by Donna Fasano
So, this flirtation she and Sean had been enjoying would soon be coming to an end. It might only have been temporary, but it sure had been fun! She hadn’t ever—in her whole life—felt such delight, such pure, playful joy as she’d felt when she’d participated in their impish banter or when she’d been in Sean’s arms or felt his mouth pressed against her own.
Pepper nickered softly, seeming to sense the lightheartedness that had Nicki’s mouth curling into a whispery smile.
However, a small, dark cloud gathered over her when she thought about telling Sean about the job that was waiting for her halfway around the world. Surely, he’d be happy for her. Surely, he’d accept the news with—
Bob gave a soft cough and said, “I, ah…” Pleasantly surprised by the caretaker’s obvious intention to talk with her, Nicki looked his way, her hand resting on Pepper’s silky back.
‘‘I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he continued. ‘‘I don’t ever think I’ve seen Sean so happy. He’s usually stuck in that office of his twelve or fourteen hours a day. And now he’s taking picnics out in the park, going shopping, talking, and laughing. It’s really great. I’ve never heard him laugh so much.”
Nicki blinked, once, twice. This was the most she’d heard Bob speak since meeting him weeks ago.
‘‘He is happy,” Nicki agreed. “Sona has really changed his life.”
The elderly caretaker cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind my saying so, I tend to think little Sona isn’t the only reason behind his good spirits.” Embarrassment warmed her cheeks. He was evidently hinting that she was behind the change in Sean. She felt the need to stop this before it even started. The man needed to be told the truth. She couldn’t stay here.
Why not? The tiny question echoed in her head.
But she shoved it aside just the way she did every other time it had plagued her.
Slipping her palm from under the leather strap, she set the grooming brush aside and moved to the chin-high wall at the front end of the stall.
“You know, Bob,” she said, “I’m not going to be staying here. I have a job to go to in Slovakia. I’ll be leaving soon. I only came here to make Sona’s transition go a little smoother.”
Bob stopped spreading the hay and planted the rake on the barn floor. He gazed up at her for the first time. “Sean did tell me that. But it’s just that…” His words seemed to falter. “Well, it just seems to me that…things have changed.”
The saucy fun she and Sean had been having with one another might have been entirely innocent in their minds, but it was obvious that their behavior toward one another had been noticed by Bob, and it had altered the caretaker’s perception of the situation.
When she didn’t respond, he said, “Now I don’t mean to be forward, and I probably shouldn’t be sticking my nose into your business, but—” his shoulder lifted slightly in a small shrug “—having a woman in his life has been good for Sean. I’m afraid he might not tell you that. So I’m taking it upon myself to let you know.”
Her lips eased back into a smile. Yes, he was being a bit forward, but she couldn’t fault him for speaking out of concern for Sean. And it was so very clear that that was his motive.
Besides, Bob’s observation that having a woman in his life was good for Sean only solidified in her mind the idea that Sona’s daddy really did need a soulmate. Nicki had thought that from the very beginning. Granted, Sean hadn’t liked the idea much when she’d brought it up, but that didn’t make it any less true. He did need a woman in his life.
Nicki’s mind churned. Maybe… just maybe… she could get up enough nerve to mention the notion to him again before she left his home for good. But this time, she’d have to plan an argument good enough to convince him.
“You haven’t seemed all that unhappy here, yourself,” Bob commented, a rare and wry grin splitting his wrinkled face.
“Oh, you’re right there,” she quickly assured him.
He seemed to be waiting for her to elaborate, and when she didn’t, he said, “So, why do you have to be rushing off? When you and Sean seem to… you know, get along so well together.”
His last statement contained more innuendo than Nicki was comfortable with. Again she felt embarrassed. She and Sean had been toying with one another. Playing with the physical attraction they both felt. But it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t. It was just… fun. A dalliance. That was all. Yet, explaining all that to the caretaker just seemed too personal. Too intimate. Still, Nicki felt the man deserved to know the honest-to-goodness bottom line.
She unlatched the gate, stepped out of the stall, and then fastened the latch behind her. Then she went to the opening of the stall where Bob was standing. She needed to get closer. To make him understand, once and for all, how things stood.
“I can’t stay here,” she said, her voice sounding tiny and weak when she’d meant for it to come out strong and firm. She heard something else in her tone, too. Something she couldn’t quite identify.
Bob chuckled softly. “You seem awfully uncertain about that.”
That’s what it was! Uncertainty. The fact that the caretaker had recognized the doubt in her tone when she herself hadn’t, made her face flame.
“Tell me, Nicki,” he said, “why can’t you stay? It’s a real nice place, this farm. And Sean’s a good man. And that baby girl loves you to pieces.”
“W-well… I-I,” she stammered. She stopped, forced herself to take a deep breath in an effort to gather her wits that felt strewn about like so many stalks of straw. However, actually hearing the question—the same one that had tormented her, the same one that she kept pushing aside—really alarmed her to no end.
Then she blurted, “I have a job. In Slovakia.”
Bob waved that notion off with a toss of his large, callused hand. “Aw, now. Jobs are a dime a dozen. You can work anywhere.”
The fact that he was able to cast aside her one, good and solid excuse caused her more upset than she was able to bear. That strange, shadowy fear crept up on her and she panicked.
“I—I just can’t stay here,” she cried. And then she bolted from the barn.
***
“Well, it’s nearly over.”
The sound of Sean’s voice nudged Nicki from her cozy, sluggish state. She sat in the dark in the screened-in back porch, just listening to the quiet sounds of the night. Sona had been tucked into bed, and Nicki had slipped into her satin nightgown and matching robe and had come out here to relax.
She knew she had plenty of problems to work out. The way she’d literally scrambled to escape Bob and his questions in the barn yesterday. The nagging fear that refused to release its hold on her. The fact that she needed to tell Sean about the job she’d been offered. The idea that she really needed to stop this pointless teasing and flirting with him.
But she didn’t want to stop! Sean made her feel so… pretty, so… happy, so… alive.
The porch had seemed like the perfect place to retreat with all these troubling thoughts. One thing was certain; since coming to America she’d become a master at evading anxiety and problems.
She sighed at the thought, grinning in the dark.
“What’s nearly over?” she asked, tucking her feet up underneath her to make room on the wicker settee for him.
He sat down. “Our marriage.”
“The annulment papers have arrived?” She sat up straight, placing her bare feet on the floor.
“Mm-hm,” he answered, lifting the large manila envelope for her to see. “All we need to do is read and sign the documents, and then my lawyer will file them. And it’s over.”
“Wow.” Nicki didn’t know how she should feel.
Soon, there would be nothing left to hold her here.
Knowing of no other words to utter, she said, “That sure was fast.”
“Damn legal system drags its feet with everything else,” he muttered. “But with this it’s swift, clean, and sweet.” He gazed out into the darkness. “Just my luck.�
��
“What do you mean?” The question pitched forth before she even had time to think. “This is what you wanted.” She quickly amended, “What we wanted.”
She saw him smile in the shadows, his teeth flashing in the dark.
“Of course,” he assured her.
His grin tipped up farther on one corner, the charm of it making her heart flutter like the wings of a dozen butterflies.
“I was only teasing.”
His voice had grown deliciously soft, and Nicki felt her blood heat. She should control herself. She had things she needed to discuss with him. The job that would take her away. And now the annulment papers.
The tips of her fingers feathered, back and forth, across the indentation at the base of her throat. “So,” she said, the word coming out sandpaper rough, “what do we do now?”
He shrugged. “Nothing. Well, other than signing on the dotted line and mailing in these forms.” Another dazzling smile. “Seeing as the annulment is uncontested, and there was no sexual contact, and no settlement to arrange.”
The air went utterly still.
“Kissing doesn’t count. I don’t think, anyway.”
She tried to chuckle at his teasing remark. He was trying hard to make this easy. Yet she felt as if she’d swallowed a lead weight. Pressing her palm against her stomach, she took another deep breath.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Sure.”
After a moment he stood up. “Let’s go into my office and get this over with.”
Leaning over his desk, she touched the black ballpoint pen to the bottom of the official document to keep the shaking in her hand from showing. Her signature was not quite as neat as she would have liked, but it was her full legal name nonetheless.
The pen seemed to fairly fly across the page as Sean signed the papers that declared their short marriage null and void. As if it never happened.
“Done.” He tossed the pen on the desk and straightened his back, sighing deeply.
“So I’m no longer Mrs. Sean Hudson.”
His head cocked a fraction. “Funny, but I never really thought of you like that.”
“Why should you?” But even as she grinned and gave a small lift of her shoulder in a show of light disregard, pain knifed straight through her heart, straight through her soul.
“Nicole Willis,” he said cheerfully. “No, no. Not Nicole. Nicki. The world’s best nanny. That’s how I’ll always think of you.”
His words hurt her worse than a knife. They were like jagged claws, ripping and tearing at the most tender and vulnerable part of her.
Why? she wondered. Why should his words wound her? His breezy commentary shouldn’t hurt her in the least. She had known all along that the flirtatious game they were playing was just that—a game. She had known he wasn’t interested in an ongoing relationship. Neither was she. They had participated in the provocative amusement, both knowing that there would come a time when it all would end. That was the very reason she was able to act out this silly game. So why was she experiencing this awful torture hearing him verbalize only what she had already known to be true?
Because you love him.
No! Her silent denial was firm. That couldn’t be true. She wouldn’t allow it to be true.
Seconds ticked by. Awkwardness swelled and throbbed until she was positive it would burst and cover them both in some kind of harmful, viscous liquid that would surely burn them like acid. She needed to talk about something else, anything else, besides what their marriage had or hadn’t been, or what the annulment meant, or how he’d forever remember her. She simply had to shut out any nuance of an idea that her affections for him were anything more than simple physical attraction—attraction she had been positive she could keep under tight control.
What she was feeling wasn’t love. She struggled with the silent protestation, even though no other excuse lent itself as salvation. Loving Sean just wasn’t a possibility. The chaos in her mind swirled and churned as she struggled for something to say.
“I—I wanted to tell you—” She heard the nervous, harried quality in her tone and stopped. After moistening her lips, she tried again. “I wanted to let you know…”
He turned to face her fully, and Nicki realized in that instant that there wasn’t a more handsome man on the face of the earth. Oh, why had fate given him such gorgeous dark eyes?
His gaze was curious, probing as he waited in silence.
“I accepted a job,” she exclaimed. “In Slovakia.”
She had meant to ease into the subject. To tell him gently that she would be leaving soon. However, that was impossible now.
A frown etched deep into his forehead, and he was just about to respond when a fitful cry crackled over the baby monitor, alerting them that Sona had awakened.
His tone was soft as he said, “Excuse me a minute.” And he slipped from the room.
Nicki picked up the documents and straightened them neatly by tapping them on the desktop. Then she slid them back into the large envelope. As the papers disappeared from view, Nicki felt overcome with a complete and utter desolation that was enough to make her eyes well with tears.
She would not cry. She would not! She was a grown woman. A mature adult. She had gotten involved in this whole scheme knowing the rules right up front. She couldn’t expect them to change now.
“I don’t want the rules to change,” she whispered the assertion. But even as she spoke, she knew what she said was a lie.
Well, she decided, she’d have to continue living the lie. Sean must never discover how she felt. He didn’t think of her in that personal, profound, intimate way. Sure, he had flirted with her. Said sweet things. Teased her. Kissed her. But that had all been in fun. She knew it. And she knew he knew it. His lighthearted comments just now were proof of that. “The world’s greatest nanny,” he’d called her. It was clear his affection for her ran no deeper than that.
That fact was what she must focus on during her remaining time here. That fact was what would make it possible for her to continue to hide her feelings from Sean for these few remaining days.
Hearing him sing, softly and lovingly, to his daughter, Nicki smiled to herself, despite the dark emotions shadowing over her. Sean loved Sona dearly. And the little girl had come to love her new daddy, too.
Sona kept saying one word over and over, and that word being relayed through the monitor had Nicki going into the kitchen. With her mind terribly preoccupied, she reached into the cabinet and pulled down a child’s plastic sippey cup. She then went to the refrigerator for the bottle of apple juice and filled it.
Sean had reached the kitchen with Sona in his arms as Nicki was snapping on the lid.
“I’m sorry,” Sean said to Nicki. “But I don’t know what it is she’s asking for. I thought I’d learned a lot of her language. But this is a new one to me.”
“Dink,” Sona said, looking imploringly at Nicki. “Dink.”
“Here, honey.” Nicki offered the toddler the cup of juice she’d prepared. Then she looked at Sean. “She wants a drink.”
As soon as the last word left her mouth, Nicki gasped, her eyes going wide. She’d fixed the juice without consciously realizing what she’d heard over the intercom.
“She wants a drink,” Nicki said.
Still, Sean didn’t seem to understand the relevance.
“In English.” Nicki was excited now. “She said it in English. She just dropped the R. Most children do at first. The sound of R is hard to master.”
In an instant, Sean was as ecstatic about the event as she.
“My little girl’s learning English!”
Sona giggled, her tired expression brightening. Nicki decided the child probably didn’t understand why her daddy was so happy, but she seemed only too pleased to join in on the excitement.
“This calls for a celebration,” Sean said.
Nicki went straight to the cabinet. “We need a toast. Apple juice all around?”
He lau
ghed. “Apple juice would taste as good to me as champagne right now.”
Glasses were filled and clinked together as Sean called out “To Sona!”
“To Sona!” Nicki parroted before taking a sip of cool juice. “You know, she’ll be picking up words right and left, now. There will be no stopping her.” Sean turned adoring eyes on his little girl. “This is great sweetheart. Soon daddy will be able to understand everything you say. And you’ll understand me, too.” His gaze glittered as he turned his attention to Nicki and asked, “Isn’t this wonderful?”
She nodded, but in her heart she realized, in that one dreadful moment that the final piece of this complicated puzzle—her last remaining reason for staying here with Sean and Sona—had just snapped into place.
Their family picture was perfect. Complete. They didn’t need her any longer.
After Sean had taken Sona back to her room, Nicki sat in one corner of the screened-in porch, oblivious to the chirping of the crickets, the high-pitched croaking of the tree frogs.
She hadn’t been exaggerating when she’d told Sean that Sona would be unstoppable now. The child would pick up English words and phrases in no time at all. Children had a capacity to learn that was staggering. They were like dry sponges, sopping up, sucking in—almost to the point of inhaling—any information with which they were presented. Little Sona would be no different.
Within weeks, Nicki knew Sean’s little girl would be spouting off nouns and verbs, and quickly learning to put together simple sentences. From there, communication between father and daughter would be unlimited.
Nicki also knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when she left here, Sean and Sona would be just fine. However, she had to wonder about herself. Just how long would it take her to excavate this special man, and his precious daughter, from her heart?
Movement at the French doors had her lifting her gaze. Sean stood, his hands planted on the door frame. The light behind him cast his face in darkness but emphasized his broad shoulders, his long, lean body. Nicki marveled at how the mere sight of him set her pulse to racing.
