Back to Me

by Earl Sewell

  I didn’t know what to say, so I remained silent. I really didn’t want to hear anything more that she had to say, so I forced my mind to think about something else and completely tuned her out.

  Although my eyes were looking at Aunt Raven, I was seeing right through her. I was focusing on a memory that had surfaced from someplace very deep within a chamber of my mind.

  The memory was of an incident that had happened a few days before my thirteenth birthday. I was with my dad and two of his friends from the neighborhood, Aurelio and Caesar. I remembered they were all wearing red bandannas. My father had given me his red bandanna to put on, and I remembered that I could smell the scent of the Head & Shoulders shampoo he used. It was summertime, and the sun had just gone down. He and his friends took me to Lawrence’s Fisheries, which was located in Chinatown.

  Lawrence’s Fisheries was known for its deep-fried shrimp, which I loved. My dad bought an order that was large enough for us to share. We walked out of the restaurant to the parking lot, where the car we’d driven in was parked. I hopped onto the trunk of the vehicle, and my dad positioned the greasy brown bag of shrimp next to me, near my hip. I remembered ripping open the bag and grabbing two jumbo shrimp and biting into one. I didn’t realize the shrimp was too hot, and as a result, I burned the roof of my mouth. I opened my mouth as wide as the sky and spit the food out.

  “Damn it!” I cried.

  My dad snapped his fingers and made Caesar run inside for a cup of ice. When Caesar returned, my father said, “Here. Suck on this ice cube. It will make the sting go away.”

  I did what my dad said and continued to whimper.

  “You have to be careful, Vivi. If the food has steam coming off of it, you have to wait until it cools off a little.”

  “I know. I was just so hungry. You haven’t brought me over here since I was a really little girl,” I said as I sucked on the ice cube while reaching for another jumbo shrimp.

  “You said that you wanted to come here for your birthday, so I wanted to make sure I made that happen for you,” he said as he reached for some food.

  “Hey, man, we’ve got trouble,” said Caesar, who’d come over and slapped my father’s back with the palm of his hand. Caesar nodded his head toward a car that had just pulled into the parking lot. The headlights were blinding and I had to hold my hand up and squint, but all I saw was the shadows of men getting out of the car.

  “Who are they, and why don’t they turn off their headlights?” I asked, thinking about how rude the men were.

  “Viviana, listen to me. I want you to get in the car. Lie down on the backseat, and don’t look out the window.” I could tell by the switch in the pitch in his voice that something was wrong.

  Before I could ask any questions or even say, “Okay,” my dad pulled me down from the trunk, grabbed me by the wrist and hustled me into the backseat of the car. I positioned myself on my knees and looked out the back window. I had only a partial view because the trunk was now open. I saw my dad remove one of the baseball bats he played softball with and give it to Caesar, who was standing next to him. Vulgar and hostile words filled the air.

  I then saw someone throw a punch at my dad. He avoided being hit by moving quickly. His fingers were curled into a powerful fist as he sized up his opponent, who threw another misguided punch. My dad maneuvered around the second punch and quickly called on his skills as a prizefighter and released a series of quick snapping jabs. I heard the haunting sound of his knuckles smashing against flesh. Another man came up behind my dad, wielding an ice pick. He jabbed the weapon into my dad, and it made an eerie sound as it punched into the flesh of my dad’s back. I screamed.

  “Daddy!” I tried to open the car door so I could help him, but when I reached for the door handle, Aurelio’s face came smashing through the glass. I shrieked when I saw a large chuck of glass rip through the red bandanna and embed itself in his forehead. Aurelio’s blood splattered on my nose, lips and forehead.

  I curled up into a fetal position and prayed to God to make them stop. I heard the wail of police sirens and realized my prayers had been answered. I crawled out from behind the seat and took another look out the rear window. I saw Caesar helping my dad back to the car. I quickly moved over to make room for him as I saw Aurelio jump into the passenger seat with his hand pressed against his bloody forehead. My dad sat next to me, rested his head against the window and told Caesar to drive away quickly.

  “You’re hurt.” I was frozen with fear and horrified by the amount of blood that was on my dad’s clothes.

  “Stop crying, Viviana. It’s not as bad as it looks. I’m tough, and right now I need you to be a tough girl, too. I protected you from the bad guys. I wasn’t going to let them hurt you,” he whispered and then groaned.

  “Why would they want to hurt me?” I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Because they know how much you mean to me,” he answered as he struggled to breathe.

  “Please don’t die, Daddy.” I hugged him as tightly as I could, not caring about the scent of blood wafting in the air.

  “I’m not going to die. It’s going to take more than an ice pick to kill me. Don’t worry, Viviana. We’ll come back another day to celebrate your birthday. I promise we’ll have fun,” he said.

  “I don’t want any more shrimp from this place,” I said tearfully.

  “I told you we shouldn’t have crossed the line and come over here,” Aurelio said as he continued to apply pressure to the gash in his forehead.

  “Don’t worry, amigo. There will be retribution for this. No one ruins my little Viviana’s birthday celebration and gets away with it,” my dad said.

  “I need to get to a hospital,” Aurelio said.

  “No. We’ll go back to my place. Salena will stitch us up. She’s very good,” said my dad.

  * * *

  “Viviana, do you understand what I’m saying to you?” I could suddenly hear my aunt Raven’s voice again. I’d tuned her out so well that she had to ask me if I was listening to her.

  “Yeah, I hear you,” I lied.

  “Well, I hope so, because this little rivalry between you and Maya is ugly and I don’t like it. It needs to stop.”

  “Sure,” I said, just to satisfy her and get her to leave me alone.

  “Do I have your word that you, Maya and Anna will do your best to get along? I know that it isn’t easy for you to adjust to your mother being gone, but I hope that what I’ve told you about her relationship with your dad has helped.”

  “My dad?” I said. I truly had no idea what she’d just said about him.

  “Yes, your father was a very complex man. He was very jealous and overprotective,” she said.

  “He was jealous because my mom was so beautiful, and I always felt safe when he was around. He never let anything happen to me or my mom,” I said, defending his memory and his relationship with my mother.

  “Is that what you believe? Is that what your mom told you?” asked Aunt Raven.

  “It’s the truth,” I answered conclusively.

  Aunt Raven sighed and then massaged the back of her neck. “I wish I could make you understand just how crazy things got between your parents,” she said.

  “It’s not complicated to me. They loved each other and me. And then it all changed. It didn’t have to, but it did. My mom hasn’t been
the same since he passed away and neither have I. I really hate—” I stopped talking before I said something I couldn’t take back.

  “Viviana, your anger and deceitful ways, combined with your stubbornness, are a perfect recipe for heartache, disaster and pain. I pray that all three don’t happen at the same time.”

  “What are you talking about?” I was truly confused. It was then that I realized that tuning her out wasn’t such a good idea.

  “I’m going to be blunt with you, and I hope that what I say gets through your thick skull. Your mess is going to catch up with you and bite you on the ass, and when it does, it’s going to hurt and the bite is going to be deep. Life took several bites out of your father’s ass, but no matter how much life ripped him up, he never learned a single lesson. He kept doing the same thing and expecting different results. Don’t be like him, Viviana. You have the potential to be so much more.”

  “My daddy was the best father a girl like me could’ve ever hoped for. I am proud to be his little girl, and I know that he’d want me to be just like him. Tough and fearless!”

  “There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman, Viviana. Just don’t be a dumb one,” Aunt Raven stated.

  “Are you calling me dumb?” My feelings were hurt.

  “No, sweetie.” Aunt Raven maneuvered around the car and came over to me. She placed her hands on my shoulders and said, “There is strength in you. I can see that, but there is also bitterness, and if you don’t let your resentment go, it will destroy you.”

  Eighteen

  MAYA

  “Are you sure it’s cool for me to be over here while your folks are at work?” Keysha asked as I shut the front door behind her when she walked in. Keysha was wearing a pair of denim slim-fit shorts and a white top. Her hair was pulled back off her face and tied into a cute ponytail. I, on the other hand, looked like a bum. I had on pink pajama shorts with a matching pink top. My hair was rather messy, but I wasn’t trying to impress anyone at the moment.

  “No, because technically, I’m still grounded for cursing out Anna at the dinner table, but I really don’t care,” I said as Keysha and I headed for the family room in the basement.

  I sat in my dad’s chair and Keysha sat on the sofa. I’d called her up because I knew that it was her day off from working as a lifeguard at the community pool. It wouldn’t be much longer before the pool shut down for the season and she and I would be heading back to school. Anna, Viviana and my brother, Paul, were all at the pool, enjoying the few remaining nice warm days. Since they were gone, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of them snitching on me.

  “I thought you said Anna was grounded, as well?” Keysha said.

  “Yeah, but since I technically started it, she got off a little easier,” I admitted with resentment.

  Keysha and I planned to just hang out all day and watch television. It was about the only thing we could do since I was under parental house arrest.

  “I brought over a movie,” Keysha said as she reached into her bag.

  “Really? Anything good?” I asked excitedly.

  “Have you seen the movie Bridesmaids?” Keysha asked.

  “No, I haven’t. What’s it about?” I asked.

  “Oh, my God! This is, like, the most hilarious movie ever. It’s about two best friends who’ve known each other since they were kids, and one of them has found true love and is about to get married, while the other one is still. waiting for Mr. Perfect to come into her life,” Keysha said “Grandmother Katie, Barbara and I watched it the other night. We had a girls’ night in and ordered pizza while Mike and my dad were out at a Bulls basketball game.”

  “Why didn’t you invite me over? I would have loved to hang out with you guys,” I griped.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think to call you.” Keysha placed a frown on her face.

  “You’re not sorry,” I said teasingly.

  “You’re right,” Keysha confirmed and then laughed.

  Taking one of the cushions from the chair, I flung it at Keysha and said, “You could’ve just continued to lie to me.”

  “Why bother with lying? The truth is so much more liberating.” Keysha laughed. “Anyway, this is, like, the best chick flick ever. We’re going to laugh so hard our stomachs are going to ache.” Keysha found the DVD in her bag and gave it to me. I placed the disk in the player and stood in front of the television with the remote in my hand, waiting for it to load.

  “Do you have any microwave popcorn?” Keysha asked.

  “Yeah, we should. I’ll go check.” I walked into the kitchen and found several packs of popcorn. I placed a bag in the microwave and stepped away. Before long, I heard Keysha yell out from the basement.

  “Don’t burn the popcorn, Maya. I can’t stand the smell of burnt popcorn.”

  “I got this. I’m practically an expert at popping this stuff,” I said, looking at the microwave to check the popcorn’s status. Three minutes later I returned to the family room with the butter-flavored popcorn. The delicious scent was floating through the air, and I couldn’t wait to dig in.

  “Come sit next to me,” Keysha said, patting the spot next to her.

  “This had better be funny, Keysha,” I said.

  “Trust me on this one,” she said just as the movie began.

  Keysha was right. The movie was so funny that I nearly peed on myself from laughing so hard. After the movie concluded, I felt like baking brownies.

  “Wow, I can’t tell you the last time I had a brownie,” Keysha said as she followed me into the kitchen.

  “You’re going to love my brownies. I use an old family recipe,” I said confidently as Keyhsa sat at the kitchen table.

  “What’s the recipe?” Keysha asked.

  “Well, if I told you, I’d have to kill you.” I laughed.

  “Ha-ha,” Keysha said. “No, seriously. I’d like to make some at home.”

  Moving over to the refrigerator, I removed a magnet note pad and pen. I handed them to Keysha. “Here. Write down what I say,” I instructed her.

  “This is the formula for the best triple-layer brownies you’ll ever eat. I use a large stoneware bar pan that’s fifteen and a half inches by ten inches. Preheat the oven to three hundred fifty degrees. The first layer has one cup of creamy peanut butter. It also has one and a half cups of oatmeal—Quaker—a half cup of brown sugar, a third cup of all-purpose flour, a quarter teaspoon of baking soda, and a half stick of melted butter. Mix the ingredients together and press the dough into the pan as the crust. Bake it for eight to ten minutes. Now for the second layer.”

  “Hang on. Let me write that last part down,” Keysha said.

  “Okay. Let me know when you’re ready.”

  “Okay, go,” Keysha said.

  “For the second layer, while the first layer is baking, prepare the brownie mix according to the package directions. I use two boxes of brownie mix. Remove the first layer from the oven and top it with the brownie mix. Spread the brownie mix all the way to the edges, and bake it for twenty-eight to thirty minutes, or until it’s done. Then let it cool.”

  “Okay, I got that part. How do you do the third layer?” Keysha asked.

  “Okay, for the third layer, you have to use one cup of semisweet chocolate chips and a half cup of peanut butter. Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave in a large microwave-proof measuring cup for ten seconds at a time, stirring until its smooth. Add the peanut butter and stir until it’s well blended. Finally, top the brownies with the third layer and spread it all the way to the edges and let it cool.”

  “Damn, that does sound good,” Keysha admitted.

  “It is, especially with some ice cream,” I said.

  “Girl, what are you trying to do? Make
me fat?” Keysha asked.

  “No, just get you strung out on brownies.” Keysha and I both laughed. “Put the pen and pad down and come over here and I’ll walk you through how to make the brownies.”

  Keysha and I made the brownies as planned. The batch came out perfectly. I removed some vanilla ice cream from the freezer and placed a scoop on top of each of our brownies. Keysha and I then sat at the table and dug in.

  “OMG. This is so freaking good,” Keysha blabbered.

  “I told you,” I said, enjoying the taste of the morsel that was in my mouth.

  “Seriously, I’m going to make a batch when I get home,” Keysha said, rising up and moving over to the patio door. She looked out at the driveway and remained silent.

  “See anything interesting out there?” I asked.

  “You ever wonder what you’ll be like when you get older?” Keysha asked.

  “Like how much older?” I asked.

  “Let’s say thirtysomething, like the characters in the movie were. What do you think we’ll be like?” Keysha asked.

  “Good question,” I said, then paused in thought. “Well, I’ll probably be married to a rich man and living in California somewhere.”

  “Do you think we’ll still be friends?” Keysha asked.

  “Of course we will. Why would you ask a question like that?”

  “It was just a random thought,” Keysha admitted.

  “What do you think your life will be like at thirty?” I asked.

  “Well, since I don’t ever plan on having children, I’ll probably be a career woman. An attorney perhaps. I think I’d be a good lawyer.”

  “I can see that,” I told her.

  “What about you? Are you just going to marry rich and live happily ever after?” Keysha asked.

  “No, I’d have to have my own career, as well. Probably something in politics. Now that Misalo wants nothing more to do with me, I’ve given up on the idea of marrying him, settling down and having babies.”