  Without saying anything more, I headed out.

  When I got out to the backyard, Aunt Raven was bent over, vacuuming the inside of her car with a Shop-Vac from the garage. When she saw me walk past, she turned it off.

  “Viviana, would you help me with this?” she asked.

  I turned around and walked over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. Aunt Raven was directly in front of me, removing the floor mats from the driver’s side.

  “Sure. What do you need?” I asked.

  “Toss out all the empty cups for me,” she said. I began gathering the old coffee cups.

  “Why doesn’t Uncle
Herman clean out your car for you?” I asked.

  “He usually does clean mine for me when he washes his, but I’ve decided not to wait until he decides to tidy up his vehicle again,” she explained.

  “Oh, okay,” I said.

  “Viviana, I know that you and Maya don’t exactly see eye to eye, and I have a good idea why.”

  I froze when Aunt Raven said that. I met her gaze and couldn’t bring myself to look away. I was transfixed, and there was nothing I could do about it. I finally found my voice.

  “Huh?”

  “I think you’re angry, and you have every right to be. However, the person you’re truly angry at is the one you love the most.” Aunt Raven’s words cut into me emotionally. I wasn’t ready to have a deep conversation with her, nor did I want to.

  I played dumb. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Let me put it to you like this. When you deal with the devil, he sells you all types of lies and fills your heart with anger and deceit. The devil will cloud your mind with falsehoods and cause you to fight the wrong people.”

  “I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, breaking eye contact with her.

  “You’ve put on a mask and you’re trying to hide from me, but I see you, Viviana.”

  “You’re confusing me,” I said, wanting to move away from her. I didn’t like the fact that she was playing with my mind.

  “Did you know that when you were born, I was the only member of the family in the delivery room? Your father was out running the streets, and Grandmother Esmeralda was stuck in traffic. I remember your birth as if it happened yesterday. Once you were placed in your mother’s arms, I stood beside her and opened up your hand with my pinkie finger.” Aunt Raven held up her hand and wiggled her pinkie finger. “You clutched my pinkie finger, opened your eyes and looked directly at me. I saw you, Viviana. I saw all of your innocence and purity. When I look at you now, I still see it, but it is buried behind so many masks. You’re afraid to let anyone get close to you and see you for who you truly are. Your heart is broken and has become corrupt with deceit.”